I have a question for you guys. I'm having a bit of a dilemma. I turned 30 this past September, and this coming April I'll be going to Disney World with a friend of mine, for the very first time, for a whole week. Because it's such a big cost, this will very likely be my one, and only, trip to Disney World.
My aunt Robin and six cousins live about 40 minutes away from Disney World, have season passes, and I kid you not, go there nearly every single day. Which is fine, to each their own. To give a little background, about five years ago, my mother divorced my abusive father. She left and went on to re-marry an absolutely fantastic man. My father, because he is a controlling, hateful, abusive man, started spreading a bunch of lies about mom and my now step-father, in an attempt to drive her back to him (didn't work, obviously). In the process, he did two things. First he drove all his immediate family (me, my brother), friends, and even several attempts at new girl friends (and one engagement) away from him, because we saw what kind of man he truly was. Second he convinced my both my aunts (mom's sisters) that he was right. So my aunts both stopped talking to my mom, a lot of drama ensued with invitations to a cousin's wedding, heartfelt letters were written trying to regain contact, and it all basically just ended in a mess.
After a few years, mom and aunt Robin are very slowly starting to talk a bit, but aunt Robin still seems to not want to have any actual contact, and neither do any of the cousins. I invited the oldest cousin to come up to visit, because she seemed to need some time away from her five siblings. She said no. We invited them to our annual trip to the beach this past summer, even offered to pay for plane tickets. They said no. I tried very hard to at least get the one oldest cousin, who I used to like hanging out with when we all lived in Virginia, to come. She lied to me, and told me she had just started a new job at a BBQ place, and couldn't (I know for a fact it was a lie, because a month later she said she was so excited that she was offered the job at the BBQ place).
So, enter my Disney World trip. My mom seems rather hell bent that I ought to spend a day with my aunt and cousins while I'm there. Personally, I don't see the point in doing so, if they don't want to spend time with us. Add to that, my friend and I are essentially planning out every day, and making the necessary reservations for what we're planning to do. So I'm certainly not going to skip out on what we have reserved, to go spend time with a cousin who seemingly doesn't want to spend time with me... This is a very expensive trip, that I almost assuredly won't be able to take again. I certainly wasn't planning on shelling out this kind of money, just to go spend time with family I'm not interested in seeing at this point, but mom seems to be acting like it's an obligation to do so.
What do you guys think...? Am I obligated to take time out of my vacation for this?
I have a question for you guys. I'm having a bit of a dilemma. I turned 30 this past September, and this coming April I'll be going to Disney World with a friend of mine, for the very first time, for a whole week. Because it's such a big cost, this will very likely be my one, and only, trip to Disney World.
My aunt Robin and six cousins live about 40 minutes away from Disney World, have season passes, and I kid you not, go there nearly every single day. Which is fine, to each their own. To give a little background, about five years ago, my mother divorced my abusive father. She left and went on to re-marry an absolutely fantastic man. My father, because he is a controlling, hateful, abusive man, started spreading a bunch of lies about mom and my now step-father, in an attempt to drive her back to him (didn't work, obviously). In the process, he did two things. First he drove all his immediate family (me, my brother), friends, and even several attempts at new girl friends (and one engagement) away from him, because we saw what kind of man he truly was. Second he convinced my both my aunts (mom's sisters) that he was right. So my aunts both stopped talking to my mom, a lot of drama ensued with invitations to a cousin's wedding, heartfelt letters were written trying to regain contact, and it all basically just ended in a mess.
After a few years, mom and aunt Robin are very slowly starting to talk a bit, but aunt Robin still seems to not want to have any actual contact, and neither do any of the cousins. I invited the oldest cousin to come up to visit, because she seemed to need some time away from her five siblings. She said no. We invited them to our annual trip to the beach this past summer, even offered to pay for plane tickets. They said no. I tried very hard to at least get the one oldest cousin, who I used to like hanging out with when we all lived in Virginia, to come. She lied to me, and told me she had just started a new job at a BBQ place, and couldn't (I know for a fact it was a lie, because a month later she said she was so excited that she was offered the job at the BBQ place).
