oh could i as well? (be added to the pinglist) i just stumbled upon this thread and am already intrigued
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fiz/arlo/callisto ask for pronouns! fr+2 |
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Creative Corner
Share your own art and stories, or ask for critique.
TOPIC | triweekly writing prompts !
oh could i as well? (be added to the pinglist) i just stumbled upon this thread and am already intrigued
Could I be added to the pinglist, please?
Could I be added to the pinglist, please?
I crave new characters, please let me know if you need to lose any!
I don't accept random friend requests
I don't accept random friend requests
(Yeah I’m going to use my own prompt pfft)
[quote=November 9 2021][font=century gothic][size=5]“Come on, jump in the river! It's fun, I promise!”[/size][/quote]
Mitto looked at her sister doubtfully, “Isn’t cold this time of year?”
Lacuna shook her head, and splashed her tail in the river, hitting Mitto with droplets of the river. “Its just fine! And super fun, Mom and I used to do it all the time!”
Mitto glanced back towards home, her mom was so busy now she never had time for fun, but at least she got to teach young dragons like she had wanted. “But what if I drown? What if I get knocked into a underground rock and my head cracks open? What if I open my mouth underwater and water floods into my mouth and I suffocate because i can’t breathe!”
Lacuna giggled at her sisters antics, “This is the shallowest part of the river, and all the rocks are nice and smooth, and you are smart enough not to open your mouth! Come on, Mitto!”
Mitto glanced at the river, and slowly walked towards it, Lacuna waded in and splashed around. Mitto followed her in, wading in after her older sister. The water was pleasantly cold, and the water trickled around Mitto’s legs, and she looked around to check for no danger from the surrounding water.
“What if there are piranhas?” She asked nervously, inspecting the water closely.
Lacuna splashed over, “There aren’t piranhas anywhere near here! So just have fun, please, Mitto?”
Mitto sighed, but nervously splashed the water into Lacuna’s face. Her sister gasped in fake horror, and splashed her back. The two ran around in the shallows and splashed about for hours afterwards, before going home for dinner. But the next day they came back, and played in the water. Mitto stopped asking about dangers, and just had fun. And sometimes if she wasn’t busy, their mother would come too. And they would have a picnic on the shore, before playing for hours.
(Yeah I’m going to use my own prompt pfft)
Mitto looked at her sister doubtfully, “Isn’t cold this time of year?”
Lacuna shook her head, and splashed her tail in the river, hitting Mitto with droplets of the river. “Its just fine! And super fun, Mom and I used to do it all the time!”
Mitto glanced back towards home, her mom was so busy now she never had time for fun, but at least she got to teach young dragons like she had wanted. “But what if I drown? What if I get knocked into a underground rock and my head cracks open? What if I open my mouth underwater and water floods into my mouth and I suffocate because i can’t breathe!”
Lacuna giggled at her sisters antics, “This is the shallowest part of the river, and all the rocks are nice and smooth, and you are smart enough not to open your mouth! Come on, Mitto!”
Mitto glanced at the river, and slowly walked towards it, Lacuna waded in and splashed around. Mitto followed her in, wading in after her older sister. The water was pleasantly cold, and the water trickled around Mitto’s legs, and she looked around to check for no danger from the surrounding water.
“What if there are piranhas?” She asked nervously, inspecting the water closely.
Lacuna splashed over, “There aren’t piranhas anywhere near here! So just have fun, please, Mitto?”
Mitto sighed, but nervously splashed the water into Lacuna’s face. Her sister gasped in fake horror, and splashed her back. The two ran around in the shallows and splashed about for hours afterwards, before going home for dinner. But the next day they came back, and played in the water. Mitto stopped asking about dangers, and just had fun. And sometimes if she wasn’t busy, their mother would come too. And they would have a picnic on the shore, before playing for hours.
November 9 2021 wrote:
“Come on, jump in the river! It's fun, I promise!”
Mitto looked at her sister doubtfully, “Isn’t cold this time of year?”
Lacuna shook her head, and splashed her tail in the river, hitting Mitto with droplets of the river. “Its just fine! And super fun, Mom and I used to do it all the time!”
Mitto glanced back towards home, her mom was so busy now she never had time for fun, but at least she got to teach young dragons like she had wanted. “But what if I drown? What if I get knocked into a underground rock and my head cracks open? What if I open my mouth underwater and water floods into my mouth and I suffocate because i can’t breathe!”
Lacuna giggled at her sisters antics, “This is the shallowest part of the river, and all the rocks are nice and smooth, and you are smart enough not to open your mouth! Come on, Mitto!”
Mitto glanced at the river, and slowly walked towards it, Lacuna waded in and splashed around. Mitto followed her in, wading in after her older sister. The water was pleasantly cold, and the water trickled around Mitto’s legs, and she looked around to check for no danger from the surrounding water.
“What if there are piranhas?” She asked nervously, inspecting the water closely.
Lacuna splashed over, “There aren’t piranhas anywhere near here! So just have fun, please, Mitto?”
Mitto sighed, but nervously splashed the water into Lacuna’s face. Her sister gasped in fake horror, and splashed her back. The two ran around in the shallows and splashed about for hours afterwards, before going home for dinner. But the next day they came back, and played in the water. Mitto stopped asking about dangers, and just had fun. And sometimes if she wasn’t busy, their mother would come too. And they would have a picnic on the shore, before playing for hours.
“With great power comes great need to take a nap.”-Nico Di Angelo, The Last Olympian
[center][quote=November 10 2021][font=century gothic][size=5]It's cold in the armor.[/size][/quote]
@Nightlilac @goldrush @naranciag @sunwolf @sanzang @Hemmalaya @stolen @MaybeHuman @WanderingPaws @kimnoodles @daffydil @finnamony @MittensTheKitten @kawiikatz @Peachycupcake525 @xSTORMDRAGONx @Inkwyrm @TheGrayGhost @moonstrucksmorns @CatInDisguise @DriftingDreams @Xuelian @Mercurythewolf @Pinkish13 @SkySerenade @pandakitty1 @PuppyLuvr06 @shr00mlightz @AllHailWebby @Hyzenthlaay @Illusia @AwkwardTrash @LavenderSelkie @wolfdragon3036 @StarryLune @ulvesang @styygian @Orodruin @Crizona @Lavend3rDragon @PeacefulPyro @PinkRose06 @SocklessWonder @Wyrmlight @fuzzysherbet @Quilava2010 @AlterZero @DewFeather @LapisWings @SouthernHawker @Mistwhisker @darcyrambles @supersticky @Vershton @Starbunnies @Silvfyre @PurpleSun @Sterlingstars @QuirkyJunimo @StarfallRanch @Cinmoren @Cotinga @ufology @TashaTheGraceful @W1F1N1GHTM4R3 @wahooley @BlurryReflection @Feathershine22 @Kattata @counterklock @brambee @Severynn[/center]
November 10 2021 wrote:
It's cold in the armor.
[center][quote=November 11 2021][font=century gothic][size=5]What's one more wildcard?[/size][/quote]
@Nightlilac @goldrush @naranciag @sunwolf @sanzang @Hemmalaya @stolen @MaybeHuman @WanderingPaws @kimnoodles @daffydil @finnamony @MittensTheKitten @kawiikatz @Peachycupcake525 @xSTORMDRAGONx @Inkwyrm @TheGrayGhost @moonstrucksmorns @CatInDisguise @DriftingDreams @Xuelian @Mercurythewolf @Pinkish13 @SkySerenade @pandakitty1 @PuppyLuvr06 @shr00mlightz @AllHailWebby @Hyzenthlaay @Illusia @AwkwardTrash @LavenderSelkie @wolfdragon3036 @StarryLune @ulvesang @styygian @Orodruin @Crizona @Lavend3rDragon @PeacefulPyro @PinkRose06 @SocklessWonder @Wyrmlight @fuzzysherbet @Quilava2010 @AlterZero @DewFeather @LapisWings @SouthernHawker @Mistwhisker @darcyrambles @supersticky @Vershton @Starbunnies @Silvfyre @PurpleSun @Sterlingstars @QuirkyJunimo @StarfallRanch @Cinmoren @Cotinga @ufology @TashaTheGraceful @W1F1N1GHTM4R3 @wahooley @BlurryReflection @Feathershine22 @Kattata @counterklock @brambee @Severynn[/center]
November 11 2021 wrote:
What's one more wildcard?
TEXTWALL WARNING!!!
