Items For Sale

@PurplePanda Okay, sounds good. ^^

Hmm the female imps are rather difficult since their colors are pretty scattered-- maybe start the lair with Kyouya and then go Aya, Zylea, Tiare, Twilight, Mulion, Flame, Frutti, Sherbert, Strawberry, then the other imps in the order you have them already.

Male imps look good, I'd just move TheShadow after Eagleheart since they're more purple.

The coatls are a bit difficult since there's so few, but I'd move Genghis after melicertes and Khan after Glass.

For female skydancers I'd put Kileth first, then Chiffon, Amethyst and Ayida, and reverse the order of the male skydancers.

For Guardians, I'd move Lava to be next to Hobbes.

Everything else looks great, I think. c:

@bonstrosity Alright, I'll keep that in mind. =)

Neat hatchery name! It'd be nice if there were more spaces in the title though, so it looks a bit less crowded. I noticed that all the banners have an orange border, but the banner in the first post doesn't. It'd be nice if this also had a border, both for aesthetic and consistency.

Not sure why the gem conversion has to be typed out fully?

I really like the organization of your for sale section--the "you are here" thing in the nav seems especially helpful!

Again, excellent presentation for your pairs section--everything is informative and easy to read & navigate. I like that Trick & Treat's RTB status is updated--maybe add the date the nest is supposed to hatch?

For the Studding section, I'd like to see one sentence explaining what this section is about rather than jumping right into it.

Affiliates section--I'd put your own banners first, along with a code that people can readily copy/paste if they want to use it. c:

Overall, great hatchery. n_n

@Acantha

Thanks so much for the help!

@PurplePanda No problem! c:

@Acantha

Ooooo thank you for this!!! The consistency with borders around the images and the arrangement of my own banners in the affies section is something I would never have thought of! Hence why I came here hehe.

Yeah, the title, I think I was going for 'what's new' in the title line, trying to draw in people with specifics, and so others could avoid, I guess. But pfffft. JUST THE NAME! I'm now confident enough to do that!

And the studding section was really hurriedly done and I kept meaning to flesh it out, but it's good that I do indeed need to add some clarity there xD

And I will tell you: I have no idea why I felt like writing out the gem conversion. Just felt like it at the time? xD

Again, thanks so very much!

@bonstrosity No problem, glad it was helpful to you! n_n

@Acantha
Page to be critiqued: http://flightrising.com/main.php?p=lair&tab=dragon&id=5822&did=46887
Review Type: Full Review
Notes: Please look at my grammar, sentence structure and word usage, English is not my mother tongue so please be very picky with everything, even commas. I tend to use the same words over and over and on top of that simple ones, please point that also out if you find that I write too simple.
Have you sent payment?: Once you have confirmed that you do the preview I will promptly send you the treasure :) Edit: Sent you the payment since you started reviewing. :)

@Takora Sure I will take a look, will finish it by tomorrow morning hopefully. ^^

@Takora

Should be "ups".

Should be "normal".

I believe this is technically correct, but would sound better as "and so he was often left at the mercy".

Saying "bigger younger" sounds awkward, I'd omit the "bigger" since it's implied by his lack of growth spurt.

The word "generally" seems unnecessary here, as again, it is implied by the rest of the sentence.

Would be better as "He usually managed to get his pearl back relatively quickly".

I feel like this is a bit glossed over; it would be more powerful if you illustrated how exactly it made him feel and how it affected him in detail.

If I understand the meaning of the sentence correctly, would be better as: "Only the adults managed to occasionally shield him from the cruelty of the “games” of the other younger dragons." I omitted the last clause because it felt a bit redundant.

Perhaps condense this to "his dragon peers"?

Would be better as "she would surely notice him if he managed to pull off this risky task."

Trimming to "So Mauron ventured out into the broken city to retrieve a piece of the ruins, but he was not prepared for what he found there."

Rather than simply writing "creepy shades", I'd like more of a description of what they look like. In addition, the "never seen by him" feels unnecessary.

Better as "Mauron ran for his life, but lost his pearl in the chivvy."

Spelling/grammar edits: "Too scared to return to the ruins, he faced his so-called friends once more, and they simply ridiculed him for his story, calling him a liar and coward, and on top of that, a clumsy weakling for losing his pearl." Note--"lose" is the verb, "loose" is an adjective.

lived in*

I'm not super familiar with Shadow flight but it should be the Tangled Wood, I believe?

safe*

Not sure what you mean by "nearly" in the first sentence? Second sentence should have the word "on" after lost.

"Lair" should be uncapitalized.

I recommend a different word than "stroll", maybe "foray" instead, since "stroll" implies that it's casual and hunting usually requires a bit more focus. x)

Should be "a Light Sprite", unless in your clan lore you're assuming there's only one Light Sprite in the world.

Should be "was", since the prose is in past tense.

Should be "and to teach them “The Old Code” as well as he can. "

When writing titles, nouns, verbs, and adjectives should be capitalized: "are “The Golden Behemoth”, “The Conqueror of the Coils”, “The Golden-Hearted Matriarch”, “The Golden Saviour” and “The Star-Crossed Lovers”".

Should be "feelings". "personal stuff" feels too broad, would be more effective if you detailed what you meant.

Everything else looks good, let me know if you need clarification on anything! c:

@Acantha
Thank you so much for the feedback, I did make the changes as you suggested and if you could do a final read over that would be really great. :)