So, enter my Disney World trip. My mom seems rather hell bent that I ought to spend a day with my aunt and cousins while I'm there. Personally, I don't see the point in doing so, if they don't want to spend time with us. Add to that, my friend and I are essentially planning out every day, and making the necessary reservations for what we're planning to do. So I'm certainly not going to skip out on what we have reserved, to go spend time with a cousin who seemingly doesn't want to spend time with me... This is a very expensive trip, that I almost assuredly won't be able to take again. I certainly wasn't planning on shelling out this kind of money, just to go spend time with family I'm not interested in seeing at this point, but mom seems to be acting like it's an obligation to do so.
What do you guys think...? Am I obligated to take time out of my vacation for this?
You certainly don't owe anybody anything, ever. Even under different circumstances if you had better relations to your family I would say the same thing. Ultimately this vacation is for you and about you - and what seems like a once in a lifetime trip. You've given that part of your family ample opportunity to come see you, even at your family's expense so it's not your obligation to bend over backwards to meet with them in what will already be a busy week.
Not to say that maybe you shouldn't try at all. Maybe if you notice a pocket of free time you can let them know and leave it up to them whether or not they bother to meet up. Beyond you simply informing them that you'll be nearby, though, I don't see any reason to try harder than that.
You certainly don't owe anybody anything, ever. Even under different circumstances if you had better relations to your family I would say the same thing. Ultimately this vacation is for you and about you - and what seems like a once in a lifetime trip. You've given that part of your family ample opportunity to come see you, even at your family's expense so it's not your obligation to bend over backwards to meet with them in what will already be a busy week.
Not to say that maybe you shouldn't try at all. Maybe if you notice a pocket of free time you can let them know and leave it up to them whether or not they bother to meet up. Beyond you simply informing them that you'll be nearby, though, I don't see any reason to try harder than that.
Eh, if you want to. Keeping family ties to family who wants nothing to do with you is kinda pointless in my experiences.
Chances are, they might flake out on you even after you extend your invitation, and you could risk losing a day of vacation.
What you could do is just invite them to hang out at Disney with you. Maybe plan a day where you and your friend are just hanging out and messing around the park or whatever other parks n stuff Disney land has, if they have any. Never been there, so I'm not sure haha.
Anyway, use that mess around day to invite them along. That way, if they don't show up, no harm no foul. If they do, ask them what they want to do since you didn't really plan for that day in specifics. If they don't, ride Space Mountain like ten million times or something. If they do, just do your thing until they get there and then see what the family would like to do and go from there, I suppose.
I know that plans for vacations can often go awry anyway, so having a day without scheduling could be fun, with or without family.
Personally, I wouldn't even bother. However, there could be backlash if they find out you were in the area and didn't at least attempt to extend an invitation of some sorts. Guild n shame in all that crap. (that's how half of my family is, anyway.)
Ultimately, though, it's up to you and I suppose whoever you're traveling with, if they're going to be along for the ride (no pun intended with disney land.) You are, however, not obligated to do any of the above because you're an adult paying for your own vacation, and you are the only one who has the final say in how to spend it.
Eh, if you want to. Keeping family ties to family who wants nothing to do with you is kinda pointless in my experiences.
Chances are, they might flake out on you even after you extend your invitation, and you could risk losing a day of vacation.
What you could do is just invite them to hang out at Disney with you. Maybe plan a day where you and your friend are just hanging out and messing around the park or whatever other parks n stuff Disney land has, if they have any. Never been there, so I'm not sure haha.
Anyway, use that mess around day to invite them along. That way, if they don't show up, no harm no foul. If they do, ask them what they want to do since you didn't really plan for that day in specifics. If they don't, ride Space Mountain like ten million times or something. If they do, just do your thing until they get there and then see what the family would like to do and go from there, I suppose.
I know that plans for vacations can often go awry anyway, so having a day without scheduling could be fun, with or without family.
Personally, I wouldn't even bother. However, there could be backlash if they find out you were in the area and didn't at least attempt to extend an invitation of some sorts. Guild n shame in all that crap. (that's how half of my family is, anyway.)