@kimnoodles
i love that britannic's death has affected so many around her! the ripples are fun to follow for sure.
flower language is cool, i feel like you can do so many things with it. a memorial garden is definitely something worth planting, no matter if you've a green thumb or not :P
for feedback, a very quick observation is that lots of the flowers i don't immediately recognize, so make sure to clearly describe what colors, hues, patterns, etc they have. for example, for carnaval tulips, alongside the meaning you can also describe their white petals, streaked through with bold red. it's hard for the reader to visualize the garden if they don't know what the flowers look like, even if they know what they represent!
i feel like dense wood would be one of the WORST places for gaolers to live ngl. all the thorns and brambles, always snagging on their thick fur... i don't envy them for sure!
ooh, i'm glad hiraeth met someone from his past whose changed a lot! in a weird way, i feel like it's good for grounding him in the present. and all the important bits in your lore centering at lanternlight clan is also cool to experience!
@ZipZapZoom
i was actually debating with myself if i should make that prompt more clear, ehehe. originally when i was writing it i was aiming for a reference to the duality of good/evil, angels/demons, wings of feather and wings of scale. but then why do all angels have to be good and all demons have to be bad?
oh, i was immediately captivated by the start of this—kudos for the intriguing beginning.
"She'd really absorbed the fight, the price, and his concerns, huh?" i think a better word for absorbed might be internalized?
man, grum's sort-of memories are really confusing. it's kind of cool tbh, bc he's confused as well. also miserable. we're all confused together! but i take it he doesn't look kindly upon those who go against the natural order?
re: oct 22 prompt. trundle's excitement!! so adorable aaaaa
42 omg nice reference. does hitchhiker's exist in the sornieth world?
starsight is really pretty, wow. congratulations on hatching her! and look at grum and trundle gradually happening into more intruders/guests XD
re: oct 14 prompt. glory comparing tundras to the icewarden and saying how they both 'want to keep things locked away' is super cool and resonates deep. it's really interesting how the olfactory memory reacts with all the diverse breeds grum's found himself surrounded with, lately. breed diversity is so fun to see being explored.
re: oct 5 prompt. trundle's continued fascination with other dragon breeds, and especially faes and their 'creepy monotone voices', never fails to be hilarious.
"Trundle knew this song. It was the life song. It told the story of the first mirror to hatch, and the song added more and more instruments as more mirrors hatched." i LOVE the worldbuilding here. the sheer sense of culture emanating from it is beautiful and amazing. sornieth really is a huge, diverse, world, made out of many differing elementals, dragons, breeds, traditions. religions? oh my god. wait how have i never thought about dragon religions before. waiiit.
"She looked toward Grum with excitement, "Arcanes good enough." | "She's not staying." Grum snorted." i love the little mutual understandings and communication between them now! they really do know eachother so well.
"It was the epitome of insult. The mirror couldn't handle her whacking his nose by accident? Her? A little snapper child with no back legs to support herself? Oh, he was a weakling!" ahahaHAHA i'm crying with laughter!! trundle's sass here is amazing.
honestly i would keep quoting but then i would just be quoting the whole piece back at you... the peace festivals, and trundle's experiences with them, is really cool to watch. she's definitely grown, too--she's starting to understand what the festivals mean. man i'm proud :')
ohh!! has she gotten a summons, of sorts, by the plaguebringer? (oh also i just realized. does grum know where she's going? is grum freaking out thinking he lost her? that's... hilarious and horrifying, aaa)
@QuirkyJunimo
i imagine guarding at nighttime does get boring! interesting to see druden's perspective on his job, despite having likely made the climb hundreds of times before he still sees it as a sort of journey. (also, is druden able to fly? why climb the ladder if he can just fly up to his post?)
by "druden likes knowing his family is still there," does he mean by protecting his family?
oh, vulture's little piece is so interesting. i wonder if the coatl has been wronged by revenge somehow, before...
the love letters!! ahhhh! are they an established long-distance relationship or are they just pining?
be careful to keep to the same tense, i noticed a few instances where you deviated from past tense. other than that tho, good job! keep up the good work!
(also mrisha dragon is beauty)
leaf is really pretty, i love the autumn vibes.
the idea of 'accidentally' changing your breed, or primaling yourself, or changing your genes by looking at a scroll... pfffft. although primals are in vials, not scrolls. literally bottled blessings!
oh my god leaf mimicking 'be gone from our home' hurt
darkness... oh, darkness. be careful what you wish for, for sure.
huh, so night's an archer? how would a spiral even perform archery? i can't imagine bows are all that aerodynamic. actually, how are spirals even aerodynamic? lmao
i love fruitcake teaching obsidian about the beauties of imperfection! man, the ordering of the machines definitely made me wince and think about all the mass producing we do nowadays... and that little 'coming to life' twist at the end is beautiful.
for misfortune's tale, i like how you wove in canon lore with dull/pale coatls being seen as 'sick'. ooh, how'd the guardian tell she was his charge? some sort of sixth sense, perhaps?
nepty and caramel!! are the two of them century-old wanderers? how long is a typical dragon lifespan in your lore, actually, would that just be considered normal? lol
obsidian airing his grievances with the lightweaver is actually really interesting to consider. the god, teaching their followers, until there's nothing left to teach... i love the content there.
lol zuri has such a kiddy attitude despite her immortality. so is she with her actual age group or her lookalike age group in the school?
'“Foxglove.” Quiet said. “Please don’t do that, you are basically showing weakness. Zuri can see emotion.”' you might want to check your phrasing here. showing emotion is NOT showing weakness, especially not in a friendly classroom setting. the teacher should not be reprimanding a student for showing emotion! classrooms should be safe spaces!! showing weakness is ok in the first place, and showing emotions is certainly not showing weakness.
oooh, your last piece with the obelisk really got me wondering how exalting works in your sornieth universe. is it like an outcasting for warriors in battle?
leuce's mind works in an interesting way, to say the least. the flight travelling was pretty cool! and omg, zuri, you don't just jump out at people and accuse them of being vulture's spies xD
i wonder what flamecaller privately thinks of their and emberdawn's relationship. did she see emberdawn as a child of hers? a tool? a weapon? a creation? also it was interesting emberdawn was originally a wildclaw, i wonder if that means anything...
"The Obelisk with Wings On Her Face" is kinda a long moniker to be known by lmao. imagine hearing gossipers shorten it to "the Wingface Obelisk"
pearl's story is super compelling! i like the idea of not all pieces of shade being evil, growing a sort of attachment to their hosts. then i have to wonder if they count as parasites or symbiotes... hm... so many possibilities.
@TashaTheGraceful
i love the beginning. immediate intrigue. very, very nice.
don't worry about the abundance of death too much! writers tend to love tragedy. well-written tragedy is one of the easiest paths to getting the reader to care+sympathize about your characters. although do keep in mind that not everyone's reaction to a friend being murdered is to hunt down the one responsible and get vengeance. some spiral into themselves into their grief, others seek justice instead of vengeance, others reach acceptance in other ways.
aaa, harena... no amount of revenge will bring back the dead. and oof, sapientia's heart is in the right place (sort of), but it's also clear she has no idea how to really handle the situation.
oh, ouch. i can understand why conatus didn't tell spes, frankly, but that doesn't mean spes is in a good place right now (both literally an figuratively). she has no idea why he died, or that it was basically inevitable, so that she should have been prepared for it. poor spes :(
re: oct 30 prompt. narrator pondering about the stars and relating to them feels really realistic! i love that scene a lot.
is captanda immortal as well? it's implied the narrator has lived many normal dragon lifetimes, so captanda seeming slimy and knowing about her curse makes it seem as though she's gotten pretty close...
@PinkRose06 i love your new avatar!
paragraphs being one sentence is a bad thing?? excuse you, i'll have you know i always write really short paragraphs xD
in all seriousness tho, one-line paragraphs are valid! don't worry about it.
umi's faith in her sister—aww!!! i'm glad their relationship is supportive, and doesn't seem to hold a lot of (if any) resentment/bitterness/jealousy.
the funny thing with weaknesses is that they're also strengths in other ways. i'm sure seiko's faith in her friends pulls through in other ways, but if her friends are compromised, then the consequences are severe.
re: oct 22 prompt. wait, so did they time travel? or are they just different ppl with the same name?
i remember watching a video commenting on how left handed people have an edge in competitions/fighting bc ppl aren't as used to countering it or smthin while right handed people have an edge in cooperation due to evolution deciding most of us should be righties. i'm rightie myself, but i imagine it must be SO annoying to be left handed and having to deal with inconveniences like scissors not fitting your grip. or in rei's case, weapons XD
"“Uncle Lennon is left-handed too,” Takato pointed out. | “He just writes with his left to show off,” Rei replied dismissively." lmaoo this made me laugh aloud
'Ani smiled—a kind of distant, sad smile. “Be nice,” he teased. “You only have one twin brother.”' ohhh shoot. it's time travel, isn't it? it's definitely time travel D:
@AlterZero
man, i feel you with 'that one word I was searching for in the depths of my brain, but didn't in the end.' i'm sure all writers do!
you're very welcome! it's definitely nice to know someone read+appreciated your work, i'm glad you got that feeling!
