Unnamed

Sunday, January 22, 2023

I don’t know how to write this… I guess I’ll start with the ball. That’s when things started falling apart. Water put me in an ugly dress that had too-tight sleeves and looked like fire. Phillip looked like a lizard. Anyway, the most important thing happened when I tried to bail on the party to avoid being asked to dance. I fled down a random hallway, as fast as one can flee when in a puffy, ruffled dress. I didn’t get far though. A Firidian knight posted in the hall caught my arm as I passed by. He said something, but the low tone of his voice combined with is helmet made it impossible to understand. I yanked on my arm; I could have easily gotten free if it weren’t for my ridiculous outfit.

"Let go!" I growled.

The guy ripped his helmet off with his free hand and repeated himself, "Peregrine?"

My breath left me for a moment. He had ruddy hair and light brown eyes. There was something different about him—it had been two years, after all—but those wonderfully familiar eyes spoke volumes. Just like they always had.

"No…." I whispered in disbelief.

He said one word. It started with a B.

"######…?"

"Yes," he whispered back, and pulled me into a tight hug. I think he forgot he was wearing metal armor, but I didn’t care at all.

"But… how?" I was crying now, tears of joy.

"Where have you been?" he asked. He of course knew that my question was rhetorical.

I stepped out of his embrace so I could see his face again. There were tears in his eyes too.

"Andresia…." I said. There was no point in asking where he’d been.

"Really?" He was studying me; I no doubt looked different too. "I would have expected you to go back to the ocean. Even after… what happened."

What happened… I’d thought him dead after that. This conversation felt too surreal.

I half-smiled. "Plans changed. Man, there’s so much to tell you. I can’t believe you’re even here."

He hugged me again. "I know. It’s been so long, fearing the worst. I’m so glad you’re okay."

I hugged him back. "I couldn’t deprive the world of Peregrine Ba#####!"

He knew what I was really trying to say.

Suddenly we heard screams from the ballroom. We broke apart as a few people ran out of the ballroom. They looked terrified. By an unspoken agreement, ###### and I went to the doorway, cutting our reunion short. Too short. It’s too difficult to describe all that happened afterwards, at least for now; however, I managed to tell ###### when and where to meet me again before we got separated. Next Saturday, a restaurant in Arden. He promised he’d be there. I didn’t see him again after that. I hope he ended up okay. As for me… I’ve had a rough day. And that’s a huge understatement.

I woke up late this morning. It was the breakfast gong that roused me. I almost didn’t get out of bed. Those of us Andresians who’d gone to the ball weren’t expected back for nearly another week. No one would miss me if I slept a while longer. I only rolled out of bed because I figured Phillip and Water would need help explaining our presence and the events of the night before. I got up, rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, and then saw it. The healing gem was sitting on my desk weighing down a small scrap of paper. I immediately got a sinking feeling inside, who can say why? I picked up the gem and the note with shaking hands.


It was that last line that hit me hardest. There was so much more. I could tell this was different from last time. This was real. But… why? It had seemed like something was bothering him yesterday. What if it had been longer than that? How could I not have noticed? I sat down on my bed and read the note once, twice, over and over. Reality sunk further in each time. There was true feeling behind those words, that’s what made them different. The last note had been pure nonsense. This one… terse, honest. The handwriting was wiggly at some parts, almost as if his hands had been shaking too. And the gem… I ran my fingers over its twinkling facets. Was it just my imagination, or were its edges worn soft by Phillip’s doing the very same? There was, of course, a small dent where the pieces of my hairpin had come from. My hairpin… I already had that, so what was the point of leaving me this? I studied the gem’s familiar shape, suddenly seeing it in a different light. I felt sick. I shoved the stupid thing under my pillow.

I flopped onto my back and stared blankly at the ceiling. This couldn’t be real. Had I found my oldest friend just to lose my closest one? Life couldn’t be that cruel… who was I kidding, of course it could. A few tears rolled down the sides of my face.

No, was my only thought. No.

Peregrine….

Imelda.

No.

Come talk to me.

No.

Please?

What did I have to lose? Nothing anymore. I slipped into my mind. It required no effort nowadays. The bed was soft. Too soft. It felt like it was swallowing me whole. I scrambled off of it, tumbling blindly off the edge and hitting the floor with a hollow thud.

"Peregrine!" gasped Imelda. She knelt down by me and brushed the hair out of my face.

I pushed her away and stood up. The window was completely dark, not a single tiny speck of light. It was empty.

"Peregrine, are you all right?"

Right. She’d seen what had happened, but she had no clue what I’d been thinking.

"Say something."

"No," I sobbed.

"Come now, do you really think he’s gone? Shouldn’t you check before overreacting?"

I shook my head. "No!" I shouted at her. "He’s gone. How could I have been so blind? What was he thinking?" I began pacing the length of the tiny room. Imelda helplessly watched. "Why couldn’t he have said something? Did he try to? Did I not listen?"

Each question brought on a new one. I don’t know how long the process went on, but a storm was raging outside the window when I finally got done. Colors flashed like lightning, and the rumbling of thunder sounded like the shifting logs of a fire.

"Why did he have to leave?" My voice broke with the words.

Imelda had long since given up, and was sitting in her chair. When she had waited a safe amount of time to be sure I was done, she stood and peeked curiously out the window.

"Control your emotions, Peregrine."

"What?"

"Let’s approach this carefully. We start with the what. What emotion are you feeling strongest?"

"I don’t know!"

She nodded and kept staring out the window at the nothingness. "Despair. Hopelessness. Why?"

I wasn’t quite listening. "He’s my best friend…." I whispered to myself.

"Is that all?"

"Y—yes."

"Honestly, Peregrine. You’re inside your own mind. The only person to lie to here is yourself."

"No…" I said slowly, "you’re here. You—you selfish control freak!"

She was speechless.

"You don’t care about me at all, do you? Only yourself. Always concerned with my 'mental stability.' You’re afraid of getting lost, aren’t you? Of being forgotten. Your questions are all empty, just to keep me distracted. I’m no real friend to you; I’m just a vessel, a safe haven. Well I’m tired of it!"

She looked like I’d slapped her in the face. My outburst had been the product of spending nearly three months observing her and listening to her. Even more so than she’d been doing to me. Apparently this certain subject was where I finally snapped. I couldn’t live with her anymore.

"I wish I could forget you. In any case—" I gestured around the room, "this is over. I can’t take it anymore!"

She jumped as bars crashed in front of the window. The glass slowly frosted over, and a thick black curtain unfurled, covering the window entirely. Considering what I did next, all of that security proved unnecessary.

I placed my hands on her shoulders and pushed her against the wall. "And those eyes are mine."

Terror was written plainly on her face now. As I stared into her eyes, the color leeched from them until her irises were completely white. There were only the tiniest shadows of grey to outline the gap around her pupils. She screamed. I let her go. Whatever I’d just done, I didn’t regret it one bit. I pushed myself out of my mind, leaving Imelda in a blind, sobbing heap on the floor. She was a prisoner in her tower now. I was finally truly alone.