Ultimately, though, it's up to you and I suppose whoever you're traveling with, if they're going to be along for the ride (no pun intended with disney land.) You are, however, not obligated to do any of the above because you're an adult paying for your own vacation, and you are the only one who has the final say in how to spend it.
Come wayward Souls, Who wander through the darkness, There is a light for the lost and the meek.
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Emberwolf, @
Fizzywings - If anything, that's probably what I'd end up doing, just telling them "Hey, we're not busy this day between XX:XX and YY:YY, if you want to come meet up you're welcome" kind of thing. But my friend doesn't know them, has never met them, and I don't know if I even feel right putting that on her, to have to deal with my family.
It's mostly things like scheduling dinner reservations at restaurants, that if you don't reserve, you may not get a seat. Or once we get our access to the FastPass rides, we don't want to miss those either. So it's not like, we have every single day planned out to the hour, but there are things that we don't want to chance not getting into, yaknow?
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Emberwolf, @
Fizzywings - If anything, that's probably what I'd end up doing, just telling them "Hey, we're not busy this day between XX:XX and YY:YY, if you want to come meet up you're welcome" kind of thing. But my friend doesn't know them, has never met them, and I don't know if I even feel right putting that on her, to have to deal with my family.
It's mostly things like scheduling dinner reservations at restaurants, that if you don't reserve, you may not get a seat. Or once we get our access to the FastPass rides, we don't want to miss those either. So it's not like, we have every single day planned out to the hour, but there are things that we don't want to chance not getting into, yaknow?
It's like Emberwolf said - Even if they're family, you don't owe them anything. I come from an abusive family myself, and they constantly try to guilt trip me into doing things I don't want to do and even though I'm an adult it's hard to tell them no because they're family and I feel like I should just suck it up and do the thing.
But ultimately this vacation is about you, your friend, and having fun. If you think your friend wouldn't enjoy meeting them or if you don't want to simply because then you don't have to and you don't have to make any excuses. And your mother, though I'm sure she means well, has no right to push you to spend time with an aunt and cousin(s) who clearly don't want to spend any time with you.
It can be hard, though, to say no to family and to be that forward and, depending on who you talk to, rude to family. If you don't have the strength or courage to outright tell your mom you're an adult and she has no right to try and guilt trip you into something you don't want to do and can't tell your aunt that you don't want to spend time with her because of what's happened then the best thing you can do is exactly what you already said. Offer to meet them at x time, maybe for a quick lunch or something. Either they say no, you can tell your mom you offered and they said no, or they say yes and you're not sacrificing reservations or other things because you're doing something you would have done to begin with you're just inviting them to join you and sure it'll be awkward but there are worse things.
It's like Emberwolf said - Even if they're family, you don't owe them anything. I come from an abusive family myself, and they constantly try to guilt trip me into doing things I don't want to do and even though I'm an adult it's hard to tell them no because they're family and I feel like I should just suck it up and do the thing.
But ultimately this vacation is about you, your friend, and having fun. If you think your friend wouldn't enjoy meeting them or if you don't want to simply because then you don't have to and you don't have to make any excuses. And your mother, though I'm sure she means well, has no right to push you to spend time with an aunt and cousin(s) who clearly don't want to spend any time with you.
It can be hard, though, to say no to family and to be that forward and, depending on who you talk to, rude to family. If you don't have the strength or courage to outright tell your mom you're an adult and she has no right to try and guilt trip you into something you don't want to do and can't tell your aunt that you don't want to spend time with her because of what's happened then the best thing you can do is exactly what you already said. Offer to meet them at x time, maybe for a quick lunch or something. Either they say no, you can tell your mom you offered and they said no, or they say yes and you're not sacrificing reservations or other things because you're doing something you would have done to begin with you're just inviting them to join you and sure it'll be awkward but there are worse things.
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Velg
I second what others are saying about extending an invite to meet up, especialy since you're rather certain they won't accept anyways, and then you can honestly tell your mom that you honestly tried but *shrugs* didn't work out.