@BlurryReflection
just a reminder that tws such as death (whether permanent or temporary) should be mentioned at the beginning of your piece!
i like the prose and style a lot. "she was alive and she was looking at her body and she was not in it. | she had new scales now, old memories" is lovely. you were able to communicate the sort of resigned horror/realization very well, too!
is 'the shoulder of the mistake/error' some sort of automaton?
re: oct 28 post. i actually kind of like the way you slowly melted from proper grammar into a more flow-y, undercapitalized (is that a word??) style. especially with the faintly mystic feel of how they used their magic to put themselves back together! very distinct and fantastical.
@W1F1N1GHTM4R3
25ji's general premise and setting sounds pretty interesting, i might check it out! ooh dragon people, i love.
the idea of solar system protectors is SO COOL. like the soul of a star! when they explode or collapse in on themselves in supernovae what happens to the celestial spirit? do they explode/implode as well? turn to dust? fade away? i know they die, but HOW do they die? what happens if it becomes a black hole once they die?
i wonder, though... what sorts of threats are out there in the solar system that would require a celestial spirit, practically gods, to defend against?
alderbran and asteria, the not-sibling duo!! do they share the same star, or does their galaxy have 2 stars or something?
i like the midnight vibe of ena's piece! late-night call with friends, working on melancholy music together, tired and bedraggled but still with a sort of warm spark of happiness about it. very nice+distinct atmosphere.
@Illusia
i admire your efforts to be versatile! not that there's anything wrong with either short or long pieces. my own specialty is unfinished works lmao
horehound went from mirror -> pearlie? ooh. i imagine the loss of the secondary eyes WOULD be really disorienting. and the change in body proportions would be hard for warriors used to fighting with one body shape for sure.
litleaf is a mentor after my own heart!! so eager+encouraging, while horehound feels like he has that sullen teenager aura to me XD
ode's color scheme is really nice, the red/brown/blue/gray all matches really well. i feel like catharsis is a fitting name for his old blade, as well. (old, ode, lmao)
"kicking dirt over the fire to put it out of its misery" made me laugh like a maniac. i love that wording so much.
COSMOS!!! i LOVE its genes+eyes+outfit+color scheme+broadcast message. i just love it in general aaaa
watching it play with the meteors is amazing! it definitely has a playful side lmao. i can just hear the scientists shrieking to stop tampering with the samples and procedure lol
fallen omg, i love them! their gorgeous outfit. i'm honored to be their first like. (and their art is super pretty too)
their story is so captivating, the repeating notion of 'i want to go home... then come home.' but nowhere is home, and onwards they go. i want to say more but honestly it's so beautiful that i don't have the words. home. where is home?
(also, is this hollow knight-inspired? it had the vibe :P)
@Feathershine22
i really like how greywing's alchemist eyewear cast a shadow on her face that looks to be the same shade as her wingtips, some real clever color matching there. whale's steampunk vibe is awesome too! Just two inventors, having fun and creating:3
@Inkwyrm
goshawk and nightfall are really pretty, dang. i especially love goshawk's... well, hawk-like markings!
i like how you start off with goshawk's mind wandering off while blacksmithing, which seems like a very dangerous combination and implies they're either very skilled, very used to the process, or both!
oh, it's parabola!! hello there!! :D
i love people musing on the actions of others. it's sometimes irritating from a judgemental standpoint but i love it, i love seeing just how flawed and complex people are, and writing really gives you a chance to encapsulate and express that. the stars motif is beautiful, and that italicized line at the end fit in so well! dang, leading to a sales tab is just so fitting though. beautiful.
@xev
i'm curious, is the name 'ev' a reference to your username, xev? also, are hedwin and the people surrounding them humans or dragons? you said "pressing something into hedwin's hand" so i was wondering.
aunur is a nice name for a city! i love the bustling atmosphere of the place, it evokes a weird sense of nostalgia in me. always love the marketplace scene in stories :D
@kimnoodles
i love that britannic's death has affected so many around her! the ripples are fun to follow for sure.
flower language is cool, i feel like you can do so many things with it. a memorial garden is definitely something worth planting, no matter if you've a green thumb or not :P
for feedback, a very quick observation is that lots of the flowers i don't immediately recognize, so make sure to clearly describe what colors, hues, patterns, etc they have. for example, for carnaval tulips, alongside the meaning you can also describe their white petals, streaked through with bold red. it's hard for the reader to visualize the garden if they don't know what the flowers look like, even if they know what they represent!
i feel like dense wood would be one of the WORST places for gaolers to live ngl. all the thorns and brambles, always snagging on their thick fur... i don't envy them for sure!
ooh, i'm glad hiraeth met someone from his past whose changed a lot! in a weird way, i feel like it's good for grounding him in the present. and all the important bits in your lore centering at lanternlight clan is also cool to experience!
@ZipZapZoom
i was actually debating with myself if i should make that prompt more clear, ehehe. originally when i was writing it i was aiming for a reference to the duality of good/evil, angels/demons, wings of feather and wings of scale. but then why do all angels have to be good and all demons have to be bad?
oh, i was immediately captivated by the start of this—kudos for the intriguing beginning.
"She'd really absorbed the fight, the price, and his concerns, huh?" i think a better word for absorbed might be internalized?
man, grum's sort-of memories are really confusing. it's kind of cool tbh, bc he's confused as well. also miserable. we're all confused together! but i take it he doesn't look kindly upon those who go against the natural order?
re: oct 22 prompt. trundle's excitement!! so adorable aaaaa
42 omg nice reference. does hitchhiker's exist in the sornieth world?
starsight is really pretty, wow. congratulations on hatching her! and look at grum and trundle gradually happening into more intruders/guests XD
re: oct 14 prompt. glory comparing tundras to the icewarden and saying how they both 'want to keep things locked away' is super cool and resonates deep. it's really interesting how the olfactory memory reacts with all the diverse breeds grum's found himself surrounded with, lately. breed diversity is so fun to see being explored.
re: oct 5 prompt. trundle's continued fascination with other dragon breeds, and especially faes and their 'creepy monotone voices', never fails to be hilarious.
"Trundle knew this song. It was the life song. It told the story of the first mirror to hatch, and the song added more and more instruments as more mirrors hatched." i LOVE the worldbuilding here. the sheer sense of culture emanating from it is beautiful and amazing. sornieth really is a huge, diverse, world, made out of many differing elementals, dragons, breeds, traditions. religions? oh my god. wait how have i never thought about dragon religions before. waiiit.
"She looked toward Grum with excitement, "Arcanes good enough." | "She's not staying." Grum snorted." i love the little mutual understandings and communication between them now! they really do know eachother so well.
"It was the epitome of insult. The mirror couldn't handle her whacking his nose by accident? Her? A little snapper child with no back legs to support herself? Oh, he was a weakling!" ahahaHAHA i'm crying with laughter!! trundle's sass here is amazing.
honestly i would keep quoting but then i would just be quoting the whole piece back at you... the peace festivals, and trundle's experiences with them, is really cool to watch. she's definitely grown, too--she's starting to understand what the festivals mean. man i'm proud :')
ohh!! has she gotten a summons, of sorts, by the plaguebringer? (oh also i just realized. does grum know where she's going? is grum freaking out thinking he lost her? that's... hilarious and horrifying, aaa)
@QuirkyJunimo
i imagine guarding at nighttime does get boring! interesting to see druden's perspective on his job, despite having likely made the climb hundreds of times before he still sees it as a sort of journey. (also, is druden able to fly? why climb the ladder if he can just fly up to his post?)
by "druden likes knowing his family is still there," does he mean by protecting his family?
oh, vulture's little piece is so interesting. i wonder if the coatl has been wronged by revenge somehow, before...
the love letters!! ahhhh! are they an established long-distance relationship or are they just pining?
be careful to keep to the same tense, i noticed a few instances where you deviated from past tense. other than that tho, good job! keep up the good work!