I stayed in my room grappling with conflicting thoughts and emotions until lunch. At one point I’d picked up my tiny orange gem. He hadn’t asked me not to follow him this time… but I couldn’t do it. I got dressed and tucked the gem deep into my pocket with the faint hope that he might. Me? I decided to leave him alone. He didn’t need me to try and solve all his problems for him. I probably hindered more than helped anyway. Why hadn’t I realized that before? Yep, he didn’t need me. But… maybe I needed him. Maybe I was the real control freak, trying to keep my friends safely within sight. Could anyone blame me for that though after what I’d been through two years ago?

Those were my thoughts as I picked up my jacket from where I’d dumped it on the floor the night before. Something in its pocket added weight to it. I couldn’t remember what I’d left in there, so I reached in… and recoiled at the close call. A shiny green crystal had been centimeters from my touch. I carefully grabbed it by its edges and dropped it on my bedside table. Another enigma. Perhaps he hadn’t left that on purpose, but he did indeed hand it to me on purpose yesterday. That should have been my first warning that something was wrong with him. Granted, I had been very confused, but he’d run off after giving it to me and I’d been too busy every moment after to question it.

I refilled my pocket with Phillip’s note and left the room. The hallways were deserted because everyone was at lunch. I passed by Phillip’s room, slowed my pace, and ended up turning around and going back to his door. I stared at it. I placed my hand on the knob. Maybe, just maybe, he would be on the other side. I knew I was wrong before I opened the door. The room was stuffed full, pretty messy, and dimly lit by the window. To me it was empty. I took two steps inside. His gem chest was gone, his precious notebooks too, and he himself of course. So this was really real.

"Peregrine?"

I jumped and turned around.

"Jimmy?"

"Uh, er, yes." He sounded shifty. "What are you doing here?"

I hastened out of the room to join Jimmy in the hall and shut the door behind me.

"It’s a long story," I said truthfully. "What are you doing here? Isn’t your room that way?" I pointed down the hall, though I really wasn’t sure where his room was.

He fidgeted nervously. "Um… bathroom!"

He ran off. Where was his room anyway?

I shook the encounter away and continued down the hall. I put my blinders on, focusing only on the next step. Phillip had resigned. I was technically still a captain, so informing me had made it official. Now to convince the others. I knocked on every captain’s door to see if any were in their office. The first one to answer was Captain Hefley, and I’d saved him for very last. It just had to be him, didn’t it? The one day he’s actually in his office during lunch….

He opened the door. "Captain Peregrine," he said contemptuously. He didn’t seem surprised to see me. Interesting.

"Captain Hefley," I said flatly.

We glared at each other until I pushed past him into his office. I studied the tapestry on the wall while I waited for him to sit at his desk. The design was the Andresian crest in blue and white.

"Yesterday is a long story…." I began when he finally sat.

"Indeed. I have already suffered through the Royal Wizard’s telling of it."

"Really?" I was actually surprised. That explained why he hadn’t been shocked to see me back so soon, but… Water? Why had he told anyone anything? Perhaps he had just been starved for attention.

"It was a very unique tale,” Captain Hefley went on. It didn’t quite sound like he’d entirely believed it the tale.

"Y—yes," I muttered. I did my best to keep my voice steady. "I suppose I’ll cut straight to heart of the matter then. Phillip Stone has resigned."

Now he seemed surprised. "I—I don’t quite understand. Knights don’t simply 'resign.'"

"Well… he did." I held up the crumpled note, artfully covering the last few lines with my fingers. Captain Hefley need only see the first one.

He seemed angry. I guess the handwriting had proved my words true. I honestly hadn’t expected to be believed so easily.

"That is preposterous!" Hefley fumed.

It was. I almost didn’t believe it myself, but something inside had caused me to accept the truth the moment I’d read the note.

Hefley ranted for a full ten minutes. I tuned him out in the first thirty seconds. I had my own thoughts to think while he raged. I don’t know how long the room was silent before I snapped back to attention.

Hefley held open the door. "Go get lunch, Captain. I will discuss this with the others."

"But shouldn’t I—"

"Go now."

I wish I had refused. Lunch was another ordeal that I barely escaped from. It seemed Wa—Monty had informed everyone of last night’s events, and they all stared at me as I sat down in an empty seat. A kitchen maid came along soon after with an extra plate for me. I think she’s the one who started the whispers that soon spread like wildfire around the dining hall, too. I don’t know exactly what they were, for they never reached me. That could only mean I was the subject of them. I ate as quickly as possible, then retreated to my room. I paced and thought and sat and moped. None of it helped of course.

Around five o’clock, I heard a commotion out in the hall. I think at that point I was just curled up on my bed in the dark, but it’s all a blur, really. I cracked open my door. Three knights about my age were walking down the hall. One held a lantern (this being the east side of the building, there was hardly any sunlight coming through the windows now) and the other two were laden with boxes. They had come from the direction of Phillip’s room. I snuck out of my own room and headed that way. Lantern light was spilling out of the doorway. I walked in. Another boy was piling books off Phillip’s shelf into a box. The room was slightly less full than before. I guess the other captains had decided Phillip had really resigned. The boy glanced up at me questioningly.

"Just here to help…." I mumbled.

I grabbed a bag of Phillip’s that was sitting on the floor and started shoving random things into it. There was no shortage of those. His mask from the ball was on the floor too. I picked it up, and as I was examining it, the other three knights came back. Somehow they didn’t notice me, so I slipped away before they could. I still had the bag with me and mask in hand. I didn’t know where they’d been taking Phillip’s stuff, so I just went back to my room. I dropped the bag on my bed and sat at my desk. I pulled Phillip’s note out of my pocket and set it on the desk, along with his mask. My own mask was still sitting there as well.

That’s when I pulled this journal out of my dresser drawer. I haven’t written a word in this thing since Phillip gave it to me to "vent my feelings." Had he really expected me to keep that going for more than a week? I guess it really comes in handy now though, because it’s definitely a good time to vent my feelings. Why do I even feel compelled to do this? Writing these words on paper doesn’t help make anything better, yet here I am. This is dumb.


Tuesday, January 24, 2023

Yesterday was awful, as to be expected when something involves Liam. I asked myself several times over the course of the day if I’d really meant to invite Liam to help me. Well, we did manage to capture Vladimir at least. I came home battered and bruised, but, after much inner debate, I didn’t touch the heart—healing gem with my bare hands. I took it out of my pocket with a glove. Scars play a part in making me who I am; they’re a testament to my having survived this long. About an hour after I got back from that mission, I went to Monty’s tower. I banged on his door, hoping he’d be able to hear me if he were way at the top. Then I remembered how ridiculous his hearing was. I pondered his tower while I waited for him. I don’t think I’ve ever been in there, except that one time with—

"Wha?" Monty said as he flung his door open.

