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TOPIC | Will Write For Gems! Starting at 5G!
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@Mami

Oh I see now!
XD Is there anything else you would like me to add about her personality or history? Or do you want me to make a few things up so it reaches the 500 word count?
@Mami

Oh I see now!
XD Is there anything else you would like me to add about her personality or history? Or do you want me to make a few things up so it reaches the 500 word count?
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@Fawntastic

It's great! I don't have time now, so I'll give you a review later. And I'm happy you found my other story. It's still in the works. XP And Rain does love to comically land on his face. :D
@Fawntastic

It's great! I don't have time now, so I'll give you a review later. And I'm happy you found my other story. It's still in the works. XP And Rain does love to comically land on his face. :D
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@GreyFaerie

I'm so glad you liked it! :3 Thanks for allowing me to write that!

If you need the bio with the coding in it (the bold words and the centering text) just let me know.
@GreyFaerie

I'm so glad you liked it! :3 Thanks for allowing me to write that!

If you need the bio with the coding in it (the bold words and the centering text) just let me know.
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@Fawntastic feel free to make up things. :)
@Fawntastic feel free to make up things. :)
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@Fawntastic

Review time! Let's see. Muwhahaha, evil music in the background.

The first paragraph is too big. You should have cut it off between his personality and his love with Rain. It can be hard to read with the run on sentences. There are times that is also feels that you repeat yourself. It's not sectioned off completely.

You state something, go to the next part of the story, and restate it as if it's new. It's not too surprising when you tell how Cloud came to love Rain when it's already been said. It's written in a way like it's surprising, but it's not as we already know.

I did edit it a little but kept most of your original. I think my main critic is to not part the sentences so much. In the sense of:

Though, he did make it.
While coming from there, he is here.

You end up using way too many commas where they should be periods and makes it annoying to read. Especially when every to every other sentence is in the same exact format. It can feel too wordy and the reader doesn't exactly understand what you're trying to state.



Cloud Covet is a dragon cut from a different cloth when compared with the other dragons in his Clan - more aligned with an old fashioned notion of chivalry and concepts of duty that may seem out of date nowadays.

Playing the dual role of a bodyguard (most often of messengers) and messenger himself, his role within the Clan is as important as any and his reliability, well known. Though he might seem a surly, humorless fellow, Cloud Covet is more than capable of having fun. In fact, he enjoys the pleasant company and conversation of his Clan mates, though one dragon more-so than the others. He can be too serious and direct at times, but this armored behemoth has adjusted to the ways of his new Clan as well as their relaxed, easy going natures.

Of all the dragons in the Clan, there is none more dear to him than Rain Covet - a beautiful, talkative, rain-obsessed fae for whom he modeled his name after. The tiny dragoness had gotten a hold of his heart shortly after his arrival and to this day, still keeps it in her warm, delicate little claws.

Cloud Covet was not born here, as you might've guessed, but instead hailed from a Clan belonging to Bluestar20337, now Xemnas, in the wasteland. The territories of Plague are in direct and almost disturbing contrast to the sweeping desertscape the Stormcatcher calls home. Delivering a message of challenge from one Clan to another, the guardian, then only called Cloud, had been caught in a rain storm and would have had some difficulty navigating the terrain had it not been for a certain female fae. Landing upon his head in a way that was almost comical, Rain Covet showed him the way back to her Clan.

While forced to wait until the storm had died down and his clothing had dried, Cloud and Rain Covet soon bonded over their shared Plague heritage. Cloud came to find her amusing in a charming, endearing sort of way. Though he was initially supposed to come right back with the Lightning Clan's response to the challenge, Cloud's loyalties were soon split between the Clan he was from and the Clan he was longing to be in. Feeling as though he had found a better home here, with Rain Covet and the Clan leader, Cloud made the hefty decision to stay, permanently.

He hasn't looked back since.

Though it was a trial initially, getting used to all of the gadgets and doohickeys that his new Clan seemed so fond of. With the sweet, chatty fae to keep him company, Cloud managed just fine. His role has not changed since joining the GreyFaerie Clan. He is still a messenger and the protector of messengers, a worthy addition to a Clan he feels himself truly happy in. Though it doesn't always show, being the stoic, taciturn type, Cloud Covet is in a proper home, in love with a beautiful dragoness, and now the proud father of many hatchlings.

All thanks to Rain Covet, whom he always remembers to cherish, each and every day that they get to spend together.
@Fawntastic

Review time! Let's see. Muwhahaha, evil music in the background.

The first paragraph is too big. You should have cut it off between his personality and his love with Rain. It can be hard to read with the run on sentences. There are times that is also feels that you repeat yourself. It's not sectioned off completely.

You state something, go to the next part of the story, and restate it as if it's new. It's not too surprising when you tell how Cloud came to love Rain when it's already been said. It's written in a way like it's surprising, but it's not as we already know.

I did edit it a little but kept most of your original. I think my main critic is to not part the sentences so much. In the sense of:

Though, he did make it.
While coming from there, he is here.

