so i recently wrote two biographies for my dragons Fyrah and Nova with three more to come, and i was kind of just looking for some feedback i guess??
here they are;
[center][i][color=#c22456][size=7]Fyrah Bissinil Maynth[/size][/color][/i][/center]
[center][img]https://i.imgur.com/F8oBEe2.png[/img][img]https://i.imgur.com/wWwacqF.png[/img][img]https://i.imgur.com/h8BVFCS.png[/img][/center]
[center][img]https://i.imgur.com/NXfcnfO.png[/img][/center]
[columns][img]https://i.imgur.com/ksVHNqS.png[/img][nextcol][img]https://i.imgur.com/CKIxaeZ.png[/img]
[nextcol][size=6][i]Biography[/i][/size]
Born under the bright, warm light of Mirrorlight Promenade, Fyrah Bissinil Maynth is one of the eldest offspring of Steven and Adda. She is roughly 3.5M long, one of the smaller dragons in her family. Despite her size, Fyrah is a fast runner and flyer, she's agile and light on her feet. These are great traits in Fyrah's eyes, as she prefers flight over fight. Fyrah was warmly welcomed into her family, which she soon learned was known as the Helios Clan.
Fyrah's natural beauty turned heads everywhere as she grew, bearing soft, raspberry coloured feathers, and icy scales littered with glimmering white gems. Her parents noticed this, and, although somewhat flattered, they also became concerned. Steven and Adda soon began to fear that if the Beastclans discovered Fyrah's existence, she would be hunted for her scales and feathers. Thus, Fyrah's parents took action.
Steven and Adda, along with the other members of the Helios Clan, made sure someone in the clan was with Fyrah at all times. The males would take turns guarding and defending her. They often guided her if she needed to travel. The females would be in charge of making sure Fyrah was always groomed and fed.
At first, when Fyrah was a young hatchling, she enjoyed all the attention. But, as she grew older and the months went by, she became frustrated with her clan's stubborn coddling, and began to yearn for independence. She eventually began sneaking away from whoever was guarding her and leaving her clan's area whenever she got the chance. During her time away, she traveled to the training fields of The Beacon of the Radiant Eye. Here, she practiced skills such as agility, speed, strength, and defensive tactics. She also learned to use her mana breath.
Once she deemed her training complete, Fyrah met in the fields with the rest of her clan. Determined to prove that she could care for herself, Fyrah performed and demonstrated her new, rather impressive skills. The Helios Clan was shocked at her abilities, and, after a long deal of conversing, deemed her worthy and ready to set out on her own. And Fyrah did just that.
[i][size=6]Familiar[/size][/i]
Once she had left Sunbeam Ruins, Fyrah journeyed across-regions to The Viridian Labyrinth, and found the vast, jungle-like woods of the Shrieking Wilds. While she was on the lookout for herbs and new plants, she eventually found herself stuck in the jungle's vines. After several failed attempts to escape, Fyrah began hearing soft, distant cooing sounds, followed by the sound of flapping wings. Thinking she was about to be attacked, Fyrah whipped her head around to see who or what had approached her. Much to her surprise, she was met not with an attacker, but by a fluffy, feathery Sakura Owl with glowing yellow eyes. The owl tilted it's head at her, as if questioning the context of Fyrah's rather messy situation, then began pecking and tugging at the vines with it's beak. After a bit of work, the owl had freed Fyrah from the vines, and they've been together ever since.
[i][size=6]Additional Info[/size][/i]
[b][size=5]Mortality[/size][/b]
Mortal, but due to her time spent under the health-beneficial light of Sunbeam Ruins, has a longer than average lifespan.
[b][size=5]Name Translation/Meaning[/size][/b]
While the name Fyrah doesn't have a direct meaning, [i]Bissinil Maynth[/i] means "fierce and beautiful"
[b][size=5]Mate[/size][/b]
Moon Carsys Naytid
[b][size=5]Theme Song[/size][/b]
You Should See Me In A Crown-Billie Eillish
[b][size=5]Quote[/size][/b]
“If others don’t see your true greatness, then prove yourself so they do”
[/columns]
[center][b][i][color=#130A3F][size=7]Nova Evneissor Biaderu[/size][/color][/i][/b][/center]
[center][img]https://i.imgur.com/JC1mwHT.png[/img][img]https://i.imgur.com/TrXm718.png[/img][img]https://i.imgur.com/UrfHJHt.png[/img][/center]
[center][img]https://i.imgur.com/ZmO32uv.png[/img][/center]
[columns][img]https://i.imgur.com/RkJt7JL.png[/img]
[nextcol][size=6][i]Biography[/i][/size]
[i]Ever since her birth in The Wandering Contagion, Nova Evineissor Biaderu couldn't wait to grow up. From the very first time she opened her eyes, Nova despised the land in which she'd been hatched on. She failed to understand how other dragons were able to call this disease-covered festering land a home. Because of this, Nova often isolated herself from her kind as she grew.
