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TOPIC | How do you deal with being misgendered?
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My Anxiety levels are through the roof because I'm starting an Internship soon and my Social Anxiety also has risen, as of lately.
I officially have changed my name - and the sex-entries on all my legal documents.
However, I still get misgendered quite often - and I really need some coping mechanisms, for when people accidentally misgender me. ;___;


That being said - I don't tend to react in a rude way.
Quite the contrary - I often lack the courage to correct people.
When I only meet them once and only for a couple of seconds, say, random encounters out in the open, I tend to think "Is it really worth mentioning it?", then again... I would also like to step up for myself - and to protect myself a bit better.
In a calm and polite way, of course.
I often feel like I am letting myself down - letting it slide ways too often, correcting people ways too little... in order not to offend someone.
I should speak up for myself more often - but I somehow barely do it. . ___ . )




It's the random encounters, with people who don't know better, which I worry about - say, for example, especially in a bathroom.
I haven't had someone intentionally misgendering me, to hurt me - and for that I assume I have coping mechanisms.




How do you deal with it?
My Anxiety levels are through the roof because I'm starting an Internship soon and my Social Anxiety also has risen, as of lately.
I officially have changed my name - and the sex-entries on all my legal documents.
However, I still get misgendered quite often - and I really need some coping mechanisms, for when people accidentally misgender me. ;___;


That being said - I don't tend to react in a rude way.
Quite the contrary - I often lack the courage to correct people.
When I only meet them once and only for a couple of seconds, say, random encounters out in the open, I tend to think "Is it really worth mentioning it?", then again... I would also like to step up for myself - and to protect myself a bit better.
In a calm and polite way, of course.
I often feel like I am letting myself down - letting it slide ways too often, correcting people ways too little... in order not to offend someone.
I should speak up for myself more often - but I somehow barely do it. . ___ . )




It's the random encounters, with people who don't know better, which I worry about - say, for example, especially in a bathroom.
I haven't had someone intentionally misgendering me, to hurt me - and for that I assume I have coping mechanisms.




How do you deal with it?
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[ Yoshi ]
[ +9h FR time ]
[ ger | eng | jpn ]
[ he / him ]
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[ Language Learning Hub ]
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I don't. I made the decision to present as female and so just suck it up and accept those pronouns. I'm genderfluid, so while I prefer they/them or he/him, it can vary, anyways. But I've also been intentionally misgendered just to hurt me like, half a dozen times, so I try not to care too much.

I think the most important thing for your own health is to pick your battles. If someone misgenders you and you're going to see them on a regular basis, it's important to correct them early and often. Otherwise you're just going to get hurt over and over.

If it's a stranger that you probably won't run into again, it might be worth it to let it go and nurse your wounds instead. Or not. It really depends on your level of discomfort at the time.

Give yourself plenty of space, time, and self-care - if you can. Remember that other people's perceptions of you aren't YOU. And know you're not alone.
I don't. I made the decision to present as female and so just suck it up and accept those pronouns. I'm genderfluid, so while I prefer they/them or he/him, it can vary, anyways. But I've also been intentionally misgendered just to hurt me like, half a dozen times, so I try not to care too much.

I think the most important thing for your own health is to pick your battles. If someone misgenders you and you're going to see them on a regular basis, it's important to correct them early and often. Otherwise you're just going to get hurt over and over.

If it's a stranger that you probably won't run into again, it might be worth it to let it go and nurse your wounds instead. Or not. It really depends on your level of discomfort at the time.

Give yourself plenty of space, time, and self-care - if you can. Remember that other people's perceptions of you aren't YOU. And know you're not alone.
^ LabrinthHeart has really good advice.

Personally I just approach each situation differently. I'm not going to respond to a person who accidentally misgenders me the way I would someone who does it purposefully in order to be hurtful and sometimes I won't respond at all if I think it would be stressful to do so. If it's an accident (which like 99% of the misgendering I experience is because I don't "look" agender) and it's a person I see on a regular basis and I think will be positively responsive, I'll just gently correct them - a little "actually I'm not a girl but anyway, can you pass me the stapler?". If it's intentional and meant to be hurtful I'll avoid that person in the future as much as I can.

Like LabrinthHeart says, though, a lot of dealing with being misgendered basically comes down to taking care of yourself and realizing that other people's perceptions of you aren't you. It's nice when other people validate your gender identity but it's really important to accept that your identity isn't invalidated by what other people think and that one person's view of you doesn't have an impact on who/what you are. A person thinking the world is flat doesn't make it any less round, a person misgendering you doesn't make you any less what you are.
^ LabrinthHeart has really good advice.

