General Discussion

@romaki
ah yes, the ace-but-still-naughty vibes. I don't have them myself but I know a few aces who do. it's apparently relatively common. bodies be weird like that.

i use he/him pronouns can i please stop being medically female

To be blunt, I'm aro/ace. I've never gone out of my way to hide that from anyone. I've known for a long time that I was at least ace, but I've recently come to realise that I'm aro as well. No one who knows me is surprised, as far as I can tell.

[quote name="Romaki" date="2024-03-22 09:56:23" ] me: i think i identify as ace my body: oh crap we forgot something, let's fix that now Literally why do I have these urges for the first time in my life now. ;w; Edit: I'm still pretty sure I'm ace though, my body is just rebelling against me. [/quote] I've come to terms with the fact that I'm probably closer to what the kids call "ageosexual" AKA no sexual for self, but like the idea or still feel it towards people you don't know or don't want to be with. I like just calling myself ace though, much easier. I also consider fewer things to be sexual than others. Kissing? No no, that's just affection. There's a preconception that with sexuality it's all or nothing, but like anything it's actually incredibly nuanced.

@Romaki I feel with you. Like LouckyKoneko said, it's common for some ace's. Bodies are weird sometimes and it's okay. ^_^

@zipcat Hello! You're not in trouble but it was necessary to edit your post [url=https://flightrising.zendesk.com/hc/en-us/articles/115004336543-Overview-Supplemental]per site rules[/url]. [quote]Do not broadcast, advertise, or otherwise highlight or call attention to your age.[/quote] Thanks!

okay so obviously i've made posts about a maybe-crush but... i think someone else likes me. and they're another guy like, he looked for my instagram for 2 days (i don't have it), he called me at almost midnight to play roblox with me, and we were on call for 40 minutes before my mom made me get off, and the entire time we were joking around and laughing, and we've had some lengthy text conversations over the past few days only. we're in track together, but otherwise we don't have any classes together. i don't know, it's just so weird to think that someone might actually like me rather than the other way around. he's really nice and he's generally a good person to be around, so idrk what to do/feel ¯\_[emoji=coatl confused size=1]_/¯

@zipcat
it's okay to be questioning; many people stay in the questioning phase for years before they figure out which labels suit them best, and even then, labels can change. if you don't feel like any labels are right for you right now, that's fine!
I'm asexual and nonbinary, and thought for the longest time that I was just not a girly-girl, so I can relate. it took me a long time to find my flags. I have some advice I can give:

• asexuality is a spectrum. you can be repulsed asexual (be grossed out by the thought of naughties), neutral asexual (don't care one way or the other), high drive asexual (gets in the mood for naughties but doesn't feel attracted to people in that way), demisexual (only attracted after you already have a strong emotional connection), or a variety of options in between that I don't know the names for. there's also something called a 'gray ace' which I must admit I don't fully understand since I never felt like that label suits me.
• similarly, aromanticism is also a spectrum and is something entirely separate from asexuality; you can be asexual but not aromantic, or aromantic but not asexual, and it's really difficult to tell romantic attraction apart from platonic feelings sometimes so this is very difficult to figure out. take your time; there's no rush and it doesn't matter if you never land on a label!
• attraction is weird! there are several types of attraction; the main four are sexual, romantic, platonic, and aesthetic. there are a lot of good resources out there to explain how this works, I mostly just want to note that they are different types of attraction and any person may feel any of the four towards anyone. for example, I don't feel sexual attraction and only feel romantically attracted to my partner, I feel platonic attraction towards several of my friends, and I can appreciate how nice someone looks even if they aren't my type but don't really feel aesthetic attraction otherwise.
• I recommend reading the webcomic Aces Wild by Sally Vinter for more basic information about asexuality and a decent jumping off point to start your research. WARNING: it contains not-safe-for-FR topics, humor, and some imagery. it's very respectful and not nearly as bad as something you'd see in a good biology textbook, but I still have to put a warning here in case you are reading this in public.
• also, this is going to sound very dumb, but, if you feel you are ready to explore naughty topics in fiction, I recommend you read some mildly naughty fanfiction if you are in a position where it is safe to do so (in other words; not in public and not when your friends or family can walk in at any moment). be sure to always read the tags ahead of time, and if something makes you uncomfortable, click away right away, taking care of yourself is more important than curiosity. why do I think this will work? because fiction gives a safe avenue to explore whether naughty topics do anything for you at all, be it positive, negative, or otherwise. it worked for me, I discovered through reading naughty fanfiction that I didn't really care for any of the topics and didn't like seeing imagery but was able to read them if I was expecting them ahead of time, which later allowed me to safely read A Song Of Ice And Fire without upsetting myself. basically, fanfiction helped me find out that I'm a neutral and mildly-repulsed ace.

as for gender...

• gender is also a spectrum, and 'nonbinary' is really just an umbrella term for not strictly male nor strictly female. there are many, many labels out there, and it's honestly just a matter of finding the one(s) that suit you best. this can take a very long time! don't worry if you can't find one that suits you. when in doubt, umbrella terms are always there to give you something to stand with.
• also, there's labels for feeling like you aren't always the same gender! the main one is "genderfluid" but there are others as well.
• a more specific recommendation: if you feel like you are girl-adjacent, you might want to look into the label "demigirl". the prefix 'demi-' is derived from Greek and means 'half' or 'partial'; the prefix 'semi' as in 'semicircle' has the same root. basically, a 'demigirl' is someone who is close to being a girl but not quite a girl.
• pronouns =/= gender. I use she/her even though I usually present neutrally and sometimes feel and present more masculine. if you feel comfortable with your current pronouns, stick with them.

long explanation short, it's perfectly fine to be questioning, do some research, do a lot of soul searching, and take your time to figure yourself out. don't worry if your labels change over time, that is perfectly normal, too. I hope this long explanation gave you some jumping off points to start looking into things!