@/CF
Awesome, thanks! :D(I'm SO gonna enjoy writing this~)
Awesome, thanks! :D
|| He/She/They | FRT+3 | INFP | Demi x3 | Lore Clan | Eternal Acolight ||
Creative Corner
Share your own art and stories, or ask for critique.
TOPIC | Migrants from Oakrest
@/CF
Awesome, thanks! :D(I'm SO gonna enjoy writing this~)
Awesome, thanks! :D
|| He/She/They | FRT+3 | INFP | Demi x3 | Lore Clan | Eternal Acolight ||
ALL THESE MENS on an adventure with poor Ruby, lol. And three of them are totally non-straight AS HECK. I love it.
Edit: I did not know that ** was censored. THE THINGS YOU LEARN~.
Edit: I did not know that ** was censored. THE THINGS YOU LEARN~.
ALL THESE MENS on an adventure with poor Ruby, lol. And three of them are totally non-straight AS HECK. I love it.
Edit: I did not know that ** was censored. THE THINGS YOU LEARN~.
Edit: I did not know that ** was censored. THE THINGS YOU LEARN~.
They're not the only ones, considering the length and detail I've planned this out... Well, Ruby is gonna be surrounded by a LOT of guys come the end, most of them being non-straight. XD
(And that was censored? XD)
(And that was censored? XD)
They're not the only ones, considering the length and detail I've planned this out... Well, Ruby is gonna be surrounded by a LOT of guys come the end, most of them being non-straight. XD
(And that was censored? XD)
(And that was censored? XD)
|| He/She/They | FRT+3 | INFP | Demi x3 | Lore Clan | Eternal Acolight ||
*didn't really thing about Forge's orientation* xD
He's probably not too interested?
He's probably not too interested?
*didn't really thing about Forge's orientation* xD
He's probably not too interested?
He's probably not too interested?
Alright, Prologue! ^^ (By the way, Title suggestions are welcomed!) [url=http://www1.flightrising.com/forums/cc/2111068/757#post_28736230]Click Here[/url] to go to Chapter 1! ;3
Dragons: [url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?p=lair&id=251571&tab=dragon&did=24361931]Ruby[/url], [url=http://flightrising.com/main.php?p=lair&id=251571&tab=dragon&did=26378580]Odysseus[/url]
[quote=Prologue]“What is this?” Ruby muttered to herself as she neared the strange, pulsating object. Her Familiar, a Sunspot Clouddancer she’s long since named Silvy, looked up at her with a curious, soft caw, but Ruby was too focused on the item to really notice. The Nocturne was in her room, which was a mess as usual, filled with all her things she’s collected over the years. The other Dragons of Clan Paladin often remark her room can best be described as a ‘tornado that swept through a hoarding community’, and they’re not far off. With her room completely covered in random items lying about chaotically, most of it she’s just found laying around everywhere she roams along with her air-headedness, she tends to ‘rediscover’ items in there, like now. Moving several haphazardly placed boxes and shelves filled with who-knows-what, she reached the thing that caught her eye, Silvy approaching cautiously as he knew and has seen what some of the items she’s found can do to a Dragon and Familiar alike.
[i]A… Music box?[/i] She wondered; for indeed, that’s what it is. The music box was only about as big as her claws and an example of beautiful and awe-inspiring craftsmanship. It was a perfect rectangular prism, the bottom half being of a glistening red wood that’s far more intricate than anything she’s ever seen before while the top half is cushioned, the cloth being more wondrous than any she had seen before; it’s red velvet-like splendor shimmering softly in the light, enchanting Ruby by the incredible rainbow-like sheen it gives off.
Completely curious now, the Nocturne turned the box over to see it from every angle. It seemed like an ordinary albeit expensive music box, but the fact it was in such pristine condition left her bewildered. After turning it upside down to see the bottom, Ruby noticed a small, strange circular impression on the bottom. Moving towards the center of her room for better lighting, Silvy following dutifully but keeping his distance, completely walking over the mounds of items that covered the room’s floor, she realized there was also some type of inscription on the bottom. Peering closer, she tried to see what it said or even was, but it was too faint for her to make out.