I took a deep breath. "Monty, I—"

"I AM WATER!"

"Not anymore. I have a favor to ask."

"Wha?"

"I want a haircut."

I held out my braids for him to examine. They were tangled, dusty, and had globs of squishy pink fruit stuck in some places (long story). Monty looked at me like I was crazy. Me? Peregrine? Asking for a haircut? From him of all people? Yes, yes indeed. It was time for a change. Besides, it would be out of my way if it were shorter. Monty gathered his tools—believe me, they were necessary—and we went to the woods outside the castle walls to do the deed. That was necessary too. We had to leave the remnants somewhere. Monty sat me down on a large rock by the river. Poor Monty.

First, he had to untangle my braids, then brush them. I’m not ashamed to say that these two simple steps took over an hour. After that, he had to wash my hair. He looked very wary during all of this work. I think he was subconsciously bracing himself for me to change my mind and yell at him for what he was doing. I never did though. I only snapped at him once. He’d just dumped his tenth bucket of soap-mixed river water on my head when he made a casual comment that struck a tender cord with me.

"This would be much easier if Phillip were here," he complained.

"Well he isn’t!" I cried out harshly.

Monty jumped back in fright. I immediately felt sorry. Is this what I’d come to? That one of my only friends left in the world was afraid to even be near me? I kept my mouth shut for the rest of the haircut process, and it was no short process. Monty held up a mirror when he was done. My damp hair reached about an inch below my chin, and was more wavy than ever before from being so short. My reflection didn’t look like me. I hated it.

"Thanks," I told Monty.

Lying in bed that night, I wondered why my head still felt so heavy. Right before I fell asleep, I realized that thoughts could weigh a person down just as much as long thick hair.

This morning, I went down to breakfast as late as possible, arriving in the dining hall just in time to be served. I sat at the very end of a bench. No one sat next to me, but everyone was staring again. I hoped it was mostly because of the hair this time, though I knew it probably wasn’t. My suspicions were confirmed a few minutes later. A rough-looking boy dropped onto the bench next to me. It was the same guy who liked to pick on Bertram. I was in for it now.

"Hey, Peregrine," he drawled. "What a surprise to see you here."

"Oh yeah?" I asked, uninterested. "How come?"

"Why, Phillip’s up and disappeared again. It surprises everyone that he didn’t take you with him this time. Poor thing, has he found someone new to cavort around with?"

Fake pity. The worst kind of insult. I heard more than a few snickers from the other knights. Chivalry and honor? Both lies. These people were just as prejudiced and judgmental as everyone else. I carefully stood up, taking my half full bowl with me. Without saying a word, I dumped the remainder of my gruel on the boy’s head, setting the bowl on top for extra panache. The room burst into laughter. Whether at me or him was hard to tell, perhaps a bit of both. I left the room with my chin held high. I could almost feel the fire in my eyes. When I got to my bedroom, I wrote some very nasty things on a piece of paper. Then I held it out the window and watched the ashes drift away in the breeze.

I slammed the window shut with a newfound determination to test my limits. I dragged Phillip’s bag out from under my bed. It was all I had to put stuff in, that’s the only reason why. I opened it.

"AH!"

Cool Bananas sprang out and latched onto my face. I dropped the satchel and pried the monkey off. He went limp. Boy did he look pitiful.

"Yeah," I assailed, "he’s gone and we’re all super sad. You’re gonna have to get over it."

I threw him on the bed and picked up the bag. I spent the next couple of hours going through its contents. I hadn’t meant to do it for so long, but there was some cool stuff I’d thrown in there without looking at. Maybe some of it would be useful later. I recognized a few things, and got distracted reliving bygone days. Eventually, Cool Bananas crawled back into the satchel, interrupting my reverie. I sighed and stood up. What a waste of time that had been…. I got my red Aster band out of the one place I kept personal belongings. With any luck, the person I wanted to see would be at Aster H.Q. Not the person I wanted to see most, obviously.

I teleported to Aster H.Q. The lobby was in pure chaos. About half a dozen people were running around trying to catch what could only be almost one hundred rampaging chichis, but my quarry was no where to be found. I grabbed the shoulder of the next person who ran by, stopping them in their tracks.

"Have you seen Liam Bones?" I yelled over the noise.

"Hi, Perry!" the boy said cheerfully.

Toby Pringles. Of course. He had ten chichis under each arm and was trying to shove one into a strange-looking container. I assumed it was magically bigger on the inside.

"Hi… Toby. Can you—I’m sorry, do you need help?"

He was now balancing the cage on one knee so he could use both hands to push on the chichi.

"Nobody like you should waste their time helping me, a messenger. If you need a mission, you should go talk to someone in the office department."

He managed to get some of the chichis in the crate.

"Yeah, okay." I took the crate from him and rapidly forced the rest of his chichis inside, then handed it back to him. "I’m looking for Liam. Do you know where he is?"

"Who?" Toby picked up another chichi that was trying to eat his pants.

"Umm, tall, orange hair, obsessed with burning things down… yeah I’ll find him myself."

I went into the closest room, Aster’s library of records. There was only a handful of people, who were sitting and reading, inside.

"Has anyone seen Liam Bones?" I demanded. Library or not, I wasn’t lowering my volume.

One girl who seemed about my age looked up from her book. "I have."

"Where?"

"I think he just left."

Just my luck. The girl closed her book and stood up. Far be it from me to say she was pretty, but she wasn’t all that ugly either. Her hair was a rich chocolate brown that reached to her elbows like mine used to. Mine was actually a little longer than that, but did I miss it? Not really, to be honest. Anyway, she also had sparkling light-blue eyes. They reminded me of sunrises in Andresia. I then and there decided to dislike her eyes.

"Well? Do you know where he went?" I asked.

"Um…." She stuck her book on one of the shelves. "Who are you?"

"Peregrine," I herself said impatiently. "Just Peregrine."

"Well, I think he went home. I'll see you." She began briskly walking away.

I followed, matching her pace. "I don’t know where he lives, but you clearly know something. And I’m not leaving until you tell me what it is."

"You're a random stranger I've never seen in my life, and you want me to just tell you where Liam lives? Sorry, but no."

We entered the lobby.

"Actually I said I wanted you to tell me what you know, not specifically where he lives. But that would work too."

Where does he live? I thought he worked for Firidi, but I’m not so sure anymore….

"Sorry," the girl said again, "I've met too many bad people before."—And Liam wasn’t one of them?—"Hey look, apparently he hasn't left yet." She gestured across the lobby to where Liam had walked out of the office room, deep in discussion with Robin.

"Touché. See ya."

I approached Liam and Robin. They barely noticed me. After a moment’s hesitation, I said, "Excuse me?"

They both turned to me. At the same time across the room, Toby somehow spilled a entire crate of chichis. Toby fell to the ground and was instantly mobbed by thirty of the furry things.

"For Peter’s sake," I muttered. "Liam," I said louder, "I need—that is, I’d like to talk to you. Don’t go anywhere."

