PhaetonZachariah

The anti-clan at the time, the Silverados, blew up District 3 and murdered most of the residents; half were kidnapped by the antagonists to be finished off while the other half escaped. Now both must work together to bring their lost friends back.
Phaeton is the first person unless otherwise noted.


“Professor Phaeton Zachariah.” Briar bows. “My pleasures to meet you. We would gladly use you in our program. What better, a Chevy scientist working for a bunch of Chevies! You know you hate Green Acres on the inside. Come join us; we’ll welcome you in with open doors.”

“Phaeton, noooooo!” Barry wails, actually sounding serious. “Don’t go back to the dark side!! We need you here!”

“Traitor!” Derrik spat, also sounding fairly serious. Green Acres was filled with good actors, apparently.

“…Your proposition?” I squint, pretending to ignore my allies.

“You work for us, you’ll get better pay, more respect, and genuine GM parts. I mean, do you even know what that Challenger is putting on you every repair? He could be using Escort parts!” I blink, mildly disturbed.

“What?” I demand, hotly. “Is that true?”

“Well, that one time, your carburetor was made for Wagoneers.” Rod admits. “But it’s still working, right? Right?”

“Because someone was too lazy to check the inventory before the weekly shipment.” Cobalt snaps. “And when we die, don’t tell Grem I substituted a few Vega bolts in his transmission once.”

“Vegas?! We don’t even have any Vegas at D-3!!” I yowl, exasperated. “I’m the only thing remotely close to a Vega and I’m a Chevette!!”

“I was a bit tired one night and forgot you weren’t a Vega, okay?” Cobalt snorts. “All you Chevy hatchbacks look the same to me!” We all start screaming at each other, totally not even part of the plan, but okay. Briar breaks out a box of popcorn.

“Don’t tell me you put non-AMC parts on me somewhere!!” Derrik roars.

“They were certified Mopar parts.” Rod chuckles, smugly.

“I’M GONNA RIP YOUR BUMPER OFF, MUSTANG!!”

“I’M NOT A MUSTANG!! I'm a Charger-Challenger!!" Both futilely start squirming and rolling over each other.

“Get me out of this place. Please. Save me.” I moan. “I’m too intelligent for this dog and pony show.”

“More like hatchback and pony car show.” Acer sighs. A white Silverado cuts me loose and drops my watch. I morph back into my normal body.

“Much better.” I mutter.

“Come on, P.Z!” Barry pleads. “Don’t go with them! What did I always tell you about loyalty? And friendship? And listening to your owner when he tells you that eating hot pickled ghost chilies isn’t a good idea?! Who’s gonna warn you about stuff like that?! Who?!”

“Owner?” Domic echoes. Even Derrik and Rod stop and slowly look up at me. I slowly nod.

“Barron was my owner before the Earth Escape.” I sigh. “He…was a human at one time.”

“Dr-hama bomb!” An HD Silver gasps.

“It was a really bad experiment.” Barry slumps. “I was trying to give Phaeton consciousness using my own body as an experiment. However, it all went wrong. I was turned into the car closet near me; my mom’s Jeep Compass. I became her Dodge-loving Compass. But Phaeton did come alive after a second try.”

“Life turns you into a Jeep; you put your big oil pan on and try again.” Derrik chuckles. “Respect.”

“But the peppers.” Acer winces.

“I didn’t listen to Barron, as expected.” I shake my front end. “And they actually were not that bad.”

“You didn’t say the same thing when you ate my mom’s slippers and blamed it on my dog.” Barry points out. “And Gracion still hates you.”

“It isn’t my fault you had a sudden streak where you turned everything into cars!” I point out.

"Gracion almost died! He would have if we didn't put him in a Sorento! You know that!"

“The more you know, the less you want to.” Grayson shivers.

“Good luck on the flip side, traitor. I knew we should have never trusted you.” Fred snarls, coldly. I cringe; he sounded so real that it made me regret leaving them to try and free them. “You dirty anti-clans. Grem was an idiot. Acer, you’re still an idiot.”

“Real nice, buddy!” Acer snaps.

“Well. Goodbye.” I bow.

“I won’t hesitate to pop a bullet in your tiny radiator!!” Fred rages, even as we drive away. “Phaeton!! Do you hear me?!”

