General Discussion

hey all! this is literally my first time here but i'm gonna ask for advice anyways ;n;

for a very long time i ID'ed as ace aro. i stopped ID'ing as that and started calling myself an aro lesbian about two years ago. i don't think i've ever been attracted romantically to someone. though i didn't click with the strictly heterosexual cisgender romance in fiction growing up, recently i've consumed more diverse media, and have found that i feel more connected to LGB romances in fiction.

that got me thinking: how do you all know you're aro, and not just emotionally repressed? i'm REALLY not trying to say that aromanticism is from emotional repression, that's definitely not where i'm going with this. but i was emotionally repressed growing up, to a point where it affected my own perceptions of my emotions, and now i don't know if i'm actually aro or just Repressing The Romance.

i'd love to hear any thoughts you have on the topic!

@Ozma

I am not aro, but as someone who has repressed things in the past, I'd say there are two big things.
(I include seemingly ace experiences because for me that was also affected, and in fact still may be)

1. It was always a gut feeling. I had no proof of course and others actually hinted at me maybe being aro/ace at some point, but that label never felt right, I never took it on, and it turned out it would've been indeed off the mark. How exactly it works, that's something I am slowly figuring out. And being surprised time and again.
The image of having a romantic partner did have some allure, and I could see myself in it. The horizons of our imagination may be broad, but I didn't think of it as something "I just had to do or work with". I also instinctively knew that I wasn't ready yet and thus gave myself time to figure it out one way or another.

2. Later when I did open up to more emotions, and looking back I can see it too, there ARE moments of particular interest for particular people or images, BUT repressing meant avoiding them quickly and not giving them the importance or attention they deserve. So in effect the moment it pops up, it was quick to disappear and to think "maybe it wasn't anything at all". It's why I'm proud I had a crush recently, tbh haha.
I also had to retrain myself to let it in properly and semi-permanently when I fell in love (the unconscious literally shut it out the moment it was pointed out how affectionate i was acting, interesting if painful process for sure lol. I am glad i ended the relationship now, it is not good for my awakened self anymore)

These experiences are very different from there being no draw to it or big interest at all. That's just my side, tho.

@Ozma

It took me a while to realize I was aro, but it was probably a couple relationships that I looked at from a distance and went, "I really liked that person, but didn't love them."

And maybe it's because I was also emotionally repressed growing up. Maybe it's cause I'm only halfway through gender-confirming surgeries. But I've never actually been sexually attracted to the people I've dated.

There were always two people I told myself I'd want to live with forever: my best friend, and my now-ex girlfriend/roommate who I'd known online for 10+ years. The latter has since been redacted because actually living with her, our cleanliness styles are very different, as well as our lifestyles (it's not really anything to do with her personality).

The thought of marrying someone (besides never being the kid that imagined how my wedding would be), was never a "romance" thing to me, but a convenience thing rather. These were two people I thought I could live the rest of my life with, and potentially adopt a kid or two with.

I feel like I went in circles with this, but I hope it helps to explain how I figured it out. C:

I recently learned that the Gay and Lesbian Kingdom of the Coral Sea existed as a legally recognized micro nation.

Basically in 2004 some people got mad that Australia didn't legalize same sex marriage so they went out into the water, found a small island, created a nation, and declared war on Australia.

It dissolved in 2017 when Australia legalized same sex marriage.

I love people sometimes.

@UnderTheStairs

I'm just like you. I really want to go to an LGBTA+ positive church, but I'm still a little wary to go just because I'd have to bring my homophobic parents along. Though once I or one of my friends learn to drive/get their license, I hope to go!

But...
There might be a possibility that there are LGBTA+ positive churches in your area! They surprisingly do exist. There certainly aren't as many as other types of churches, but there are least some. I'd do some research on what local churches are around you; I know the ones near me usually have a huge page on their website dedicated just to the topic. The city I live in certainly isn't the biggest, but it still has a few! It's always worth a shot, and I wish you luck with finding one!!!

Also I've never said anything on this forum, but!

Hi! I'm your local asexual lesbian!

Hello! I’m new to the site as a player but have lurked here a long time. I’d put myself down as questioning for now, but I’m fairly sure I’m Not Cis- just haven’t figured out the specifics. I guess I’m trans? And also maybe aro, though I’m 100% sure.

Another Ace Lesbian joins the feud!

Anyway how are yall dealing with long distance relationships, especially with homophobic parents? My girlfriend lives a good 7 hour plane ride away from and weve been together for 5 months but have never met in person :c

I'm too scared to tell my parents about her but I want to go see her more than anything.