I calmly went to Toby and used a forcefield to funnel the chichis back into their container. I dug around in my—well, Phillip’s satchel for a lock. I’d found a small box of them in the bag earlier. I don’t know why he had them, yet never used them for his notebooks or anything. When I found the locks, I put one on the lid of the chichi crate. I dropped the box with the rest of the locks next to Toby.

"Use those," I told him.

"Thank you?"

"Whatever, you’re welcome," I muttered. He didn’t hear me. That’s just as well.

I turned back to Liam and Robin. He was grinning; her face was bright red and she had her hands in fists at her sides. She stormed away. I would have asked Liam what he’d said, and I probably would have laughed along, but… insulting people doesn’t seem all that important anymore.

"Liam," I took a deep breath, “I think you know why I’m here. Can we go somewhere… more private?"

Anyone not occupied with a chichi was staring at Toby, and subsequently at me.

Liam attempted to stop laughing at Robin, and turned to me. ''What did you say?"

I studied his face for a few seconds, then narrowed my eyes at him. He’s terrible at hiding things sometimes. "You heard what I said."

"Well, that doesn't necessarily mean that I cared. I just wanted you to repeat yourself and sound dumb."

"Too bad. I don’t fall for stupid tricks."

"Yeah, but it worked on Robin," he whispered.

I bit my lip to keep from joining in with making fun of her. Turning over a new leaf is so hard.

"Can we just go?" I asked.

"Where exactly?"

I pulled my red Aster band from my pocket and slid the tip of my foot against Liam’s. We appeared next to an ashy hollow in the ground, surrounded by charred wood and grass. I must have had more reserves about this fire thing than I thought.

"Not here!" I cried out, and in a flash we teleported away.

This time we appeared on the beach below Andresia’s castle cliff. The cove was sheltered by piles of rocks. I was satisfied with the closeness of a water source now.

"Here," I sighed in relief.

I stared out across the ocean. Why did I have to be subconsciously thinking of that tree? Not only had it reminded me of my past failures with fire, but also of everything else that happened around that tree. Friendship. Carefree friendship. I had been the one to run when that tree burned down. Oh, how the tables have turned. Great. Now I was distracted. Probably not the best state to be in while handling fire.

"What would you like to start with?" I vaguely heard Liam ask.

I ripped my gaze from the sea and turned to him. "Everything. Teach me what you know, Bones."

"That's a tough subject. I mean, I've never really taught anyone, but that shouldn't be a problem. Unless you're too scared?" There was practically a bonfire in his eyes as he spoke. I guess I’m not the only pyrokinetic who has that problem.

My voice was ominously low when I responded, "I’m scared of many things, this isn’t one of them anymore."

Imelda was no longer available to tell me if I was lying or not. I myself didn’t know for sure.

"Sure." Liam took a small, familiar piece of paper out of his pocket and threw it in the ocean. I wondered why he didn’t just burn it. "So, you said you wanted to learn teleporting and healing, right? We should start with healing. It's less draining."

I snorted in disbelief. "Less draining? Didn’t you literally suck two years off of Pringles’s life?"

"The situation called for it," he snapped. "Are there any animals around here? And anyway, instead of taking the life force, you can just swap the pain from one person to another."

"Um…." I dropped my—yep, I’ve basically stolen it—bag on the sand and reached into it. I withdrew a trembling lump of rainbow colors. "I think he’s immortal, so I could probably scrape off a few years with no permanent damage. And if I have to swap the pain instead… well, he probably deserves it."

"Just don't let that thing get near me. Now we need a victim." He opened his hand, and in his palm had to be the tiniest chichi I’d ever seen.

"Cute," I lied. "What do I do with it?"

"Hold it for a second."

He shoved the creature into my hands; Cool Bananas fell on the ground and didn’t move. Liam took a small knife from his sleeve. I couldn’t help but wonder what else he had up there, especially since he was holding a knife.

"Is that for me or this thing?" I held the chichi at arm’s length.

"The thing, obviously."

Hardly anything is obvious with you, Liam Bones.

He took the "thing" and held the knife against its little stomach. "You'll want to direct an imaginary ball to the monkey. Imagine the ball taking something, then drawing it away from the monkey. Then direct the ball to the chichi. With this scenario, you'll take time off of the monkey's life. Probably not too much, because this thing's so tiny."

He pushed the knife straight through the chichi's stomach, then pulled it back out.

"Right." I said.

I stared at the chichi for a moment. Liam really hadn’t explained the process well, so I just thought about how the healing gem worked… except with a monkey, a chichi, and fire…. It was no surprise to me when both the chichi and Cool Bananas burst into flames. I threw the chichi in the ocean. It was just reflexes. I kicked Cool Bananas into the waves lapping onto shore. He crawled back very soggy, but at least not crispy.

"Yeah, I feel like I didn't explain that well enough," Liam admitted. "Overall, how controlled are you with regular fire?" He walked over to the water.

I grimaced. "I think you know the answer to that."

He grinned and took a few steps into the water, up to his knees. He had the chichi cupped in his hands, and magenta fire surrounded it. He returned to my side. "We really need to work on that then." He set the chichi on my head and it instantly started snoring.

I sighed. Just when I’d cleaned the rats out my hair. What was with animals sitting on my head?

"What an exciting prospect," I mumbled, rubbing off the salt-water that was dripping down my forehead.

Liam threw a fireball at me. I flinched as it surrounded me for a second or two, and when the flames dissipated, the chichi was gone.

"You'd better be careful," Liam warned. "Anna and I did something similar to this once. She managed to burn off a good chunk of her hair. You don't have much to lose."

He tossed the poor chichi into the air and caught it again. Would burning off your hair feel better or worse than searing it off in acid? I had the urge to make sure my hair wasn’t on fire just then, but recalled Liam’s earlier comment about sounding dumb. I didn’t want to look dumb either, certainly not in front of him.

"Why on earth would I throw fire at my hair?"

I flicked my hand at the chichi the next time Liam tossed it up. Fire surrounded the thing, and it disappeared. The creature didn’t pop back up anywhere nearby. I gaped at the empty air. I had only meant to knock the little thing backwards; what had gone wrong?

"Yeah, see, teleporting is easier." Liam stared at the green smoke that was slowly dispersing. "Where were you thinking of? It doesn't work unless you are."

"I… I don’t know," I said quietly. I had a lot on my mind.

"Of course you do. So, should we let the chichi have fun with Phillip or do you want him to come back now? The chichi, that is?"

Liam, you insensitive, flippant bonehead.

I could feel my face redden. Embarrassment? Rage? A lot of both. "I don’t even know where he is, how would I send a chichi there?"

I snapped my fingers and the chichi appeared on Liam’s head in a burst of flame.

He laughed. "If you didn't know where you sent it, how did you make it come back?''

He took the chichi off his head and held it up. The thing’s arm was bloody and it seemed to be missing an eye. Ouch.