However I'd definitely keep it short, especially if you want to spare your friend of having to deal with any potential drama or awkwardness. As you said "we're not busy this day between XX:XX and YY:YY, if you want to come meet up you're welcome" can help with that. Or perhaps "We haven't decided what to do with lunch on such and such date if you'd like to join us," and then you can keep the meeting time restricted to just an hour for mealtime or something. You could also extend this to late dinner at the end of the day, so you could still keep it restricted but your friend has an excuse to go back to the hotel to rest or run off to save you guys spots for the closing shows of whichever park your at for the day.
And actualy, giving them a very specific time that you can meet up might actualy help drive them away from accepting the offer anyways, especialy if you mention that you're doing this trip with a friend and "you'd like to see them if possible but your only free time at the moment is such and such if that happens to work?" Basicaly you're forcing them to work around your schedule which tends to put off people unless they really really really want to see you.
PS-Are you staying at one of the resorts/did you get the mealplan? If you did you are going to be so sick of food by the end of your trip but so utterly worth it!
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Velg
I second what others are saying about extending an invite to meet up, especialy since you're rather certain they won't accept anyways, and then you can honestly tell your mom that you honestly tried but *shrugs* didn't work out.
However I'd definitely keep it short, especially if you want to spare your friend of having to deal with any potential drama or awkwardness. As you said "we're not busy this day between XX:XX and YY:YY, if you want to come meet up you're welcome" can help with that. Or perhaps "We haven't decided what to do with lunch on such and such date if you'd like to join us," and then you can keep the meeting time restricted to just an hour for mealtime or something. You could also extend this to late dinner at the end of the day, so you could still keep it restricted but your friend has an excuse to go back to the hotel to rest or run off to save you guys spots for the closing shows of whichever park your at for the day.
And actualy, giving them a very specific time that you can meet up might actualy help drive them away from accepting the offer anyways, especialy if you mention that you're doing this trip with a friend and "you'd like to see them if possible but your only free time at the moment is such and such if that happens to work?" Basicaly you're forcing them to work around your schedule which tends to put off people unless they really really really want to see you.
PS-Are you staying at one of the resorts/did you get the mealplan? If you did you are going to be so sick of food by the end of your trip but so utterly worth it!
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Noxomra - You're right, it is extremely tough to tell family no sometimes, because there's just such an ingrained "it's family, you must oblige" tendency.
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Eialyne - We are staying at a resort, actually. The Wilderness Lodge. Which is all the more a part of why I say I'll not get this chance again, you know? -If- I ever made it back, I guarantee it wouldn't be at a resort. And yes, we have the meal plan. We've already made reservations for Breakfast with Stitch, lunch in the castle with the princesses, another meal we'll be having with Belle and Beast, and I think also a safari lunch. We -might- try and see
La Nouba too, unless we decide it's just too expensive on top of everything else.
I think you guys are right though, giving a specified time frame, and forcing them to work with our schedule is probably the best bet. Because I'm sorry, family or no, I'm not giving up my one chance to visit with people not interested in visiting.
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Noxomra - You're right, it is extremely tough to tell family no sometimes, because there's just such an ingrained "it's family, you must oblige" tendency.
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Eialyne - We are staying at a resort, actually. The Wilderness Lodge. Which is all the more a part of why I say I'll not get this chance again, you know? -If- I ever made it back, I guarantee it wouldn't be at a resort. And yes, we have the meal plan. We've already made reservations for Breakfast with Stitch, lunch in the castle with the princesses, another meal we'll be having with Belle and Beast, and I think also a safari lunch. We -might- try and see
La Nouba too, unless we decide it's just too expensive on top of everything else.
I think you guys are right though, giving a specified time frame, and forcing them to work with our schedule is probably the best bet. Because I'm sorry, family or no, I'm not giving up my one chance to visit with people not interested in visiting.
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Velg
You are going to have an utter blast then! >w<
Excluding all this family stuff so hopefully it gets sorted in a manner that wont affect your trip. I want to throw all sorts of recommendations your way (I'm not one of the people who's been loads of times but I still had so much fun there I can't help but get excited when people are planning their own trips), but it looks like you've got a lot of things planned out really well ^_^
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Velg
You are going to have an utter blast then! >w<
Excluding all this family stuff so hopefully it gets sorted in a manner that wont affect your trip. I want to throw all sorts of recommendations your way (I'm not one of the people who's been loads of times but I still had so much fun there I can't help but get excited when people are planning their own trips), but it looks like you've got a lot of things planned out really well ^_^
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Velg
It's your money, your vacation, what do you want to do with it? That's how I see, but granted, I can take a jaded view on things like this.
