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MoonGoddess That's very helpful, thank you! I was wondering though, does Jordan have any internal weaknesses? Does he feel awkward around people, or sometimes get angry towards people he cares about? Any little foibles that round him out, and give him something to think about.
edit: I was also wondering, how much do Jordan and Rhema fight? Jordan has controlled the way she dresses, and wouldn't like her running around in a dangerous world, does Rhema chafe against his desires for her life, and how they conflict with her own?
Also, here's a short for Elijah and Elisha.
Quote:
They come to the decision together, and they come to it amicably. A trial separation, just to see what life would be like apart. To determine if they could handle it if the band broke up, so to speak.
Elisha waves goodbye to Elijah from the front door to their apartment, then turns to his keyboard. He plays a few scales and arpeggios to warm up, fingers feeling stiffer than usual. He plays around with a little Bach afterwards, but it doesn’t speak to him, every note feeling slightly off time compared to the ones before.
Elisha gets out his metronome. That only seems to make it worse.
Elisha goes to the kitchen and microwaves a piece of pizza. He bites into it as soon as it’s out of the machine, and burns his mouth on scalding hot cheese. It still hurts even after sucking on a piece of ice for ten minutes.
He sits back at his keyboard and tentatively plays a C major chord that sounds remarkably like an A minor. When he looks down, he sees he miss-aimed. That’s not something he does. He is a musician. A pianist. He doesn’t need to look to find the keys, he’s been playing since he could reach the board.
His phone buzzes while he has a minor existential crisis.
“Elisha, speaking,” he says, mumbling around his sore tongue.
“Dude, can I come home?” Elijah asks.
Elisha goes to unlock the front door, and finds Elijah already on the stoop, his guitar hanging from the strap around his neck. His G string is broken.
“That was the worst hour of my life,” Elijah says, as his brother hugs him right there in the doorway.
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MoonGoddess That's very helpful, thank you! I was wondering though, does Jordan have any internal weaknesses? Does he feel awkward around people, or sometimes get angry towards people he cares about? Any little foibles that round him out, and give him something to think about.
edit: I was also wondering, how much do Jordan and Rhema fight? Jordan has controlled the way she dresses, and wouldn't like her running around in a dangerous world, does Rhema chafe against his desires for her life, and how they conflict with her own?
Also, here's a short for Elijah and Elisha.
Quote:
They come to the decision together, and they come to it amicably. A trial separation, just to see what life would be like apart. To determine if they could handle it if the band broke up, so to speak.
Elisha waves goodbye to Elijah from the front door to their apartment, then turns to his keyboard. He plays a few scales and arpeggios to warm up, fingers feeling stiffer than usual. He plays around with a little Bach afterwards, but it doesn’t speak to him, every note feeling slightly off time compared to the ones before.
Elisha gets out his metronome. That only seems to make it worse.
Elisha goes to the kitchen and microwaves a piece of pizza. He bites into it as soon as it’s out of the machine, and burns his mouth on scalding hot cheese. It still hurts even after sucking on a piece of ice for ten minutes.
He sits back at his keyboard and tentatively plays a C major chord that sounds remarkably like an A minor. When he looks down, he sees he miss-aimed. That’s not something he does. He is a musician. A pianist. He doesn’t need to look to find the keys, he’s been playing since he could reach the board.
His phone buzzes while he has a minor existential crisis.
“Elisha, speaking,” he says, mumbling around his sore tongue.
“Dude, can I come home?” Elijah asks.
Elisha goes to unlock the front door, and finds Elijah already on the stoop, his guitar hanging from the strap around his neck. His G string is broken.
“That was the worst hour of my life,” Elijah says, as his brother hugs him right there in the doorway.
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Bette
Jordan is pretty brusque--he tries not to think about his emotions, which in itself is a problem. He boxes everything up--and has never experienced love. He does have regular flings with the girls though--always one-night stands, or purely physical. He's not exactly a "good person". :P
He feels like talking to people is a waste of energy, in a way he kinda looks down on people who can't fight...or those who can't survive. He rarely feels sympathy. He does have rare instances where he sees himself in a starving orphan or something--so he will help. but other wise, he's like...a block of ice.
He has nightmares that Rhema is killed before his eyes--because he was not strong enough to protect her.
They don't really have serious fights--and he doesn't control the way she dresses.....idk how you got that idea? @
_@;
When they do fight, it's generally playful stuff, or....like when she wants to keep a kitten or something, or help someone, and he tells her frigidly that it's not practical or possible. And..yeah..they fight over that.
They don't have different goals--just different ways of looking at it. Like....she will think that it's fine to survive AND help others too--but he thinks that it's more important to focus on themselves--and help others ONLY when they have enough and are strong enough to take care of others.
IDK if that makes sense for you? They might bicker over little things like...what to use the electricity for, and she might want him to fight a bit less....