(also mrisha dragon is beauty)
leaf is really pretty, i love the autumn vibes.
the idea of 'accidentally' changing your breed, or primaling yourself, or changing your genes by looking at a scroll... pfffft. although primals are in vials, not scrolls. literally bottled blessings!
oh my god leaf mimicking 'be gone from our home' hurt
darkness... oh, darkness. be careful what you wish for, for sure.
huh, so night's an archer? how would a spiral even perform archery? i can't imagine bows are all that aerodynamic. actually, how are spirals even aerodynamic? lmao
i love fruitcake teaching obsidian about the beauties of imperfection! man, the ordering of the machines definitely made me wince and think about all the mass producing we do nowadays... and that little 'coming to life' twist at the end is beautiful.
for misfortune's tale, i like how you wove in canon lore with dull/pale coatls being seen as 'sick'. ooh, how'd the guardian tell she was his charge? some sort of sixth sense, perhaps?
nepty and caramel!! are the two of them century-old wanderers? how long is a typical dragon lifespan in your lore, actually, would that just be considered normal? lol
obsidian airing his grievances with the lightweaver is actually really interesting to consider. the god, teaching their followers, until there's nothing left to teach... i love the content there.
lol zuri has such a kiddy attitude despite her immortality. so is she with her actual age group or her lookalike age group in the school?
'“Foxglove.” Quiet said. “Please don’t do that, you are basically showing weakness. Zuri can see emotion.”' you might want to check your phrasing here. showing emotion is NOT showing weakness, especially not in a friendly classroom setting. the teacher should not be reprimanding a student for showing emotion! classrooms should be safe spaces!! showing weakness is ok in the first place, and showing emotions is certainly not showing weakness.
oooh, your last piece with the obelisk really got me wondering how exalting works in your sornieth universe. is it like an outcasting for warriors in battle?
leuce's mind works in an interesting way, to say the least. the flight travelling was pretty cool! and omg, zuri, you don't just jump out at people and accuse them of being vulture's spies xD
i wonder what flamecaller privately thinks of their and emberdawn's relationship. did she see emberdawn as a child of hers? a tool? a weapon? a creation? also it was interesting emberdawn was originally a wildclaw, i wonder if that means anything...
"The Obelisk with Wings On Her Face" is kinda a long moniker to be known by lmao. imagine hearing gossipers shorten it to "the Wingface Obelisk"
pearl's story is super compelling! i like the idea of not all pieces of shade being evil, growing a sort of attachment to their hosts. then i have to wonder if they count as parasites or symbiotes... hm... so many possibilities.
@TashaTheGraceful
i love the beginning. immediate intrigue. very, very nice.
don't worry about the abundance of death too much! writers tend to love tragedy. well-written tragedy is one of the easiest paths to getting the reader to care+sympathize about your characters. although do keep in mind that not everyone's reaction to a friend being murdered is to hunt down the one responsible and get vengeance. some spiral into themselves into their grief, others seek justice instead of vengeance, others reach acceptance in other ways.
aaa, harena... no amount of revenge will bring back the dead. and oof, sapientia's heart is in the right place (sort of), but it's also clear she has no idea how to really handle the situation.
oh, ouch. i can understand why conatus didn't tell spes, frankly, but that doesn't mean spes is in a good place right now (both literally an figuratively). she has no idea why he died, or that it was basically inevitable, so that she should have been prepared for it. poor spes :(
re: oct 30 prompt. narrator pondering about the stars and relating to them feels really realistic! i love that scene a lot.
is captanda immortal as well? it's implied the narrator has lived many normal dragon lifetimes, so captanda seeming slimy and knowing about her curse makes it seem as though she's gotten pretty close...
@PinkRose06 i love your new avatar!
paragraphs being one sentence is a bad thing?? excuse you, i'll have you know i always write really short paragraphs xD
in all seriousness tho, one-line paragraphs are valid! don't worry about it.
umi's faith in her sister—aww!!! i'm glad their relationship is supportive, and doesn't seem to hold a lot of (if any) resentment/bitterness/jealousy.
the funny thing with weaknesses is that they're also strengths in other ways. i'm sure seiko's faith in her friends pulls through in other ways, but if her friends are compromised, then the consequences are severe.
re: oct 22 prompt. wait, so did they time travel? or are they just different ppl with the same name?
i remember watching a video commenting on how left handed people have an edge in competitions/fighting bc ppl aren't as used to countering it or smthin while right handed people have an edge in cooperation due to evolution deciding most of us should be righties. i'm rightie myself, but i imagine it must be SO annoying to be left handed and having to deal with inconveniences like scissors not fitting your grip. or in rei's case, weapons XD
"“Uncle Lennon is left-handed too,” Takato pointed out. | “He just writes with his left to show off,” Rei replied dismissively." lmaoo this made me laugh aloud
'Ani smiled—a kind of distant, sad smile. “Be nice,” he teased. “You only have one twin brother.”' ohhh shoot. it's time travel, isn't it? it's definitely time travel D:
@AlterZero
man, i feel you with 'that one word I was searching for in the depths of my brain, but didn't in the end.' i'm sure all writers do!
you're very welcome! it's definitely nice to know someone read+appreciated your work, i'm glad you got that feeling!
@BlurryReflection
just a reminder that tws such as death (whether permanent or temporary) should be mentioned at the beginning of your piece!
i like the prose and style a lot. "she was alive and she was looking at her body and she was not in it. | she had new scales now, old memories" is lovely. you were able to communicate the sort of resigned horror/realization very well, too!
is 'the shoulder of the mistake/error' some sort of automaton?
re: oct 28 post. i actually kind of like the way you slowly melted from proper grammar into a more flow-y, undercapitalized (is that a word??) style. especially with the faintly mystic feel of how they used their magic to put themselves back together! very distinct and fantastical.
@W1F1N1GHTM4R3
25ji's general premise and setting sounds pretty interesting, i might check it out! ooh dragon people, i love.
the idea of solar system protectors is SO COOL. like the soul of a star! when they explode or collapse in on themselves in supernovae what happens to the celestial spirit? do they explode/implode as well? turn to dust? fade away? i know they die, but HOW do they die? what happens if it becomes a black hole once they die?
i wonder, though... what sorts of threats are out there in the solar system that would require a celestial spirit, practically gods, to defend against?
alderbran and asteria, the not-sibling duo!! do they share the same star, or does their galaxy have 2 stars or something?
i like the midnight vibe of ena's piece! late-night call with friends, working on melancholy music together, tired and bedraggled but still with a sort of warm spark of happiness about it. very nice+distinct atmosphere.
@Illusia
i admire your efforts to be versatile! not that there's anything wrong with either short or long pieces. my own specialty is unfinished works lmao
horehound went from mirror -> pearlie? ooh. i imagine the loss of the secondary eyes WOULD be really disorienting. and the change in body proportions would be hard for warriors used to fighting with one body shape for sure.
litleaf is a mentor after my own heart!! so eager+encouraging, while horehound feels like he has that sullen teenager aura to me XD
ode's color scheme is really nice, the red/brown/blue/gray all matches really well. i feel like catharsis is a fitting name for his old blade, as well. (old, ode, lmao)
"kicking dirt over the fire to put it out of its misery" made me laugh like a maniac. i love that wording so much.
COSMOS!!! i LOVE its genes+eyes+outfit+color scheme+broadcast message. i just love it in general aaaa
watching it play with the meteors is amazing! it definitely has a playful side lmao. i can just hear the scientists shrieking to stop tampering with the samples and procedure lol
fallen omg, i love them! their gorgeous outfit. i'm honored to be their first like. (and their art is super pretty too)
their story is so captivating, the repeating notion of 'i want to go home... then come home.' but nowhere is home, and onwards they go. i want to say more but honestly it's so beautiful that i don't have the words. home. where is home?
(also, is this hollow knight-inspired? it had the vibe :P)
@Feathershine22
i really like how greywing's alchemist eyewear cast a shadow on her face that looks to be the same shade as her wingtips, some real clever color matching there. whale's steampunk vibe is awesome too! Just two inventors, having fun and creating:3
@Inkwyrm
goshawk and nightfall are really pretty, dang. i especially love goshawk's... well, hawk-like markings!
i like how you start off with goshawk's mind wandering off while blacksmithing, which seems like a very dangerous combination and implies they're either very skilled, very used to the process, or both!
oh, it's parabola!! hello there!! :D
i love people musing on the actions of others. it's sometimes irritating from a judgemental standpoint but i love it, i love seeing just how flawed and complex people are, and writing really gives you a chance to encapsulate and express that. the stars motif is beautiful, and that italicized line at the end fit in so well! dang, leading to a sales tab is just so fitting though. beautiful.
