Hawthorn

Sparrowe's Editing Service


Introduction

Have you ever written something on Flight Rising and wished it was more professional, concise, and impactful? I can develop your work to make those improvements a reality.







Benefits

• Grammar and Punctuation. I ensure that your work is up to par with English standards.
• Vocabulary. I strengthen your text by replacing weak words.
• Clarity. I make your work concise and easy to comprehend.
• Impact. I discover how to make readers experience and identify with your story.
• Show, Don't Tell. I change bland phrases like 'he felt afraid' to descriptions you can feel: "Adrenaline began to rally in his blood."
• Tone. I make your tone consistent and fitting for the context.

I also give tips on...

• Plot Quality.
• Character Inconsistencies.
• Character Development.
• How to market your FR sales/services (I have taken two years of business courses!)
• ...and more! I'm happy to help you if I see the opportunity.

Rules and Pricing

Will Do:

• Dragon Biographies
• User Biographies
• Forum Posts (hatcheries, etc.)
• Anything specific to Flight Rising

Won't Do:

• All Non-FR content

General

• 5000-word maximum per order.
• Words connected by hyphens count as one word. (E.g. 'down-to-earth' counts as one word total, not three.)
• I reserve the right to refuse any order for any reason (although this shouldn't be necessary.)

Pricing/Payment

• 1g/kt per word.
• Your first 12 sentences are free for your first order.
• Money-back guarantee: if I find few or no errors in your work, I will return your money.
• After I confirm your order, payment is upfront. However...
• You may send half payment before and half payment after; just specify that you are doing this.
• Mixed payment is accepted, and I'm willing to work out item deals (eggs/wishlist items are best.)

If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask!


How This Works: The Steps

1. You post the order form with the text you want me to edit.
2. I confirm your order, sending you a gem count total based on the word count of your text.
3. You send me the payment through CR or PM.
4. I revise your piece and send you the edited version.
5. If you have any questions about what I changed and why, feel free to ask! I would be glad to explain.
6. 'Written by [your username], edited by Sparrowe' will be written at the bottom of every edited text. I'd strongly prefer you did not delete this, as it will help others find my service and improve their writing too!

Order Form

Testimonials
Be the first! Leave a review and I'll add it here <3


Examples

Excerpt: the first page of my novel, edited six months later.

Issues addressed:

• Bland/lacking description of emotion.
• Telling instead of showing.
• Repetive sentence structure.

Original:
Hudson woke with a start, heart pounding.
It was still dark. The only thing that broke the deathly stillness was the hotel fire alarm blinking occasionally above him. Touching the cross he wore around his neck, he took a moment to calm his rapid breathing. His heart pounded against his chest, and he knew it’d be a struggle to calm it again.
Closing his eyes, he sighed. Come on, college is tomorrow. Why do bad dreams always have to happen when you actually need rest? He breathed deeply, forcing the dream to the back of his mind. He prayed that he could fall back asleep quickly, and that nothing more would interrupt his night.


Reworked:
Hudson woke with a start, heart pounding.
It was still dark. The only thing that broke the deathly stillness was the hotel fire alarm blinking occasionally above him. Touching the cross he wore around his neck, he took a moment to calm his rapid breathing. His heart pounded against his chest, and he knew it’d be a struggle to calm it again.
The dream was burned with vivid clarity into his mind. Images and emotions from it kept flashing to the forefront of his thoughts, and he shoved them down, desperate to relax and return to sleep.
Closing his eyes, he sighed, trying to muffle the attacks of his imagination. Adrenaline began to rally in his blood as he considered just why he needed to sleep: tomorrow. Where there should have been excitement, there was instead dread. But he couldn't let it bother him now. Breathing deeply, he forced the dream and his worries to the back of his mind. He prayed that he could return to sleep quickly, and that nothing more would interrupt his night.


Warnings
If I see an error, I will say something about it. So, if you're not mentally prepared to receive extensive constructive criticism, do not order this. I don't offer this service to shame you or your work; I offer it to help you and your work improve. However, seeing a long list of corrections may be disheartening for some. Therefore, if you order, be ready and excited to learn.


Qualifications

I have a lengthy background of practice and skill development regarding writing, and I want to invest those skills into helping you! I provide this section so you understand who you are receiving your help from.

On the reading and writing section of the SAT, I received a test score higher than 99% of test-takers in the U.S.A.
I have been writing two or three 500-word reports weekly for the last three school years (and have earned regular A’s and B’s on those reports.)
As a homeschooler, I have had the opportunity to participate in rigorous writing-intensive curriculums (probably more than the average student.)
At the moment, I am working on two books which I intend to publish after college.
I am attending college this fall for a writing degree and will likely follow a career path as an editor, professional writer, or both.
I have operated two lore shops (10g Tales and Sparrowe's Lore Services.)
Also, I have written lore for almost every dragon in my lair. However, most of these are old and may not portray my current skill level. I slowly update these, but they are not my highest priority.

This background is why I offer a quality guarantee. I am no Writing major (yet), but I have excelled, and this is why I hope to help you excel as well. However, if you have equivalent experience and skills, I may not be able to effectively improve your writing. If that is the case, then I will return your money. I wish you all the best of luck on your writing ventures!

A motto for writers to live by: Never stop writing. Always work to improve.

Advice for Writers
"What can I do to improve my storywriting?"

• Don't just write a scene or plot because it's 'cool'. Make a point with the story of your characters. Write something that will resonate. What do you want your readers to walk away with? Even simple themes like "be yourself" or "revenge is never the answer" can be incorporated into stories. What themes matter most to you?
• Cut out unnecessary or repetitive words and phrases. Shorten longer terms. Do you really need that "she said," or can the speaker be implied? "'Shut up!' she shouted angrily." Can't the speaker's tone be understood without added explanation? "In order to" can often become "to." Similarly, complex verb forms can be broken down: "she had been feeling sad earlier" can be shortened to "she felt sad earlier." Read your text carefully to see just how necessary each word, phrase, or complex verb form is within its respective context.
• Avoid weak phrases like "I felt" or "they saw." Find other ways to say it. "He felt scared" can be rewritten as "Adrenaline rallied in his blood." Don't tell the reader that the character felt something-- show the reader.