[i]If it’s a music box, it should play, right? [/i]She thought enthusiastically. Turning it rightside up again, she carefully and gently unlatched the gilded hinge and gently opened it. Inside, the top lid had a small mirror which was encased what appeared to be some precious metal she’s never even seen before, intricate runes and swirls wrapping around it like ivy on a tree. The bottom half was completely covered in a felt like red material, also etched with a golden thread on the surface encompassing a round runic medallion at the center. The strange pendant-like medallion was raised a bit, and though it was completely black, for some reason also shone a brilliant gold reflection, which Ruby found made no sense but was still beautiful and capturing nonetheless.
[i]I guess… You push it? [/i]She frowned, slowly reaching a claw over to touch the button. As she reached for it, however, at that moment the door to her room opened. A large Tundra strode on in, pausing before flying over to her so as not to have to walk through all her stuff lying about. Landing nearby the Tundra gazed over the mounds of items with distaste as he neared Ruby, giving Silvy a welcoming pat when the Clouddancer bounded over to greet him.
“You need to learn to organize your items, Ruby. Really, at this rate I wouldn’t be surprised if you had the-” but Odysseus stopped short when he saw her staring at the small box in her claws. She didn’t hear him, and it’s not that she didn’t want to; there was just something so mesmerizing about the box…
[i]I… I want to touch the button, I want to hear the music…[/i] the thoughts floated in through her, but they were almost as if they were said by someone else. Without even realizing what she was doing, not even recognizing Odysseus’ presence as he ran towards her nor the calls her beloved Silvy, she laid a single claw on the medallion and…
[i]“There is no escape from the evils within…”[/i]
[center]0o0o0[/center]
“Ruby? Odysseus? Are you there, sweeties?” Milithinal called. The motherly Mirror peered into Ruby’s room, but neither she nor the Tundra were anywhere to be seen, and Silvy was missing as well. Frowning, she glanced around, a bit perplexed at their sudden disappearance. Maybe they went for flight together? Which is unusual, since they are rarely together. Figuring they must've become friends recently and just wanted to go out for a friendly flight Milithinal closed the room’s door, unknowing that was the last she’ll see of them for a very long time…[/quote]
Sorry for the Run-Ons and other Grammatical mistakes, I'm the type that literally writes out whatever comes to mind, and this is what came to mind so far. XD (And sorry it's so short, but it's a prologue and they're generally short, right?)
Thoughts? :3 (And next Chapter I'll start to incorporate all of your awesome Dragons! ^^)
Alright, Prologue! ^^ (By the way, Title suggestions are welcomed!) Click Here to go to Chapter 1! ;3
Dragons: Ruby, Odysseus
Sorry for the Run-Ons and other Grammatical mistakes, I'm the type that literally writes out whatever comes to mind, and this is what came to mind so far. XD (And sorry it's so short, but it's a prologue and they're generally short, right?)
Thoughts? :3 (And next Chapter I'll start to incorporate all of your awesome Dragons! ^^)
Dragons: Ruby, Odysseus
Prologue wrote:
“What is this?” Ruby muttered to herself as she neared the strange, pulsating object. Her Familiar, a Sunspot Clouddancer she’s long since named Silvy, looked up at her with a curious, soft caw, but Ruby was too focused on the item to really notice. The Nocturne was in her room, which was a mess as usual, filled with all her things she’s collected over the years. The other Dragons of Clan Paladin often remark her room can best be described as a ‘tornado that swept through a hoarding community’, and they’re not far off. With her room completely covered in random items lying about chaotically, most of it she’s just found laying around everywhere she roams along with her air-headedness, she tends to ‘rediscover’ items in there, like now. Moving several haphazardly placed boxes and shelves filled with who-knows-what, she reached the thing that caught her eye, Silvy approaching cautiously as he knew and has seen what some of the items she’s found can do to a Dragon and Familiar alike.
A… Music box? She wondered; for indeed, that’s what it is. The music box was only about as big as her claws and an example of beautiful and awe-inspiring craftsmanship. It was a perfect rectangular prism, the bottom half being of a glistening red wood that’s far more intricate than anything she’s ever seen before while the top half is cushioned, the cloth being more wondrous than any she had seen before; it’s red velvet-like splendor shimmering softly in the light, enchanting Ruby by the incredible rainbow-like sheen it gives off.