Personally I just approach each situation differently. I'm not going to respond to a person who accidentally misgenders me the way I would someone who does it purposefully in order to be hurtful and sometimes I won't respond at all if I think it would be stressful to do so. If it's an accident (which like 99% of the misgendering I experience is because I don't "look" agender) and it's a person I see on a regular basis and I think will be positively responsive, I'll just gently correct them - a little "actually I'm not a girl but anyway, can you pass me the stapler?". If it's intentional and meant to be hurtful I'll avoid that person in the future as much as I can.

Like LabrinthHeart says, though, a lot of dealing with being misgendered basically comes down to taking care of yourself and realizing that other people's perceptions of you aren't you. It's nice when other people validate your gender identity but it's really important to accept that your identity isn't invalidated by what other people think and that one person's view of you doesn't have an impact on who/what you are. A person thinking the world is flat doesn't make it any less round, a person misgendering you doesn't make you any less what you are.
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I don't care anymore. Unless I wear a shirt with big letters that says it really can't be helped. Until I get my surgery I can't pass, I can't even use public bathrooms anymore without getting looks from people. Many people seem to go back and forth calling me both... just got to ignore it is all.
I don't care anymore. Unless I wear a shirt with big letters that says it really can't be helped. Until I get my surgery I can't pass, I can't even use public bathrooms anymore without getting looks from people. Many people seem to go back and forth calling me both... just got to ignore it is all.
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~ "to see the beauty of Nature, you must see the beauty of Change" ~
@tameimpala Easy there now. While you have a point that this is a problem that you pretty much just have to suck up and deal with, it doesn't hurt to be nice about how you share your thoughts. There's already enough people getting so angry about things these days. Only more problems come from adding fuel to the fire.

Anyways, this is a browser game where the staff work hard to keep things lighthearted and fun. So while you're here, just relax and have fun!
@tameimpala Easy there now. While you have a point that this is a problem that you pretty much just have to suck up and deal with, it doesn't hurt to be nice about how you share your thoughts. There's already enough people getting so angry about things these days. Only more problems come from adding fuel to the fire.