Wah, the short is so cute! ^U^ XDDD
it's pretty accurate...makes me wonder what's gonna happen when they find someone they love. XDDD
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Bette
Jordan is pretty brusque--he tries not to think about his emotions, which in itself is a problem. He boxes everything up--and has never experienced love. He does have regular flings with the girls though--always one-night stands, or purely physical. He's not exactly a "good person". :P
He feels like talking to people is a waste of energy, in a way he kinda looks down on people who can't fight...or those who can't survive. He rarely feels sympathy. He does have rare instances where he sees himself in a starving orphan or something--so he will help. but other wise, he's like...a block of ice.
He has nightmares that Rhema is killed before his eyes--because he was not strong enough to protect her.
They don't really have serious fights--and he doesn't control the way she dresses.....idk how you got that idea? @
_@;
When they do fight, it's generally playful stuff, or....like when she wants to keep a kitten or something, or help someone, and he tells her frigidly that it's not practical or possible. And..yeah..they fight over that.
They don't have different goals--just different ways of looking at it. Like....she will think that it's fine to survive AND help others too--but he thinks that it's more important to focus on themselves--and help others ONLY when they have enough and are strong enough to take care of others.
IDK if that makes sense for you? They might bicker over little things like...what to use the electricity for, and she might want him to fight a bit less....
Wah, the short is so cute! ^U^ XDDD
it's pretty accurate...makes me wonder what's gonna happen when they find someone they love. XDDD
Pixelssss Art Shop ; v ;
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MoonGoddess I'm glad you liked the twins' short.
I took the clothing part from this line, "Jordan has put his foot down concerning her "sexy" way of dressing," where he limits her attire and she goes with it (without seeming to resent the limit, even though she's a young woman). I wouldn't judge Jordan at all for favouring casual sex. So long as everyone wants the same thing, it's perfectly healthy.
I'll try to write you something you like. I don't want to be disrespectful, but I have a few more questions, and it can be a little rough writing characters that don't have important conflicts. Rhema and Jordan have very different personalities and desires, but they never disagree over anything important.
Does Jordan judge Rhema for not being able to fight, since he dislikes people who can't? If he doesn't want to help others (only Rhema), why does he join and lead gangs, where he'd be bound to help out other members, or be a part of gang conflicts? Why doesn't he freelance for money, instead?
I'm also wondering, since Rhema does care so much for people, does she join gangs as well, and try to help people out using her skills? Does she volunteer anywhere? What does she do to make money? Does she have one night stands or boyfriends, and how does Jordan feel about them, or her friends?
edit: Apologies, one more question, who does Jordan want revenge against?
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MoonGoddess I'm glad you liked the twins' short.
I took the clothing part from this line, "Jordan has put his foot down concerning her "sexy" way of dressing," where he limits her attire and she goes with it (without seeming to resent the limit, even though she's a young woman). I wouldn't judge Jordan at all for favouring casual sex. So long as everyone wants the same thing, it's perfectly healthy.
I'll try to write you something you like. I don't want to be disrespectful, but I have a few more questions, and it can be a little rough writing characters that don't have important conflicts. Rhema and Jordan have very different personalities and desires, but they never disagree over anything important.
Does Jordan judge Rhema for not being able to fight, since he dislikes people who can't? If he doesn't want to help others (only Rhema), why does he join and lead gangs, where he'd be bound to help out other members, or be a part of gang conflicts? Why doesn't he freelance for money, instead?
I'm also wondering, since Rhema does care so much for people, does she join gangs as well, and try to help people out using her skills? Does she volunteer anywhere? What does she do to make money? Does she have one night stands or boyfriends, and how does Jordan feel about them, or her friends?
edit: Apologies, one more question, who does Jordan want revenge against?
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bette
The questions are fine.
Jordan does indeed ask that his sister dress in a "less" provocative way--he doesn't want her to be tempting any of the guys in their gang....
I honestly do not know how to convey it in any other way--they honestly do not have major conflicts between them. Their ENTIRE relationship is based off of me and my brother--we are super tight--he's my best friend...and we argue sometimes over little things, but generally we just act as BEST FRIENDS.
He does NOT judge her for not being able to fight--because she's his younger sister. He has a protective streak as i mentioned earlier. Perhaps she may feel a bit resentful over the fact that he's always coddling her. It's his duty to protect her.
Why does he join a gang? It's safer that way--it's hard to solo fights, especially in the Wild, and it's also difficult to survive in a lawless time unless you have a group to back you up. He joins the gang as a fighter, and also because one of his close friends was in it--rose in prominence, rather. What exactly do you mean by "Freelance for money"?
She does not join gangs--she's the one who'd go into the streets and help orphaned kids, or random people she meets. Due to the time era, no she does not "volunteer" anywhere (where would she volunteer anyway? O_o) She does not make money--and if she ever earns a bit of change or food, she gives it away or uses it...so...she's a bit derp in that area. She does not have one night stands--nor does she have a boyfriend...yet. She has never really thought about it. Jordan is reluctant to let her hang around so much with random people he's never met--and is often worried for her safety, but she brushes him off...but
so far, she always comes back safe and sound, thus avoiding any conflict..yet.
Jordan is pursuing his parents murderers (on the side).
