General Discussion

I have autism, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and Bipolar NOS. Pretty much all of it runs in my family since my mom has anxiety and panic disorder, cousin has autism, other cousin has Bipolar disorder, and we're like 90% certain my dad is autistic (though he's undiagnosed).

Noooot exactly a fun combination, though.

I have ADD and disthymia. I'm really lucky because the disthymia seems to take a break every other year. It's been about a year since my last onset, so I hope I can stave if off as long as possible, or even better, get over it completely.

The ADD on the other hand is ruining my life. The whole spaciness aspect is largely fixed by the medication I'm on, but it's the organizational bit that makes me terrified for the future. No matter what I try, I can't keep track of my responsibilities. Even if it's things like making lunch or doing laundry when I don't have any clean clothes left. And even on the off chance I remember a deadline, I physically cannot start something early. I've tried over and over and over again to stop procrastinating, but it just doesn't work. I can only focus long enough to get something done if there's an external pressure forcing me to do it, and in the absence of someone physically standing over my shoulder, the only thing that works is an approaching deadline.

I'm also on Concerta which suppresses my appetite to the point where I'm barely eating enough to stay alive, but I don't want to change to something different because it works perfectly otherwise and having only one side effect with ADD meds is incredibly rare. I've lost almost 20 pounds in the year I've been on this medication and I'm constantly exhausted, weak, and shaky. I get lots of compliments though, and although they can be an ego-booster, sometimes I just want to yell "YOU DON'T WANT THIS, TRUST ME."

Honestly I'm feeling pretty lonely and hopeless mainly because of my disorders and how they've pretty much prevented me from having a more ideal life.

whoooo neurodivergency

I'm burdened with anxiety and on/off depression, but I've made a lot of progress on them recently. Depression runs in the family, although whether it's hereditary or abuse-related I couldn't tell you. I also deal with hallucinations fairly regularly - they've become more frequent lately for reasons I can't place, which is pretty unnerving, but there's a very strong stigma against getting help for mental health issues in my family so it's not something I can really attack yet. Largely it's tactile insect crawling things, the smell of cigarette smoke, or (particularly when I'm having an anxiety attack) music and voices just having random conversations.

I'm also investigating the possibility that I might be on the autism spectrum, although I scrape by for neurotypical-passing. I mean, I stim and stuff but I've come across plenty of people with anxiety disorders who have unusual habits when they're stressed. They're also frequently comorbid occurrences though, so I don't know. There's also the matter of childhood hyperlexia and my difficulty with social skills and so on... I don't know yet, I have to research it more.

Edit: Whoop, forgot to mention the dissociation. Pretty often I have the sense that either everything except me is imaginary, or I'm not actually real. Gets worse when there's nobody to talk to to confirm I can be heard/seen by other people. Yup :(

But yep, good to see other ND folk on here :D

I have Asperger's Syndrome, ADHD, OCD (I check things over and over again a lot, and used to have a handwashing problem), misophonia (certain sounds that people make that are considered normal are extremely irritating to me and can even make me feel sick).