@xev
i'm curious, is the name 'ev' a reference to your username, xev? also, are hedwin and the people surrounding them humans or dragons? you said "pressing something into hedwin's hand" so i was wondering.
aunur is a nice name for a city! i love the bustling atmosphere of the place, it evokes a weird sense of nostalgia in me. always love the marketplace scene in stories :D
TEXTWALL WARNING!!!
@kimnoodles
i love that britannic's death has affected so many around her! the ripples are fun to follow for sure.
flower language is cool, i feel like you can do so many things with it. a memorial garden is definitely something worth planting, no matter if you've a green thumb or not :P
for feedback, a very quick observation is that lots of the flowers i don't immediately recognize, so make sure to clearly describe what colors, hues, patterns, etc they have. for example, for carnaval tulips, alongside the meaning you can also describe their white petals, streaked through with bold red. it's hard for the reader to visualize the garden if they don't know what the flowers look like, even if they know what they represent!
i feel like dense wood would be one of the WORST places for gaolers to live ngl. all the thorns and brambles, always snagging on their thick fur... i don't envy them for sure!
ooh, i'm glad hiraeth met someone from his past whose changed a lot! in a weird way, i feel like it's good for grounding him in the present. and all the important bits in your lore centering at lanternlight clan is also cool to experience!
@ZipZapZoom
i was actually debating with myself if i should make that prompt more clear, ehehe. originally when i was writing it i was aiming for a reference to the duality of good/evil, angels/demons, wings of feather and wings of scale. but then why do all angels have to be good and all demons have to be bad?
oh, i was immediately captivated by the start of this—kudos for the intriguing beginning.
"She'd really absorbed the fight, the price, and his concerns, huh?" i think a better word for absorbed might be internalized?
man, grum's sort-of memories are really confusing. it's kind of cool tbh, bc he's confused as well. also miserable. we're all confused together! but i take it he doesn't look kindly upon those who go against the natural order?
re: oct 22 prompt. trundle's excitement!! so adorable aaaaa
42 omg nice reference. does hitchhiker's exist in the sornieth world?
starsight is really pretty, wow. congratulations on hatching her! and look at grum and trundle gradually happening into more intruders/guests XD
re: oct 14 prompt. glory comparing tundras to the icewarden and saying how they both 'want to keep things locked away' is super cool and resonates deep. it's really interesting how the olfactory memory reacts with all the diverse breeds grum's found himself surrounded with, lately. breed diversity is so fun to see being explored.
re: oct 5 prompt. trundle's continued fascination with other dragon breeds, and especially faes and their 'creepy monotone voices', never fails to be hilarious.
"Trundle knew this song. It was the life song. It told the story of the first mirror to hatch, and the song added more and more instruments as more mirrors hatched." i LOVE the worldbuilding here. the sheer sense of culture emanating from it is beautiful and amazing. sornieth really is a huge, diverse, world, made out of many differing elementals, dragons, breeds, traditions. religions? oh my god. wait how have i never thought about dragon religions before. waiiit.
"She looked toward Grum with excitement, "Arcanes good enough." | "She's not staying." Grum snorted." i love the little mutual understandings and communication between them now! they really do know eachother so well.
"It was the epitome of insult. The mirror couldn't handle her whacking his nose by accident? Her? A little snapper child with no back legs to support herself? Oh, he was a weakling!" ahahaHAHA i'm crying with laughter!! trundle's sass here is amazing.
honestly i would keep quoting but then i would just be quoting the whole piece back at you... the peace festivals, and trundle's experiences with them, is really cool to watch. she's definitely grown, too--she's starting to understand what the festivals mean. man i'm proud :')
ohh!! has she gotten a summons, of sorts, by the plaguebringer? (oh also i just realized. does grum know where she's going? is grum freaking out thinking he lost her? that's... hilarious and horrifying, aaa)
@QuirkyJunimo
i imagine guarding at nighttime does get boring! interesting to see druden's perspective on his job, despite having likely made the climb hundreds of times before he still sees it as a sort of journey. (also, is druden able to fly? why climb the ladder if he can just fly up to his post?)
by "druden likes knowing his family is still there," does he mean by protecting his family?
oh, vulture's little piece is so interesting. i wonder if the coatl has been wronged by revenge somehow, before...
the love letters!! ahhhh! are they an established long-distance relationship or are they just pining?
be careful to keep to the same tense, i noticed a few instances where you deviated from past tense. other than that tho, good job! keep up the good work!
(also mrisha dragon is beauty)
leaf is really pretty, i love the autumn vibes.
the idea of 'accidentally' changing your breed, or primaling yourself, or changing your genes by looking at a scroll... pfffft. although primals are in vials, not scrolls. literally bottled blessings!
oh my god leaf mimicking 'be gone from our home' hurt
darkness... oh, darkness. be careful what you wish for, for sure.
huh, so night's an archer? how would a spiral even perform archery? i can't imagine bows are all that aerodynamic. actually, how are spirals even aerodynamic? lmao
i love fruitcake teaching obsidian about the beauties of imperfection! man, the ordering of the machines definitely made me wince and think about all the mass producing we do nowadays... and that little 'coming to life' twist at the end is beautiful.
for misfortune's tale, i like how you wove in canon lore with dull/pale coatls being seen as 'sick'. ooh, how'd the guardian tell she was his charge? some sort of sixth sense, perhaps?
nepty and caramel!! are the two of them century-old wanderers? how long is a typical dragon lifespan in your lore, actually, would that just be considered normal? lol
obsidian airing his grievances with the lightweaver is actually really interesting to consider. the god, teaching their followers, until there's nothing left to teach... i love the content there.
lol zuri has such a kiddy attitude despite her immortality. so is she with her actual age group or her lookalike age group in the school?
'“Foxglove.” Quiet said. “Please don’t do that, you are basically showing weakness. Zuri can see emotion.”' you might want to check your phrasing here. showing emotion is NOT showing weakness, especially not in a friendly classroom setting. the teacher should not be reprimanding a student for showing emotion! classrooms should be safe spaces!! showing weakness is ok in the first place, and showing emotions is certainly not showing weakness.
oooh, your last piece with the obelisk really got me wondering how exalting works in your sornieth universe. is it like an outcasting for warriors in battle?
leuce's mind works in an interesting way, to say the least. the flight travelling was pretty cool! and omg, zuri, you don't just jump out at people and accuse them of being vulture's spies xD
i wonder what flamecaller privately thinks of their and emberdawn's relationship. did she see emberdawn as a child of hers? a tool? a weapon? a creation? also it was interesting emberdawn was originally a wildclaw, i wonder if that means anything...
"The Obelisk with Wings On Her Face" is kinda a long moniker to be known by lmao. imagine hearing gossipers shorten it to "the Wingface Obelisk"
pearl's story is super compelling! i like the idea of not all pieces of shade being evil, growing a sort of attachment to their hosts. then i have to wonder if they count as parasites or symbiotes... hm... so many possibilities.
@TashaTheGraceful
i love the beginning. immediate intrigue. very, very nice.
don't worry about the abundance of death too much! writers tend to love tragedy. well-written tragedy is one of the easiest paths to getting the reader to care+sympathize about your characters. although do keep in mind that not everyone's reaction to a friend being murdered is to hunt down the one responsible and get vengeance. some spiral into themselves into their grief, others seek justice instead of vengeance, others reach acceptance in other ways.
aaa, harena... no amount of revenge will bring back the dead. and oof, sapientia's heart is in the right place (sort of), but it's also clear she has no idea how to really handle the situation.
oh, ouch. i can understand why conatus didn't tell spes, frankly, but that doesn't mean spes is in a good place right now (both literally an figuratively). she has no idea why he died, or that it was basically inevitable, so that she should have been prepared for it. poor spes :(
re: oct 30 prompt. narrator pondering about the stars and relating to them feels really realistic! i love that scene a lot.
is captanda immortal as well? it's implied the narrator has lived many normal dragon lifetimes, so captanda seeming slimy and knowing about her curse makes it seem as though she's gotten pretty close...