Anxious and determined to leave the contagion as soon as she could, Nova continuously begged her father, Ruha, to teach her to hunt and fly. Although slightly annoyed at Nova's persistent begging, Ruha still agreed to teach her whenever he could. Training in The Abiding Boneyard soon began, and went on for several months. After those months filled with daily and nightly training, Nova's father deemed her capable of hunting and flying without help. Oh, how Nova yearned to catch and eat something that wasn't the barely-alive, scrawny creatures of The Contagion.
As excited as she was to leave her hatchplace, Nova had grown close to her father during their time training. Part of her wanted to stay with him, but she could never be happy living on such land, and she knew Ruha would not, under any circumstances, leave with her.
So Nova spent days hunting away from her shared territory with her father, catching his favourite meals, as a contribute to her upcoming goodbye. Days later, Nova returned to her territory with a dry, barely together basket made of bone and rotting wood. Unable to find words to narrate her goodbye, Nova placed the basket in front of Ruha, nuzzled his shoulder, and walked away. She never turned back to see the shocked, confused eyes of her father, whom she has not seen since.
About one week into her journey Nova had exited the Wasteland. Nova hadn't known where she was going even before she'd left; she just knew she wanted to be away from her sickly hatchlands. She had wandered into some kind of forest-dark and eerie with glowing fungi splattering the ground. Nova continued to walk through this mysterious forest for some time before stopping by a large log with glowing blue moss stuck to it. Tired and hungry, Nova began to doze off. Just as she had made her way into dreamland, she was startled by a ticking sensation on her nose. She blinked her eyes open, twitched her nose, and looked around, but saw nothing. Nova then stood up, and began pacing around, her sleepiness replaced by an alert state. Suddenly, her ears perked up, as she began to hear faint, whispering sounds. Following the sound with her eyes, Nova finally saw it. A fluffy, floating, fairly like creature with glowing, cyan coloured eyes. A Gloomwillow. It looked at her for a brief moment before darting off through the air. Curious, Nova ran after it. She chased the willow for what felt like hours, but never slowed down. She had a hunch that this creature was trying to take her somewhere.
Finally, when her legs ached and her lungs felt tight, the Gloomwillow stopped. Moments passed, as Nova caught her breath. She eventually looked ahead, amazed at what she saw. Nests huddled between trees, cave like dens, and tons of dragons. Amid her amazement, Nova realized that she'd been tapped on the shoulder. She looked up at the Gloomwillow expectantly, and followed it's little finger as it pointed to the ground. Right by her feet, was a bright, blue and purple hood. Suddenly remembering that her eyes would give away her true identity (which could get her kicked out of the land) she quickly picked it up and put it on, using it to hide her dark red eyes. Preparing to thank the Gloomwillow, she looked over, but it had already zoomed away. Confused for a small moment, she looked around for the willow before settling her eyes on the clan of dragons in front of her. Nova smiled to herself.[/i]
[b][i]This was home.[/i][/b]
[i][size=6]Familiar[/size][/i]
Nova got her Blackwing Croaker as a gift from another dragon, once she had gotten to know those who populated her new home.
[i][size=6]Additional Info[/size][/i]
[b][size=5]Mortality[/size][/b]
Mortal, but likely has a longer lifespan than the average dragon due to her natural immunity to disease.
[b][size=5]Name Translation/Meaning[/size][/b]
The name Nova means "a large, bright star", while [i]Evneissor Biaderu[/i] means "black champion"
[b][size=5]Mate[/size][/b]
Callisto Zaevriolth Saizziar
[b][size=5]Theme Song[/size][/b]
Sign Of The Times-Harry Styles
[b][size=5]Quote[/size][/b]
“Sometimes, home isn’t the place in which you came into this world”
[/columns]
so i recently wrote two biographies for my dragons Fyrah and Nova with three more to come, and i was kind of just looking for some feedback i guess??
here they are;
Fyrah Bissinil Maynth
|
|
Biography
Born under the bright, warm light of Mirrorlight Promenade, Fyrah Bissinil Maynth is one of the eldest offspring of Steven and Adda. She is roughly 3.5M long, one of the smaller dragons in her family. Despite her size, Fyrah is a fast runner and flyer, she's agile and light on her feet. These are great traits in Fyrah's eyes, as she prefers flight over fight. Fyrah was warmly welcomed into her family, which she soon learned was known as the Helios Clan.