You end up using way too many commas where they should be periods and makes it annoying to read. Especially when every to every other sentence is in the same exact format. It can feel too wordy and the reader doesn't exactly understand what you're trying to state.



Cloud Covet is a dragon cut from a different cloth when compared with the other dragons in his Clan - more aligned with an old fashioned notion of chivalry and concepts of duty that may seem out of date nowadays.

Playing the dual role of a bodyguard (most often of messengers) and messenger himself, his role within the Clan is as important as any and his reliability, well known. Though he might seem a surly, humorless fellow, Cloud Covet is more than capable of having fun. In fact, he enjoys the pleasant company and conversation of his Clan mates, though one dragon more-so than the others. He can be too serious and direct at times, but this armored behemoth has adjusted to the ways of his new Clan as well as their relaxed, easy going natures.

Of all the dragons in the Clan, there is none more dear to him than Rain Covet - a beautiful, talkative, rain-obsessed fae for whom he modeled his name after. The tiny dragoness had gotten a hold of his heart shortly after his arrival and to this day, still keeps it in her warm, delicate little claws.

Cloud Covet was not born here, as you might've guessed, but instead hailed from a Clan belonging to Bluestar20337, now Xemnas, in the wasteland. The territories of Plague are in direct and almost disturbing contrast to the sweeping desertscape the Stormcatcher calls home. Delivering a message of challenge from one Clan to another, the guardian, then only called Cloud, had been caught in a rain storm and would have had some difficulty navigating the terrain had it not been for a certain female fae. Landing upon his head in a way that was almost comical, Rain Covet showed him the way back to her Clan.

While forced to wait until the storm had died down and his clothing had dried, Cloud and Rain Covet soon bonded over their shared Plague heritage. Cloud came to find her amusing in a charming, endearing sort of way. Though he was initially supposed to come right back with the Lightning Clan's response to the challenge, Cloud's loyalties were soon split between the Clan he was from and the Clan he was longing to be in. Feeling as though he had found a better home here, with Rain Covet and the Clan leader, Cloud made the hefty decision to stay, permanently.

He hasn't looked back since.

Though it was a trial initially, getting used to all of the gadgets and doohickeys that his new Clan seemed so fond of. With the sweet, chatty fae to keep him company, Cloud managed just fine. His role has not changed since joining the GreyFaerie Clan. He is still a messenger and the protector of messengers, a worthy addition to a Clan he feels himself truly happy in. Though it doesn't always show, being the stoic, taciturn type, Cloud Covet is in a proper home, in love with a beautiful dragoness, and now the proud father of many hatchlings.

All thanks to Rain Covet, whom he always remembers to cherish, each and every day that they get to spend together.
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@GreyFaerie

XD Ah, perhaps I wasn't very specific. I more wanted a review on promptness and whether or not I was able to include all of the points you mentioned, but this is good too.

I believe I repeated myself a few times for the sole purpose of making absolutely sure I didn't miss anything, xD and sorry about the run-ons, that's been a habit of mine for a looong time.

Thanks for the Review!

@Mami

Alrighty, will do! :)
@GreyFaerie

XD Ah, perhaps I wasn't very specific. I more wanted a review on promptness and whether or not I was able to include all of the points you mentioned, but this is good too.

I believe I repeated myself a few times for the sole purpose of making absolutely sure I didn't miss anything, xD and sorry about the run-ons, that's been a habit of mine for a looong time.

Thanks for the Review!

@Mami

Alrighty, will do! :)
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@Fawntastic

Now I feel bad. T-T

Let's see, review. It was good. You weren't late. You even found my other story thing. I liked what you wrote. So, yay?
@Fawntastic

Now I feel bad. T-T

Let's see, review. It was good. You weren't late. You even found my other story thing. I liked what you wrote. So, yay?
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@GreyFaerie

XD Nah it's okay, it was certainly eye opening though. I still write in a style that's more for-my-eyes-only, I think. I haven't actually done written requests before now, so I know what to keep an eye out for! I think I'll have to adjust the word count, or request more information for the next bio that wants more than 250 words so I'm not straining or repeating myself in order to reach the promised word count.

XDD Don't feel bad, it's better that I fix this now after my first customer than 10 customers down the road, lol.
@GreyFaerie

XD Nah it's okay, it was certainly eye opening though. I still write in a style that's more for-my-eyes-only, I think. I haven't actually done written requests before now, so I know what to keep an eye out for! I think I'll have to adjust the word count, or request more information for the next bio that wants more than 250 words so I'm not straining or repeating myself in order to reach the promised word count.

XDD Don't feel bad, it's better that I fix this now after my first customer than 10 customers down the road, lol.
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@Mami

Had a very busy day today, will have that bio for you tomorrow! :)
@Mami

Had a very busy day today, will have that bio for you tomorrow! :)
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@Fawntastic

You know what I'm doin'? I'm bumpin' your thread. That's right. SHA-ZAM. *rams into thread headfirst*
@Fawntastic

You know what I'm doin'? I'm bumpin' your thread. That's right. SHA-ZAM. *rams into thread headfirst*
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