"I wasn’t thinking of any place, just the creature itself… and…" Phillip. I was always thinking of him in one way or another these days.

I knelt down with my back to Liam and pretended to focus on shoving Cool Bananas back into the bag. Liam might have already seen me blush, but I’d never let him see me cry.

"I guess that would just take it to the void, but you wouldn't even have been able to unless you knew how to do it... plus, you almost killed this thing."

I heard the crackle of flames as Liam healed the chichi again. I was getting tired of and fed up with this whole thing. I gazed towards the ocean again.

"Maybe… maybe if you think of two living things, you can teleport them to each other." I was simply thinking aloud—which is usually NEVER a good idea—but the notion had some merit.

"Well, I mean you could—and I see where you're going with that. It's not a good idea for so many reasons. For one, do you want to loose a arm? You have to learn to use teleporting correctly." He seemed a little annoyed with me. The feeling was mutual. "Maybe it would help if you could properly—you know what, never mind."

I stood up and scowled at him. "I have no intention of using it for that. I’m not dumb, and besides…." I had planned to say that I didn’t care enough to try my theory, but even I knew that was a flat out lie. "Let’s move on."

"Sure, sure."

The chichi scrambled out of Liam's hand and dragged itself through the sand to my bag. It crawled in, taking some of the sand with it. I hardly cared. For some reason, I had sympathy for the little guy, so I left him alone.

"I’m being honest, okay?" I lied to Liam. "Now what’s next?"

"We'll drop healing for now," he said. "You seem better at teleporting, which will come in handy more often. So, to give you a fair warning, teleporting drains you very quickly. It can also make you very sick if you use it too much. So, are you ready to start?"

I nodded. "Okay. I don’t need healing right now anyway." I had the he—healing gem for emergencies anyway.

Liam proceeded to explain teleportation via fire, "You have to imagine yourself where you want to be and concentrate on every part of yourself, then surround yourself with regular flames. The flames will automatically become green and take you where you were thinking of, because they know what you want. Any part of your body you weren't thinking of clearly enough will either be gone or injured somehow. This one's actually pretty simple, and you don't need to steal someone's life force or anything like that."

He took a ball shaped item out of his pocket. It was bronze with golden swirls around it. He showed me a bar on one side that was mostly filled with green.

"An energy source," he said.

I took the ball and rolled it around in my hands. "What if they know what I want, but I don’t know what I want?" I whispered. Man, where had that come from. "I mean, it seems easy enough… I guess I should just… go over there?" I gestured a few feet down the beach.

"Yeah, just try to draw power from the ball, and make sure you're thinking of the right place. Let's see if you can teleport the bag first in one piece before you try yourself."

"Uh, while I think it’s a good idea to try it on something else first, I’m not sure about the bag. There’s… stuff in there, and I don’t know how good it will go to teleport magical stuff with magical fire. I’ll just use that rock.” I pointed to a decent sized boulder.

Fire bloomed around it with barely a thought, and then the rock was gone. It reappeared a few feet away; however, it was about ten feet up in the air. The stone plummeted down and hit the ground hard enough to send up a cloud of sand.

"See, now, I'm hoping you weren't trying to put that over me," said Liam, "but you were a few feet off. You need to focus better. The fire almost instantly comes without you really thinking about it. The placement and rock itself is what you really need to focus on." With a lazy flick of his hand the rock appeared by my feet.

I frowned at it. "I was trying to put it on the ground."

I closed my eyes and stood still, taking deep breathes. As I did so, I discreetly slid my foot against the rock and channeled my invisibility to it. Revenge, dear Liam. Revenge for your stupid comment. I opened my eyes. The beach was almost entirely in shadow now, and the sky was getting dusky. Liam was quiet for once, and was looking around for the rock. I grinned, holding in laughter; though, not very well. It burst out, and I laughed at Liam until my sides hurt. Liam glared at me and stepped to the side.

"It’s right here," I said between gasps of breath. I sat down on the transparent boulder. "It’s just invisible. Oh, goodness. Who looks dumb now, Lizzie?"

"I hate you, but two can play that game." He slammed a ball of fire into the ocean. "Give it a minute."

I took my power away from the rock and rolled onto the sand, laughing in a way I never had before. Liam glared at me, then grinned. He drew the fire back out of the water. It was fading and would soon be gone. He added more flames to the fire and held it up to the last beams of sunlight, then the fire disappeared. Slightly visible flames that were completely white with flecks of purple came towards Liam from the water. They went into him and he vanished. I sat up, not bothering to shake the sand out of my hair.

"I don’t care what you do," I shouted, "I still got the first point!"

Silence.

"Alright. I’ll be here waiting for your rebuttal. And if you don’t come back, then oh well, good riddance."

I grabbed my bag and hugged it to my chest, just in case. I laid back down on the sand and stared at the stars appearing in the sky. Liam kicked sand in my face and materialized a foot or so away from me, sitting on the ground. I sat up and dropped my bag on my lap, brushing the sand out of my eyes.

"You’re the worst," I laughed. It felt pretty good to laugh. "Well, second worst." I sobered.

"You're the one afraid of yourself. You can't deny it. At least you were…. You can keep the ball of energy, just make sure you charge it every once in a while. Your robot friend can figure that out."

Afraid of myself? Not exactly…. I picked up the ball from where it had fallen on the beach and tucked it into my satchel. The thing was rightfully stuffed now. I wrapped my arms around my knees and rested my chin on my knees as well. It was getting colder out, but of course I couldn’t feel the chill, only the gentle ocean breeze.

"Well," Liam said, "nice seeing you and all the junk like that, but unless you want to continue in the dark, I should be going. Oh, and totally unrelated, I left some stuff somewhere and was wondering if you wanted to help me find it? I mean, you obviously have nothing better to do.'' He stood up.

"Why, Liam Bones, I do believe you just asked me for help!" I said with mock disbelief. I stood up too and shouldered my bag. "I guess I do kinda owe you a favor," I muttered. "It’s the least I can do for being a difficult student."

"I'll see you in about two weeks then? It's not a favor for me, more like you, considering where we're going." He stared out into the ocean, as if he were looking for something.

"Where…? You know what, I don’t care. Two weeks then. And I—I suppose I should say thank you. I don’t know what I learned, but… it’s nice to be distracted.” I practically whispered those last few words. Why was I telling him that anyway? "Goodbye."

"Goodbye. Don't let Bobbobbob know I took his favorite chichi." Liam disappeared in a shower of green flames. The last things to go were his eyes.

I teleported back to the castle. I set my satchel on my bed and, after cleaning myself up and sneaking some dinner from the kitchens, I took the chichi and the ball of energy out of it. I left Cool Bananas inside and kicked the bag under the bed. I opened my window and set the chichi on the sill. After setting a small piece of (nasty) cheese in front of him, I propped my elbows on the windowsill and studied the energy ball. I still wasn’t really sure how to use it. Maybe I should ask Monty for help later.

