Fact
(#80099064)
Level 1 Skydancer
Copper
Grouse Basilisk
Click or tap to view this dragon in Predict Morphology.
Energy: 50/50
This dragon’s natural inborn element is Ice.
Male Skydancer
This dragon is hibernating.
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Personal Style
Apparel
Skin
Scene
Measurements
Length
4.68 m
Wingspan
7.04 m
Weight
719.51 kg
Genetics
Metals
Crystal
Crystal
Ruby
Constellation
Constellation
Rose
Firefly
Firefly
Hatchday
Breed
Eye Type
Level 1 Skydancer
EXP: 0 / 245
STR
4
AGI
5
DEF
4
QCK
9
INT
9
VIT
4
MND
9
Biography
Shard of memory from another place and time. Forever sealed in the Fortress of Ends.
Please don't delete him, future me!
Please don't delete him, future me!
VIII・X・MMXXII
Some life updates...
Grandma passed away last month. I'm not really letting myself focus on it. Not much at all. I know this is better for her and I'll see her again someday. So it's a waste of time being crippled by grief. But i still feel it creeping at the back of my mind.
I'm worried about what the grief may do to Dad. He seems to be managing it, but has very awkward and detached, stuttering speech from time to time. He's getting older and I have no idea how much time we have left. With him or mom. Again, it's not worth being suffocated by grief or fear. But I'd be lying if I said I wasn't emotionally and physically stifled by those thoughts I can't fully drown.
I had the worst back pain of my life yesterday. Sharp, cutting, heated. In the center of my back up to my left shoulder. I literally felt I HAD to get in the pool, and do various stretches, just to alleviate some of it. Did notice it brought me out of brain fog for a split second, while I was submerged. I was fully present and could really see. My blurry white legs and the blue of the water encasing me.
Right now I'm laying on the bathroom floor, and I still feel a lot of residual pain, coursing through my spine. It's chilly, the floor. Not sure if that's harmful or beneficial.
School starts on the 22nd. Is there even a point in continuing? It is teaching me emotional regulation. And forcing my brain to think critically.
Some things I learned in Physics and would rather not forget:
We contain atoms of every person that has ever existed. We're made of stars, essentially. And we're always exchanging atoms with eachother, even just through breathing.
You can only push on something as hard as it can push back on you.
Inertia: if no net force is acting on an object it will keep moving indefinitely or not move at all.
Cars move by pushing on the road and the ROAD pushing back on them.
Igloos stay up because of the forces of compression acting on the bricks against eachother. Domes use this principle. Eggs too.
Surface tension, like atoms drawing together more than surrounding atoms, is the cause of water droplets.
Almost every source of energy, from coal to wind, comes from the Sun.
Gravity acceleration is g=10 m/s^2
Air has buoyancy. If gravity were greater air would become a liquid.
Artificial gravity can be created by centripetal force.
The earth will be hit with a "NEO" again at some point.
The main hindrance to time reversal is the Second Law of Thermodynamics / Entropy.
Acceleration = (Final velocity - initial velocity) \ time
Scientific "fact" is changeable
Also, I've realized how horrifyingly long I've been holding on to the Pokemon group. How long I've been accepting inconsistent talking and not trying to activately find more friends, so I'm not alone again most of the time. I'm not sure it could have gone any differently, If I really could have handled more, but it's sad to realize. I'm angry at them for not being more. But I also know that was never their responsibility. You can't force friendship or chemistry. And other people don't exist to entertain or pander to me. If I'm not enough for them and vice versa, it's okay. That doesn't mean there wasn't value to what we have and had. There was. I'm thankful for them, especially S. But I need to entirely stop leaning on them and their memory.
It's a very painful and confusing process, but so so important. I've never had friends like them. I've never been as comfortably close to people outside of family. And I've never lost friends like them. I've never even had such a stable base to my social circle, let alone tried to branch out. Of course it's going to be a struggle.
It's scary, and it hurts, but I will try to be as rational about it as I can. I'll try.
Lastly, I guess. Considering whether I like women or not again. First time I've written it down, I think. It's such a "popular" thing right now, which makes me question how genuine the consideration really is for me. And how many "bad" experiences I've had with men. Putting it in quotations because it could have been a lot worse AND it's likely I'd have the same experiences with women, more or less.
My parents seem to be pretty uncomfortable with that kind of thing. They try to be accepting, but were raised a certain way and those biases poke through.
That shouldn't prevent me from experimenting, it's not like they would disown me. But just with the way I am, how direct I am typically. It doesn't feel like it would be easy to hide if I did experiment.
And I'm bad enough with platonic friendships. And heterosexual "romance". Added family judgement from being with a girl, whether I ended up liking it or not, seems near unmanageable. I don't really feel like I can date again at all. Also feel I may regret not doing more in my 20s if I don't. WEEEEee fun stuff.
I'm thankful for my family, for my safety, for all my basic needs being met and then some. I'm thankful for this time, what I hope can be a period of emotional growth. I'm thankful for my life, for the opportunities I've been given. I miss you Grandma. I'll miss my friends. But it will be okay.
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