@Countessoffire
I recently returned from a pretty long hiatus and have been looking over my lore. My biggest fear pertains to the fact that (i) English is not my first language, so I'm always a little wary as to how the writing is coming across; and (ii) I often tend to integrate more than one dragon into the lore (it makes no sense for me if each dragon is written solely by itself), so I'm afraid things may get confusing.
Anyway, the first dragon I acquired on FR (after my progens) was Florence. And I think she may have the most interesting story of my clan. I imagine her as an elder, a no-nonsense priestess and advisor to Theia, the ruler. I'd love to get a second opinion on it, if it does not break your rules and if you wish, of course.
[url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/15139208][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/151393/15139208_350.png[/img][/url]
@
Countessoffire
I recently returned from a pretty long hiatus and have been looking over my lore. My biggest fear pertains to the fact that (i) English is not my first language, so I'm always a little wary as to how the writing is coming across; and (ii) I often tend to integrate more than one dragon into the lore (it makes no sense for me if each dragon is written solely by itself), so I'm afraid things may get confusing.
Anyway, the first dragon I acquired on FR (after my progens) was Florence. And I think she may have the most interesting story of my clan. I imagine her as an elder, a no-nonsense priestess and advisor to Theia, the ruler. I'd love to get a second opinion on it, if it does not break your rules and if you wish, of course.
@
Countessoffire I'm really glad you like this bio! It's one of my favorites, and to be honest, maybe I should have shared one of my weaker ones to get more useful feedback, but sometimes you just wanna show off something cool you wrote, you know? I'm not a very confident writer so I need some of that praise to calm my nerves sometimes.
Like I said, Flamme's bio is a bit unusual. The exposition pieces, as you called them, are usually what makes up an entire dragon's bio. But while writing an idea struck me, so I tried out something different.
I agree that I could do better when it comes to showing Flamme's relationship to her friends. Ideally I'd write another interaction, or expand the one I already wrote to feature some dialogue for them. But as I expressed, this is an unusual way of writing for me. Maybe inspiration will strike again, and I'll expand on that story, but right now I'm happy with what I have.
When it comes to the actual contents of the bio: it took a lot of editing and revisions to get to the one you're currently seeing. I really wanted to make sure that Flamme's motivations didn't boil down to just wanting to breed more Dryland Drifters. This subspecies is very community and family oriented, and her specific variant is also noted for being very passionate. I didn't want for her to sound like she was just a "breeder", so to say. So instead, her main motivator is that she feels lonely, so she wants to find dragons that share the same culture as her. She also wants to raise a family, but to her that's more like a distant goal, a wish that she hopes gets fulfilled but one that she isn't actively chasing after.
@
Countessoffire I'm really glad you like this bio! It's one of my favorites, and to be honest, maybe I should have shared one of my weaker ones to get more useful feedback, but sometimes you just wanna show off something cool you wrote, you know? I'm not a very confident writer so I need some of that praise to calm my nerves sometimes.
Like I said, Flamme's bio is a bit unusual. The exposition pieces, as you called them, are usually what makes up an entire dragon's bio. But while writing an idea struck me, so I tried out something different.
I agree that I could do better when it comes to showing Flamme's relationship to her friends. Ideally I'd write another interaction, or expand the one I already wrote to feature some dialogue for them. But as I expressed, this is an unusual way of writing for me. Maybe inspiration will strike again, and I'll expand on that story, but right now I'm happy with what I have.
When it comes to the actual contents of the bio: it took a lot of editing and revisions to get to the one you're currently seeing. I really wanted to make sure that Flamme's motivations didn't boil down to just wanting to breed more Dryland Drifters. This subspecies is very community and family oriented, and her specific variant is also noted for being very passionate. I didn't want for her to sound like she was just a "breeder", so to say. So instead, her main motivator is that she feels lonely, so she wants to find dragons that share the same culture as her. She also wants to raise a family, but to her that's more like a distant goal, a wish that she hopes gets fulfilled but one that she isn't actively chasing after.
@Vickypedia
I understand. I definitely find myself needing some praise every now and then to calm my nerves when I'm sharing some of my lore. I find it helpful to have lore writing friends on here that I can share my recent projects. Usually they can help me as a proofreader and catch things that I miss.
I believe your efforts during your editing phase paid off. I did not get the impression that Flamme's only motivation was just to breed more Dryland Drifters. I definitely picked up on her loneliness and how her loneliness was mirrored by Feuer in a different manner. Really the two are adorable together and I find myself wishing the best for the pair.
You are more than welcome to share any more dragon lore in the future. [emoji=guardian laughing size=1]
@
Vickypedia
I understand. I definitely find myself needing some praise every now and then to calm my nerves when I'm sharing some of my lore. I find it helpful to have lore writing friends on here that I can share my recent projects. Usually they can help me as a proofreader and catch things that I miss.
I believe your efforts during your editing phase paid off. I did not get the impression that Flamme's only motivation was just to breed more Dryland Drifters. I definitely picked up on her loneliness and how her loneliness was mirrored by Feuer in a different manner. Really the two are adorable together and I find myself wishing the best for the pair.
You are more than welcome to share any more dragon lore in the future.
