Back

Items For Sale

Arrange the purchasing and selling of items.
TOPIC | Offering Detailed Critiques [open]
1 2 ... 6 7 8 9 10 ... 15 16
@Acantha

Page to be critiqued: My whole lair, if it's okay.
Review Type: Overview
Notes: Maybe just the basics. Oh, and your opinion on the order of the lair! Is it nice, organized, messy, not really good for the eyes?
Have you sent payment?: Ah, not yet. I'll send it to you shortly.
@Acantha

Page to be critiqued: My whole lair, if it's okay.
Review Type: Overview
Notes: Maybe just the basics. Oh, and your opinion on the order of the lair! Is it nice, organized, messy, not really good for the eyes?
Have you sent payment?: Ah, not yet. I'll send it to you shortly.
moHYLEk.gif
@Takora No problem! Reading again now.

Quote:
He constantly fears that someone would take his pearl away and even has nightmares about losing it completely.
I'd add "Even now" to the beginning of the sentence, since you're suddenly switching from past tense to present tense.

Quote:
his dragon peer challenged
peers*

Quote:
He endured the torment of loosing his pearl for months
losing*

Quote:
Having nowhere to go, and being a Pearlcatcher with no pearl
Rephrase "Having nowhere to go", since you used that phrase in the last paragraph.

Quote:
He borrows sometimes jewellery from the clans hoard
corrected to "He sometimes borrows jewelery from the clan's hoard"

Otherwise looks great, I appreciate the changes you made. =)
@Takora No problem! Reading again now.

Quote:
He constantly fears that someone would take his pearl away and even has nightmares about losing it completely.
I'd add "Even now" to the beginning of the sentence, since you're suddenly switching from past tense to present tense.

Quote:
his dragon peer challenged
peers*

Quote:
He endured the torment of loosing his pearl for months
losing*

Quote:
Having nowhere to go, and being a Pearlcatcher with no pearl
Rephrase "Having nowhere to go", since you used that phrase in the last paragraph.

Quote:
He borrows sometimes jewellery from the clans hoard
corrected to "He sometimes borrows jewelery from the clan's hoard"

Otherwise looks great, I appreciate the changes you made. =)
t8H4oa5.pngsuKcQQf.pngUeqVPmF.png
T3hkNqx.png
wklLZNi.pngA5IOZ3A.pngFH857G9.png
@Cacogen Pretty awesome organization already! Some suggestions:

- Chilly, with her blueish secondary, seems like she'd fit in next to Cyclone and Cryo.
- Caliginous and Calli seem a bit random since they're right after the green secondaries. I'd move them to the front of the lair so they move from black to midnight shades.
- Cirrus and Callithump would match well between Chaos and Cyclone, so the lair color shifts uninterrupted from blue to green to the white-green on the next page.
- I'd move Chloride to where Celeste and Cyanide is, since he's more greyish than white.

Wonderful lair overall. =)
@Cacogen Pretty awesome organization already! Some suggestions:

- Chilly, with her blueish secondary, seems like she'd fit in next to Cyclone and Cryo.
- Caliginous and Calli seem a bit random since they're right after the green secondaries. I'd move them to the front of the lair so they move from black to midnight shades.
- Cirrus and Callithump would match well between Chaos and Cyclone, so the lair color shifts uninterrupted from blue to green to the white-green on the next page.
- I'd move Chloride to where Celeste and Cyanide is, since he's more greyish than white.

Wonderful lair overall. =)
t8H4oa5.pngsuKcQQf.pngUeqVPmF.png
T3hkNqx.png
wklLZNi.pngA5IOZ3A.pngFH857G9.png
@Acantha
Page to be critiqued: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11K2_k00q1s83QgDL8KXYLKe71cex1D8RbAqLkDJrmmA/edit?usp=sharing
Review Type: Book
Notes: Could you please take a look (and possibly fix/tell me) anything that is wrong with the story's grammar?
Have you sent payment?: Yes. :)
@Acantha
Page to be critiqued: https://docs.google.com/document/d/11K2_k00q1s83QgDL8KXYLKe71cex1D8RbAqLkDJrmmA/edit?usp=sharing
Review Type: Book
Notes: Could you please take a look (and possibly fix/tell me) anything that is wrong with the story's grammar?
Have you sent payment?: Yes. :)
I have dragons that need better homes! I would prefer you do not exalt them. Here is the link to my forum!
http://www1.flightrising.com/forums/raf/2745726
Have a wonderful day!
@Heidi Sure thing, although it may take me a little while since it's fairly long and I'm visiting a friend this weekend. cx

I'm just gonna comment directly in the gdoc if you don't mind, since that's a lot faster for me. I won't make any edits directly into the text, just the following:

Red highlight: I recommend removing this word/phrase
Green highlight: Suggest rephrasing this word/phrase
@Heidi Sure thing, although it may take me a little while since it's fairly long and I'm visiting a friend this weekend. cx

I'm just gonna comment directly in the gdoc if you don't mind, since that's a lot faster for me. I won't make any edits directly into the text, just the following:

Red highlight: I recommend removing this word/phrase
Green highlight: Suggest rephrasing this word/phrase
t8H4oa5.pngsuKcQQf.pngUeqVPmF.png
T3hkNqx.png
wklLZNi.pngA5IOZ3A.pngFH857G9.png
@Acantha

Page to be critiqued: lair pages 1-5
Review style: lair review
Notes: i'd like some fresh eyes on how i organized my lair, right now they're up in pairs but no Real system, and i find it hard to begin organizing, since my pairs are hard to organize by color, because they often have a wide spread.
The only dragons i have special place for is my progens (Sakura and Noel) who must be the first two in the lair.

I sent the payment.
@Acantha

Page to be critiqued: lair pages 1-5
Review style: lair review
Notes: i'd like some fresh eyes on how i organized my lair, right now they're up in pairs but no Real system, and i find it hard to begin organizing, since my pairs are hard to organize by color, because they often have a wide spread.
The only dragons i have special place for is my progens (Sakura and Noel) who must be the first two in the lair.

I sent the payment.
imagejpg1_zpsad8cc3ef.jpg
@Acantha
Thank you for the final look over, I will contact you again when I have another bio finished :D
@Acantha
Thank you for the final look over, I will contact you again when I have another bio finished :D
m5kNycY.pngFMdbyfP.pnge3svukl.pngLSkUnqX.png
@Heidi Finished, all comments are on the gdoc. =)
@Heidi Finished, all comments are on the gdoc. =)
t8H4oa5.pngsuKcQQf.pngUeqVPmF.png
T3hkNqx.png
wklLZNi.pngA5IOZ3A.pngFH857G9.png
Yay, thank you! I will look through it soon. :)
Yay, thank you! I will look through it soon. :)
I have dragons that need better homes! I would prefer you do not exalt them. Here is the link to my forum!
http://www1.flightrising.com/forums/raf/2745726
Have a wonderful day!
Okay, I fixed the stuff that you went through, would you please mind checking it again? :D

Here's the link again:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11K2_k00q1s83QgDL8KXYLKe71cex1D8RbAqLkDJrmmA/edit?pli=1

And those tips were really helpful with improving my story. :)
Okay, I fixed the stuff that you went through, would you please mind checking it again? :D

Here's the link again:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/11K2_k00q1s83QgDL8KXYLKe71cex1D8RbAqLkDJrmmA/edit?pli=1

And those tips were really helpful with improving my story. :)
I have dragons that need better homes! I would prefer you do not exalt them. Here is the link to my forum!
http://www1.flightrising.com/forums/raf/2745726
Have a wonderful day!
1 2 ... 6 7 8 9 10 ... 15 16