bug2buga wrote on 2020-09-14 13:44:17:
as someone with DID who can't get diagnosed due to the stigma against actual legitimate medical OSDD/DID even EXISTING in the first place, i don't care about people who wanna pretend their system is some form of chosen identity. it's flat out NOT an identity. being lgbtq+ is an identity, having OSDD/DID is having a traumagenic mental disorder caused by childhood trauma. it's not a cute thing, it's not fun, and you SHOULD NOT want to be plural/a system/have alters. it's terrifying.
EDIT: You know, it occurs to me I may have come off a bit harsh. I do apologize as I get very defensive and protective of systems in general just because what I shared below affected us so deeply and I never want that to happen to anyone else. But that's not how I'd normally go about resolving an issue with my friends or headmates so I shouldn't go about it that way with someone who is honestly probably just scared and going through a lot. So @
bug2buga, genuinely and with complete honesty I'd really like to offer you someone to talk to. We may not have gone through the exact same things as you have, but we have gone through various traumatic and abusive situations and we've also had our fair share of issues as a system as well as been there for other systems before. If you need someone who's willing to try and understand, or just someone to vent to, even if our systems may not agree, you're welcome to message us any time. Any and ALL of you. Even if you have persecutors, each and every one of you is important. I understand if it's hard to trust people, especially people you don't really know, but we really do mean it. No one should have to go through anything alone.
You know... we honestly weren't going to bother replying to this person because 1: we know they won't listen or care about anyone else and 2: we like FR very much and don't want to start pointless drama or fighting. However. This just got very very personal to not just us but systems in general here and while I am not going to fight with bug, I am going to take a moment to say something and relate a story about ourselves on behalf of many plural people.
First of all, DID is a disorder yes. That's entirely true. Having a system, however, is not a disorder. No non-traumagenic system ever claims to have DID. Your headmates are people with just as much feeling and right to exist as you and how dare you call PEOPLE a disorder. Quite frankly I feel extremely sorry for bug's headmates and hope they know they shouldn't feel bad about existing and they deserve love and understanding and equal rights. I hope one day bug can learn to accept you, themselves, and get along.
Secondly, stigma exists because people are pains in the rear about anything they don't understand. There's stigma against more disorders than just DID, there's stigma against POC, there's stigma against people who own pitbulls, there's stigma for everything under the sun that is not the majority or the societal norm. Including stigma against non-trauma systems because it doesn't fit any textbook diagnosis. But no one needed to "pretend" to be any of those things for people to stigmatize any them. Blame the condition of the society we live in for it's problems, not the people who are equally suffering from it.
Thirdly, Yes, having a system CAN be scary. Yes having a system CAN be hard. Yes being a system is confusing and takes a lot of work sometimes. All that said though, it can ALSO be fun, comforting, and extremely helpful. Being a system means never being alone. Being a system means when you aren't strong enough to handle something you have a whole team of people to support you. Being a system means friends you will have for life to make endless inside jokes with and laugh at nerdy interests together that you might not be able to share with someone else. Your system is there to HELP you NOT harm you. Just remember your headmates are people who need help too. It's about working together, learning to accept each other and yourselves. The sooner you stop being afraid of eachother and start trying to care about each other the better off you'll be and the easier it will be to get through life. So honestly no, nothing is wrong with wanting that. Nothing is wrong with wanting to be with people. Nothing is wrong with wanting to love the people you live with.
We know this because we, a mixed origin system, Have personally seen and been affected by this. Our partners are a diagnosed DID system. Now I refuse to go into gory details because that's no-one's business. But I will say, that when we first met our partners we instantly became very close friends because we had so much in common despite being different types of systems. There was, however, one glaring difference. We consider ourselves a family where everyone is equal and we all love each other very very much and would do anything for our system mates. Unfortunately Partner System, at the time, did not. They had problems with each other, they'd fight each other pretty often, some were even persecutors, everyone had an "every man for themselves" attitude. So yes, being a system was very much hard on them and at the time they simply did not agree with our outlook of everyone should try to get along.
Never the less, I personally wanted to get to know every single one of them because I considered them all my friends and I wanted them all to have someone to talk to and bond with. So I did. A few other members of our system also got close to a few of theirs. Including one pair in particular. We'll call them V and D. V is from our system, D is from Partner System. Now V and D got along with each other even more than I did with everyone else. So well, in fact, that they fell very very VERY deeply in love. When I say love, I mean the kind of love you usually only read about in story books. I'm sure most people don't even believe in being able to love anyone that much, but I assure you, I have never seen two people more in love than those boys.
Tragically, their love story was not all rainbows and glorious gay butterflies. You see, one day someone else (a singlet in an entirely different body just to clarify) entered the story, a very, very abusive and manipulative someone else. That someone else decided to get very close to the host, and
only the host, of Partner System. They played on the fact that Partner System did not care about everyone as equals and prioritized the host. They made Host get attached to them. They made Host think they needed them. They gave Host an ultimatum, them or us. Well because of the way they previously felt, Host chose them over us. V and D were forced apart in a very brutal way. So brutal, that our entire system could no longer stand to be friends with Host. We never blamed the others for what happened, but what Host did was so devastating that it broke us entirely. For almost two very long years, I am not exaggerating when I tell you, every night V cried and screamed until we physically could not stay awake any longer. There was very little we could do to cope. Though we did our best to support V, the rest of us were broken too. We all lost our best friends. I lost a multitude of people that I worked very hard to earn the trust of and get close to. Our system was not well for a very long time. This didn't stop us from caring about each other though. If anything it reinforced how wrong it would be to deny anyone the right to happiness. We stuck to our family mindset even harder.
And, to our still undying amazement, it really did bring things around. Host started to realize he made a mistake. Partner System got in touch with us again. Host realized abusive person was abusive and left them. Partner System started to treat each other better and V and D were able to be as gay as their little hearts desired again. Other system members even started dating each other too.
Now, granted, this didn't fix everything. While we now live with Partner System and are working on maintaining both a healthy relationship with each other and with our systems, we are still suffering effects of what happened and we still have our rough patches. But both of us have grown together and become more understanding and both of us refuse to let anything like that get between us ever again.
I'm taking the time to say this not because I want to argue with bug, but because I want others who see this thread to understand why systems like ours fight so hard to be recognized despite not being something someone can diagnose. Being a system is important to us, just like being recognized as someone who deserves to simply exist is important to anyone else.
And anyone who doesn't believe this is a story that actually happened should have no problem sending their credit card number to our therapist's office to cover our "obviously fake" medical bills.
Do you take tips?