I don't see giving them a timeframe being a bad idea at all. This is YOUR trip, not theirs. You don't have the luxury of going whenever you want so I woud say that if they want to spend time with you, they work on your schedule. You can tell them what you plan on doing and when to see if they either way to join you or work around it.
You can do everything you can to meet up with them, but unless they fulfill the other half in actually showing up, you would be wasting your time. From what it sounds like, I think it would be more wise for them to work with you rather than the other way around; they don't seem to have the greatest track record.
I'm planning a trip for a few months from now for me and my boyfriend; I've been to Disney more times than I can remember while he hasn't. My sister can get us a discount because she's working down there for a few months and they also have discounts on some of the hotels. Do you qualify for the 30% off room rates and ticket discounts?
I know the pain of what you're going through, at least to an extent. I'm trying to plan out our trip. It's just going to be the 2 of us (that I know of for sure) and I can actually slow down to enjoy things (my family rushed through things since we've been there so many times). My family may make an appearance and with my sister down there, people may want to meet up and they may have to work on our schedule too.
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Velg
It's your money, your vacation, what do you want to do with it? That's how I see, but granted, I can take a jaded view on things like this.
I don't see giving them a timeframe being a bad idea at all. This is YOUR trip, not theirs. You don't have the luxury of going whenever you want so I woud say that if they want to spend time with you, they work on your schedule. You can tell them what you plan on doing and when to see if they either way to join you or work around it.
You can do everything you can to meet up with them, but unless they fulfill the other half in actually showing up, you would be wasting your time. From what it sounds like, I think it would be more wise for them to work with you rather than the other way around; they don't seem to have the greatest track record.
I'm planning a trip for a few months from now for me and my boyfriend; I've been to Disney more times than I can remember while he hasn't. My sister can get us a discount because she's working down there for a few months and they also have discounts on some of the hotels. Do you qualify for the 30% off room rates and ticket discounts?
I know the pain of what you're going through, at least to an extent. I'm trying to plan out our trip. It's just going to be the 2 of us (that I know of for sure) and I can actually slow down to enjoy things (my family rushed through things since we've been there so many times). My family may make an appearance and with my sister down there, people may want to meet up and they may have to work on our schedule too.
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Eialyne - I certainly hope so, we're both SO excited. Kinda silly I guess, two grown women living it up at Disney World, but you know what? We could care less! We tried to plan 1 meal in each park, and we'll likely leave the rest up to chance, just for fun, but once we get the FastPass access, we'll definitely be setting that up too.
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isosDuke - Carol looked into it and apparently we either didn't qualify, or it's cheaper with the package we chose with the meal plan etc. than it is to go with the 30% off. She actually saw that ad after she'd booked our trip, and was irked, until she looked into it further and found it wouldn't work for us. But we do get a whole slew of other discounts just from opting to go with the package we chose (free round of mini golf!).
Thanks guys, this has really helped me a lot. I'm just going to have to lay down the rule with my mom, and tell her flat out. If -they- want to spend time with me, these are the hours I'm free, and that's it.
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Eialyne - I certainly hope so, we're both SO excited. Kinda silly I guess, two grown women living it up at Disney World, but you know what? We could care less! We tried to plan 1 meal in each park, and we'll likely leave the rest up to chance, just for fun, but once we get the FastPass access, we'll definitely be setting that up too.
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isosDuke - Carol looked into it and apparently we either didn't qualify, or it's cheaper with the package we chose with the meal plan etc. than it is to go with the 30% off. She actually saw that ad after she'd booked our trip, and was irked, until she looked into it further and found it wouldn't work for us. But we do get a whole slew of other discounts just from opting to go with the package we chose (free round of mini golf!).
Thanks guys, this has really helped me a lot. I'm just going to have to lay down the rule with my mom, and tell her flat out. If -they- want to spend time with me, these are the hours I'm free, and that's it.