@PinkRose06 i love your new avatar!
paragraphs being one sentence is a bad thing?? excuse you, i'll have you know i always write really short paragraphs xD
in all seriousness tho, one-line paragraphs are valid! don't worry about it.
umi's faith in her sister—aww!!! i'm glad their relationship is supportive, and doesn't seem to hold a lot of (if any) resentment/bitterness/jealousy.
the funny thing with weaknesses is that they're also strengths in other ways. i'm sure seiko's faith in her friends pulls through in other ways, but if her friends are compromised, then the consequences are severe.
re: oct 22 prompt. wait, so did they time travel? or are they just different ppl with the same name?
i remember watching a video commenting on how left handed people have an edge in competitions/fighting bc ppl aren't as used to countering it or smthin while right handed people have an edge in cooperation due to evolution deciding most of us should be righties. i'm rightie myself, but i imagine it must be SO annoying to be left handed and having to deal with inconveniences like scissors not fitting your grip. or in rei's case, weapons XD
"“Uncle Lennon is left-handed too,” Takato pointed out. | “He just writes with his left to show off,” Rei replied dismissively." lmaoo this made me laugh aloud
'Ani smiled—a kind of distant, sad smile. “Be nice,” he teased. “You only have one twin brother.”' ohhh shoot. it's time travel, isn't it? it's definitely time travel D:
@AlterZero
man, i feel you with 'that one word I was searching for in the depths of my brain, but didn't in the end.' i'm sure all writers do!
you're very welcome! it's definitely nice to know someone read+appreciated your work, i'm glad you got that feeling!
@BlurryReflection
just a reminder that tws such as death (whether permanent or temporary) should be mentioned at the beginning of your piece!
i like the prose and style a lot. "she was alive and she was looking at her body and she was not in it. | she had new scales now, old memories" is lovely. you were able to communicate the sort of resigned horror/realization very well, too!
is 'the shoulder of the mistake/error' some sort of automaton?
re: oct 28 post. i actually kind of like the way you slowly melted from proper grammar into a more flow-y, undercapitalized (is that a word??) style. especially with the faintly mystic feel of how they used their magic to put themselves back together! very distinct and fantastical.
@W1F1N1GHTM4R3
25ji's general premise and setting sounds pretty interesting, i might check it out! ooh dragon people, i love.
the idea of solar system protectors is SO COOL. like the soul of a star! when they explode or collapse in on themselves in supernovae what happens to the celestial spirit? do they explode/implode as well? turn to dust? fade away? i know they die, but HOW do they die? what happens if it becomes a black hole once they die?
i wonder, though... what sorts of threats are out there in the solar system that would require a celestial spirit, practically gods, to defend against?
alderbran and asteria, the not-sibling duo!! do they share the same star, or does their galaxy have 2 stars or something?
i like the midnight vibe of ena's piece! late-night call with friends, working on melancholy music together, tired and bedraggled but still with a sort of warm spark of happiness about it. very nice+distinct atmosphere.
@Illusia
i admire your efforts to be versatile! not that there's anything wrong with either short or long pieces. my own specialty is unfinished works lmao
horehound went from mirror -> pearlie? ooh. i imagine the loss of the secondary eyes WOULD be really disorienting. and the change in body proportions would be hard for warriors used to fighting with one body shape for sure.
litleaf is a mentor after my own heart!! so eager+encouraging, while horehound feels like he has that sullen teenager aura to me XD
ode's color scheme is really nice, the red/brown/blue/gray all matches really well. i feel like catharsis is a fitting name for his old blade, as well. (old, ode, lmao)
"kicking dirt over the fire to put it out of its misery" made me laugh like a maniac. i love that wording so much.
COSMOS!!! i LOVE its genes+eyes+outfit+color scheme+broadcast message. i just love it in general aaaa
watching it play with the meteors is amazing! it definitely has a playful side lmao. i can just hear the scientists shrieking to stop tampering with the samples and procedure lol
fallen omg, i love them! their gorgeous outfit. i'm honored to be their first like. (and their art is super pretty too)
their story is so captivating, the repeating notion of 'i want to go home... then come home.' but nowhere is home, and onwards they go. i want to say more but honestly it's so beautiful that i don't have the words. home. where is home?
(also, is this hollow knight-inspired? it had the vibe :P)
@Feathershine22
i really like how greywing's alchemist eyewear cast a shadow on her face that looks to be the same shade as her wingtips, some real clever color matching there. whale's steampunk vibe is awesome too! Just two inventors, having fun and creating:3
@Inkwyrm
goshawk and nightfall are really pretty, dang. i especially love goshawk's... well, hawk-like markings!
i like how you start off with goshawk's mind wandering off while blacksmithing, which seems like a very dangerous combination and implies they're either very skilled, very used to the process, or both!
oh, it's parabola!! hello there!! :D
i love people musing on the actions of others. it's sometimes irritating from a judgemental standpoint but i love it, i love seeing just how flawed and complex people are, and writing really gives you a chance to encapsulate and express that. the stars motif is beautiful, and that italicized line at the end fit in so well! dang, leading to a sales tab is just so fitting though. beautiful.
@xev
i'm curious, is the name 'ev' a reference to your username, xev? also, are hedwin and the people surrounding them humans or dragons? you said "pressing something into hedwin's hand" so i was wondering.
aunur is a nice name for a city! i love the bustling atmosphere of the place, it evokes a weird sense of nostalgia in me. always love the marketplace scene in stories :D
@kimnoodles
i love that britannic's death has affected so many around her! the ripples are fun to follow for sure.
flower language is cool, i feel like you can do so many things with it. a memorial garden is definitely something worth planting, no matter if you've a green thumb or not :P
for feedback, a very quick observation is that lots of the flowers i don't immediately recognize, so make sure to clearly describe what colors, hues, patterns, etc they have. for example, for carnaval tulips, alongside the meaning you can also describe their white petals, streaked through with bold red. it's hard for the reader to visualize the garden if they don't know what the flowers look like, even if they know what they represent!
i feel like dense wood would be one of the WORST places for gaolers to live ngl. all the thorns and brambles, always snagging on their thick fur... i don't envy them for sure!
ooh, i'm glad hiraeth met someone from his past whose changed a lot! in a weird way, i feel like it's good for grounding him in the present. and all the important bits in your lore centering at lanternlight clan is also cool to experience!
@ZipZapZoom
i was actually debating with myself if i should make that prompt more clear, ehehe. originally when i was writing it i was aiming for a reference to the duality of good/evil, angels/demons, wings of feather and wings of scale. but then why do all angels have to be good and all demons have to be bad?
oh, i was immediately captivated by the start of this—kudos for the intriguing beginning.
"She'd really absorbed the fight, the price, and his concerns, huh?" i think a better word for absorbed might be internalized?
man, grum's sort-of memories are really confusing. it's kind of cool tbh, bc he's confused as well. also miserable. we're all confused together! but i take it he doesn't look kindly upon those who go against the natural order?
re: oct 22 prompt. trundle's excitement!! so adorable aaaaa
42 omg nice reference. does hitchhiker's exist in the sornieth world?
starsight is really pretty, wow. congratulations on hatching her! and look at grum and trundle gradually happening into more intruders/guests XD
re: oct 14 prompt. glory comparing tundras to the icewarden and saying how they both 'want to keep things locked away' is super cool and resonates deep. it's really interesting how the olfactory memory reacts with all the diverse breeds grum's found himself surrounded with, lately. breed diversity is so fun to see being explored.
re: oct 5 prompt. trundle's continued fascination with other dragon breeds, and especially faes and their 'creepy monotone voices', never fails to be hilarious.
"Trundle knew this song. It was the life song. It told the story of the first mirror to hatch, and the song added more and more instruments as more mirrors hatched." i LOVE the worldbuilding here. the sheer sense of culture emanating from it is beautiful and amazing. sornieth really is a huge, diverse, world, made out of many differing elementals, dragons, breeds, traditions. religions? oh my god. wait how have i never thought about dragon religions before. waiiit.
"She looked toward Grum with excitement, "Arcanes good enough." | "She's not staying." Grum snorted." i love the little mutual understandings and communication between them now! they really do know eachother so well.
"It was the epitome of insult. The mirror couldn't handle her whacking his nose by accident? Her? A little snapper child with no back legs to support herself? Oh, he was a weakling!" ahahaHAHA i'm crying with laughter!! trundle's sass here is amazing.
honestly i would keep quoting but then i would just be quoting the whole piece back at you... the peace festivals, and trundle's experiences with them, is really cool to watch. she's definitely grown, too--she's starting to understand what the festivals mean. man i'm proud :')
ohh!! has she gotten a summons, of sorts, by the plaguebringer? (oh also i just realized. does grum know where she's going? is grum freaking out thinking he lost her? that's... hilarious and horrifying, aaa)
@QuirkyJunimo
i imagine guarding at nighttime does get boring! interesting to see druden's perspective on his job, despite having likely made the climb hundreds of times before he still sees it as a sort of journey. (also, is druden able to fly? why climb the ladder if he can just fly up to his post?)
by "druden likes knowing his family is still there," does he mean by protecting his family?
oh, vulture's little piece is so interesting. i wonder if the coatl has been wronged by revenge somehow, before...
the love letters!! ahhhh! are they an established long-distance relationship or are they just pining?
be careful to keep to the same tense, i noticed a few instances where you deviated from past tense. other than that tho, good job! keep up the good work!
