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@MxMagpie

Tell me a secret.

Aya sighed, her breath fogging in the misty night air. A secret. Which one? She was full of so many. They raced across her mind in brief snapshot moments, one story after another. She pulled one out at random, painting it in the air with words.

“There is a girl in Tamasca who cannot sing, although she has told a nobleman she could.” Aya tilted her head back, looking up at the night sky. She flicked her gaze to Omas at the corner of her eye. “She is being paid to sing a beautiful song in front of a party.”

Omas smiled. Its teeth flashed pearly white, catching the moonlight. Delicious, it purred. Tell me another.

“A man had paid me to kill his wife.” His face was conjured before her eyes, the round cheeks and the strong jawline. He was perhaps handsome in his youth, although old age had turned him limp and grey-skinned. “I would not, and so he killed her himself.”

What is the secret?

“She had asked him to.”

Omas made a sound. And will you tell me why? it asked, voice raw and aching.

Aya smiled her own slight, barely-there smile. “She had captured an illness that was going around. They would have killed the whole family if it was discovered.”

Another.

Pursing her lips, Aya thought. “A girl… A girl had left her family. Years ago, this was. She had left them, and they never knew why.”

Omas slipped closer, utterly silent in its movements. But you know why. It tilted its pale head, teeth hidden behind its waiting lips. For a meal of a secret.

“The girl was destined to save the world,” Aya said, speaking the words as if she had read them somewhere. Perhaps she had. This was a secret Omas would not learn. “But she refused to do it. Can you guess why?”

I can guess you will tell me.

Aya huffed a laugh. “The girl did not believe the world worth saving. But she was not a cruel person, and so she left her family. Not to abandon them, but to find a reason to save the world.”

Her family was not reason enough? Omas tilted its head, a childlike curiosity to the gesture.

“No,” Aya said, voice suddenly full of whip-like ferocity. “They were not enough. They know what they did.” She paused. Omas waited for her to continue. “Do you think she found a reason to save the world?” she asked, looking to the creature that feasted on secrets.

Omas quirked its head. Not yet, it replied, but I think that is why this girl comes to me.

Aya smiled, tired and weary. “Perhaps.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “Would you save the world, Omas? After all you have been told?”

The creature mirrored Aya’s earlier gesture, tilting its head to the stars. I would, it replied. If I had the means to. Without the world, there would be no more secrets. It looked to Aya once more. And without girls running from their fates, who would tell me those secrets?

Mypilot

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March 19, 2020 14:20:25

@MxMagpie

Tell me a secret.

Aya sighed, her breath fogging in the misty night air. A secret. Which one? She was full of so many. They raced across her mind in brief snapshot moments, one story after another. She pulled one out at random, painting it in the air with words.

“There is a girl in Tamasca who cannot sing, although she has told a nobleman she could.” Aya tilted her head back, looking up at the night sky. She flicked her gaze to Omas at the corner of her eye. “She is being paid to sing a beautiful song in front of a party.”

Omas smiled. Its teeth flashed pearly white, catching the moonlight. Delicious, it purred. Tell me another.

“A man had paid me to kill his wife.” His face was conjured before her eyes, the round cheeks and the strong jawline. He was perhaps handsome in his youth, although old age had turned him limp and grey-skinned. “I would not, and so he killed her himself.”

What is the secret?

“She had asked him to.”

Omas made a sound. And will you tell me why? it asked, voice raw and aching.

Aya smiled her own slight, barely-there smile. “She had captured an illness that was going around. They would have killed the whole family if it was discovered.”

Another.

Pursing her lips, Aya thought. “A girl… A girl had left her family. Years ago, this was. She had left them, and they never knew why.”

Omas slipped closer, utterly silent in its movements. But you know why. It tilted its pale head, teeth hidden behind its waiting lips. For a meal of a secret.

“The girl was destined to save the world,” Aya said, speaking the words as if she had read them somewhere. Perhaps she had. This was a secret Omas would not learn. “But she refused to do it. Can you guess why?”

I can guess you will tell me.

Aya huffed a laugh. “The girl did not believe the world worth saving. But she was not a cruel person, and so she left her family. Not to abandon them, but to find a reason to save the world.”

Her family was not reason enough? Omas tilted its head, a childlike curiosity to the gesture.

“No,” Aya said, voice suddenly full of whip-like ferocity. “They were not enough. They know what they did.” She paused. Omas waited for her to continue. “Do you think she found a reason to save the world?” she asked, looking to the creature that feasted on secrets.

Omas quirked its head. Not yet, it replied, but I think that is why this girl comes to me.