Completely curious now, the Nocturne turned the box over to see it from every angle. It seemed like an ordinary albeit expensive music box, but the fact it was in such pristine condition left her bewildered. After turning it upside down to see the bottom, Ruby noticed a small, strange circular impression on the bottom. Moving towards the center of her room for better lighting, Silvy following dutifully but keeping his distance, completely walking over the mounds of items that covered the room’s floor, she realized there was also some type of inscription on the bottom. Peering closer, she tried to see what it said or even was, but it was too faint for her to make out.
If it’s a music box, it should play, right? She thought enthusiastically. Turning it rightside up again, she carefully and gently unlatched the gilded hinge and gently opened it. Inside, the top lid had a small mirror which was encased what appeared to be some precious metal she’s never even seen before, intricate runes and swirls wrapping around it like ivy on a tree. The bottom half was completely covered in a felt like red material, also etched with a golden thread on the surface encompassing a round runic medallion at the center. The strange pendant-like medallion was raised a bit, and though it was completely black, for some reason also shone a brilliant gold reflection, which Ruby found made no sense but was still beautiful and capturing nonetheless.
I guess… You push it? She frowned, slowly reaching a claw over to touch the button. As she reached for it, however, at that moment the door to her room opened. A large Tundra strode on in, pausing before flying over to her so as not to have to walk through all her stuff lying about. Landing nearby the Tundra gazed over the mounds of items with distaste as he neared Ruby, giving Silvy a welcoming pat when the Clouddancer bounded over to greet him.
“You need to learn to organize your items, Ruby. Really, at this rate I wouldn’t be surprised if you had the-” but Odysseus stopped short when he saw her staring at the small box in her claws. She didn’t hear him, and it’s not that she didn’t want to; there was just something so mesmerizing about the box…
I… I want to touch the button, I want to hear the music… the thoughts floated in through her, but they were almost as if they were said by someone else. Without even realizing what she was doing, not even recognizing Odysseus’ presence as he ran towards her nor the calls her beloved Silvy, she laid a single claw on the medallion and…
“There is no escape from the evils within…”
“Ruby? Odysseus? Are you there, sweeties?” Milithinal called. The motherly Mirror peered into Ruby’s room, but neither she nor the Tundra were anywhere to be seen, and Silvy was missing as well. Frowning, she glanced around, a bit perplexed at their sudden disappearance. Maybe they went for flight together? Which is unusual, since they are rarely together. Figuring they must've become friends recently and just wanted to go out for a friendly flight Milithinal closed the room’s door, unknowing that was the last she’ll see of them for a very long time…
A… Music box? She wondered; for indeed, that’s what it is. The music box was only about as big as her claws and an example of beautiful and awe-inspiring craftsmanship. It was a perfect rectangular prism, the bottom half being of a glistening red wood that’s far more intricate than anything she’s ever seen before while the top half is cushioned, the cloth being more wondrous than any she had seen before; it’s red velvet-like splendor shimmering softly in the light, enchanting Ruby by the incredible rainbow-like sheen it gives off.
Completely curious now, the Nocturne turned the box over to see it from every angle. It seemed like an ordinary albeit expensive music box, but the fact it was in such pristine condition left her bewildered. After turning it upside down to see the bottom, Ruby noticed a small, strange circular impression on the bottom. Moving towards the center of her room for better lighting, Silvy following dutifully but keeping his distance, completely walking over the mounds of items that covered the room’s floor, she realized there was also some type of inscription on the bottom. Peering closer, she tried to see what it said or even was, but it was too faint for her to make out.
If it’s a music box, it should play, right? She thought enthusiastically. Turning it rightside up again, she carefully and gently unlatched the gilded hinge and gently opened it. Inside, the top lid had a small mirror which was encased what appeared to be some precious metal she’s never even seen before, intricate runes and swirls wrapping around it like ivy on a tree. The bottom half was completely covered in a felt like red material, also etched with a golden thread on the surface encompassing a round runic medallion at the center. The strange pendant-like medallion was raised a bit, and though it was completely black, for some reason also shone a brilliant gold reflection, which Ruby found made no sense but was still beautiful and capturing nonetheless.