I tapped the chichi on the head with my index finger. "Nice of Liam to give me this, huh?"

The chichi chittered quietly.

"Which is strange, because it’s Liam. Since when is he even remotely nice?"

The chichi flopped onto its side.

"Yeah, you’re right. He must be going crazy. I mean, it was nice of him to offer to teach me in the first place."

The chichi began snoring. I looked up at the sky full of stars. The moon hung just out of sight above me.

I sighed. "The world has flipped upside down and around, hasn’t it?"

I picked up the chichi and shut the window. The little guy could just sleep in one of my dresser drawers tonight. Most of my clothes were already ripped and stained enough that it wouldn’t matter if he did anything to them. Maybe I’ll get him a proper cage tomorrow… or just give him back to Bobbobbob. I’m no good at caring for living things anyway.


Thursday, January 26, 2023

That’s it. Life is officially falling apart.

Reason number one: I’m pretty sure I’m gonna get fired soon… or executed for suspected treason and dishonor. Yeah, I honestly don’t know how you get fired from being a knight. Despite the fact that I didn’t really ask to be knighted, I’m fairly certain I was sworn in for life like everyone else. Either way, I’m suspended while they choose an outcome.

Reason number two: Captain Thompson thinks I went somewhere with his son. I mean, I did, but… not like that. I don’t know how to make him believe me though! Somehow it makes me feel like I’ve violated what little trust the guy might have had in me. I guess all I can do for now is let him keep thinking that and try to make it up to him.

Reason number three: I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve never felt in place here in Andresia; but, I’ve realized that without my few friends, my job, and respect from anyone (which I’ve lost from everyone), I don’t even have a place here. Maybe I could start working full time for Aster, but has no one yet noticed the "V" for "Villain"? I might fit into that criteria at this point though.

I was on my way to breakfast yesterday morning when I heard voices in the captains’ council room. The hall was empty, so I stopped to eavesdrop. Hey, I’m a captain too—maybe—so it technically isn’t eavesdropping… or so I told myself as I put my ear to the door. Either that door is really thin or they were talking pretty loud, because I could hear almost everything.

"—a matter of principle." A woman’s voice. That would be Captain Brannigan. "Whether of not the rumors are true doesn’t matter. We cannot have rumors about anyone floating around, period."

"Then what would you suggest we do?" asked a male voice I guessed belonged to Captain Pierce.

"Dispose of her."

I knew I never liked Brannigan. Then again, I hardly like anybody.

"Dismiss her?" asked a young guy’s voice that I didn’t recognize.

"No. Dispose of her. We can’t have former knights—least of all captains—running to the other kingdoms, bursting with our secrets.

I heard a muffled response.

"If need be," said Brannigan icily.

Pierce spoke up again, "We don’t know for sure that she (muffled words). The most (muffled) we can do is prison."

That definitely didn’t sound good.

"We will do neither such thing!" declared… Captain Hefley?

Lots of garbled arguing took place after that. They must have come to agreement, because soon I could make out their words again.

"Where though?" asked the young guy. "I didn’t think she had any family nearby (then something too quiet to be heard)."

I stopped listening after that remark. I was too caught up in my thoughts. The boy was right—if they were talking about me, of course, but let’s be honest here, who else could it be?—I didn’t have any family nearby. I have family (I know they’re alive, just…), just not nearby; although, they could be right down the street in Arden for all I know, but I seriously doubt that. Where would I go then if they dismissed me? Or if I ran away before they could imprison me? I’m not sure what course of action they’d decided to take. Suddenly, I heard voices right next to the door. The meeting must have been over. I pressed myself against the opposite wall and turned invisible right as the door opened. Brannigan, Pierce and Hefley filed past me. Brannigan looked angry, Pierce was blank faced, and Hefley looked grim.

The stranger came out last. I suppose he’d been my replacement during the three-month escapade. He had close-cut beige hair, nearly the same shade as his skin. His eyes almost looked orange, and he was wearing an Andresian captain’s armor, which made sense. I feel like I should know who he is…. He paused and stared at the wall where I was for a moment. I held my breath. He couldn’t see me, that was impossible… right? He finally walked away. I ran in the opposite direction and didn’t become visible until I reached my room, panting. I needed a plan, because things weren’t looking so good for me right now.

All last night I tossed and turned. I'd spent the rest of Wednesday holed up in my room, plotting. Let's just say my trash can is full of ashes and it still smells like smoke in here. Anyway, the whole day people were knocking on my door. I ignored most of them and was rude to a few; no doubt they kept coming because one captain or another wanted to see me. Well, too bad for them. Knight or not, nobody can force a girl's door open without good cause. A few daring messengers tried to get my attention by standing on the wall around the castle grounds and throwing things at my window. I closed the curtains. Around dinnertime, they all gave up and left me alone. As soon as they did, I opened the window to let all the smoke out. It was dark enough that no one would notice... hopefully. A few hours later, I curled up in bed, feeling like a little kid who believed they would be safe from the world if they were under the covers. It's a lie, kiddos. And for once that's the truth.

I tossed and turned because I couldn't stop thinking. Somehow, thoughts got around to Captain Thompson. I really was selfish, wasn't I? There I laid, wallowing in self pity when Phillip's dad might have been feeling just as bad, if not worse. I figured I should try to talk to him. If nothing else, he might at least understand what I was going through, unless he hated me like everyone else. He probably had more reason to than they. In the morning, I rolled out of bed. Literally. I tumbled onto the floor, taking half of my sheet and blanket with me. Oddly enough, my face landed smack dab on a squishy pillow. The rest of me did not. I groaned and sat up. There was a big pile of grey pillows in front of me. Why couldn't I have landed on that? Wait. I only had two pillows....

Suddenly, a face haloed with blue spikes popped into view. She flashed that impish grin at me. Her mouth began moving a mile a minute, but all I could hear was an annoying, high-pitched ringing sound. It was like someone was waving a tinkling bell right in my ear. I untangled myself from my blanket and pulled myself onto the bed. Calypso's voice was gonna bust my brain cells if she didn't shut up soon. I groped around the bed for my hairpin. I usually keep the thing clipped to the inside of my sleeve so it can touch bare skin and actually work (I refuse to wear it in my hair for multiple reasons), but I guess it had fallen off during the little sleep I'd gotten. My fingers finally found the vital barrette.

"--eating your clothes."

"What?" I asked. I turned to see Calypso.

She pointed at my open dresser drawer. "Did you know there's a chichi eating your clothes? And were you paying attention to anything I said before that?"

"Yes... and no."

I walked over to my dresser and peered into the drawer. The chichi was indeed eating one of my shirts. To be fair, I'd kind of forgotten about him yesterday, so he was probably hungry. I shoved my hairpin into my hair to get it out of the way for a few minutes and picked up the ugly little chichi. Calypso was reiterating whatever she'd said earlier, but I tuned her out.