Aya smiled, tired and weary. “Perhaps.” She wrapped her arms around herself. “Would you save the world, Omas? After all you have been told?”

The creature mirrored Aya’s earlier gesture, tilting its head to the stars. I would, it replied. If I had the means to. Without the world, there would be no more secrets. It looked to Aya once more. And without girls running from their fates, who would tell me those secrets?

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We've been through all the meaningless social rituals now; the preliminary filing in, the shedding of coats, the idle talk in pairs or trios about school, or our soccer teams, or the party our parents grounded us when they heard about. We've eaten sandwiches and drunk our soda pop, and now we gather in a circle -- each adolescent butt planted firmly on one of the big orange floor pillows in Audrey's basement. My left hand holds Jason's right hand, and my right holds Karen's left. To Karen's right, her hand extends into empty space... the vacant pillow left, as always, for Marie. On the other side of Marie's pillow, Juniper's left hand reaches into the air to match Karen's like a pair of old-fashioned vases framing the mirror above the mantle.

Marie, of course, is the mirror.

It's Juniper's turn to lead; so when we're finished chanting, they lower their voice -- everyone but me seems to have this impulse to make the whole thing sound spooky in the candlelight -- and murmurs throatily:

"Tell me a secret."

The air shimmers above the empty pillow; a sickening, black-silver twist of unlight that hurts the eyes and the brain. Marie is here.

A considered pause. Marie never speaks without thinking. Finally, the twist of light seems to writhe, folding in on itself, as her formless, distant voice replies,

"You first."

And so we do. It never does to disobey Marie. Some of the kids do what she tells us because they don't want her to stop coming to talk to us, but I give my real reason when it's my turn to share a secret. After I've learned more about my coven-mates than I ever wanted to -- that Karen smokes weed before every big exam even though she's a 4.40 student; that Juniper keeps a knife under their pillow, and Timothy is really a year older than he ever admitted, because he was kept back in fifth grade, and Jason thinks that he might be gay -- it's my turn, and I blurt out simply, "I'm scared sh*tless of you."

"Good," says Marie's ashen, colorless voice more promptly than I've ever heard it before. "You should be."

And then it is her turn, but she doesn't tell us -- oh, not this time. This time, she shows us. The writhing silver-black light expands, creating a flat, hovering thing above the pillow that looks like a dark mirror; and into it, we look until we are falling. Falling fast and helpless into the world of cold, grey terror that Marie is showing us; the secret we've been begging her to teach us in one way or another, even without the actual words for the demand, ever since we began calling her up to talk to us. Four months ago, now... two years to the day after her suicide.

"What is it like to be dead?" we have each silently ached to ask her, one way or another. Every question, every topic, raised by the monthly seance has meant that in one way or another. Juniper's has certainly meant that tonight, and on some level, all of us knew it. Evidently, Marie knew it, too.

So she showed us. Showed us what we wanted to know; and I know that I'll never be able to stop seeing it, stop thinking about it. I'll never ride my bicycle or play with my rabbits or make out with a girlfriend without some dark corner of my mind remaining vividly aware of exactly what it is like to be dead; what it will be like for me, someday.

For a moment, I can't imagine how this moment could be any more horrific. But Marie can.

"It's a secret, remember, her silvery-dark voice cautions us. "You will never tell a soul."

And I realize the trap that we are in. No therapy, no drunken confession can ever bring us comfort for this horror. It never does to disobey Marie, no matter what.

Numbly, we look around at each other. Cold hand still rests within cold hand. These are the people with whom, I realize, I will be sharing the rest of my life, now. The only ones who will understand the darkness at the center of me. The only ones who can ever know why I am the way I am.

Juniper. Karen. Jason. Timothy. Audrey. Ellen. And me.

We sit in the silence; in the darkness, as the candles gutter out and the air above the pillow goes empty and still. Marie is gone, but none of us dare to speak.

VoyagerII

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March 19, 2020 17:41:28

We've been through all the meaningless social rituals now; the preliminary filing in, the shedding of coats, the idle talk in pairs or trios about school, or our soccer teams, or the party our parents grounded us when they heard about. We've eaten sandwiches and drunk our soda pop, and now we gather in a circle -- each adolescent butt planted firmly on one of the big orange floor pillows in Audrey's basement. My left hand holds Jason's right hand, and my right holds Karen's left. To Karen's right, her hand extends into empty space... the vacant pillow left, as always, for Marie. On the other side of Marie's pillow, Juniper's left hand reaches into the air to match Karen's like a pair of old-fashioned vases framing the mirror above the mantle.