(also mrisha dragon is beauty)
leaf is really pretty, i love the autumn vibes.
the idea of 'accidentally' changing your breed, or primaling yourself, or changing your genes by looking at a scroll... pfffft. although primals are in vials, not scrolls. literally bottled blessings!
oh my god leaf mimicking 'be gone from our home' hurt
darkness... oh, darkness. be careful what you wish for, for sure.
huh, so night's an archer? how would a spiral even perform archery? i can't imagine bows are all that aerodynamic. actually, how are spirals even aerodynamic? lmao
i love fruitcake teaching obsidian about the beauties of imperfection! man, the ordering of the machines definitely made me wince and think about all the mass producing we do nowadays... and that little 'coming to life' twist at the end is beautiful.
for misfortune's tale, i like how you wove in canon lore with dull/pale coatls being seen as 'sick'. ooh, how'd the guardian tell she was his charge? some sort of sixth sense, perhaps?
nepty and caramel!! are the two of them century-old wanderers? how long is a typical dragon lifespan in your lore, actually, would that just be considered normal? lol
obsidian airing his grievances with the lightweaver is actually really interesting to consider. the god, teaching their followers, until there's nothing left to teach... i love the content there.
lol zuri has such a kiddy attitude despite her immortality. so is she with her actual age group or her lookalike age group in the school?
'“Foxglove.” Quiet said. “Please don’t do that, you are basically showing weakness. Zuri can see emotion.”' you might want to check your phrasing here. showing emotion is NOT showing weakness, especially not in a friendly classroom setting. the teacher should not be reprimanding a student for showing emotion! classrooms should be safe spaces!! showing weakness is ok in the first place, and showing emotions is certainly not showing weakness.
oooh, your last piece with the obelisk really got me wondering how exalting works in your sornieth universe. is it like an outcasting for warriors in battle?
leuce's mind works in an interesting way, to say the least. the flight travelling was pretty cool! and omg, zuri, you don't just jump out at people and accuse them of being vulture's spies xD
i wonder what flamecaller privately thinks of their and emberdawn's relationship. did she see emberdawn as a child of hers? a tool? a weapon? a creation? also it was interesting emberdawn was originally a wildclaw, i wonder if that means anything...
"The Obelisk with Wings On Her Face" is kinda a long moniker to be known by lmao. imagine hearing gossipers shorten it to "the Wingface Obelisk"
pearl's story is super compelling! i like the idea of not all pieces of shade being evil, growing a sort of attachment to their hosts. then i have to wonder if they count as parasites or symbiotes... hm... so many possibilities.
@TashaTheGraceful
i love the beginning. immediate intrigue. very, very nice.
don't worry about the abundance of death too much! writers tend to love tragedy. well-written tragedy is one of the easiest paths to getting the reader to care+sympathize about your characters. although do keep in mind that not everyone's reaction to a friend being murdered is to hunt down the one responsible and get vengeance. some spiral into themselves into their grief, others seek justice instead of vengeance, others reach acceptance in other ways.
aaa, harena... no amount of revenge will bring back the dead. and oof, sapientia's heart is in the right place (sort of), but it's also clear she has no idea how to really handle the situation.
oh, ouch. i can understand why conatus didn't tell spes, frankly, but that doesn't mean spes is in a good place right now (both literally an figuratively). she has no idea why he died, or that it was basically inevitable, so that she should have been prepared for it. poor spes :(
re: oct 30 prompt. narrator pondering about the stars and relating to them feels really realistic! i love that scene a lot.
is captanda immortal as well? it's implied the narrator has lived many normal dragon lifetimes, so captanda seeming slimy and knowing about her curse makes it seem as though she's gotten pretty close...
@PinkRose06 i love your new avatar!
paragraphs being one sentence is a bad thing?? excuse you, i'll have you know i always write really short paragraphs xD
in all seriousness tho, one-line paragraphs are valid! don't worry about it.
umi's faith in her sister—aww!!! i'm glad their relationship is supportive, and doesn't seem to hold a lot of (if any) resentment/bitterness/jealousy.
the funny thing with weaknesses is that they're also strengths in other ways. i'm sure seiko's faith in her friends pulls through in other ways, but if her friends are compromised, then the consequences are severe.
re: oct 22 prompt. wait, so did they time travel? or are they just different ppl with the same name?
i remember watching a video commenting on how left handed people have an edge in competitions/fighting bc ppl aren't as used to countering it or smthin while right handed people have an edge in cooperation due to evolution deciding most of us should be righties. i'm rightie myself, but i imagine it must be SO annoying to be left handed and having to deal with inconveniences like scissors not fitting your grip. or in rei's case, weapons XD
"“Uncle Lennon is left-handed too,” Takato pointed out. | “He just writes with his left to show off,” Rei replied dismissively." lmaoo this made me laugh aloud
'Ani smiled—a kind of distant, sad smile. “Be nice,” he teased. “You only have one twin brother.”' ohhh shoot. it's time travel, isn't it? it's definitely time travel D:
@AlterZero
man, i feel you with 'that one word I was searching for in the depths of my brain, but didn't in the end.' i'm sure all writers do!
you're very welcome! it's definitely nice to know someone read+appreciated your work, i'm glad you got that feeling!
@BlurryReflection
just a reminder that tws such as death (whether permanent or temporary) should be mentioned at the beginning of your piece!
i like the prose and style a lot. "she was alive and she was looking at her body and she was not in it. | she had new scales now, old memories" is lovely. you were able to communicate the sort of resigned horror/realization very well, too!
is 'the shoulder of the mistake/error' some sort of automaton?
re: oct 28 post. i actually kind of like the way you slowly melted from proper grammar into a more flow-y, undercapitalized (is that a word??) style. especially with the faintly mystic feel of how they used their magic to put themselves back together! very distinct and fantastical.
@W1F1N1GHTM4R3
25ji's general premise and setting sounds pretty interesting, i might check it out! ooh dragon people, i love.
the idea of solar system protectors is SO COOL. like the soul of a star! when they explode or collapse in on themselves in supernovae what happens to the celestial spirit? do they explode/implode as well? turn to dust? fade away? i know they die, but HOW do they die? what happens if it becomes a black hole once they die?
i wonder, though... what sorts of threats are out there in the solar system that would require a celestial spirit, practically gods, to defend against?
alderbran and asteria, the not-sibling duo!! do they share the same star, or does their galaxy have 2 stars or something?
i like the midnight vibe of ena's piece! late-night call with friends, working on melancholy music together, tired and bedraggled but still with a sort of warm spark of happiness about it. very nice+distinct atmosphere.
@Illusia
i admire your efforts to be versatile! not that there's anything wrong with either short or long pieces. my own specialty is unfinished works lmao
horehound went from mirror -> pearlie? ooh. i imagine the loss of the secondary eyes WOULD be really disorienting. and the change in body proportions would be hard for warriors used to fighting with one body shape for sure.
litleaf is a mentor after my own heart!! so eager+encouraging, while horehound feels like he has that sullen teenager aura to me XD
ode's color scheme is really nice, the red/brown/blue/gray all matches really well. i feel like catharsis is a fitting name for his old blade, as well. (old, ode, lmao)
"kicking dirt over the fire to put it out of its misery" made me laugh like a maniac. i love that wording so much.
COSMOS!!! i LOVE its genes+eyes+outfit+color scheme+broadcast message. i just love it in general aaaa
watching it play with the meteors is amazing! it definitely has a playful side lmao. i can just hear the scientists shrieking to stop tampering with the samples and procedure lol
fallen omg, i love them! their gorgeous outfit. i'm honored to be their first like. (and their art is super pretty too)
their story is so captivating, the repeating notion of 'i want to go home... then come home.' but nowhere is home, and onwards they go. i want to say more but honestly it's so beautiful that i don't have the words. home. where is home?
(also, is this hollow knight-inspired? it had the vibe :P)
@Feathershine22
i really like how greywing's alchemist eyewear cast a shadow on her face that looks to be the same shade as her wingtips, some real clever color matching there. whale's steampunk vibe is awesome too! Just two inventors, having fun and creating:3
@Inkwyrm
goshawk and nightfall are really pretty, dang. i especially love goshawk's... well, hawk-like markings!
i like how you start off with goshawk's mind wandering off while blacksmithing, which seems like a very dangerous combination and implies they're either very skilled, very used to the process, or both!
oh, it's parabola!! hello there!! :D
i love people musing on the actions of others. it's sometimes irritating from a judgemental standpoint but i love it, i love seeing just how flawed and complex people are, and writing really gives you a chance to encapsulate and express that. the stars motif is beautiful, and that italicized line at the end fit in so well! dang, leading to a sales tab is just so fitting though. beautiful.