---

I silently creep along the outskirts of the prisoner room. The guards were sound asleep, hopefully unintentionally snuggled up next to each other. The one starts purring.

“Weird Silverados.” I mutter, slipping passed them. I make it over to my friends, my surviving allies. “Barron.” I hiss. “Wake up.”

“But I don’t wanna go to school!” Barry moans in his sleep.

“My condolences for you. Now wake up.” I poke him with a tread, repeatedly.

“Ow. Ow. Gracion, stop! I’ll feed you in a minute!” Barry hisses, swatting at my tire. I snort, take my tire hook, root up under his back, and flip him. He gasps and struggles for a moment as I chuckle. “Phaeton! Ford, seriously? Are you serious? You scared the (impolite word for urine) outta me!”

“Do I look like I'm joking?” I demand. “The guards are so out, the taugenhicts are cuddling each other. Let’s move. Get the others woke and freed.” I cut his ropes and he scrambles up. “I’ll make sure that there is no danger coming.”

“Where are our watches?” Barry whispers. I open my door.

“Passenger seat.”

“Good work, Phaeton! Where would I be without you?” He gives me a fond pat on the roof. I blink, surprised, as he scrambles to wake and free the others before I proudly smile.

“Baby, I… Huh?” Someone mutters before a surprised shriek rings out, followed by another. “Gilbert!! Wh-what the Ford?!”

“Sorry, mon! Sorry!” Another voice pleads. “I do strange things in my dreams! I can’t even explain them, yah!” I duck into hiding right as both pause. I could see them both squint, one a white 1500, the other a bronze 2500. “…Dusty. I feel like something is up with the prisoners.”

“Me too.” The other agrees. “But Ford, dude. Go find someone else to snuggle with! Unbelievable!”

“The universe is always there to crap you out of a nice dream, mon.” The white one grumbles as the two investigate the prisoners carefully. “Prisoners! What are you doing?”

“Sleeping!” Rod grumbles. “Go away!”

“I never noticed how weird the dreams that are provoked are sleeping as humans!” Acer smiles. “Mine I was riding a Pegacorn through a field of lollipops and candy bars!”

“Mine I was swimming in a lake of melted chocolate.” Barry muses. "Think somebody will open up a theme park like that? I'd drop every dime I own!"

“Yeah, well, I got my hatch shot off by an Escalade in mine.” Floyd snorts. “I can’t get cool or nice dreams!” I crouch, ready to spring out of the shadows right at the guards' most vulnerable state. They seemed genuinely interested in the dream share-time, not even suspecting my position.

"Yeah, well, I can travel in my sleep." Everybody looks at Derrik, amazed.

"Where do you go?" Ace blinks.

"I saw Tokyo last night. Not bad for a human city." As I stalk towards the duo, suddenly, the light duty Silverado jumps and whips around in my direction.

“Dusty!!” He yowls as I just charge full out.

“Glutentag.” I grunt as I taze him. I then taze the big bronze. “Danke.” Both pass out.

“Not bad.” Derrik nods. “Now hurry up and get us loose, son-of-a-Vega.”

“We don’t have any time.” I warn as I set everyone loose and let them collect their watches. “We must hurry!”

“Silverado forme, everybody!” Barry calls. “And act natural!” We all become trucks. I was a two toned 80’s 1500.

“Drop the monocle, Phaeton.” Cobalt warns.

“But I can’t see well out this eye without it!” I argue.

“You’ll be fine! Now drop it and let’s go!” I grudgingly smack my fender on the wall and knock off my monocle. I bump into like twenty things as we slip passed the door.

“Where yall goin’?” Someone demands. We all gape as big Jack comes storming up the hall.

“Oh crap.” Rod gulps. “RUUUUN!!” I continue to blindly crash through decorative shelves and vases as we flee. At some point, I accidentally rip a door off a hinge and it lands in my pickup box.

"Did nobody tell you that you shouldn't bust through doors that aren't open in your life?" Acer jokes, loudly. "That's how regrets happen, man!"

"Did they mention anything about taking the door as well?" I crow.

“He’s not as stupid as he looks or sounds!!” Cobalt shrieks, reminding me of our situation. Jack slams into a wall, aiming for me. Though he was close enough to barely graze my rear bumper, he wasn't close enough.

“You missed!!” I prove.