Marie, of course, is the mirror.

It's Juniper's turn to lead; so when we're finished chanting, they lower their voice -- everyone but me seems to have this impulse to make the whole thing sound spooky in the candlelight -- and murmurs throatily:

"Tell me a secret."

The air shimmers above the empty pillow; a sickening, black-silver twist of unlight that hurts the eyes and the brain. Marie is here.

A considered pause. Marie never speaks without thinking. Finally, the twist of light seems to writhe, folding in on itself, as her formless, distant voice replies,

"You first."

And so we do. It never does to disobey Marie. Some of the kids do what she tells us because they don't want her to stop coming to talk to us, but I give my real reason when it's my turn to share a secret. After I've learned more about my coven-mates than I ever wanted to -- that Karen smokes weed before every big exam even though she's a 4.40 student; that Juniper keeps a knife under their pillow, and Timothy is really a year older than he ever admitted, because he was kept back in fifth grade, and Jason thinks that he might be gay -- it's my turn, and I blurt out simply, "I'm scared sh*tless of you."

"Good," says Marie's ashen, colorless voice more promptly than I've ever heard it before. "You should be."

And then it is her turn, but she doesn't tell us -- oh, not this time. This time, she shows us. The writhing silver-black light expands, creating a flat, hovering thing above the pillow that looks like a dark mirror; and into it, we look until we are falling. Falling fast and helpless into the world of cold, grey terror that Marie is showing us; the secret we've been begging her to teach us in one way or another, even without the actual words for the demand, ever since we began calling her up to talk to us. Four months ago, now... two years to the day after her suicide.

"What is it like to be dead?" we have each silently ached to ask her, one way or another. Every question, every topic, raised by the monthly seance has meant that in one way or another. Juniper's has certainly meant that tonight, and on some level, all of us knew it. Evidently, Marie knew it, too.

So she showed us. Showed us what we wanted to know; and I know that I'll never be able to stop seeing it, stop thinking about it. I'll never ride my bicycle or play with my rabbits or make out with a girlfriend without some dark corner of my mind remaining vividly aware of exactly what it is like to be dead; what it will be like for me, someday.

For a moment, I can't imagine how this moment could be any more horrific. But Marie can.

"It's a secret, remember, her silvery-dark voice cautions us. "You will never tell a soul."

And I realize the trap that we are in. No therapy, no drunken confession can ever bring us comfort for this horror. It never does to disobey Marie, no matter what.

Numbly, we look around at each other. Cold hand still rests within cold hand. These are the people with whom, I realize, I will be sharing the rest of my life, now. The only ones who will understand the darkness at the center of me. The only ones who can ever know why I am the way I am.

Juniper. Karen. Jason. Timothy. Audrey. Ellen. And me.

We sit in the silence; in the darkness, as the candles gutter out and the air above the pillow goes empty and still. Marie is gone, but none of us dare to speak.

Last edited on Mar 29, 2020 21:36:45 by VoyagerII

Secrets are meant to be just that. Secret. Everyone had them. Whether insignificant or life-threatening, they were part of being a human. That was why when a girl dressed in a faded green hoodie asked him to tell her one, he instinctively flinched.

She couldn't know. She was just a young girl causing trouble. No one knew, and he was hoping to keep it that way.

But something in her sparkling brown eyes made him fiddle with the hem of his lab coat sleeves.

"I know you are hiding something" the girl teased, but something seemed off. "Just tell me"

Instead of a reply, he shook his head. He was taking this to the grave. He definitely not going to crack at a nosy teenager.

His eyes scanned the area for any escape options. The street was busy, but no one seemed to notice the two. Still, he didn't want to draw any unneeded attention to himself.

The weight of the backpack on his back seemed heavier, as if a weight had been added to the usual contents of a clipboard and some books.

"Come on mister, I swear I won't tell anyone!" The girl said energetically, despite seeming almost motionless, staring at him and waiting for his response.

He weighed his options. Tell this girl, hoping it would not affect his mission, relying on the flimsy word of a gossiping teenager, or find a way to back out of the situation.

He tried to push past the girl, but she grabbed his sleeve with almost superhuman reflexes.

"Just one?" She pleaded, the previous spark of her eyes gone.

Suddenly, he realised the streets were empty. The sun was covered by a thick layer of grey clouds. Not a car passed as he felt his heart jump in his chest.

Something stirred, deep within him.

"Alright, I'll tell you" he sighed, eyes anxiously scanning the desolate sidewalk.