"Hey!" She poked me in the back. "Are you listening?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"I dunno."

"Well do!"

"Alright, fine. What do you want, fairy?" I didn't have the patience to deal with her today. Maybe a visit to Thompson could serve as an excuse to leave....

"Excuse me? I thought you wanted this."

I tossed the chichi on the bed and glared at Calypso. "What exactly is 'this'?"

"It's time for a trip down memory lane, remember? And what's in your hair?"

Crud. Was it really time for that? I had completely forgotten... and today was not a good day for it anymore. Time to use that excuse. "Uh, I'm busy today, sorry. Why do you care what's in my hair?"

"Busy? We've been planning this for over a month, there's no backing out anymore. There's usually rats in your hair, so for something shiny and pink to be there instead, you must have gone crazy."

"Crazy... yeah, something like that." I shrugged the accusation away. "Now, can you go away? I'm busy and I need to change, so shoo."

She turned around and looked out the window. I guess that's as good as I was gonna get.

"You can't be busy," she whined. "I even brought pillows! I heard they were comforting."

"Thank you for being so very thoughtful," I grumbled as I pulled on the cleanest and nicest clothes I could find.

"You're welcome. So, shall we start?"

"No. I told you, I've got places to be."

"And people to see? Somehow I don't believe that. Are you done yet?"

I yanked the pin out of my hair. "Yes."

She turned back around and observed me with critical eyes. I ignored her and ran my fingers through my hair. If I own a brush, I sure don't know where it is. At least my hair is short enough now that it's actually possible to tame with my hands.

"Where exactly are you going?" Calypso sounded skeptical.

"To get that thing some breakfast." I pointed at the chichi, who was gnawing on my sheets.

"Yeah? Then where?"

"To talk to somebody. What do you care?"

She scoffed at me. "I care because if you're gonna ditch me, it better be for a good reason. So, who are you going to see?"

"That's none of your business."

She grinned. "Oh, your 'friend,' isn't it?"

My face flushed a little at the way she said "friend." Could people please stop saying stuff like that? It's only annoying because it's not true....

"No," I snapped.

"Sure. I'll take care of your hamster here; you run off and have fun."

Yeah, that's what everyone thinks we did, nitwit.

I grabbed my bag, made sure it was monkey-free, and put my hand on my bedroom door's knob.

"Don't worry," I told Calypso, "I won't."

Then I left. She'd be gone by the time I got back, that's just how she is. I know she didn't really care about missing our appointment; she just likes giving people a hard time, and she's good at it too. By now it was nearly lunchtime, and the hallways were almost deserted. The few people I passed gave me strange, nasty, or pitying looks. I kept my eyes straight ahead. I'd always been a sort of outcast; I could handle it. I had to pass Captain Hefley's office on my way out of the building, and I pretended not to see him standing in his open doorway as I walked by. He cleared his throat. I begrudgingly stopped and spun around on my heel.

"Miss Peregrine," he said calmly.

"Captain Hefley," I said quietly.

He stepped aside, inviting me into his office. I saw no choice but to comply. He sat behind his large oak desk and motioned for me to sit opposite him. I sat. I couldn't pretend not to have noticed how he'd omitted the "Captain" from my name, even "Lady." I couldn't pretend not to know what he was about to tell me either, so I didn't try to. He just nodded, then launched into his speech. Hefley droned on for a whole hour. Basically, he told me that I was no longer a captain (as I expected) and as for knighthood in general... well, I wouldn't be going on any missions for a while. He said, and I quote, "You may not be able to defend the kingdom's people, but you can defend the kingdom's honor." I, however, think defending the people is far more important. When I got up to leave, he offered me one last piece of advice.

"Listen," he said, "you may want to make yourself scarce around her for a bit, if you have anywhere you can go to do so. People often forget what is not right before their eyes. I suspect that this entire situation will soon clear up."

All I answered with was, "Okay."

I didn't believe him one bit. This situation would stick to me like barnacles to a boat for a long time to come. I hurried away from the castle and walked into Arden. I could have taken a horse, but I didn't feel like interacting with anybody else unless it was absolutely necessary. I surprised myself by remembering the way to Captain Thompson's house. I hadn't been there in a while, and I wondered how he'd feel to see me. Angry? Sad? Happy? I highly doubted that last one. When I got to the captain's house, a pit had firmly rooted itself in my stomach. What was I gonna say to him? I supposed I'd start with "Hi." I took a deep breath and knocked twice on the door. After a few seconds, Captain Thompson answered it. His hair and beard had more grey in them than last time I'd seen him. When had that even been? He looked tired. I couldn't possibly imagine why. I stood frozen for a moment, just looking into his eyes.

I broke away from his gaze. "Hi."

"Hello?"

"Sir, it’s me, Perr—Peregrine."

"Yes, I know." He stepped back and opened the door wide enough for me to enter. "Why don't we talk inside?"

I had flashbacks to less than an hour ago. Hopefully this conversation would be slightly more pleasant. I nodded at the captain and stepped inside. The pit grew heavier. He closed the door and started down a short hallway. I followed behind in silence, each footstep seeming glaringly loud. It was too late to turn back now. He led me into a small kitchen. There was cookware everywhere and a square brown table in the center of the room. A comforting smell hung in the room. Captain Thompson sat down at the table. I hanged my bag on the back of another chair and sat catty-corner from him. I don’t like talking to people directly across the table.

"I—I just came to—to see how you’re doing I guess. It’s been a while." I traced the woodgrain of the tabletop with my fingertip.

"Yeah.…" The captain stared at the wall for a moment. "So, how's being Captain?"

"Fine," I lied without reason. "Pressuring, but fine. How’s being retired?"

"Boring. I never would have left so early if Phillip hadn't persuaded me to."

I stopped moving my finger. That was interesting. "He… he did?"

"Oh, he did. About a year ago with a lot of that war business."

I hadn't known that. I thought the captain had been injured or something. Maybe it had been both. Why had I never considered that Phillip was concerned about his dad? I've never really thought about his caring for anybody in that way. That's how families work though.

"Do you know where he is now?" Captain Thompson asked after a brief pause.

"I don’t know," I answered quietly.

"As to be expected. I'll see you some other time then?" He held out his hand for me to shake.

I stared at his hand, but made no move to shake it. "Do you know what happened?" Maybe... just maybe there was a chance.

"I beg your pardon?''

"Do you… do you know why he’s gone?" In a few minutes I was going to regret pushing the conversation that direction.

He chuckled. "I could tell something was bothering him the last two times he was here. He looked like he wanted to tell me something once, but.... "

"Yeah…." Captain Thompson had noticed better than I had. I looked out the kitchen's lone window. There was an old donkey standing in the small yard outside. How long had this guy owned a donkey?

The captain rose to his feet. "Would you like something to eat?"

"Um…" I had missed breakfast, "yes, actually, that would be nice."

He stirred a pot of some kind of soup that was hanging inside the kitchen fireplace. No wonder it smelled so good in there.