I guess… You push it? She frowned, slowly reaching a claw over to touch the button. As she reached for it, however, at that moment the door to her room opened. A large Tundra strode on in, pausing before flying over to her so as not to have to walk through all her stuff lying about. Landing nearby the Tundra gazed over the mounds of items with distaste as he neared Ruby, giving Silvy a welcoming pat when the Clouddancer bounded over to greet him.
“You need to learn to organize your items, Ruby. Really, at this rate I wouldn’t be surprised if you had the-” but Odysseus stopped short when he saw her staring at the small box in her claws. She didn’t hear him, and it’s not that she didn’t want to; there was just something so mesmerizing about the box…
I… I want to touch the button, I want to hear the music… the thoughts floated in through her, but they were almost as if they were said by someone else. Without even realizing what she was doing, not even recognizing Odysseus’ presence as he ran towards her nor the calls her beloved Silvy, she laid a single claw on the medallion and…
“There is no escape from the evils within…”
0o0o0
“Ruby? Odysseus? Are you there, sweeties?” Milithinal called. The motherly Mirror peered into Ruby’s room, but neither she nor the Tundra were anywhere to be seen, and Silvy was missing as well. Frowning, she glanced around, a bit perplexed at their sudden disappearance. Maybe they went for flight together? Which is unusual, since they are rarely together. Figuring they must've become friends recently and just wanted to go out for a friendly flight Milithinal closed the room’s door, unknowing that was the last she’ll see of them for a very long time…
Sorry for the Run-Ons and other Grammatical mistakes, I'm the type that literally writes out whatever comes to mind, and this is what came to mind so far. XD (And sorry it's so short, but it's a prologue and they're generally short, right?)
Thoughts? :3 (And next Chapter I'll start to incorporate all of your awesome Dragons! ^^)
|| He/She/They | FRT+3 | INFP | Demi x3 | Lore Clan | Eternal Acolight ||
Not sure if this is a typo or not?
[quote]The strange pendant-like medallion was raised a bit, and though it was completely black, for some reason also [b]shown[/b] a brilliant gold reflection, which Ruby found made no sense but was still beautiful and capturing nonetheless.[/quote]
Did you mean [b]shone[/b]? Shown is another word for 'displayed' but shone is another word for 'glowed when the light hit it', and both might work, but the tense for shown is wrong for the sentence, and it was kind of startling?
This one I am totes sure about tho:
[quote]but Odysseus stopped short when he saw [b]he[/b] staring[/quote]
Should be [b]her[/b]. :)
I am definitely intrigued, though! I like the premise, and I'm interested to see what happens!
Did you want content critique? Because I don't want to offer too much feedback you're not wanting on something you're doing for fun or not. :)
Regarding length, I actually thought it was a very good length. I didn't think it was too short, nor was it too long. It was exactly as long as it needed to be to convey what you needed to convey, and that's really a gift in and of itself. So well done! :D
Not sure if this is a typo or not?
Did you mean shone? Shown is another word for 'displayed' but shone is another word for 'glowed when the light hit it', and both might work, but the tense for shown is wrong for the sentence, and it was kind of startling?
This one I am totes sure about tho:
Should be her. :)
I am definitely intrigued, though! I like the premise, and I'm interested to see what happens!
Did you want content critique? Because I don't want to offer too much feedback you're not wanting on something you're doing for fun or not. :)
Regarding length, I actually thought it was a very good length. I didn't think it was too short, nor was it too long. It was exactly as long as it needed to be to convey what you needed to convey, and that's really a gift in and of itself. So well done! :D
Quote:
The strange pendant-like medallion was raised a bit, and though it was completely black, for some reason also shown a brilliant gold reflection, which Ruby found made no sense but was still beautiful and capturing nonetheless.
Did you mean shone? Shown is another word for 'displayed' but shone is another word for 'glowed when the light hit it', and both might work, but the tense for shown is wrong for the sentence, and it was kind of startling?
This one I am totes sure about tho:
Quote:
but Odysseus stopped short when he saw he staring
Should be her. :)
I am definitely intrigued, though! I like the premise, and I'm interested to see what happens!