The girl seemed almost disappointed, before her face became blank again.

He almost spilt. Right there. Until he realised what would happen if he told her. More specifically, what would happen to him.

There it was, something strange, yet not supernatural. An instinct.

He blinked, and the girl was gone. The familiar stickiness of blood wet his hands. Hers or his, he couldn't tell. Before he could process the situation, he fell back into the waiting darkness.

-=+=-

His eyes were blurry. Well, eye. Everything hurt. His skin itched, but the shackles prevented any scratching. He saw the blurry silhouette of two people behind a glass screen. One turned to the other and spoke in a hushed tone, before the other started speaking in a strong, almost robotic voice.

Test successful. Subject showed no resistance to the serum. Consciousness still intact. No secrets shared. Deployment imminent.

-=+=-

First post here, hope this is what I'm supposed to be doing :D

FlamingDragon02

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41

131

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March 20, 2020 02:40:10

Secrets are meant to be just that. Secret. Everyone had them. Whether insignificant or life-threatening, they were part of being a human. That was why when a girl dressed in a faded green hoodie asked him to tell her one, he instinctively flinched.

She couldn't know. She was just a young girl causing trouble. No one knew, and he was hoping to keep it that way.

But something in her sparkling brown eyes made him fiddle with the hem of his lab coat sleeves.

"I know you are hiding something" the girl teased, but something seemed off. "Just tell me"

Instead of a reply, he shook his head. He was taking this to the grave. He definitely not going to crack at a nosy teenager.

His eyes scanned the area for any escape options. The street was busy, but no one seemed to notice the two. Still, he didn't want to draw any unneeded attention to himself.

The weight of the backpack on his back seemed heavier, as if a weight had been added to the usual contents of a clipboard and some books.

"Come on mister, I swear I won't tell anyone!" The girl said energetically, despite seeming almost motionless, staring at him and waiting for his response.

He weighed his options. Tell this girl, hoping it would not affect his mission, relying on the flimsy word of a gossiping teenager, or find a way to back out of the situation.

He tried to push past the girl, but she grabbed his sleeve with almost superhuman reflexes.

"Just one?" She pleaded, the previous spark of her eyes gone.

Suddenly, he realised the streets were empty. The sun was covered by a thick layer of grey clouds. Not a car passed as he felt his heart jump in his chest.

Something stirred, deep within him.

"Alright, I'll tell you" he sighed, eyes anxiously scanning the desolate sidewalk.

The girl seemed almost disappointed, before her face became blank again.

He almost spilt. Right there. Until he realised what would happen if he told her. More specifically, what would happen to him.

There it was, something strange, yet not supernatural. An instinct.

He blinked, and the girl was gone. The familiar stickiness of blood wet his hands. Hers or his, he couldn't tell. Before he could process the situation, he fell back into the waiting darkness.

-=+=-

His eyes were blurry. Well, eye. Everything hurt. His skin itched, but the shackles prevented any scratching. He saw the blurry silhouette of two people behind a glass screen. One turned to the other and spoke in a hushed tone, before the other started speaking in a strong, almost robotic voice.

Test successful. Subject showed no resistance to the serum. Consciousness still intact. No secrets shared. Deployment imminent.

-=+=-

First post here, hope this is what I'm supposed to be doing :D

+7 FRtime
Call me Flame!

@Squirrelatory

Okay, I've gotta be honest up front: I love Sphinxes. With a passion. To the heat death of the universe. Unfortunately, that makes it hard for me to evaluate your piece properly, but I'll try.

So, that aside, I liked the use of short, punchy sentences to make the reader feel just a little frustrated, just a little trapped, along with your character. Drawing the reader into the mindset of a character in a short piece can be harder than in a longer one, and you pulled it off well. I did find your use of the past tense within the character's thoughts and then present tense for the rest a little difficult to follow, which is always something to watch out for, and I wish I'd gotten to know more about your character's secret - there's something to be said for mystery, but in such a short piece it can become a crutch, a way to avoid resolving things in a satisfying way.

I liked this a lot, and I'd be interested to see if it could be fixed up to be just that much better, because the core of it is worth exploring.

@Crystalinastar

This was really interesting to me! I liked the way there was clearly some weird stuff going on - serpentine tail and death-related reason for arrival, hello! - but also something as ordinary as working with an exchange student for extra credit. The blending of them within your main character's head allowed me to fall into suspension of disbelief really quickly. I also liked how Alice's mindset is do fundamentally different from, say, mine that it made her feel definitively 'other' in a way not even the mention of the tail did.

