Oslo

The Engineer

Oslo lives with Krawald (519364) in the Dolomite Caverns.

Oslo took part in an internship with Sparks Industry during the Thundercraft Carnivale 2020 and a number of texts describe his adventures there. Here are some extracts with slight edits, my other texts, as well as those of the further competitors, can be found here.

Introductions

Oslo lives deep under the Cairnstone Rest with the Clan of the Dolomite Cavern, who hatched him from a found ice egg. He recently started an apprenticeship with Waterstrider, the mechanic, who is responsible for keeping augite protectors, black iron creepers and other animated constructs in working order. Now, Waterstrider would never complain about Oslo. He is good with his hands and inquisitive; he asks so many questions! Always, always more questions! He is a hard worker who always wants to stay after hours. Of course, Waterstrider stays with him, Oslo isn't quite experienced enough to be left to his own devices. Spending more time than usual in the workshop is fine, of course, his family understands. And if Oslo's projects sometimes go somewhat beyond Waterstrider's understanding, that just shows how smart he is, and at least the explosion didn't damage anything too important. Still, couldn't he just spend a week somewhere else, so that Waterstrider can catch a breath?

Barrista Beginner - a day helping out at the coffee bar

As the first customer enters
Let me show him all our offers:

Would you like a cappuccino,
Espresso, americano?
Affogato, café crema,
Lungo, cortado or vienna?
As teas we have green or oolong,
Tandoor, darjeeling or ceylon,
Herbals: chamomile, valerian,
Mint, sage, lemon grass or gentian.
Our milk's organic, free-range cow,
We even have it plant-based now.
We can add syrups or lemon,
So tell us your wish, sir dragon?

As I start on the espresso
Doppio with soy milk macchiato,
A dragon's through the door walking
And I recite while I'm working:

Flat white, flat black, mochaccino,
Iced coffee or frappuccino?
We have syrups like vanilla,
Cookie, pumpkin spice, banana,
Milk from goats, almonds or sheep,
Herbal tea with orange peel,
Black tea, green tea or earl grey,
What is your pleasure today?

It's a chai with fifteen spices
And I need to up my paces
For in the entrance I see
My customer number three.

Coffee: frap, iced, latte, mocha;
Ginseng tea, assam, massala,
Cocoa or a small snack,
Dragon, tell me what you lack?

They ask for a frappuccino
With two shots of strong espresso
But I'm still on my first order
When two more customers enter.

Coffee, tea, with milk or sugar?
I am panting as I offer.

A cold brew with extra ice
And two drops of milk from rice
Two cookies and for my friend
A first flush darjeeling blend.

As I turn around I stumble
And slip in a coffee puddle.
A cup falls with a big “crack!”
And I'm laying on my back
Milk foam covering my chest.
I am vanquished, let me rest!

Taste Tester

“Paws off!” I jump and take a step back from the huge machine I was admiring. It takes up almost half the lab room where I was ordered to report with nine other interns. Through a series of cauldrons and moving tubes, it seems to transform trash from the offices and cafeteria into oozes, sludges and other strange pastes. While I was distracted looking at it, three dragons entered the room. The pearlcatcher who just shouted goes on:

“I am Spark and these are my assistants Zigzap and Franken. You will not work with the automatic baldwinator X, so get away from it. We tried changing the formula to improve the taste of the synthetic food it produces, but we've hit a road block. Now we're working on the other end.

- The... other end?” Someone asks but gets no answer as we are lead from the room. I look back longingly at the baldwinator before joining a queue that has formed in front of three doors. The first dragons come back out looking quite comical, with cables attached to their heads by some kinds of sticky pads. They are connected to machines on wheels that are made of shiny, blue-grey metal and covered in knobs, switches and large displays.

When it's my turn, Franken, a black and blue spiral, shaves my head before gluing the cold and slimy items on it. I want to complain that he didn't even ask before taking a razor to my beautiful long fur, but he's already talking:

“These are electrodes. They are connected to a tribandial electrointerneuralplacebim machine, which allows us to deliver focused electrical currents to different areas of your brain, and to measure electrical activity. Electricity is at the basis of all your thoughts and movements, by altering the electricity in your brain we can influence your behavior. One day we will be able to control your thoughts, we will become all powerful, maybe even create life... But for now, what's your favorite food?”

Taken aback by the sudden change of subject, I need a second to answer: “Er, giant kelp.”

He finishes connecting the electrodes and turns the machine on. On the display, parts of a circle light up in different colors. “Now imagine you are eating giant kelp. Remember its taste in your mouth, its structure on your tongue, its smell, the feeling of chewing it...” He instructs me to keep the mental image going while moving several electrodes around until he seems satisfied and sends me out.

In the next room, some interns have electrodes attached, but others are standing next to the machines, and Bronte is assigned to mine. I hope she knows what she is doing! Zigzap gives out portions of synthetic food. We are to start eating the food while our partners press some buttons on the triband... er, the machines. Franken soon joins us to take notes on our reactions and comments.

My portion of synthetic food looks green, but is too bright to resemble the plants it is supposed to replace. The translucent block wobbles when I touch it with my spoon and smells very slightly of detergent. It tastes like sugar water, and at first I wonder what the big issue is, when the after taste hits me. I feel like I just swallowed a mouthful of bleach and my body is planning on throwing it back up. My stomach calms down after a drink of water, but others are not so lucky. Now I know what the buckets are for.

The next mouthful I take, Bronte presses a button on the machine. I notice a slight buzz on my skin, but nothing else. I keep going, my skin keeps buzzing, and the synthetic food feels worse and worse, so that I do end making use of the bucket several times before the end of the session. I am relieved when I am freed from the electrodes and switch places with Bronte, who gets a bright red meat substitute. Now that I just have to press a button, I try asking more questions about the functions of the machines and of all the unlabeled knobs, but Intern mutters something about “placebim effect” and moves on.

That evening in the cafeteria, I am happy to get a portion of broiled giant kelp. Finally, some real food! But somehow, it tastes boring and sweet, and when I swallow it I get an aftertaste of bleach.

Note to self
Oslo stands in the Stormcatcher's domain and wears a brass steampunk tail bauble, voltvolley implements and a surgestream coat.