Fyrah's natural beauty turned heads everywhere as she grew, bearing soft, raspberry coloured feathers, and icy scales littered with glimmering white gems. Her parents noticed this, and, although somewhat flattered, they also became concerned. Steven and Adda soon began to fear that if the Beastclans discovered Fyrah's existence, she would be hunted for her scales and feathers. Thus, Fyrah's parents took action.
Steven and Adda, along with the other members of the Helios Clan, made sure someone in the clan was with Fyrah at all times. The males would take turns guarding and defending her. They often guided her if she needed to travel. The females would be in charge of making sure Fyrah was always groomed and fed.
At first, when Fyrah was a young hatchling, she enjoyed all the attention. But, as she grew older and the months went by, she became frustrated with her clan's stubborn coddling, and began to yearn for independence. She eventually began sneaking away from whoever was guarding her and leaving her clan's area whenever she got the chance. During her time away, she traveled to the training fields of The Beacon of the Radiant Eye. Here, she practiced skills such as agility, speed, strength, and defensive tactics. She also learned to use her mana breath.
Once she deemed her training complete, Fyrah met in the fields with the rest of her clan. Determined to prove that she could care for herself, Fyrah performed and demonstrated her new, rather impressive skills. The Helios Clan was shocked at her abilities, and, after a long deal of conversing, deemed her worthy and ready to set out on her own. And Fyrah did just that.
Familiar
Once she had left Sunbeam Ruins, Fyrah journeyed across-regions to The Viridian Labyrinth, and found the vast, jungle-like woods of the Shrieking Wilds. While she was on the lookout for herbs and new plants, she eventually found herself stuck in the jungle's vines. After several failed attempts to escape, Fyrah began hearing soft, distant cooing sounds, followed by the sound of flapping wings. Thinking she was about to be attacked, Fyrah whipped her head around to see who or what had approached her. Much to her surprise, she was met not with an attacker, but by a fluffy, feathery Sakura Owl with glowing yellow eyes. The owl tilted it's head at her, as if questioning the context of Fyrah's rather messy situation, then began pecking and tugging at the vines with it's beak. After a bit of work, the owl had freed Fyrah from the vines, and they've been together ever since.
Additional Info
Mortality
Mortal, but due to her time spent under the health-beneficial light of Sunbeam Ruins, has a longer than average lifespan.
Name Translation/Meaning
While the name Fyrah doesn't have a direct meaning, Bissinil Maynth means "fierce and beautiful"
Mate
Moon Carsys Naytid
Theme Song
You Should See Me In A Crown-Billie Eillish
Quote
“If others don’t see your true greatness, then prove yourself so they do”
|
Nova Evneissor Biaderu
|
Biography
Ever since her birth in The Wandering Contagion, Nova Evineissor Biaderu couldn't wait to grow up. From the very first time she opened her eyes, Nova despised the land in which she'd been hatched on. She failed to understand how other dragons were able to call this disease-covered festering land a home. Because of this, Nova often isolated herself from her kind as she grew.
Anxious and determined to leave the contagion as soon as she could, Nova continuously begged her father, Ruha, to teach her to hunt and fly. Although slightly annoyed at Nova's persistent begging, Ruha still agreed to teach her whenever he could. Training in The Abiding Boneyard soon began, and went on for several months. After those months filled with daily and nightly training, Nova's father deemed her capable of hunting and flying without help. Oh, how Nova yearned to catch and eat something that wasn't the barely-alive, scrawny creatures of The Contagion.
As excited as she was to leave her hatchplace, Nova had grown close to her father during their time training. Part of her wanted to stay with him, but she could never be happy living on such land, and she knew Ruha would not, under any circumstances, leave with her.
So Nova spent days hunting away from her shared territory with her father, catching his favourite meals, as a contribute to her upcoming goodbye. Days later, Nova returned to her territory with a dry, barely together basket made of bone and rotting wood. Unable to find words to narrate her goodbye, Nova placed the basket in front of Ruha, nuzzled his shoulder, and walked away. She never turned back to see the shocked, confused eyes of her father, whom she has not seen since.
About one week into her journey Nova had exited the Wasteland. Nova hadn't known where she was going even before she'd left; she just knew she wanted to be away from her sickly hatchlands. She had wandered into some kind of forest-dark and eerie with glowing fungi splattering the ground. Nova continued to walk through this mysterious forest for some time before stopping by a large log with glowing blue moss stuck to it. Tired and hungry, Nova began to doze off. Just as she had made her way into dreamland, she was startled by a ticking sensation on her nose. She blinked her eyes open, twitched her nose, and looked around, but saw nothing. Nova then stood up, and began pacing around, her sleepiness replaced by an alert state. Suddenly, her ears perked up, as she began to hear faint, whispering sounds. Following the sound with her eyes, Nova finally saw it. A fluffy, floating, fairly like creature with glowing, cyan coloured eyes. A Gloomwillow. It looked at her for a brief moment before darting off through the air. Curious, Nova ran after it. She chased the willow for what felt like hours, but never slowed down. She had a hunch that this creature was trying to take her somewhere.