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[b]Panoptes[/b] is one of my many lore dragons, and I'd appreciate it if you gave his lore a once-over. I don't know if I've written too little, or if it's too superficial for you, but any tips are appreciated! And don't worry, my skin's a little too thick sometimes, especially around the cranium... :p
[center][url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/43198296][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/431983/43198296_350.png[/img][/url][/center]
Panoptes is one of my many lore dragons, and I'd appreciate it if you gave his lore a once-over. I don't know if I've written too little, or if it's too superficial for you, but any tips are appreciated! And don't worry, my skin's a little too thick sometimes, especially around the cranium... :p
[center]I'm not the most confident in my writing abilities. As an artist, writing copy has never been my forte. Nonetheless, I still attempt to write lore for my precious dragons as one does haha... I hope my dragon's lore isn't too cheesy for you or cringy, I just write what comes to mind and occasionally go back to my lore and edit things.
[url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/86674781][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/866748/86674781_350.png[/img][/url]
This is Karma, she was one of my anni hatches this year, which was like a month after my account was made. I was determined to keep her and since I didn't like her colors, I scattered her once to this color scheme. There was an attempt to write a cohesive story around this fact lol If you take the time to read her lore, I hope it doesn't bore you!
I'm not the most confident in my writing abilities. As an artist, writing copy has never been my forte. Nonetheless, I still attempt to write lore for my precious dragons as one does haha... I hope my dragon's lore isn't too cheesy for you or cringy, I just write what comes to mind and occasionally go back to my lore and edit things.
This is Karma, she was one of my anni hatches this year, which was like a month after my account was made. I was determined to keep her and since I didn't like her colors, I scattered her once to this color scheme. There was an attempt to write a cohesive story around this fact lol If you take the time to read her lore, I hope it doesn't bore you!
How short of a bio are you reviewing? I am curious because instead of doing paragraphs, I condense most of the lore down to a sentence or two per dragon- kind of like the tooltip for items! I think this way it's a lot easier for people to engage with the lore and to provide a "vibe" that supports the dragon's appearance.
I'd love feedback that helps me condense the lore more, or maybe change out some words for ones that are more impactful.
[url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/58083186][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/580832/58083186_350.png[/img][/url]
I'll drop this one just in case... Thanks in advance!
How short of a bio are you reviewing? I am curious because instead of doing paragraphs, I condense most of the lore down to a sentence or two per dragon- kind of like the tooltip for items! I think this way it's a lot easier for people to engage with the lore and to provide a "vibe" that supports the dragon's appearance.
I'd love feedback that helps me condense the lore more, or maybe change out some words for ones that are more impactful.
I'll drop this one just in case... Thanks in advance!
@
Cynderbark
That is way too short for me to provide any sort of meaningful review.
@
Cynderbark
That is way too short for me to provide any sort of meaningful review.
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Understandable, thank you anyway!
Understandable, thank you anyway!
Hi!
This is such an interesting thread, and I've read some of your reviews, and you've got a whole bunch of good advice and knowledge for writing!
It'd be incredibly appreciated if you'd want to give your honest opinion on a couple of dragons I have, who's lore ties into one another.
[b]Edit:[/b] I'm sorry! I read the rules, but then now realised one dragon per post. Understandable, feel free to choice either of them in that case, oops.
The lore on these is lenghty, and might suffer from being written fully a few years ago. At least parts of the beginning of both their lore is written in 2019, while the last pieces on Morros are from 2022.
Either way, if you have the time I'd love to hear your thoughts, and if it's too long that is also very understandable.
Btw, I think it's perhaps it makes more sense to read Israfil before Morros, but they are supposed to work both ways. English is my second language, but judge as if it's not.
As for the audience in mind, I see a reoccuring more adult theme, but it doesn't break site rules, I've tried to keep the more adult-ish parts more subtle and between the lines if need be. [emoji=autumn tree size=1]
[url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/39183823][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/391839/39183823_350.png[/img][/url]
Israfil
[url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/27082726][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/270828/27082726_350.png[/img][/url]
Morros
Hi!
This is such an interesting thread, and I've read some of your reviews, and you've got a whole bunch of good advice and knowledge for writing!
It'd be incredibly appreciated if you'd want to give your honest opinion on a couple of dragons I have, who's lore ties into one another.
Edit: I'm sorry! I read the rules, but then now realised one dragon per post. Understandable, feel free to choice either of them in that case, oops.
The lore on these is lenghty, and might suffer from being written fully a few years ago. At least parts of the beginning of both their lore is written in 2019, while the last pieces on Morros are from 2022.
Either way, if you have the time I'd love to hear your thoughts, and if it's too long that is also very understandable.
Btw, I think it's perhaps it makes more sense to read Israfil before Morros, but they are supposed to work both ways. English is my second language, but judge as if it's not.
As for the audience in mind, I see a reoccuring more adult theme, but it doesn't break site rules, I've tried to keep the more adult-ish parts more subtle and between the lines if need be.
Israfil
Morros
This thread is so interesting! Could you please have a look at my boy Kitanosho? I wrote his lore today.. There's a TLDR at the top of the bio, which is mostly for myself but also for people that do not want to read all of the lore, you can skip it if you want.
If you see any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes please do tell me!! English isn't my first language haha
I hope the lore is okay! My intentions with him are that he may look intimidating but he really isn't if you get to know him, he dislikes his job but does it anyway so he can enjoy his time with his companion :)
[url=https://www1.flightrising.com/dragon/89776422][img]https://www1.flightrising.com/rendern/350/897765/89776422_350.png[/img][/url]
This thread is so interesting! Could you please have a look at my boy Kitanosho? I wrote his lore today.. There's a TLDR at the top of the bio, which is mostly for myself but also for people that do not want to read all of the lore, you can skip it if you want.
If you see any spelling mistakes or grammar mistakes please do tell me!! English isn't my first language haha
I hope the lore is okay! My intentions with him are that he may look intimidating but he really isn't if you get to know him, he dislikes his job but does it anyway so he can enjoy his time with his companion :)