Unfortunately, it felt like a little too much to squeeze into such a short format - too much worldbuilding, too much background, too much prior character development. With short writing, it can be really tricky to figure out how much is a good idea to dump on your reader. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoyed it! But it felt like it had the potential to be so much more than this format allows for it to be.

@Mypilot

My first thought when reading this was 'uh-oh, is this also going to be too much too fast?' And then, because I should know better than that after so long reading your work, you proved me utterly wrong. Thank you.

I really enjoyed that this was a character-centric piece and it stayed a character-centric piece all the way through. That really did a lot to keep it from being overwhelming. I'm also a sucker for defiance in the face of expectations, so having your main character be fleeing her fate definitely hit the right notes for me. You also did a marvelous job with sensory details without spending so much time describing Omas that it was distracting.

My criticism would be to be a little careful writing rapid changes in the emotions of your characters - Aya's almost instant change to anger and then immediate calming down felt just the slightest bit unrealistic, and it was jarring. However, I really loved this story, and I'd love to see more of this world.

@VoyagerII

Oh. Oh wow. I don't know what I was expecting when I gave this prompt, but it wasn't this. That's not a complaint.

I really enjoyed your characters, and the way your main character thinks. It seems like an interesting parallel to the way so many people think of death. It's like you took the fears many have about death and wrote about what it would be like to have them undeniably proved right. Definitely thought-provoking.

One thing that really bothered me, though, was the characterization of Marie. She was their friend, right? Was she always that cruel, and if so, why were they friends with her? Did being dead make her that way? Are all ghosts like that? Is it a function of dying, or of being stuck in that misery all the time? I had a lot of questions about that, and it made it hard for me to get emotionally invested. Your people seemed more like vessels for your idea than characters, really.

I enjoyed your idea, but I'd love to see it explored in a different way - perhaps an internal monologue of a ghost?

@FlamingDragon02

This was complicated, but generally well done. I like how you show little glitches in the simulation, things that don't quite seem right, but don't make sense until you reach the reveal. It definitely builds tension quickly and effectively and helped me get invested.

Something I think could be done better is basically a more careful watch for cliches. Tropes and cliches aren't inherently bad, but it's always better to change them and make them your own, or else make the deliberate choice to stick to the cliche. In writing, it's really important that everything you do be done deliberately - not the first time you draft it, but that's what editing is for.

This was a well done take on a trope I know well. It felt a little flat, but the writer's craft you used to work with it was definitely good.

I think I have to give the win this round to @/Mypilot. I enjoyed your story a lot, and it made me think and feel, which is quite an accomplishment in a short piece. Good job, and thank you all for your secrets!

MxMagpie

0

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1576

March 29, 2020 20:05:28

@Squirrelatory

Okay, I've gotta be honest up front: I love Sphinxes. With a passion. To the heat death of the universe. Unfortunately, that makes it hard for me to evaluate your piece properly, but I'll try.

So, that aside, I liked the use of short, punchy sentences to make the reader feel just a little frustrated, just a little trapped, along with your character. Drawing the reader into the mindset of a character in a short piece can be harder than in a longer one, and you pulled it off well. I did find your use of the past tense within the character's thoughts and then present tense for the rest a little difficult to follow, which is always something to watch out for, and I wish I'd gotten to know more about your character's secret - there's something to be said for mystery, but in such a short piece it can become a crutch, a way to avoid resolving things in a satisfying way.

I liked this a lot, and I'd be interested to see if it could be fixed up to be just that much better, because the core of it is worth exploring.

@Crystalinastar

This was really interesting to me! I liked the way there was clearly some weird stuff going on - serpentine tail and death-related reason for arrival, hello! - but also something as ordinary as working with an exchange student for extra credit. The blending of them within your main character's head allowed me to fall into suspension of disbelief really quickly. I also liked how Alice's mindset is do fundamentally different from, say, mine that it made her feel definitively 'other' in a way not even the mention of the tail did.

Unfortunately, it felt like a little too much to squeeze into such a short format - too much worldbuilding, too much background, too much prior character development. With short writing, it can be really tricky to figure out how much is a good idea to dump on your reader. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoyed it! But it felt like it had the potential to be so much more than this format allows for it to be.

@Mypilot

My first thought when reading this was 'uh-oh, is this also going to be too much too fast?' And then, because I should know better than that after so long reading your work, you proved me utterly wrong. Thank you.