“Cowards!!” Jack rages and lowers his oversized front end to barge right at us. "Yall ain't leavin' as long as I'm here to stop yall!!" He nearly rams Floyd over his back; thankfully the truck-turned Gremlin manages to correct himself and duck into a room. Too high on the chase, Jack totally forgets about him. "Gonna eat yall, Pacer!!"

“Benz-Benz-Benz-Benz!!” Acer cries before Briar flies out a side room.

“Chevies-Chevies-Chevies-Chevies!!” We all wail.

“Atchina!! Nail them at the exit!!” He orders. Jack nods before flying up a side hall.

“No nailing!! No nailing!!” Cobalt pleads.

---

Acer!

The exit was in sight! We were almost out!

“Hold it.” I hear a snarl, and Jack calmly drives in front of the door. I squint, determined to make it out, no matter the cost. I gun it, aiming for the exit I could clearly see on the other side of Jack’s rear tires.

I was going to fly out between his legs. Er, tires, but you know what I mean.

“Yeeeeaaaah!!” I yowl, and Jack goes wide eyed. Somehow, I manage to glide under him and fly through the doors, though about taking out his back axle. The others stop dead as I soar over the ramps, and hit the ground with a proud bounce. “Wooooooo!! Yeah!”

“What in the Ford-dern heck?!” Jack yowls. “What?!” I happily burn out my back tires in celebration before honking and racing up the road.


Phaeton Zachariah!

“Go get Grem!!” Grayson cheers. “Yeah, Ace!!” Jack dances around, yelping like a scalded dog.

“He smacked me right on the diff, yall!” He cries. “Holy GM, it was like getting’ hit by a celestial anointin’ back ‘dere!!”

“You didn’t need it anyways.” Briar sighs, wistfully leering out the window after Acer. Jack stops prancing around to give him an offended glare. “Atchina, get the rest of these tailpipes back up ramps. Gilbert, Dusty, let them slip again and you’re fired.”

“Yes, sir.” The two Silvers slump. “Sorry, sir.”

The loyal birds and dragons of Green Acres have spotted a rouge drone snooping in their secret forest and travel to D-3 to ask their owners for help.
Roofus is the first person.

“No, no, no, no, no!!” Somebody roars. Phaeton Zachariah angrily rats out a young guy holding a purple tube.

“Phaeton!” Jen moans.

“Yes, Liebe.” P.Z sighs. “Corona, do not mix the Alexandrite with the Icorid or you will turn every Mercedes in this lab into a Zebra! You’re lucky nothing happened! Taug—”

“Phaeton!”

“…I mean ingenious young F-150.” P.Z finishes, wistfully. “Why can’t I insult him just once? Please!!”

“They’re kids, Phaeton! Have some patience!” Jen points. “Yeah, there are days I want to call you names, but do I? No!”

“Chemistry class. Nice.” I gag. “If you made it this far, I’m impressed.” Jen looks over her shoulder and spots us awkwardly standing around.

"Hi, Engel." Jorg lightly waves.

“Jorgen, thank Dodge!” Jen sighs in relief and happily hugs her partner. “So you know, Barron has a mild concussion from a wayward flying bottle rocket. Isn’t learning fun?”

“You don’t look like you’re too amused.” Echo winces. “Do you, uh, want dad to take over?”

“Doremon and Phaeton would choke these kids together.”

"That they would, yup. Nevermind, then." I ruffle my feathers and preen my wing, patiently.

“...Is there an issue?” Jen wonders, concern in her eyes.

"Nothing major yet. We just wanted to clear a few things up regarding a drone in our supposedly secret forest." I nod.

"They're trying to snoop us nude!" Denver cries, dramatically.

"Denver, you're a bird for crying out loud! You're eternally naked." Phaeton snaps.

"Noooooooooo!! NO!!" As the peacock-like avian utterly wigs out and runs around the lab following his eye-opening moment,

"We will look into the drone." Jorgen facepalms. "In the meanwhile, would you calm down wee friend and buy him shorts or some Ford? I do not think Phaeton can handle much more."

"What did I just tell you?!" P.Z bellows in mental agony at the same kid from earlier. He blinks in confusion and opens his mouth to reply. "NO!! NO!! Now there is a wild goo monster rampaging in Firston and you will have nobody else to blame but the failure of yourself!!"

"Mommmmeeee!!" The teen bawls and races out of the lab.