I can't even tell if my overall tolerance for people has lowered so much that everything annoys me or if it's just the holiday.
Why should I feel angry at people only having a good time? It's stupid, I wish I didn't feel this way.
I can't even tell if my overall tolerance for people has lowered so much that everything annoys me or if it's just the holiday.
Why should I feel angry at people only having a good time? It's stupid, I wish I didn't feel this way.
I finished a book today and I'm happy
I finished a book today and I'm happy
[img]http://i.imgur.com/5nh4hvn.png[/img] [font=times new roman][size=5][color=#da7e00][b]W[/color][/size][size=4][color=#5c4879]hy? First my bed stopped being comfortable, then I have a hard time sitting, and now I'm really hoping that the chest pain is from the pimple and not from the binder. And even if it is, I don't care. They deserve to feel pain.[/size]
[size=5][color=#da7e00][b]I[/color][/size][size=4][color=#5c4879]'m tired. Maybe I haven't been taking good care of myself recently and eating right. I wake up every morning, groggy as all hell, and it doesn't go away throughout the day. There's nothing good I want to eat and I don't really crave anything. Nothing is fixing the tiredness and I'm very much done with it. I want to feel excited and energetic again, to be able to put my full weight into my work.[/size]
[size=5][color=#da7e00][b]M[/color][/size][size=4][color=#5c4879]aybe winter break'll fix things. Maybe the skiing and sleep shift and better meals will throw me for a loop and break me for the better. Maybe not. Only time will tell. Until then, it's all I can do to try to keep my mind from focusing on stupid and irrelevant things. Why is dimorphism suddenly so interesting and disappointing to me? Nevermind, I probably know. It doesn't matter. I'm going to fix it, and I'm going to fix it in two and a half years if I absolutely can. My situation today isn't permanent. Subconscious, stop treating it like it is![/size]
[size=5][color=#da7e00][b]I[/color][/size][size=4][color=#5c4879] think the discomfort from sitting has been easing down the past few days. We finally deflated my bed a bit more - it's no longer a rock, and that's made life easier. Still, no position is comfortable anymore. On my chest will worsen the binder the next day, on my side will make my left shoulder or right hip hurt depending on which side I'm on, on my back hurts the bum. Nothing is really comfortable anymore. I'm tired. I need to finish things to meed the deadlines. I need to do schoolwork.[/size]
[size=5][color=#da7e00][b]A[/color][/size][size=4][color=#5c4879]fter this week, the workload should go down - winter break will be a breath of the fresh air of Colorado. In comparison to California's recent heatwave, it'll be relieving, even if ski conditions aren't all that great. Still better than Tahoe, at the least. I'm hoping it'll be enough to get my life back on track. Everything's been hammering me at once and I'm not sure what to do. I've tried to stop procrastinating, but every day I try to break that habit it gets harder as things start to add up.[/size]
[size=5][color=#da7e00][b]I[/color][/size][size=4][color=#5c4879]t's been getting better the past couple days, I think. Pain's been going down, sleep has been getting deeper (two vivid dreams in a row - good sign! And a recurring character, though I don't know what it means yet) and practicing good posture has helped keep the binder functional and largely pain-free. Went apocalypse shopping last night, food's restocked, and I've got recipes galore. I can fix this. I just need a bit of a mental health break. Just a few more days. Just a few more days.
Why? First my bed stopped being comfortable, then I have a hard time sitting, and now I'm really hoping that the chest pain is from the pimple and not from the binder. And even if it is, I don't care. They deserve to feel pain.
I'm tired. Maybe I haven't been taking good care of myself recently and eating right. I wake up every morning, groggy as all hell, and it doesn't go away throughout the day. There's nothing good I want to eat and I don't really crave anything. Nothing is fixing the tiredness and I'm very much done with it. I want to feel excited and energetic again, to be able to put my full weight into my work.
Maybe winter break'll fix things. Maybe the skiing and sleep shift and better meals will throw me for a loop and break me for the better. Maybe not. Only time will tell. Until then, it's all I can do to try to keep my mind from focusing on stupid and irrelevant things. Why is dimorphism suddenly so interesting and disappointing to me? Nevermind, I probably know. It doesn't matter. I'm going to fix it, and I'm going to fix it in two and a half years if I absolutely can. My situation today isn't permanent. Subconscious, stop treating it like it is!
I think the discomfort from sitting has been easing down the past few days. We finally deflated my bed a bit more - it's no longer a rock, and that's made life easier. Still, no position is comfortable anymore. On my chest will worsen the binder the next day, on my side will make my left shoulder or right hip hurt depending on which side I'm on, on my back hurts the bum. Nothing is really comfortable anymore. I'm tired. I need to finish things to meed the deadlines. I need to do schoolwork.
After this week, the workload should go down - winter break will be a breath of the fresh air of Colorado. In comparison to California's recent heatwave, it'll be relieving, even if ski conditions aren't all that great. Still better than Tahoe, at the least. I'm hoping it'll be enough to get my life back on track. Everything's been hammering me at once and I'm not sure what to do. I've tried to stop procrastinating, but every day I try to break that habit it gets harder as things start to add up.
It's been getting better the past couple days, I think. Pain's been going down, sleep has been getting deeper (two vivid dreams in a row - good sign! And a recurring character, though I don't know what it means yet) and practicing good posture has helped keep the binder functional and largely pain-free. Went apocalypse shopping last night, food's restocked, and I've got recipes galore. I can fix this. I just need a bit of a mental health break. Just a few more days. Just a few more days.
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"Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past, I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone, there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
they/them
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Hi, can I order a bucketful of motivation? Actually make that two!
It's out of stock? Oh, I see...
Hi, can I order a bucketful of motivation? Actually make that two!
It's out of stock? Oh, I see...
pulvis et umbra sumus - We are dust and shadows
mmmmMM why do i keep humming a theme song from a show that i barely watched back then
mmmmMM why do i keep humming a theme song from a show that i barely watched back then
b / zid - they/them
I wish I was actually a guy so I could hang out with my guy friend and my mom not think he's gonna smash me or smth
I wish I was actually a guy so I could hang out with my guy friend and my mom not think he's gonna smash me or smth
i hate letting my energy bars drop this low but i have some dragons that im gonna sell tomorrow and it would be a waste of food to feed them now
it really bothers me though :\
i hate letting my energy bars drop this low but i have some dragons that im gonna sell tomorrow and it would be a waste of food to feed them now
it really bothers me though :\
rip my ears. I need new and bigger headphones. These are starting to hurt after a while.
rip my ears. I need new and bigger headphones. These are starting to hurt after a while.
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You start with an impossible goal: defeating the unbeatable enemy. And then you do whatever you gotta do to achieve it! Because even you can't know how much potential you have until you push yourself past your limits. THAT'S how you make yourself not just stronger... but stronger than you ever imagined you could be!
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I wish I had saved some of the candy they passed out, I could be eating sweets right now.
I wish I had saved some of the candy they passed out, I could be eating sweets right now.
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I'm just a lil guy!
Just a lil dude y'know?
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