I really enjoyed that this was a character-centric piece and it stayed a character-centric piece all the way through. That really did a lot to keep it from being overwhelming. I'm also a sucker for defiance in the face of expectations, so having your main character be fleeing her fate definitely hit the right notes for me. You also did a marvelous job with sensory details without spending so much time describing Omas that it was distracting.

My criticism would be to be a little careful writing rapid changes in the emotions of your characters - Aya's almost instant change to anger and then immediate calming down felt just the slightest bit unrealistic, and it was jarring. However, I really loved this story, and I'd love to see more of this world.

@VoyagerII

Oh. Oh wow. I don't know what I was expecting when I gave this prompt, but it wasn't this. That's not a complaint.

I really enjoyed your characters, and the way your main character thinks. It seems like an interesting parallel to the way so many people think of death. It's like you took the fears many have about death and wrote about what it would be like to have them undeniably proved right. Definitely thought-provoking.

One thing that really bothered me, though, was the characterization of Marie. She was their friend, right? Was she always that cruel, and if so, why were they friends with her? Did being dead make her that way? Are all ghosts like that? Is it a function of dying, or of being stuck in that misery all the time? I had a lot of questions about that, and it made it hard for me to get emotionally invested. Your people seemed more like vessels for your idea than characters, really.

I enjoyed your idea, but I'd love to see it explored in a different way - perhaps an internal monologue of a ghost?

@FlamingDragon02

This was complicated, but generally well done. I like how you show little glitches in the simulation, things that don't quite seem right, but don't make sense until you reach the reveal. It definitely builds tension quickly and effectively and helped me get invested.

Something I think could be done better is basically a more careful watch for cliches. Tropes and cliches aren't inherently bad, but it's always better to change them and make them your own, or else make the deliberate choice to stick to the cliche. In writing, it's really important that everything you do be done deliberately - not the first time you draft it, but that's what editing is for.

This was a well done take on a trope I know well. It felt a little flat, but the writer's craft you used to work with it was definitely good.

I think I have to give the win this round to @/Mypilot. I enjoyed your story a lot, and it made me think and feel, which is quite an accomplishment in a short piece. Good job, and thank you all for your secrets!

One for sorrow, two for joy...

Your comments mean a lot to me, MxMagpie! <3 [i]Prompt:[/i] [center][url=https://www.artstation.com/artwork/lVqnKa][img]https://i.imgur.com/bbUH4F6.png[/img][/url] [size=1][color=red]As a note: I did edit out the title of the art piece (there on the bottom) because I didn't want it to influence anyones stories! The artist is Anastasia Shevchenko and I highly recommend you check out her [url=https://www.artstation.com/anastezy]ArtStation[/url] page. Clicking through the image will, as always, link to the art itself.[/size] [size=1](click image for larger size/artists webpage)[/size][/center] [center][size=1][size=1][size=1][size=1][size=1][size=1][size=1][size=1][size=1][size=1][size=1][size=1][size=1]@Chrisondra @Mypilot @PixieKnight3264 @SamIamLuvDov @Lightshadow101 @hume @coyearth @Avanari @demonslayr62 @Auraelia @Endernil @Arithelia @Annalynn @meddlesomedragon @SocialBookWorm @Kattata @Reiyn @lessthan3 @AwkwardAngel @Draxia @0Musicheart0 @Aphelium @AloneTogether @CelestialNarwhal @Kapara @Slayborn @pharmakraken @Solstices @Elroth @Adaris @LapisDragon17718 @Kumie @MysticalScribe @TwoSwordsClash @Redtiger7736 @AnacondaMiracle @Gula @GalazyBunny @Macchi @MxMagpie @catmeow1 @TundraReign @GreatLordHades @TwilightDreams @stanlley @Eiira @seige @VeronicaSawyer @mischiefsabre @Midoriko @VoyagerII @Emberlight @Chessboard @HardcoreUvula @monochromia @NotThePinkKirby @PalladiumX @Shikigami @Darkmoonbreeder @MythicalCookie @Silver202 @Idyll @Crystalinastar @Squirrelatory @FlamingDragon02[/center] [i]Deadline:[/i] April 1st, 23:59/rollover [center][b]Want to be notified? Self editing pinglist is [url=https://docs.google.com/document/d/1dBM6-s4AYOSpYMqzHtyyTD2IGu27hQDf6MlYMGa76uA/edit]here[/url].[/b][/center]

Mypilot

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March 29, 2020 20:28:28

Your comments mean a lot to me, MxMagpie! <3

Prompt:

As a note: I did edit out the title of the art piece (there on the bottom) because I didn't want it to influence anyones stories! The artist is Anastasia Shevchenko and I highly recommend you check out her ArtStation page. Clicking through the image will, as always, link to the art itself.