"I didn’t know you had a donkey," I said, fishing for a less… awkward conversation topic. It didn't work too long.

"Yes, he's pretty old, not worth mentioning." The captain set a bowl of steaming potato stew in front of me, then sat down with his own.

"Donkeys are pretty alright."

Smelly, loud, ugly--they and I have a lot in common. I took a bite of stew. Crud. Cheese. What an abominable food.

"I should've gotten rid of him awhile ago anyway," admitted Captain Thompson.

A piece of potato floated up from the thick cheese in my bowl. Poor potato, boiled alive with such a miserable companion. I kept eating the soup even though it was disgusting; it wouldn’t do for my tastes to insult the man’s cooking.

"I do suppose he’d be happier in a nice meadow somewhere." I hadn't meant to sound so macabre....

"I suppose so." He sipped at his soup.

I stayed silent. I'd never been good at civil, domestic chatter. It was plain, boring, and never meant a thing.

"Where did you go?" Captain Thompson abruptly asked. "When you and my son disappeared for three months?"

I nearly choked on a chunk of potato. I should have anticipated that question. It doesn’t seem like Phillip talks to the guy much... nor about him much. I scrambled for a reply. There really wasn't an excuse to make light of the fiasco, so I settled for the truth. What a stupid decision.

"Well… believe me or don’t, we went to the past. He did, anyway. I kinda… followed him."

He laughed once. "Of course you did. I want to believe you, but such things do not exist."

"I mean, I wish they didn’t." I wasn’t laughing. I wasn't helping my case either.

"I'll take your word for it, lassie." He took his bowl to the sink and began cleaning it out.

"Where else do you think we would have gone?" I blurted out. I immediately bit my tongue and jumped up. "Sorry, I… I didn’t mean to sound rude."

He didn't even glance at me. "I've heard sharper words in my days. Traveling through time? That would open up so many possibilities. I'd rather just live my life not knowing. You could have gone anywhere. Anywhere…." That last word was just a whisper.

I'm such an idiot. The one time I choose to tell the truth, it turns out that a lie probably would have been better. Because, now it seems to him that I was lying, and that just makes me look all the more suspicious. Talk to your father for once, Phillip! Do it so I don't have to, because this scenario was one of the most awkward times in my life, even worse than being hogtied to a ship's figurehead with my nose in someone's armpit and my foot on someone's chest. At least that situation had a foreseeable future of never seeing either person again.

As Captain Thompson spoke, I felt something rub against my legs. I looked down at my feet, sure my face was red from the captain's implications. Two black and white kittens were licking my pants. Gross... for them.

"Here they are…." I mumbled.

The captain finished with his bowl and turned back to me. "You can have a look around his bedroom if you'd like."

I picked up one of the kittens. It meowed in my face. I sighed. "Why not?"

He pointed to the door on the right at the very end of the hallway. "You have a look. I'll finish cleaning this up."

"Thank you," I said, and walked away.

I entered Phillip's room and set his cat on the floor. The room was fairly small. It had an old, rickety bed pushed against the back wall on the left side, there was a window above the bed, and on the right side of the room was a medium-sized dresser. On top of the dresser sat a wooden horse and a worn dragon stuffed animal. I smiled sadly at that one. To my right, against the front wall, stood a dusty, packed, bookshelf. Some of the volumes looked pretty new, while others were very old. Oddly enough, most of the books had singed edges or whole pages burnt out. I ran my fingers along some of their bindings--History of Esica, Beginner's Guide to Transcribing Unknown Languages, Prophesies of the Past. I wonder how many of those he's actually read. On the other side of the door, also against the front wall, was a small desk, which was definitely the most lived in part of the room. Scraps of yellow paper etched with notes were scattered over the desktop, and apparently he'd left behind two of his notebooks. I rifled through some of the notes. I kind of missed his telling me not to touch them.

"COOL BANANAS IS ALWAYS WATCHING," one said in runny red letters. I knew that already.

"2834 Central Dr. Sanford FL. Sanford FL. Flight Training," said another. I had no idea what that meant.

Another was just a bunch of dumb information about Amber, but in the corner, in my very own handwriting, were the words "U stink Perry." I'd written that all in good fun; he'd known the whole thing was a joke, but... the sarcastic quotation marks I'd drawn around the heart were now only eraser marks. I stared at it for a minute before shoving it into my pocket. I have no further comment about that one.

I turned my attention to a stack of boxes in the corner by the desk. When I peeked under the lid of one, I saw that they were just stuffed with Phillip's things from the castle. I glanced around the room. What was I even here for? My gaze landed on a black fedora sitting on his bed. Tears sprang to my eyes. That hat didn't remind me of the ghosts I'd seen that night. That hat didn't remind me of the pain I'd felt while stabbing its wearer with a scepter. It didn't even remind me of Phillip standing next to me, defeating evil together--with the stupid monkey, of course. No, it reminded me of sitting on a pile of ruffles in a tiny closet. I'd been terrified. The phantoms I'd seen had shaken me to my core, no matter how well I'd hidden it. But, somehow, sitting in that tiny cramped space, I'd felt like things would be okay. It was too dark to see his eyes, but I'd felt that way even so. Why?

I picked up the hat and sat on the edge of the bed. Why? I looked around his room again. I could almost imagine him sitting at the desk, scribbling away and chattering on about some nonsense or another. Sometimes I would just sit on his bed and watch him slip away into his own little world. Why? That was how things had been at the castle, too. Simple. Lighthearted. Look at us now. I rubbed the snot off my nose with my sleeve and did my best to rid my face of any other signs of having cried. I carried the fedora to the desk and picked up the two notebooks Phillip had left. Why? I don't know. Three more notes that had been under the books caught my eye.

The first,
The second, in small letters, "What is it, will it get stronger?"

The third, "What started it? Helping Liam? That must have been it... or would it have come eventually?"

I didn't quite know what to make of them. Whatever these notes are about must be why Phillip left. I wish he'd just told me. I wish I'd offered to listen. I pocketed all three papers. Maybe I'll get some answers from studying them better... and Liam. I need to tackle him about the third. I tucked the two notebooks inside the hat as well as possible, and I ended up having to hold the hat against my stomach to fully hide them. Why did I even try to? Another question I don't know the answer to. Add it to the ever-growing list. I finally left Phillip's room. The captain was just finishing up with our dishes... our single two dishes. That couldn't possibly have taken him that long... or had I not been in there as long as I thought?

"Do you mind if I take this?" I asked the captain, indicating the hat.

"Yes, that's fine. In fact I don't think I've ever seen that before...."

"It—it’s fairly new," I assented as I picked up my satchel and carefully slid the hat and its contents inside. I couldn't tell that story to this guy. It would be another myth in his eyes, despite the fact that the ball at least was real.

"I should get going now." I turned to leave. "Thank you for the meal."

"Stop by any time…." Captain Thompson called after me.

I smiled morosely to myself. "I will." I'd try.