@pheelthemoment
Hi thanks for stopping by. ^^ I'm fine with doing both as their lore are tightly connected.I'll simply separate the page with asterisks (*) when I'm starting the next one. Edit: I had just finished Tarragon's part, but all the points can apply to Moraine as well. So while the points specifically highlight Tarragon's lore, they are still applicable to Moraine.
Lore: I think the main problem is that, though each paragraph is consistent in its theme, all the paragraphs are out of order. So I'll give you a base chronological arrangement and allow you to put the paragraphs where you deem they fit.
1. The Introduction: This is where the main character is first introduced to the reader. Give the name and overall role of the main character. Really hit home that defining character or role that influences the rest of the story. ((Example: This is Tarragon and he is considered to be the true founder of the clan as he is the glue that brings everyone closer together through peace and strife.))
2. Background/Childhood: This is where you mold early life experiences before he stepped into his role (after all nobody just becomes the expert of what they do, they have to learn and grow first...unless it's a literal Mary Sue which we don't want in a story). Talk about family, the environment that he grew up in, and any character-defining conflict. This could be how his family treats him, how his neighbors view him, how the dragons his own age interacted with him; but most of all, how did he react to each conflict? Positive or negative, forgiving or vengeful? This would be where most of the characterization for Tarragon takes place, and where the reader will invest and connect to him as a likable and understandable character.
3. Discovers his Passion: This is the point where the main character finds his would-be life's work or passion and begins to experiment with it, getting a feel for it. This doesn't necessarily mean he'll immediately take to it, but it does mean that passion/job/hobby needs to start becoming a part of his life. ((Example: He started a garden to please his grandma who told stories of lush fields of flowers and towering forests of bamboo, where he discovered he had quite the green thumb.))
4. The Climax: This is the point where the main character changes and/or makes a choice that affects the rest of the story, whether by circumstances or other characters mentioned in the story or by the main character himself. ((Example): He protected a clutch of hatchlings as the cave collapsed, but at the cost of his wings as large rocks slashed the frail membrane and crushed the delicate bones within.)) Emphasize the heightened emotions and thoughts as it is taking place, and at the end, finalizing it as the new cornerstone for the new chapter of his life. "He still wrote to his family back home, but he knew he could never return, not even for a visit." is an awesome final of note on the old chapter of his life and "[As] he'd always held a longing to return to Wind...he left for the Plateau and never looked back." is the climax and be the cornerstone for the next stage of his life.
5. The Aftermath: This is the point where the main character is the most vulnerable or uncertain as he progresses through this new stage of life. Whereas the Background/Childhood point tackled outside forces, now is the time to tackle his inner demons and insecurities. Will he fall back on old habits? Will he continue scared but determined to reach his goal? Will he break or will he triumph? Remind the reader of the past conflicts and his responses as they will be the blueprint/roots as he will draw from to stabilize himself in his new life. ((Example: After he reaches the Plateau, uncomfortable with so many hyperactive dragons, decided to settle in a tiny clearing by himself. As he reminisces about the home he left, he found a single pink rose in the middle of his new clearing, the same kind his grandmother loved. Smiling to himself, he decided to make a tiny garden and to make the effort to say hello to his neighbors and check out what the closest town has around. Little did he know that he was about to meet the love of his life ;)))
6. Fast-forward to the Present: Now you can talk about his role from the Introduction point in more depth. Emphasize any new characteristics/habits/quirks he has acquired, the improvements to the new environment, any new dragons in his life. How did his role impact the other dragons in his life (briefly on a surface level like the plant-eaters not eating plants in his presence). And go beyond and develop him more with new conflicts as you continue writing his story. :)
All in all, both characters seem really well-defined with nuances and habits, things that really define them. They just needed a story to star in. Follow the steps and add much detail as possible from the environment to their feelings. I also suggest adding a dialect specific to each of them. ((Example: His wife was too busy cutting in fat for the caramelized Bundt cake for her to notice him arranging a bouquet of 99 roses a large vase for her anniversary.)) 'Cutting in fat' and 'caramelized' are baking terms that mean mixing butter into flour with a whisk or other tool and melting sugar into liquid that then turns brown from the heat respectively, whereas the 99 roses represent a deep connection to the other person usually "love till death do you part."
