BrushYourTeeth

Male horses have 40 teeth, while female horses have 36 teeth. Did you know that?

Always make sure to count their teeth, so you know what you're dealing with. Go on, count my teeth. I have many. So, so many. As you can see, they're not just in my mouth. They're all over me. They shear through my skin, right out from the bone. Doesn't it hurt? Maybe. No more than you do. Some people are able to filter out the constant, unyielding pain. Aren't they lucky? Not all of us are quite so gifted, but not everyone has teeth growing from every square inch of their body either.

Hah. I was joking, see? It doesn't hurt. I was fooling you. Making you not want to be like me. It's natural to be envious of all my teeth.

Geese don't actually have teeth on their tongue. It's just keratin. It's different. They're not teeth. Those disgusting birds wish they could have teeth. But they don't. They aren't suited for it, they don't deserve them. I've killed birds before, for it. Not for what they have, just for what they don't. It's the way of the world.

Are you finished counting my teeth yet? Don't worry, I won't go changing them while you're counting. Moving them around does hurt, kind of. It's moving them through my skin. The nerves have to rearrange themselves. If I'm just sitting here, I can't add any more to my collection. I want to though, I always want to. It's an urge. The urge to be better. I'm already the best, but can you blame me? Every second I stay still, someone could catch up to me. Steal what I have. What I earned.

It's MINE. YOU HEAR ME? THEY'RE MINE.

Teeth aren't just hard enamel. They're squishy on the inside. They wear down, that pulp starts to leak out. It starts to ache. You can't handle chewing on cold things. It starts to hurt, for no reason. Well, there is a reason. It's because their insides are falling out, and you've been too lazy to fix them. They're blackened, yellow, red, green, stained, they have holes. You have holes, in your teeth. Clusters of them that you can't feel with your tongue, pockmarked on the surface. They let the disease and sick in, make them rot. Rot, in my precious teeth.

You're still counting. I have more teeth than I have bones. Maybe they used to be someone else's, but like I said. They're mine now. And I'm starting to get impatient. Marrow and pulp. There's not a lot different between the two. But there is. There's so many hard things that might masquerade as teeth. But it's not. I refuse it.

I. hate. whales. Keratin isn't teeth. I don't care what they say. They don't chew, they just swallow. I will never go to the ocean because of this. I hate going near water. Fish teeth are unremarkable and small. I deserve better than them.

400 teeth you say? Very brazen of you to try guessing an even number. But you're wrong. I have so many teeth that I'm not showing you. You were going to be wrong whatever you did. Even if you counted every tooth sticking out of my body, you'd be wrong. Or maybe you'd be right, but not for long.

I've decided I need your teeth more than you do.