General Discussion

Whenever I write, I'm convinced that very basic words I'm using are not real or I'm somehow using them incorrectly. The thing is, I excel in English, so I have no reason to fear this!

Probably a quarter of my time composing emails, essays, etc. is spent googling words I am very familiar with, but in that moment I'm like "ah... but what if I send it and then it turns out that it was a Fake word all along, and I am a boo-boo idiot..."

Then, once I do send or submit something, I go back and reread it multiple times just to make extra sure. ._.

I don't like watching myself talk in front of a mirror. Looking just in a mirror is fine for me but I can't deal well with watching myself talk in front of a mirror for some odd reason.

[quote name="StaticSeraph" date="2020-10-27 11:12:32" ] Major aversion to touch Also intense fear of flirtatious actions or touching (I can't handle it to any degree) like those pick up lines make me want to run for the hills, don't hold my hand I cringe up every nanosecond I'm touching Platonic to my two close friends are ok, no one else. [/quote] I will only touch my close friends skin-to-skin. even hand holding. I'm afraid of people flirting with me, i want to be able to be your best friend before i date you; i also hate it when people touch my wrists, my back, the back of my neck, and inbetween my shoulder blades.

I have a list, but I'll try to narrow it down the actual ridiculous ones. And by that I mean list a bunch of pet peeves/irrational fears. [list] [*]Expressing emotions. It's just an unnecessary hassle I'd rather avoid, y'know? This has gotten to the point where I'm not even insecure anymore and am basically apathetic to some things. [*]Bandages, or any other sort of bondage on a wound. They are just not worth it. [*]Syntax mistakes. It infuriates me beyond imagining, unless it's casual discussion. The one exception is commas. I can't stand to see commas used incorrectly, at all. [*]Sometimes I'll imagine a barrier around my head if I think of something that I don't want to think about. Possibly because I am EXTREMELY PARANOID. [*]Flirting. It is absolutely disgusting and I will kill (not actually) anyone who dares to do it in my sight. I don't mind if someone likes me, but rest assured I will not like them back. [*]I am emetophobic. Very, very much. Fake in movies, reading about it, someone even remotely mentioning it can trigger a flee/freeze reaction in me. If someone did it in real life, I'd literally avoid them for the rest of my life. I am not kidding - 4 years have passed since I last spoke with that person. The one exception is me personally drawing/writing about it. That, for some reason, does not bother me at all. (unless i keep it for more than 15 minutes, it just begins to get on my nerves. then i'll just delete it permanently.) [*]My singing voice, as well as hearing my recorded voice. [*]Nails on chalkboard. I tested it before, my natural reflex is "pls end me" [*]Also cars, or any non-eco-friendly vehicles. I intend to one day win the Guinness World Record by being the person who has walked the most in her life. Why? I won't drive my car everywhere. Any drives above 15 minutes and I begin to silently curse humankind in general. [*]Fancy clothes. -_- I do not understand the need except for formal occasions. Otherwise, no. High heels are a completely different story, but in a very negative fashion. With every single fiber of my being, I [i]absolutely despise them[/i]. Never will I resort to such undignified ways to "beautify" myself. [*][i]LGBT+ labels.[/i] I'm not homophobic! Hear me out! Unless it's something commonly used like gay, lesbian, trans, bi, pan, aro, ace, etc. things get confusing. Definitions begin to cross over each other, and pretty soon you've got these two completely different orientation that sound the exact same. Gender is even harder. You would likely assume I'm polygender if I described it, but no. Technically I could refer to myself as transgender, and that would be true, but then people would assume I'm male and I'd rather be anything BUT that. (I don't have anything against men, just the thought of being one myself is uncomfortable.) There are lots of other terms that half-fit, but none of them I actually click with. So why the heck, I ask you, do we have to use labels for others to understand? I know labels aren't necessary, but if I try to describe myself using a slew of words, no ones going to understand. However, sometimes they can't even look up terms if I use them and it is just so annoying.

Got a few:

-My sense of sarcasm is a bit garbled at times, being raised billingual with a family that's very... weird... about their sarcasm (to say the least) in both languages probably didn't help so I'm always worried I come of as really rude or snarky, so I have a bad tendency to overcorrect and be too hyper/friendly; and then I just feel like I'm being weird or childish. It's much harder to catch over text, but sometimes sarcasm still slides right over my radar IRL and then I feel like an idiot.