*****************************************************************
Hope this helped and good luck! \(^0^)/
Hi thanks for stopping by. ^^ I'm fine with doing both as their lore are tightly connected.
Lore: I think the main problem is that, though each paragraph is consistent in its theme, all the paragraphs are out of order. So I'll give you a base chronological arrangement and allow you to put the paragraphs where you deem they fit.
1. The Introduction: This is where the main character is first introduced to the reader. Give the name and overall role of the main character. Really hit home that defining character or role that influences the rest of the story. ((Example: This is Tarragon and he is considered to be the true founder of the clan as he is the glue that brings everyone closer together through peace and strife.))
2. Background/Childhood: This is where you mold early life experiences before he stepped into his role (after all nobody just becomes the expert of what they do, they have to learn and grow first...unless it's a literal Mary Sue which we don't want in a story). Talk about family, the environment that he grew up in, and any character-defining conflict. This could be how his family treats him, how his neighbors view him, how the dragons his own age interacted with him; but most of all, how did he react to each conflict? Positive or negative, forgiving or vengeful? This would be where most of the characterization for Tarragon takes place, and where the reader will invest and connect to him as a likable and understandable character.
3. Discovers his Passion: This is the point where the main character finds his would-be life's work or passion and begins to experiment with it, getting a feel for it. This doesn't necessarily mean he'll immediately take to it, but it does mean that passion/job/hobby needs to start becoming a part of his life. ((Example: He started a garden to please his grandma who told stories of lush fields of flowers and towering forests of bamboo, where he discovered he had quite the green thumb.))
4. The Climax: This is the point where the main character changes and/or makes a choice that affects the rest of the story, whether by circumstances or other characters mentioned in the story or by the main character himself. ((Example): He protected a clutch of hatchlings as the cave collapsed, but at the cost of his wings as large rocks slashed the frail membrane and crushed the delicate bones within.)) Emphasize the heightened emotions and thoughts as it is taking place, and at the end, finalizing it as the new cornerstone for the new chapter of his life. "He still wrote to his family back home, but he knew he could never return, not even for a visit." is an awesome final of note on the old chapter of his life and "[As] he'd always held a longing to return to Wind...he left for the Plateau and never looked back." is the climax and be the cornerstone for the next stage of his life.
5. The Aftermath: This is the point where the main character is the most vulnerable or uncertain as he progresses through this new stage of life. Whereas the Background/Childhood point tackled outside forces, now is the time to tackle his inner demons and insecurities. Will he fall back on old habits? Will he continue scared but determined to reach his goal? Will he break or will he triumph? Remind the reader of the past conflicts and his responses as they will be the blueprint/roots as he will draw from to stabilize himself in his new life. ((Example: After he reaches the Plateau, uncomfortable with so many hyperactive dragons, decided to settle in a tiny clearing by himself. As he reminisces about the home he left, he found a single pink rose in the middle of his new clearing, the same kind his grandmother loved. Smiling to himself, he decided to make a tiny garden and to make the effort to say hello to his neighbors and check out what the closest town has around. Little did he know that he was about to meet the love of his life ;)))
6. Fast-forward to the Present: Now you can talk about his role from the Introduction point in more depth. Emphasize any new characteristics/habits/quirks he has acquired, the improvements to the new environment, any new dragons in his life. How did his role impact the other dragons in his life (briefly on a surface level like the plant-eaters not eating plants in his presence). And go beyond and develop him more with new conflicts as you continue writing his story. :)
All in all, both characters seem really well-defined with nuances and habits, things that really define them. They just needed a story to star in. Follow the steps and add much detail as possible from the environment to their feelings. I also suggest adding a dialect specific to each of them. ((Example: His wife was too busy cutting in fat for the caramelized Bundt cake for her to notice him arranging a bouquet of 99 roses a large vase for her anniversary.)) 'Cutting in fat' and 'caramelized' are baking terms that mean mixing butter into flour with a whisk or other tool and melting sugar into liquid that then turns brown from the heat respectively, whereas the 99 roses represent a deep connection to the other person usually "love till death do you part."
*****************************************************************
Hope this helped and good luck! \(^0^)/
(and not even just for these two! i def gotta take a look at a lot of my dragons)