(click image for larger size/artists webpage)

Deadline: April 1st, 23:59/rollover

Want to be notified? Self editing pinglist is here.

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Last edited on Mar 29, 2020 20:32:18 by Mypilot

@MxMagpie, thanks for the thoughtful critique! I was thinking of Marie as being like that now because ghosts are -- because the land of the dead is something so terrible that nobody can spend any time there without being warped in really fundamental ways. There's not much of "Marie" left; just this ghost which is a monster the way ghosts are, but she sounds a little like Marie and she knows how to hurt them from having Marie's memories. On some level, after several seances, her friends have already figured out that this thing is pretty different from the person she had been before she died.. but they kept playing with fire until it burned them *hard*.

I'm glad you told me that didn't come across clearly; if I decide to try to finish this I'll need to expand a bit and make that part show up better.

VoyagerII

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March 29, 2020 21:31:03

@MxMagpie, thanks for the thoughtful critique! I was thinking of Marie as being like that now because ghosts are -- because the land of the dead is something so terrible that nobody can spend any time there without being warped in really fundamental ways. There's not much of "Marie" left; just this ghost which is a monster the way ghosts are, but she sounds a little like Marie and she knows how to hurt them from having Marie's memories. On some level, after several seances, her friends have already figured out that this thing is pretty different from the person she had been before she died.. but they kept playing with fire until it burned them *hard*.

I'm glad you told me that didn't come across clearly; if I decide to try to finish this I'll need to expand a bit and make that part show up better.

@MxMagpie

Thanks for the critique! I do have a nasty habit of using tropes in my writing, lol. I'm happy you think my crafting's good :D

FlamingDragon02

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March 29, 2020 23:05:30

@MxMagpie

Thanks for the critique! I do have a nasty habit of using tropes in my writing, lol. I'm happy you think my crafting's good :D

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@MxMagpie,
Thanks for the critique! I kept it short as I really hadn't a clue where to go with the secret.

@Mypilot, here is my entry if it's not to late/early.

"...and it is with a heavy heart we say goodbye to a beloved daughter, a cherished sister, and kind soul. Rest well child, you are in God's hands. Bless you on your journey to Heaven." The pastor ended.

The funeral proceeded slowly and glumly. I knew what I signed up for when I made that deal ten years ago, the one that saved my life for another ten years. As I looked on to my family and friends crying over my dead body, I began to cry as well. A cold hand fell upon my shoulder.

"It is time, my love. Come walk with me. Enjoy your last day on Earth." Said the one who saved my life, the one I fell in love with. I looked at him now, the so called Reaper. His cloak fell on his bones and he looked sad. He asked me what I wanted to do with my time on Earth. We could have seen the stars. We could have walked through my favorite trail. He looked at me, and I didnt know what I wanted. I just wanted to be with him, but I knew that my spirit would fade if I did not cross the barrier to Death.

"Grim. Dear Grim. Take me to Death. I am ready." I said. "I am ready to meet him and make me a Reaper too. I will not give up my love."

"Niether will I, dear Persephone. Neither will I."
I crossed over.

"...and it is with a heavy heart that we say goodbye to a beloved..."

Edit: Mypilot, I went back to the image after to see the title of the piece and found it as part of a romance set. Total coinkydink that I to wrote about love.

Farryx

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April 01, 2020 19:47:56

@MxMagpie,
Thanks for the critique! I kept it short as I really hadn't a clue where to go with the secret.

@Mypilot, here is my entry if it's not to late/early.

"...and it is with a heavy heart we say goodbye to a beloved daughter, a cherished sister, and kind soul. Rest well child, you are in God's hands. Bless you on your journey to Heaven." The pastor ended.

The funeral proceeded slowly and glumly. I knew what I signed up for when I made that deal ten years ago, the one that saved my life for another ten years. As I looked on to my family and friends crying over my dead body, I began to cry as well. A cold hand fell upon my shoulder.

"It is time, my love. Come walk with me. Enjoy your last day on Earth." Said the one who saved my life, the one I fell in love with. I looked at him now, the so called Reaper. His cloak fell on his bones and he looked sad. He asked me what I wanted to do with my time on Earth. We could have seen the stars. We could have walked through my favorite trail. He looked at me, and I didnt know what I wanted. I just wanted to be with him, but I knew that my spirit would fade if I did not cross the barrier to Death.

"Grim. Dear Grim. Take me to Death. I am ready." I said. "I am ready to meet him and make me a Reaper too. I will not give up my love."