-Also, I get irrationally scared in dark silence-
Dark but with music playing, or a tv, or a machine humming? Great.
Bright light but deadly silent? That's good too.
But stick me in a dark room with no sound and my whole body goes haywire, feels like my heart's gonna jump out of my chest, it gives me the same stupid spike of adrenaline like a jump-scare would. I hate it.
Living in an area that's sometimes prone to power outages, this can be.. less than fun.


-Knives and heat are also a weird one- Conceptually, they don't bother me, but being near a hot stove or having a knife in my hand makes me irrationally uncomfortable. The weirdest thing about this is I've only once ever been burned (And that was my fault, haha) and I've never been injured by anything with a blade, so I have no idea where this comes from. I avoid spending a lot of time in kitchens because of it. I can't cook anything at all :/


- c i t i e s. I get super anxious in big cities. Doesn't have to be NYC big, but really anywhere that's skyscrapers and traffic and people people people everywhere. Don't like it. It's not crowds themselves that bother me, there's just something about the idea of so many people in such a small place that puts me on edge. I've lived in suburban areas since I was.. five? So I've never had to live in a city. I dread the day I'll have to move to one.


-one more: People touching me. This is partly for a long and complicated mess of issues that lead to hypersensitivity bUT that's only partially to blame. I HATE it when people touch me without asking. Do. Not. Touch. Me. just don't. It doesn't even matter if it's a complete stranger or someone I've known for years. I've almost lost a friend because they couldn't stop trying to grab me and give me hugs and stuff, just coming up behind me. My immediate response to it is to hit whatever grabs me, so I've slapped her more than once. Its some kind of fight-or-flight trigger, and when you get grabbed and can't run.. well. Then people get smacked.

Also: losing my sense of balance, even for a moment. I hate it. i feel useless and weak. i know i can usually dodge, so it make it worse. ugh.

[quote name="@Zikitty" date="2020-10-29 22:09:50" ] I am emetophobic. Very, very much. Fake in movies, reading about it, someone even remotely mentioning it can trigger a flee/freeze reaction in me. If someone did it in real life, I'd literally avoid them for the rest of my life. I am not kidding - 4 years have passed since I last spoke with that person. The one exception is me personally drawing/writing about it. That, for some reason, does not bother me at all. (unless i keep it for more than 15 minutes, it just begins to get on my nerves. then i'll just delete it permanently.) [/quote] bro i'm glad someone else shares my major aversion to anything that has to do with this fear. i literally can't type the word out, all i can do is write "get sick". i literally have not step foot in or eaten from a mcdonalds for over half a decade because it got me sick. i also have not watched kung fu panda since elementary school, because the night i got sick, i was playing it in my mind. i don't sleep on my left side or sleep on couches anymore because of all things relating to things that happened in the past. i avoid them like the plague because i'm convinced they're cursed and if i have the audacity to watch kung fu panda, i'll immediately get sick. i haven't avoided anyone for 4 years or anything, but i do get very nervous around those who have done it recently. my flight instinct is SUPER strong as well. you know how you just [i]know[/i] when someone's about to do it? i always do. and i always nope tf out of there asap

BPD gives me heavy fear of abandonment or replacement in really..really..dumb ways. I feel like my identity is threatened often when someone shares a same heavy kin as I do, as if they’ll be more known for it than me, if ppl know what that is here.
However, that stuff I keep to myself! I’m really nice to the people I’m afraid of when it comes to those things still. If I need reassurance I ask them.

On another note my brother has a fear of butterflies, and I have a fear of seeing things through dark windows at night due to a hallucination I had as a kid. Btw; I live in a really rural area.

I also have a fear specifically at night that if I glance in a room, open a door, or go anywhere dark that I’ll see something horrifying behind said door or peering into said room. I sort of blame sleep paralysis for this.

[quote name="@Negative" date="2020-11-12 16:22:52" ] bro i'm glad someone else shares my major aversion to anything that has to do with this fear. i literally can't type the word out, all i can do is write "get sick". [/quote] SAME writing anything more than that and I'm just "I'm out, goodbye." And then I'll spend the next half hour walking in circles, because for some reason that makes me feel better? Oh and during third grade one of my classmates *gestures* y'know... and I've been avoiding the sand field completely from that moment. Basically I will slice anyone's head off who I associate with Things. (not literally) [size=1]Even hearing the word, in any language, gives me an instant flight instinct. I just... aren't there anymore. But don't worry, you can contact me after the century. And... maybe add another century to that.[/size]

super strong insecurity about being a person w/ opinions
i go out of my way not to mention them to people im not comfy with.

also really bad tripophobia
polka dots are scary

also bugs.
i hate you bugs