Creative Corner

@FrigidBlessing hello! Welcome to FR :) Your writing is great, but I have a few pointers that I hope will be constructive. I've just focused on the opening paragraphs, as I thought it might be more helpful to closely focus on a small amount of text. [quote]In the dead of night, during one of the first storms of the cold seasons, a family gathered circled around a nest with one, large, solitary egg. Earlier that evening the eldest daughter, who had been tending to the egg, had noticed it shake a small bit. So now, the family waited, watched, listened, for the smallest crack in the egg. As soon as it came so followed another, then a third. A piece of shell falls. When at last the dragon inside was ready it smashed through the rest of the egg and flopped on the nest floor, squealing for its mother. [/quote] This is a great opening para; you set the scene well and draw the reader in. The first thing I would suggest is to be careful of your sentence length: I am guilty of this too! Writing is much more impactful if you vary the length of your sentences. Notice how in your passage, "A piece of shell falls" is a great moment of tension, as it is the first sentence of a shorter length in the passage. I think you could add to that: [indent][i]So now the family waited. Watched. Listened for the smallest crack in the egg. As soon as it came, so followed another, then a third. A piece of shell falls. When at last the dragon inside was ready, it smashed through the rest of the egg and flopped on the nest floor, squealing for its mother.[/i] [/indent] I find that varying sentence length can add a lot of flavour to text, especially when trying to build up to a pivotal point as in your passage here. Long sentences aren't bad! They can be used to build meaning or express the gravity of something, too. But too many sentences all of the same rough length lack the rhythm that many great writers manage to capture, so it's something I pay close attention to in my own writing. [quote]A large female quickly swooped it up, cleaning it off with a water bucket and rag. Once that was finished the hatchling curled up in her warm, soft fur to sleep. "What's his name?! What's his name Mama!? Papa?!" Exclaimed the youngest. "Shhh, he sleeps now." Chuckled the father. "Oops...sorry...what's his name though?" "I think his name should be Bjørn, because he looks so strong," one of the hatchlings muttered. "Bjørn is a very good name." The mother responded.[/quote] [indent][i]Once that was finished, the hatchling curled up in her warm, soft fur to sleep. "What's his name?! What's his name Mama!? Papa?!" Exclaimed the youngest. "Shhh, he sleeps now." Chuckled the father. "Oops...sorry...what's his name though?" "I think his name should be Bjørn, because he looks so strong," one of the hatchlings muttered. "Bjørn is a very good name." The mother responded.[/i][/indent] Okay, so in this paragraph I've added line breaks to denote a change in speaker, which is a commonly used convention that is especially important when your characters aren't named. At my first read, it was a little difficult to tell who was speaking, but breaking it up this way adds a great deal of clarity without needing to add names or other labels. I hope this is helpful! I love reading the lore of other clans on FR, and I think your writing has a lot of strong points [emoji=familiar heart size=1]

@FrigidBlessing yay! I'm glad it was helpful. :) Varying sentence lengths is something that was first pointed out to me in a podcast about one of my favourite books, haha. And now I notice it everywhere... It's improved my writing so much (my natural tendency is toward crazy long sentences full of commas, lol)

:)

[quote]a male with massive antlers, larger than his father's, the largest he's ever seen, leaped out of the tree line. Swinging his head, the gaoler picked up a wolf, tossing it above the forest roof. Another was bashed with the back of the branch sized weapons crowning him. One by one the pack picked off by this mighty beast.[/quote] This is a gorgeous piece, but I feel the gaoler should be described more. Perhaps, as describing its bulging muscular build, sleek, swift attacks, etc. you push in some adjectives hinting to colour and markings. I want to see the gaoler. I want to, as a reader, to have more help imagining this amazing scene! [quote]His peace didn't last very long. A maelstrom of shouts split through the wood and wind like an axe. The jarl sprang out of his throne, rushing to equip his battle gear and flying out of his cozy home, to be met by an army from another clan raiding his beloved city. Roaring above the storm and battle he barked orders to his men and women, "Take to your weapons and raise your shields! Mow them down where they stand! Let them know that we are not so easily conquered!"[/quote] This feels like too quickly of a progression for me, I feel a more tension-filled build to the fact they're being invaded. More fear and shock spreading throughout the crowd when being attacked. The last battle felt so satisfying because it was hard to fight for, a challenge. In this piece i feel it should be more of a challenge too, but in the factor of his people being scared. I think more time should be spent developing this part, just felt kinda rushed idk Don't have a specific quote but- more differentiation about who each Jarl is? for example, in the second part I can't tell if its the Jarl who spoke to young Bjorn or not Anyway, hope this helps!