"Niether will I, dear Persephone. Neither will I."
I crossed over.

"...and it is with a heavy heart that we say goodbye to a beloved..."

Edit: Mypilot, I went back to the image after to see the title of the piece and found it as part of a romance set. Total coinkydink that I to wrote about love.

Last edited on Apr 01, 2020 19:50:26 by Farryx

Well! Only one entry, so @Squirrelatory is default the winner. I certainly don't mind, as I didn't want to have to find another prompt. xD

And wow! You were definitely picking up all the undertones from the art collection. xD There's Death and the Reaper, there's Persephone, there's crossing into the veil. I think this would make for an interesting story, all the death motifs. Becoming a Reaper is always a plot development that I have enjoyed, both in comics and in shows.

Lovely work! Thank you for writing. :D

Mypilot

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April 02, 2020 01:07:20

Well! Only one entry, so @Squirrelatory is default the winner. I certainly don't mind, as I didn't want to have to find another prompt. xD

And wow! You were definitely picking up all the undertones from the art collection. xD There's Death and the Reaper, there's Persephone, there's crossing into the veil. I think this would make for an interesting story, all the death motifs. Becoming a Reaper is always a plot development that I have enjoyed, both in comics and in shows.

Lovely work! Thank you for writing. :D

Pilot
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Sad that I was the only entry but glad I participated so you didnt have to find a new prompt. Like o said, it was purely coincidental I went the rpute I went with my piece. ----- [size=2]Chrisondra @Mypilot @PixieKnight3264 @SamIamLuvDov @Lightshadow101 @hume @coyearth @Avanari @demonslayr62 @Auraelia @Endernil @Arithelia @Annalynn @meddlesomedragon @SocialBookWorm @Kattata @Reiyn @lessthan3 @AwkwardAngel @Draxia @0Musicheart0 @Aphelium @AloneTogether @CelestialNarwhal @Kapara @Slayborn @pharmakraken @Solstices @Elroth @Adaris @LapisDragon17718 @Kumie @MysticalScribe @TwoSwordsClash @AnacondaMiracle @Gula @GalazyBunny @Macchi @MxMagpie @catmeow1 @TundraReign @GreatLordHades @TwilightDreams @stanlley @Eiira @seige @VeronicaSawyer @mischiefsabre @Midoriko @VoyagerII @Emberlight @Chessboard @HardcoreUvula @monochromia @NotThePinkKirby @PalladiumX @Shikigami @Darkmoonbreeder @MythicalCookie @Silver202 @Idyll @Crystalinastar @FlamingDragon02[/size] Here is the next prompt: [url=https://www.boredpanda.com/angels-wings/?utm_source=google&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=organic][img]https://static.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Angels-Wings-5e84ee2ebb1ea__880.jpg[/img][/url] [b]Deadline: April 12th (that way there is some for everyone)[/b] [color=red][b]I found this on a site I frequent. The artist signature is still on the piece and the image links back to where I found it. The artist is Bruce Rolff[/b]

Farryx

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April 02, 2020 08:56:33

Sad that I was the only entry but glad I participated so you didnt have to find a new prompt. Like o said, it was purely coincidental I went the rpute I went with my piece.

Chrisondra @Mypilot @PixieKnight3264 @SamIamLuvDov @Lightshadow101 @hume @coyearth @Avanari @demonslayr62 @Auraelia @Endernil @Arithelia @Annalynn @meddlesomedragon @SocialBookWorm @Kattata @Reiyn @lessthan3 @AwkwardAngel @Draxia @0Musicheart0 @Aphelium @AloneTogether @CelestialNarwhal @Kapara @Slayborn @pharmakraken @Solstices @Elroth @Adaris @LapisDragon17718 @Kumie @MysticalScribe @TwoSwordsClash @AnacondaMiracle @Gula @GalazyBunny @Macchi @MxMagpie @catmeow1 @TundraReign @GreatLordHades @TwilightDreams @stanlley @Eiira @seige @VeronicaSawyer @mischiefsabre @Midoriko @VoyagerII @Emberlight @Chessboard @HardcoreUvula @monochromia @NotThePinkKirby @PalladiumX @Shikigami @Darkmoonbreeder @MythicalCookie @Silver202 @Idyll @Crystalinastar @FlamingDragon02

Here is the next prompt:

Deadline: April 12th (that way there is some for everyone)
I found this on a site I frequent. The artist signature is still on the piece and the image links back to where I found it. The artist is Bruce Rolff

Last edited on Apr 02, 2020 19:47:59 by Farryx