Finally, when her legs ached and her lungs felt tight, the Gloomwillow stopped. Moments passed, as Nova caught her breath. She eventually looked ahead, amazed at what she saw. Nests huddled between trees, cave like dens, and tons of dragons. Amid her amazement, Nova realized that she'd been tapped on the shoulder. She looked up at the Gloomwillow expectantly, and followed it's little finger as it pointed to the ground. Right by her feet, was a bright, blue and purple hood. Suddenly remembering that her eyes would give away her true identity (which could get her kicked out of the land) she quickly picked it up and put it on, using it to hide her dark red eyes. Preparing to thank the Gloomwillow, she looked over, but it had already zoomed away. Confused for a small moment, she looked around for the willow before settling her eyes on the clan of dragons in front of her. Nova smiled to herself.
This was home.
Familiar
Nova got her Blackwing Croaker as a gift from another dragon, once she had gotten to know those who populated her new home.
Additional Info
Mortality
Mortal, but likely has a longer lifespan than the average dragon due to her natural immunity to disease.
Name Translation/Meaning
The name Nova means "a large, bright star", while Evneissor Biaderu means "black champion"
Mate
Callisto Zaevriolth Saizziar
Theme Song
Sign Of The Times-Harry Styles
Quote
“Sometimes, home isn’t the place in which you came into this world”
|
I would put more space between the paragraphs, personally. Especially on that last one. That massive wall of text with no breaks in it actually kind of hurts my eyes to look at, and that doesn't make me want to read it.
Other than that the format and the images and everything look pretty good to me!
I would put more space between the paragraphs, personally. Especially on that last one. That massive wall of text with no breaks in it actually kind of hurts my eyes to look at, and that doesn't make me want to read it.
Other than that the format and the images and everything look pretty good to me!
Wagons hurt when they bounce off walls and smack into you.
@
Haisyn
oof yeah, i didn't really realize that lol
sometimes i forget that not everyone can read as easily as i can haha
thank you for the feedback by the way!
@
Haisyn
oof yeah, i didn't really realize that lol
sometimes i forget that not everyone can read as easily as i can haha
thank you for the feedback by the way!
I have astigmatism in one of my eyes, so I have a hard time actually getting my vision to focus without it being blurry. My glasses help to correct for that but a lot of small text taking up a large space still tends to mess with me.
I have astigmatism in one of my eyes, so I have a hard time actually getting my vision to focus without it being blurry. My glasses help to correct for that but a lot of small text taking up a large space still tends to mess with me.
Wagons hurt when they bounce off walls and smack into you.
@
CrystalVega I noticed this post was a little on the old side, and you don't have these dragons anymore, but I still wanted to throw in my thoughts. After reading these I was a little sad to find that none of your current dragons have bios. I wanted to read more! XD
It looks like you've already got a good grasp on basic formatting, which is good. The overall layout is also very nice.
I agree with Haisyn, using small sized text, and letting it bunch together so closely makes it harder to read, and it will probably discourage people from trying to read the story itself, whether they have eye issues or not!
Line breaks can also make the overall look much cleaner - and you can also use them above headers to help separate information, and make it more visually clear.
A lot of people use small text, because it seems to look prettier, but while the overall visual might look nice, it does tend to be harder to read. How you format a bio depends on what you want to optimize for - it can focus on the writing, particularly if it is long or detailed, or it can be more about the aesthetic, which can get across the *feel* of a dragon or lair.
The stories themselves are very good!
@
CrystalVega I noticed this post was a little on the old side, and you don't have these dragons anymore, but I still wanted to throw in my thoughts. After reading these I was a little sad to find that none of your current dragons have bios. I wanted to read more! XD
It looks like you've already got a good grasp on basic formatting, which is good. The overall layout is also very nice.
I agree with Haisyn, using small sized text, and letting it bunch together so closely makes it harder to read, and it will probably discourage people from trying to read the story itself, whether they have eye issues or not!
Line breaks can also make the overall look much cleaner - and you can also use them above headers to help separate information, and make it more visually clear.
A lot of people use small text, because it seems to look prettier, but while the overall visual might look nice, it does tend to be harder to read. How you format a bio depends on what you want to optimize for - it can focus on the writing, particularly if it is long or detailed, or it can be more about the aesthetic, which can get across the *feel* of a dragon or lair.
The stories themselves are very good!
