General Discussion

allowing myself to be admitted to a psychiatric unit after my first suicide attempt - that was probably the worst decision i've ever made, holy ****
tbh i probably wouldn't have tried a second/third time if being there hadn't *******me up so badly

These are going to get serious quick @-@

- Not seeing my grandma enough before she died...she must have been so lonely when her sister went to hospital.
- Thinking that one time in the morning "What if the phone is ringing because my aunt is dead?" It was so out of the blue that I felt so guilty for thinking it, like maybe if I hadn't said she'd still be here.
- Not telling my grandad I loved him enough, and always leaving from his early because I didn't like his house. (Wow...this is serious. Let's mix it up a bit)
- Taking music as a GCSE. Biggest upper school regret ever
- Not wearing shoes on my sister's birthday. She kicked my toenail off @-@

I have too many to be fair, but here goes:

My greatest regret is being afraid of being different. I never stood up for myself, I hated to have my own opinions for the fear of getting laughed at. Little did I know that our opinions and views on the world define us. They make us who we are.

Hiding inside my own lies - I faked my own reality, trying to pretend that everything was alright...but it never was. All I wanted was to avoid getting hurt, but what hurt the most was finally snapping out of my own dream world.

Suicide attempts - they made me realize that maybe my purpose hasn't yet been fulfilled here, it opened up my eyes - what if someone needs me out there?

Substance abuse - yeah, after a few times I went down hill. I couldn't live without the high I got off prescription drugs. And I spiraled down. Probably my worst mistake ever, because I am still fighting with it (just not meds anymore, but different substances).

everything i ever did in junior high and also most of high school. why was young me such a huge buttmunch

I also regret exalting my progens. :'( I wish I could get them back.

1. Not asking for pkmn black 2 (My parents would've known that I still loved games back then, and they wouldn't shoot me down every time I mention a 3DS)
2. Not studying (multiple times lol)
3. Kinda wish I went through more thought when customizing my progen.
4. Make a better effort to love everyone and show it (I'm still too stubborn)
5. My horrible first impressions.
6. That fight I had with a former friend (I'm actually scared of them now lol)

I once vowed to live life with no regrets--heh. That went downhill fast.

>I regret not doing more as a kid. I was so afraid to fail that I never even tried to do things I wanted to,.
>I really regret selling my good laptop, even if it was consistently crashing. Some friends told me to just let go and look into the future, but I somehow really wanna get it back for my dad. :( It also had tons of stuff on it that were deleted because...well let's not get into it.
>I regret being online at a young age. I fell into a group of extreme furries that taught me to be a drama llama--then cut them off. I also was edgy and pissy as a kid. Now I'm that "awkward person" who everyone remembers "Hey weren't you a crybaby in 6th grade?"
>Not being homeschooled through middle school.
>Being too much of a prude even when I loved someone.
>Not learning to say "no" fast enough and watching myself slide into this a-hole of a person.
>Regret making politically incorrect jokes as a kid out of ignorance. ff..
>Allowing toxic tumblr mindsets to ruin my personality somewhat. I'm still recovering from shyness of other people.

And one of the biggest: That I went to college right out of high school. If I had enlisted sometimes I wonder if my life would've been better...
yeah. :(

My regrets-

Not standing up for myself growing up until I was in high school.

I regret attempting suicide.

I also really regret that I let my paranoia get the better of me-see I had tried to have some sort of relationship with a fellow airman (he had a different job than I). At first, everything seemed okay, grant it I wasn't feeling anything, but I wanted to be normal. Normal people date, so I thought. But after about 2 weeks, my mind was filled with fear that he'd end up hurting me. What if this, what if that. It was around this time I first started dissociating. So I started to distance myself from him, ignoring him and such. He eventually picked up on it and thought it was something he did. I did tell him that wasn't his fault, but otherwise ignored him from there on out. I regret that I didn't tell him what was wrong with me and that I wasn't honest. I hurt him because of this. No, no one is owed a relationship, but a relationship is built upon people talking to each other, even if it's to end it.

I regret letting my PTSD get the better of me; I ended up jealous of my dad (thought I didn't know at the time that he was dying) because he got support from my mom, while I felt like I was left to suffer from nightmares, dissociation and so on by myself.

I regret having Jiro come by plane. The poor boy spent most of the day in his crate passing through airports. He was so hungry and that when I got him home. Next time, I'm driving to get a dog.

not becoming a botanist or biologist

I regret not being assertive enough. It tends to result in me being a horribly awkward bystander.

I also regret not keeping the firstborn of my first progen clutch. I exalted him unnamed. I guess it helped me to get over other people's exalt habits early on, but I didn't realize how pretty Stonewash could be at the time. I can't even remember what his tert was. :'(
The regret for that is starting to go away, though, because I'm working on some cool lore for him as a long-term servant of the Arcanist.

I regret not spending more time with my cat when he was dying. He had a tumor in his mouth and he was drooling everywhere because he was in pain and he couldn't close his mouth properly, not to mention he was covered in food all the time because my mom had to force feed him since he wouldn't eat on his own. He had to have a bath every day to attempt to keep him clean but it didn't really work. He was disgusting and he made me upset just to look at him let alone be with him, so I kind of dismissed it like everything was normal. We were giving him lots of herbal stuff that was seeming to help. The big tumor on the side of his mouth fell out but it spread to the back of his tongue and by then it was too late and we had to put him down. The last time I saw him I spent about ten minutes with him before I went off to school. Part of me wanted to insist I stay home that day and go to the vet with my mom so I could spend as much time with him as I could. But I chose to go to school instead. He was stoned out of his mind because my mom gave him a bunch of pain stuff so he wouldn't be suffering… I don't know if he knew what was happening. He was more my mom's cat than mine… but that doesn't mean I didn't love him. God I didn't know how much I loved him until he was gone. To this day I still wonder if he knew I loved him as much as my mom did. Why didn't I show it?

And I regret not doing more to keep in touch with a friend of mine from my old school. About a month ago I found out that she died. She was part of a small group of very close friends from that school, one of whom I still text often and see every now and then and another who moved across the country but I still talk to sometimes. But her mom made it hard to keep in touch with her, so after a while I gave up. Now all I can see is those times we spent together… like that time she fell asleep on my shoulder on the way to a field trip, or how she was so obsessed with MLP and used to doodle ponies on her homework. I always wanted to talk to her about MLP now that I actually watch the show. Our other friend, the one I'm still close with, did a much better job of keeping in touch. So did the one who lives across the country. When I first heard that she'd died, I thought I'd be alright, but then I started to remember and my heart just broke. I wonder if she ever thought of me… I miss her so much.