Flight Rising Discussion
Discuss everything and anything Flight Rising.
TOPIC | Veilspun Poem Suggestion
1 2
Okay, alright I know that this is super minor, BUT, it totally threw me off when I was reading the new lore. Which I absolutely love by the way.
So the little poem at the end of the lore? Stunning! Except for that last line.
Quote:
Wispwillow Grove is fun for play,
But into the forest never stray
Lest the Veiled Ones take you!

It's so GOOD, it makes me think of old rhymes about the Fae (real life fae not fr fae) but the one thing I think would make it better is if the last line carried the rhyme too.

My change?
Quote:
Wispwillow Grove is fun for play,
But into the forest never stray
Lest the Veiled Ones take you away!

It just flows a lot better than the harsh drop off, I know this probably seems really silly, but I just love our new breed so much.
Okay, alright I know that this is super minor, BUT, it totally threw me off when I was reading the new lore. Which I absolutely love by the way.
So the little poem at the end of the lore? Stunning! Except for that last line.
Quote:
Wispwillow Grove is fun for play,
But into the forest never stray
Lest the Veiled Ones take you!

It's so GOOD, it makes me think of old rhymes about the Fae (real life fae not fr fae) but the one thing I think would make it better is if the last line carried the rhyme too.

My change?
Quote:
Wispwillow Grove is fun for play,
But into the forest never stray
Lest the Veiled Ones take you away!

It just flows a lot better than the harsh drop off, I know this probably seems really silly, but I just love our new breed so much.
HcHTnYr.png p5AKlJ5.png QLgbMIX.png EnQrd3M.png Wanna see me try to acquire and open over 20k chests and a set of eggs? Click the banner!
Support. It just sounds better.
Support. It just sounds better.
She/Her.
tvc9y223.jpg
I'm not totally sure if this really would get changed, but if it can, definitely support! Sometimes those little edits just make things a whole lot better. [emoji=veilspun happy size=1]
I'm not totally sure if this really would get changed, but if it can, definitely support! Sometimes those little edits just make things a whole lot better.
1c91923a-ef6b-11e5-98f4-2d9b8664c5dc.gif FMoJ9vk.png
RDt6LqI.png
J7D1quC.png

Hi I'm Fruit! I'm a positively pensive idiot who hoards dragons and listens to too much Beatles and Tally Hall that's all you need to know. Also my favorite breeds are Gaolers and Pearlcatchers! Have a nice day.
image0.gif


FMoJ9vk.pngRDt6LqI.pngJ7D1quC.png
uQA55c0.pngimage0.giftumblr_inline_oki6607XCW1tfmvub_100.png
I could get behind this! Sounds much like a nursery rhyme
I could get behind this! Sounds much like a nursery rhyme
Support. The last line has a very harsh drop off. Adding that one word would make a world of difference.
Support. The last line has a very harsh drop off. Adding that one word would make a world of difference.
3c4L9Jj.pngUCyVIg2.png
Hmm, I don't really support this. I like the A/A/B rhyme scheme. Did you try reading the suggested version aloud? That extra word changes the meter substantially and makes the flow (at least for me!) much more unappealing.
Hmm, I don't really support this. I like the A/A/B rhyme scheme. Did you try reading the suggested version aloud? That extra word changes the meter substantially and makes the flow (at least for me!) much more unappealing.
6ntc1cC.jpg
I’m neither for or against, depends on the original writers ^^’
I’m neither for or against, depends on the original writers ^^’
@ProbablySkeletor
I have! A few times actually, with different intonation and flow. And none of the times or ways I tried it did it sound as appealing or flowing as my suggestion did. Which is why I felt it mattered enough that I made the suggestion. ^u^;;

(Lmao edit for grammar, I shouldn’t try to walk and type at the same time)
@ProbablySkeletor
I have! A few times actually, with different intonation and flow. And none of the times or ways I tried it did it sound as appealing or flowing as my suggestion did. Which is why I felt it mattered enough that I made the suggestion. ^u^;;

(Lmao edit for grammar, I shouldn’t try to walk and type at the same time)
HcHTnYr.png p5AKlJ5.png QLgbMIX.png EnQrd3M.png Wanna see me try to acquire and open over 20k chests and a set of eggs? Click the banner!
@MegaAbsols: I see! Just proves taste is totally subjective, I guess!
@MegaAbsols: I see! Just proves taste is totally subjective, I guess!
6ntc1cC.jpg
I agree with @/BananicornKate, sounds like I could hear kids chanting this or something on the playground. The original is fine but it feels like it is missing the 'away' at the end. So, support!
I agree with @/BananicornKate, sounds like I could hear kids chanting this or something on the playground. The original is fine but it feels like it is missing the 'away' at the end. So, support!
1 2