Anyways, this is a browser game where the staff work hard to keep things lighthearted and fun. So while you're here, just relax and have fun!
~~~~~~~~~~~ Awaken to your Fate ~~~~~~~~~~~
wow at that one person
For OP; it depends. Are they people who willingly misgender you to hurt you? In which case, there's sadly nothing you can't do. People who don't want to be educated on the subject cannot be changed, and the best you can is... Well, to just grit your teeth and get through it.
Otherwise... If they're people who just make the mistake, simply tell/remind them about it gently. My parents sometimes get my name and pronouns wrong, but I know they're not doing it on purpose - they've simply known me as a girl for close to 15 years, so it's hard for them to adapt :')) So I just remind them when they make a mistake, and already they're much better at referring me with my preferred words.
And if they're someone on the street - or anyone you won't see ever again after like, one time - don't bother. It's not worth the hassle.
This is my opinion, of course :')) But best of luck, it does suck to be misgendered!
wow at that one person
For OP; it depends. Are they people who willingly misgender you to hurt you? In which case, there's sadly nothing you can't do. People who don't want to be educated on the subject cannot be changed, and the best you can is... Well, to just grit your teeth and get through it.
Otherwise... If they're people who just make the mistake, simply tell/remind them about it gently. My parents sometimes get my name and pronouns wrong, but I know they're not doing it on purpose - they've simply known me as a girl for close to 15 years, so it's hard for them to adapt :')) So I just remind them when they make a mistake, and already they're much better at referring me with my preferred words.
And if they're someone on the street - or anyone you won't see ever again after like, one time - don't bother. It's not worth the hassle.
This is my opinion, of course :')) But best of luck, it does suck to be misgendered!
Ren / Ash
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Host of the Fireworks Median system
FR Time +3 || French and English speaker || Mid 20s.
(Autistic, may say weird things at times! Social stuff is hard!)
there's always going to be people there to support you no matter what; or atleast, that's what i remind myself of when i get discouraged over these types of things. i try to remind myself "in due time, i'll be a few steps closer to passing" and usually just focus on that little detail. people who won't matter in your near future who misgender you aren't going to end up mattering; remember that and keep your chin up :-)

i'm wishing you the best of luck with your internship!
there's always going to be people there to support you no matter what; or atleast, that's what i remind myself of when i get discouraged over these types of things. i try to remind myself "in due time, i'll be a few steps closer to passing" and usually just focus on that little detail. people who won't matter in your near future who misgender you aren't going to end up mattering; remember that and keep your chin up :-)

i'm wishing you the best of luck with your internship!
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I usually just politely and a bit jokingly say "try again" or something similar.

I take offence only if someone insists on using wrong titling, as that's purposeful.
But everybody makes mistakes, and not just in guessing someone's gender. ^^
I usually just politely and a bit jokingly say "try again" or something similar.

I take offence only if someone insists on using wrong titling, as that's purposeful.
But everybody makes mistakes, and not just in guessing someone's gender. ^^
I totally understand where you're coming from; I work in a hospital so I see tons of different patients every single day and I flinch whenever I'm misgendered and I'm far too anxious to correct them. However, for those I work with, I came out front and said, hey, this is who I am, this is what I go by, respect that. If they don't, you can escalate it, but I've found - most of the time - they won't really care. It's work. They're not there to be jerks, they're there to do their job and get paid and go home.

That all being said. With patients, they come and go so quickly in my life that I just grin and bear it and push through. I get anxious when I go into their rooms for anything for a short time, but y'know what? I'm not going to see them much or for any significant amount of time. I don't matter to them in any way that will even remember me when they leave to any major degree. And vice versa, honestly. I care about them because they're under my care. But they'll leave.

It's kind of the same deal with co-workers? Like, they're at work. If they're not going to respect your pronouns, then you're not going to get along with them and they don't deserve your attention more than is needed for a civil workplace. Try your best not to fret over the little things when they're not even your friends, y'know? Especially if it's a place with a quick turn-over rate. Otherwise, if they're long-term employees, bring in a supervisor and explain things. If that doesn't work, go up the chain of command. HR is generally a really great place and likes to keep their workplaces pretty clear. If they don't, then the company itself probably isn't the best place to work and (I understand sometimes it's hard) it might be in your best interest to find a place that will respect and work with you to work for them.



Look at that wall of text, I'm sorry. </3
tl;dr - use your resources if people are turds, but explain off the bat that you have preference in pronouns (especially to the supervisor/manager/person you report to). don't get upset over slipups because they happen, but don't take ---- from malicious jerkwads.
I totally understand where you're coming from; I work in a hospital so I see tons of different patients every single day and I flinch whenever I'm misgendered and I'm far too anxious to correct them. However, for those I work with, I came out front and said, hey, this is who I am, this is what I go by, respect that. If they don't, you can escalate it, but I've found - most of the time - they won't really care. It's work. They're not there to be jerks, they're there to do their job and get paid and go home.

That all being said. With patients, they come and go so quickly in my life that I just grin and bear it and push through. I get anxious when I go into their rooms for anything for a short time, but y'know what? I'm not going to see them much or for any significant amount of time. I don't matter to them in any way that will even remember me when they leave to any major degree. And vice versa, honestly. I care about them because they're under my care. But they'll leave.

It's kind of the same deal with co-workers? Like, they're at work. If they're not going to respect your pronouns, then you're not going to get along with them and they don't deserve your attention more than is needed for a civil workplace. Try your best not to fret over the little things when they're not even your friends, y'know? Especially if it's a place with a quick turn-over rate. Otherwise, if they're long-term employees, bring in a supervisor and explain things. If that doesn't work, go up the chain of command. HR is generally a really great place and likes to keep their workplaces pretty clear. If they don't, then the company itself probably isn't the best place to work and (I understand sometimes it's hard) it might be in your best interest to find a place that will respect and work with you to work for them.



Look at that wall of text, I'm sorry. </3
tl;dr - use your resources if people are turds, but explain off the bat that you have preference in pronouns (especially to the supervisor/manager/person you report to). don't get upset over slipups because they happen, but don't take ---- from malicious jerkwads.
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@Stoat

Woah, honestly - this was super helpful!
I'll be doing my internship as a Social Worker, which means I'll be facing tons of clients within these 6 weeks, which to me means tons of chances to be misgendered :'D
Which would be especially embarassing, in front of my co-workers, who will supervise me.
Thus, hearing from someone who also has to deal with many different people within a very short amount of time really helps.
Thanks for your kind words - I will try to keep it all in mind and take it to heart!
@Stoat

Woah, honestly - this was super helpful!
I'll be doing my internship as a Social Worker, which means I'll be facing tons of clients within these 6 weeks, which to me means tons of chances to be misgendered :'D
Which would be especially embarassing, in front of my co-workers, who will supervise me.
Thus, hearing from someone who also has to deal with many different people within a very short amount of time really helps.
Thanks for your kind words - I will try to keep it all in mind and take it to heart!
fr_hatchery_button_small_by_naahva-dch05rf.png
.
[ Yoshi ]
[ +9h FR time ]
[ ger | eng | jpn ]
[ he / him ]
.
[ Language Learning Hub ]
.
naturef1.png
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