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bette
The questions are fine.
Jordan does indeed ask that his sister dress in a "less" provocative way--he doesn't want her to be tempting any of the guys in their gang....
I honestly do not know how to convey it in any other way--they honestly do not have major conflicts between them. Their ENTIRE relationship is based off of me and my brother--we are super tight--he's my best friend...and we argue sometimes over little things, but generally we just act as BEST FRIENDS.
He does NOT judge her for not being able to fight--because she's his younger sister. He has a protective streak as i mentioned earlier. Perhaps she may feel a bit resentful over the fact that he's always coddling her. It's his duty to protect her.
Why does he join a gang? It's safer that way--it's hard to solo fights, especially in the Wild, and it's also difficult to survive in a lawless time unless you have a group to back you up. He joins the gang as a fighter, and also because one of his close friends was in it--rose in prominence, rather. What exactly do you mean by "Freelance for money"?
She does not join gangs--she's the one who'd go into the streets and help orphaned kids, or random people she meets. Due to the time era, no she does not "volunteer" anywhere (where would she volunteer anyway? O_o) She does not make money--and if she ever earns a bit of change or food, she gives it away or uses it...so...she's a bit derp in that area. She does not have one night stands--nor does she have a boyfriend...yet. She has never really thought about it. Jordan is reluctant to let her hang around so much with random people he's never met--and is often worried for her safety, but she brushes him off...but
so far, she always comes back safe and sound, thus avoiding any conflict..yet.
Jordan is pursuing his parents murderers (on the side).
Pixelssss Art Shop ; v ;
Also, as a future note...can you write in past tense instead of present? It kinda drives me nuts when i read "he wishes" instead of "he wished". :P it's just a personal preference thing
Also, as a future note...can you write in past tense instead of present? It kinda drives me nuts when i read "he wishes" instead of "he wished". :P it's just a personal preference thing
Pixelssss Art Shop ; v ;
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MoonGoddess I assumed there'd be churches or orphanages around, people have always volunteered within their communities, providing food or other resources.
By freelance I mean he could work for gangs without joining. Someone who is skilled, particularly with fighting, can charge a lot of money to do work without having to be affiliated with any particular gang.
If it's safer in a gang, why does Jordan join but Rhema doesn't? If she doesn't have a job, what does she do during the day?
I'm starting the story today, I'll have it done soon.
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MoonGoddess I assumed there'd be churches or orphanages around, people have always volunteered within their communities, providing food or other resources.
By freelance I mean he could work for gangs without joining. Someone who is skilled, particularly with fighting, can charge a lot of money to do work without having to be affiliated with any particular gang.
If it's safer in a gang, why does Jordan join but Rhema doesn't? If she doesn't have a job, what does she do during the day?
I'm starting the story today, I'll have it done soon.
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bette
Religion is does not play a part in their time era--not even remotely. After the apocolypse, churches were abandoned, and it's become very survival based--I think we just have very different idea about my setting?
People have become more desperate, perhaps in some cases dehumanized. Their main focus is on living every day, getting the bread they need to survive, clean water, whatever. In a way, it's back to a more primitive time.
oh, that's what you meant! like....a mercenary.
It's safer for the two of them--Rhema doesn't join because in gangs, if girls join, generally they all vie to sleep with the president or vice. So.....he's mainly still trying to protect her. His entire gang knows that "she's with him" and everyone knows not to mess with her--BECAUSE she's his sister--she's sister to a powerful person. She draws a lot, listens to music (as well as she can) and goes on little adventures. She's more like a kid--and still hasn't grown up all that much--still innocent in many many ways.
I'm sorry if this is confusing you...i feel as if you are getting mad at me for not supplying all this detail beforehand. :/
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bette
Religion is does not play a part in their time era--not even remotely. After the apocolypse, churches were abandoned, and it's become very survival based--I think we just have very different idea about my setting?
People have become more desperate, perhaps in some cases dehumanized. Their main focus is on living every day, getting the bread they need to survive, clean water, whatever. In a way, it's back to a more primitive time.
oh, that's what you meant! like....a mercenary.
It's safer for the two of them--Rhema doesn't join because in gangs, if girls join, generally they all vie to sleep with the president or vice. So.....he's mainly still trying to protect her. His entire gang knows that "she's with him" and everyone knows not to mess with her--BECAUSE she's his sister--she's sister to a powerful person. She draws a lot, listens to music (as well as she can) and goes on little adventures. She's more like a kid--and still hasn't grown up all that much--still innocent in many many ways.
I'm sorry if this is confusing you...i feel as if you are getting mad at me for not supplying all this detail beforehand. :/
Pixelssss Art Shop ; v ;
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MoonGoddess I'm not mad, it's just difficult to give someone what they want without a complete brief. You know a lot about the characters because you wrote them, I don't, so I have to ask questions. I hope the second story was more accurate.
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MoonGoddess I'm not mad, it's just difficult to give someone what they want without a complete brief. You know a lot about the characters because you wrote them, I don't, so I have to ask questions. I hope the second story was more accurate.