Did you want content critique? Because I don't want to offer too much feedback you're not wanting on something you're doing for fun or not. :)
Regarding length, I actually thought it was a very good length. I didn't think it was too short, nor was it too long. It was exactly as long as it needed to be to convey what you needed to convey, and that's really a gift in and of itself. So well done! :D
@/ixris
Thanks for the edits! (I don't pay attention to my grammar when I'm writing, bad habit. >.>) I'll fix those on both the post and on the real story (which I'm writing in a Google Doc for easy access. ^^)
As for content critique, go ahead, if you want. Since this is merely for fun I'm gonna go ahead and take a stab that it's pretty bad all things considered, but I tried and had fun. ^^;; So go ahead and I'll take note of everything you have to offer if you want to. :3
Really? Thanks! (After re-reading the Lord of the Rings for the billionth time I took one look at my prologue and thought 'wow, it's REALLY too short lol XD)
Working on Chapter 1, and while I would love to introduce all of your Dragons right now, I want to space it out and slowly bring about introductions over the course of few or even several Chapters so as not to rush anything. :3 (I apologize in advance; I'm an EXTREMELY detailed writer, that being said I love details and the more the better so... it's gonna be a long story, anyways. XD)
That being said, if anyone has any more fascinating Dragons, I'll definitely need some more before the story's over, so just post them and I'll see what I can do. ^^
Thanks for the edits! (I don't pay attention to my grammar when I'm writing, bad habit. >.>) I'll fix those on both the post and on the real story (which I'm writing in a Google Doc for easy access. ^^)
As for content critique, go ahead, if you want. Since this is merely for fun I'm gonna go ahead and take a stab that it's pretty bad all things considered, but I tried and had fun. ^^;; So go ahead and I'll take note of everything you have to offer if you want to. :3
Really? Thanks! (After re-reading the Lord of the Rings for the billionth time I took one look at my prologue and thought 'wow, it's REALLY too short lol XD)
Working on Chapter 1, and while I would love to introduce all of your Dragons right now, I want to space it out and slowly bring about introductions over the course of few or even several Chapters so as not to rush anything. :3 (I apologize in advance; I'm an EXTREMELY detailed writer, that being said I love details and the more the better so... it's gonna be a long story, anyways. XD)
That being said, if anyone has any more fascinating Dragons, I'll definitely need some more before the story's over, so just post them and I'll see what I can do. ^^
@/ixris
Thanks for the edits! (I don't pay attention to my grammar when I'm writing, bad habit. >.>) I'll fix those on both the post and on the real story (which I'm writing in a Google Doc for easy access. ^^)
As for content critique, go ahead, if you want. Since this is merely for fun I'm gonna go ahead and take a stab that it's pretty bad all things considered, but I tried and had fun. ^^;; So go ahead and I'll take note of everything you have to offer if you want to. :3
Really? Thanks! (After re-reading the Lord of the Rings for the billionth time I took one look at my prologue and thought 'wow, it's REALLY too short lol XD)
Working on Chapter 1, and while I would love to introduce all of your Dragons right now, I want to space it out and slowly bring about introductions over the course of few or even several Chapters so as not to rush anything. :3 (I apologize in advance; I'm an EXTREMELY detailed writer, that being said I love details and the more the better so... it's gonna be a long story, anyways. XD)
That being said, if anyone has any more fascinating Dragons, I'll definitely need some more before the story's over, so just post them and I'll see what I can do. ^^
Thanks for the edits! (I don't pay attention to my grammar when I'm writing, bad habit. >.>) I'll fix those on both the post and on the real story (which I'm writing in a Google Doc for easy access. ^^)
As for content critique, go ahead, if you want. Since this is merely for fun I'm gonna go ahead and take a stab that it's pretty bad all things considered, but I tried and had fun. ^^;; So go ahead and I'll take note of everything you have to offer if you want to. :3
Really? Thanks! (After re-reading the Lord of the Rings for the billionth time I took one look at my prologue and thought 'wow, it's REALLY too short lol XD)
Working on Chapter 1, and while I would love to introduce all of your Dragons right now, I want to space it out and slowly bring about introductions over the course of few or even several Chapters so as not to rush anything. :3 (I apologize in advance; I'm an EXTREMELY detailed writer, that being said I love details and the more the better so... it's gonna be a long story, anyways. XD)
That being said, if anyone has any more fascinating Dragons, I'll definitely need some more before the story's over, so just post them and I'll see what I can do. ^^
|| He/She/They | FRT+3 | INFP | Demi x3 | Lore Clan | Eternal Acolight ||
My only content critique so far is this line seems kind of hanging in the middle of nowhere:
“There is no escape from the evils within…”
It's an INTERESTING line, and it's got a lot of potential, but I'm not sure if it's meant to be heard by just Ruby, everyone in the room, or just some kind of ominous overture (which seems a little hokey, but as you pointed out it's totally for fun so I can't fault hokeyness). I'm interested to know what you -intended- to be understood there, so I can see if I can pick that up from context a second time or suggest a better way of phrasing it if you wanted to do a slight edit.