@xev
i'm curious, is the name 'ev' a reference to your username, xev? also, are hedwin and the people surrounding them humans or dragons? you said "pressing something into hedwin's hand" so i was wondering.
aunur is a nice name for a city! i love the bustling atmosphere of the place, it evokes a weird sense of nostalgia in me. always love the marketplace scene in stories :D
@fyi
goshawk was a very skilled blacksmith in this timeline (their pronouns are they/them btw); however, i did end up purging my lair, so they have a new home now (they're an archer and falconer :D)
parabola greets you! :D
i really love writing about human (well, dragon) nature because as you said, it is a way to explore it without being judgmental per se (assuming one does it correctly)
also tysm for your kind words! im glad that you really liked the ending (:
goshawk was a very skilled blacksmith in this timeline (their pronouns are they/them btw); however, i did end up purging my lair, so they have a new home now (they're an archer and falconer :D)
parabola greets you! :D
i really love writing about human (well, dragon) nature because as you said, it is a way to explore it without being judgmental per se (assuming one does it correctly)
also tysm for your kind words! im glad that you really liked the ending (:
@fyi
goshawk was a very skilled blacksmith in this timeline (their pronouns are they/them btw); however, i did end up purging my lair, so they have a new home now (they're an archer and falconer :D)
parabola greets you! :D
i really love writing about human (well, dragon) nature because as you said, it is a way to explore it without being judgmental per se (assuming one does it correctly)
also tysm for your kind words! im glad that you really liked the ending (:
goshawk was a very skilled blacksmith in this timeline (their pronouns are they/them btw); however, i did end up purging my lair, so they have a new home now (they're an archer and falconer :D)
parabola greets you! :D
i really love writing about human (well, dragon) nature because as you said, it is a way to explore it without being judgmental per se (assuming one does it correctly)
also tysm for your kind words! im glad that you really liked the ending (:
ee ee  ee 
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@/fyi I impulse hatched a dragon one day and she came out with faceted eyes so I kept her and dumped half of my vault’s money on her~
It’s comma spliced too probably >.< But at least it’s kinda okay.
Umi holds on to pure belief in her sister :) And Seiko’s weakness/strength is true, too.
In the October 22 prompt, remember the characters from my other story bits? This one takes place after the events of the actual story that they appear in—I’ll try to explain it below.
Rei finds it very tedious >.< And he’s the only one so it’s either self-teaching or waiting for Ani to come by and help.
Lennon wants all the kids’ admiration for being something he’s not :P In this case, it’s also to slightly annoy Rei.
Not time travel per se; just sad experience :/ I might have explained some of this before, but Rei, Takato, and their cousin Eliza go back to stop their family from being...pretty much massacred. They appeal to the gods, and they take them back...fifteen years, I think? Long story short, Takato is cursed to kill everyone he sees. The little Takato, six months old at this point I think (or one year, I don’t remember), is ‘cleansed’ without any issue; the bigger one, however, dies by his brother’s blade because he couldn’t be separated from the curse, having already succumbed to it once and about to succumb to it again. While it CAN be considered time travel, Big!Takato died in the ‘current’ time, and his brother and cousin stayed (1) so they had their parents and (2) so they didn’t have to take up their parents’ roles, and their younger selves see them a ‘big brother/sister’ (hence the nickname ‘Ani,’ which is a Japanese term for ‘big brother’). Does that make sense?
It’s comma spliced too probably >.< But at least it’s kinda okay.
Umi holds on to pure belief in her sister :) And Seiko’s weakness/strength is true, too.
In the October 22 prompt, remember the characters from my other story bits? This one takes place after the events of the actual story that they appear in—I’ll try to explain it below.
Rei finds it very tedious >.< And he’s the only one so it’s either self-teaching or waiting for Ani to come by and help.
Lennon wants all the kids’ admiration for being something he’s not :P In this case, it’s also to slightly annoy Rei.
Not time travel per se; just sad experience :/ I might have explained some of this before, but Rei, Takato, and their cousin Eliza go back to stop their family from being...pretty much massacred. They appeal to the gods, and they take them back...fifteen years, I think? Long story short, Takato is cursed to kill everyone he sees. The little Takato, six months old at this point I think (or one year, I don’t remember), is ‘cleansed’ without any issue; the bigger one, however, dies by his brother’s blade because he couldn’t be separated from the curse, having already succumbed to it once and about to succumb to it again. While it CAN be considered time travel, Big!Takato died in the ‘current’ time, and his brother and cousin stayed (1) so they had their parents and (2) so they didn’t have to take up their parents’ roles, and their younger selves see them a ‘big brother/sister’ (hence the nickname ‘Ani,’ which is a Japanese term for ‘big brother’). Does that make sense?
@/fyi I impulse hatched a dragon one day and she came out with faceted eyes so I kept her and dumped half of my vault’s money on her~
It’s comma spliced too probably >.< But at least it’s kinda okay.
Umi holds on to pure belief in her sister :) And Seiko’s weakness/strength is true, too.
In the October 22 prompt, remember the characters from my other story bits? This one takes place after the events of the actual story that they appear in—I’ll try to explain it below.
Rei finds it very tedious >.< And he’s the only one so it’s either self-teaching or waiting for Ani to come by and help.
Lennon wants all the kids’ admiration for being something he’s not :P In this case, it’s also to slightly annoy Rei.
Not time travel per se; just sad experience :/ I might have explained some of this before, but Rei, Takato, and their cousin Eliza go back to stop their family from being...pretty much massacred. They appeal to the gods, and they take them back...fifteen years, I think? Long story short, Takato is cursed to kill everyone he sees. The little Takato, six months old at this point I think (or one year, I don’t remember), is ‘cleansed’ without any issue; the bigger one, however, dies by his brother’s blade because he couldn’t be separated from the curse, having already succumbed to it once and about to succumb to it again. While it CAN be considered time travel, Big!Takato died in the ‘current’ time, and his brother and cousin stayed (1) so they had their parents and (2) so they didn’t have to take up their parents’ roles, and their younger selves see them a ‘big brother/sister’ (hence the nickname ‘Ani,’ which is a Japanese term for ‘big brother’). Does that make sense?
It’s comma spliced too probably >.< But at least it’s kinda okay.
Umi holds on to pure belief in her sister :) And Seiko’s weakness/strength is true, too.
In the October 22 prompt, remember the characters from my other story bits? This one takes place after the events of the actual story that they appear in—I’ll try to explain it below.
Rei finds it very tedious >.< And he’s the only one so it’s either self-teaching or waiting for Ani to come by and help.
Lennon wants all the kids’ admiration for being something he’s not :P In this case, it’s also to slightly annoy Rei.
Not time travel per se; just sad experience :/ I might have explained some of this before, but Rei, Takato, and their cousin Eliza go back to stop their family from being...pretty much massacred. They appeal to the gods, and they take them back...fifteen years, I think? Long story short, Takato is cursed to kill everyone he sees. The little Takato, six months old at this point I think (or one year, I don’t remember), is ‘cleansed’ without any issue; the bigger one, however, dies by his brother’s blade because he couldn’t be separated from the curse, having already succumbed to it once and about to succumb to it again. While it CAN be considered time travel, Big!Takato died in the ‘current’ time, and his brother and cousin stayed (1) so they had their parents and (2) so they didn’t have to take up their parents’ roles, and their younger selves see them a ‘big brother/sister’ (hence the nickname ‘Ani,’ which is a Japanese term for ‘big brother’). Does that make sense?
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She/Her | DeviantArt | RoyalRoad | FanFiction.Net | FR+3
Clan Lore | Dragon Leveling Service | Fandragons Sornieth Library and Gallery, a Discord server. Formerly PinkRose06. Auction for XXY sable/coal dusthide release day gen1! |
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@fyi they're humans ^^' i probably should've mentioned that to begin with lol
and yeah! ev/xev is a codename of sorts for another one of my characters :]
and yeah! ev/xev is a codename of sorts for another one of my characters :]
@fyi they're humans ^^' i probably should've mentioned that to begin with lol
and yeah! ev/xev is a codename of sorts for another one of my characters :]
and yeah! ev/xev is a codename of sorts for another one of my characters :]
