Chasm

LORE STILL IN DEVELOPMENT


I'd already known I wasn't meant to serve in battle. I could feel how even the training sessions affected me-- I felt like a walking zombie afterwards, a terrified child during, and a limp fool before. How was I supposed to tolerate a true battlefield?
But the day had to come-- that training had to pay off, and I had no choice but to continue.
I had an army to serve.
...I couldn't take it.
Faced with true warfare, the child welled up within me, whimpering with fear. How was I to turn and fight? How could I?
Not I, but who I was supposed to be. It was the only way.
Hidden from the battle raging behind me, I forced my mind to become someone I wasn't. I didn't have much longer to wait here. I was a child, a nobody. But I wasn't me. Not then. It was some fragment of me, hidden inside, normally buried-- but I pulled it up and forced it to take over, because I couldn't do it myself. I would have sooner died.
I can only remember flashes after that. Pulling myself up from behind my shelter-- running out, flashes of heat from the blasts of my enemies grazing me painlessly. I couldn't feel myself; I have no emotion or pain associated with these memories. Just this overarching sense of determination, a drive to do what I was meant to do. I felt wild, but I felt nothing as well- I could see myself running and fighting back against the enemy like a movie playing before my eyes.
And then the battle was over, and the supposed-to-be-me let go, and I was hit by a wall of choking pain from the ache and strain of a battle's aftermath. I half collapsed, poorly stifling a gasp, and leaned against the wall to stop my legs from buckling. My brother looked at me with concern, and I knew my cover was blown.
What I'd been hiding for so long had boiled up to the surface and overflowed. And with this kind of reaction, it wouldn't stay secret for long.

My friend brought up a good point (this is inspired by DID, so she was giving me advice on that that) "So, I will say, that the whole "embracing his rabid instinct" isn't quite correct. At least DID-wise"
Which, that's not what I was trying to do



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTKc6Y7Vakw&



I like to take my human experience and dramatize it
So like when I went to get my cavity filled, I mentally pretended to be someone I wasn't-- someone who was stronger, less scared, someone who could tolerate it better than me
And I used that as a way to soften the physical/emotional discomfort of that situation

So I took that concept and put it into a situation with more raw, untamed, dangerous trauma (warfare, not the painkilled fixing of teeth)

So basically Chasm, when faced with a real battlefield, knew he wasn't meant for it, knew he couldn't do it, so he forced himself to become someone he wasn't-- a man with a desperate drive to fight, to survive, to make it through and do his job when every part of him was telling him not to-- he became a warrior when his mind was not physically built to be one
Not by conscious choice, but by desperate subconscious need
And it broke him-- it drove him off the edge, where he basically checked out of the situation and let the alter personality take control
He was so desperate and broken that he just let go and hardened himself



















EYO people please don't read this I can't write yet and I didn't explain this right at all


Rename him Chasm
Change his eyes-
One head is different color than other, represents the um -forgets word- the 'personality' that he goes into when he has to face stuff he mentally wouldnt be able to handle

So the actual clone soldier, not the dragon:
He could kind of see it happening during stress in training, but he was able to mostly hide and suppress whatever it was then
but when he actually faced real warfare it was like the final strike that broke him
pushed him off the edge because he couldn't tolerate the emotional and physical chaos that a battlefield unleashed in his mind and body and so he just [checks out]
Like he forced himself into a different mind because he knew he had to keep going for the cause, but knew he couldn't handle it
probably most of this was subconscious
And in order to keep going he forced himself to think from another part of his own perspective-- embracing some more rabid fighting instinct that was the only thing that kept him alive on the battlefield
it's like a trance, another part of him he isn't fully connected to
and if the trance breaks on the battlefield he panics because he can't take it
and then when the battle ends the trance's grip on his mind releases and he kind of half collapses cuz all the pain and stuff comes back
First battle kind of made him look like a corpse coming back to life to his brothers and it freaked them out, like 'bro you good'
And he can't rly remember the battle fully, it's like flashes and pieces from a movie he watched, so he's hit by a wall of pain bc he was suddenly dropped into the aftermath when the battle is over

haven't worked out anything after that


boo