On the whole I don't think it's too bad at all. I mean, it's writing that's done for fun, but it's also readable, relatable, and relatively engaging. I am honestly looking forward to the next installment, since it's hard to critique just one scene in a void. I'll only be putting up a flag more for curiosity's sake than for like 'dude Sara that was just -bad-' because who wants to hear that for a project they're doing on a lark? Literally NO ONE that's who. lol
Also: did you just suggest that you might have a dearth of interesting dragons to a thread full of lore-writers? LOLOLOL. I will hold out, since you've already got two of mine, but HMU if you're looking for something specific.
“There is no escape from the evils within…”
It's an INTERESTING line, and it's got a lot of potential, but I'm not sure if it's meant to be heard by just Ruby, everyone in the room, or just some kind of ominous overture (which seems a little hokey, but as you pointed out it's totally for fun so I can't fault hokeyness). I'm interested to know what you -intended- to be understood there, so I can see if I can pick that up from context a second time or suggest a better way of phrasing it if you wanted to do a slight edit.
On the whole I don't think it's too bad at all. I mean, it's writing that's done for fun, but it's also readable, relatable, and relatively engaging. I am honestly looking forward to the next installment, since it's hard to critique just one scene in a void. I'll only be putting up a flag more for curiosity's sake than for like 'dude Sara that was just -bad-' because who wants to hear that for a project they're doing on a lark? Literally NO ONE that's who. lol
Also: did you just suggest that you might have a dearth of interesting dragons to a thread full of lore-writers? LOLOLOL. I will hold out, since you've already got two of mine, but HMU if you're looking for something specific.
My only content critique so far is this line seems kind of hanging in the middle of nowhere:
“There is no escape from the evils within…”
It's an INTERESTING line, and it's got a lot of potential, but I'm not sure if it's meant to be heard by just Ruby, everyone in the room, or just some kind of ominous overture (which seems a little hokey, but as you pointed out it's totally for fun so I can't fault hokeyness). I'm interested to know what you -intended- to be understood there, so I can see if I can pick that up from context a second time or suggest a better way of phrasing it if you wanted to do a slight edit.
On the whole I don't think it's too bad at all. I mean, it's writing that's done for fun, but it's also readable, relatable, and relatively engaging. I am honestly looking forward to the next installment, since it's hard to critique just one scene in a void. I'll only be putting up a flag more for curiosity's sake than for like 'dude Sara that was just -bad-' because who wants to hear that for a project they're doing on a lark? Literally NO ONE that's who. lol
Also: did you just suggest that you might have a dearth of interesting dragons to a thread full of lore-writers? LOLOLOL. I will hold out, since you've already got two of mine, but HMU if you're looking for something specific.
“There is no escape from the evils within…”
It's an INTERESTING line, and it's got a lot of potential, but I'm not sure if it's meant to be heard by just Ruby, everyone in the room, or just some kind of ominous overture (which seems a little hokey, but as you pointed out it's totally for fun so I can't fault hokeyness). I'm interested to know what you -intended- to be understood there, so I can see if I can pick that up from context a second time or suggest a better way of phrasing it if you wanted to do a slight edit.
On the whole I don't think it's too bad at all. I mean, it's writing that's done for fun, but it's also readable, relatable, and relatively engaging. I am honestly looking forward to the next installment, since it's hard to critique just one scene in a void. I'll only be putting up a flag more for curiosity's sake than for like 'dude Sara that was just -bad-' because who wants to hear that for a project they're doing on a lark? Literally NO ONE that's who. lol
Also: did you just suggest that you might have a dearth of interesting dragons to a thread full of lore-writers? LOLOLOL. I will hold out, since you've already got two of mine, but HMU if you're looking for something specific.