TigerLily

"They're just like me!" Tiger squeaked.

"Well... their colors and patterns are like yours, but, they are Tundra," said his mother, 'Nilla. Osy and Crow had brought their pint-sized hatchlings up out of the tunnels all the way down to the water for the first time, and the blue-eyed fluffballs were taking to it like ducks, much to the fascination of her own usually quiet hatchling.

"But they're like me!" he squealed, enraptured, his crests flared wide with joy.

"You are a Fae, like me, and your Aunt Nighty, and Bonereader and Nightlight, and almost all of us who live in the cavern."

"But they are like meeee!" Tiger repeated. "They are just like me!"
And to his mother's alarm, he took off to try to join the splashing trio.

He came back to her a limp lump. The Tundra had been much too excited to look out for smaller dragons. There had been too much spray and shouting; the tiny fae hatchling hadn't been able to get them to notice him. Eventually, the fluffy hatchlings had worn themselves out in the water and collapsed snoring against their daddies' sides. They lay, one black hairball, and two that looked just like Tiger. The tiny fae curled up in the cold shadow of two rocks nearby and spent the afternoon there, just looking at them.



"It's like he's lonely." His mother's words woke him that night. "Most of the time I feel like he's looking for something from me that I can't give... he's not clingy but he's hardly ever farther than a wingspan away. I was so shocked when he took off that."

Tiger didn't move. He was curled up under her wing against her chest, as she was curled up against big Aunt Nighty, whose boys were curled around each other. "But how could he be lonely?" 'Nilla wondered out loud.

How could he be lonely? How could he not be? His mother and Nighty fit together like a snail fit its shell, the best friends that could be. And Nightlight and Bonereader, who were supposed to be like brothers to him... well, they were so close to each other that he couldn't feel close to them. He cared about them, but--

"Who can understand what hatchlings are thinking?" Nighty replied. "I know I can't."

There it was, right there. He was caught between two pairs that didn't really understand each other, and he didn't fit in with either. He had this idea of how family was supposed to feel, this wholeness that was bigger than you, and that you fit into. Looking at the big Tundra bringing their little ones to the water for the first time, he'd felt like it was so close, he could all but smell it. It wasn't about his mother; it was about a certain kind of bigger belonging that he ached for.

---

"Can I go down into the tunnels?" Tiger asked.

"Only if you're invited," 'Nilla replied.

"But they never remember to invite me!" Tiger complained. He'd taken to following the five Tundra when they went out to graze. The half-grown hatchlings loved to chase him, pell-mell, as if he were a giant butterfly. They were only just starting to get airborne, and he'd been flying forever, but he'd never enjoyed it so much as when they were playing together. The twins both called him "Mini-me" and Grackle, who had an awful sense of humor, called him "Mimic." He didn't want it to end.

"That's their home down there, the Tundra and the Gaolers," his mother explained. "It's like our chamber in the roost. You can't just invite yourself."

Her voice held a note of sadness, and hearing it, Tiger knew he wouldn't push her any farther. The chamber that 'Nilla and Nighty had built together as laughing younglings sat empty now. Aunty Nighty was the biggest Fae in the whole clan, and he was getting pretty large himself. There just hadn't been room for them all, so 'Nilla had decided to accept FaerieGold's invitation to come roost him. Tiger liked Gold; he liked how Gold worshipped his mother. 'Nilla deserved that, she was so sweet... but she was never really happy away from Nighty. Tiger was hoping she'd take Gold up on his longstanding invitation to head for the nests together. If only Aunt Nighty would take a mate so they could tend their eggs side by side again. Gold was always good to him and so eager for hatchlings of his own. Tiger hoped if the chamber filled up with younger ones, with he and his mother and Gold all taking care of them together, it would feel like home. Like that smell that drifted up from the tunnels, the happy, contented smell.

---

"Didn't he know?" Zuma always spoke in a dignified murmur. If the majestic Imperial had shouted, the whole clan would have been deafened. When one of the guests had asked him how on earth he shared a cavern with a whole clan of next to nothing but Fae, Zuma had replied with a single word-- courtesy.

"What do you mean?" 'Nilla asked, and Tiger could hear in her voice how badly he had worried her, but he couldn't manage to respond. The twins had snuck out of the tunnels for a midnight swim all by themselves, and they'd almost gotten away with it because mischievous Grackle had promised to keep their fathers distracted down below and Tiger had been with them playing lookout up above. It had been the most wonderful evening of the young Fae's life. Then Osy and Crow had come boiling up out of the tunnels in a roaring panic, and there had been such a terrible fuss, yet not so terrible as when Hawk and Falcon were hauled away. Now Tiger clung to the crevice, dazed, his crests flaccid. Being alone with his Tundra look-alikes had been like coming to the end of a desert and finally able to drink his fill, only to have the water snatched away.

"That he's part Tundra." Zuma said simply.

His mother's crests flexed in confusion. "I don't understand," she said. "It was a nesting arrangement, what does that have to do with anything?"

"Look at him." Zuma's words were gentle, almost pitying.

Tiger's crests were bolt upright, trembling with shock. "Part... Tundra?" he gasped.

'Nilla looked from one to the other, honestly perplexed. "But he's Fae," she protested.

"It's not quite that simple," Zuma said patiently. "Little traits come through. Ask SwampOphelia about her trips to the Trading Post, there's a well-known Fae there with a barbed tail and the attention span of a squirrel. Part Spiral."
He turned his lordly attention back to Tiger. "Osprey and Crow couldn't have hatchlings together; they're both male. Your mother and her friend Nightshade came to the Clan to help them out, and liked it and stayed here. No hatchling is like any other, like no individual is like any other, but you three Fae that came out of the nests shared with Tundra all have some very Tundra-ish differences. You are all three much more tuned into the feelings of other types of dragons, for one thing. It's like you can smell them. And you in particular love having a roof over your head. You've been wedging yourself between rocks and burying yourself in the sand practically since you came out of the egg. You fly more in the cavern than you do in the sky."

His mother was now in open distress. "But, he's my son," she almost chittered. "My first and only child. By now Osy won't even remember he anointed a third egg."

"He is your son, 'VanillaOrchid, your one and only. But he is first and foremost his own."

---

"You're not happy," Swampy chirped.

Tiger was curled up in his spot, the hollow in the rock right above the entrance to the tunnels. Swampy had come and found him there. He wondered where she had the time to mind everyone else's business in the middle of the clan business she was always about. He shrugged his crests; what could he say? The Clan was a place devoted to happiness, and he wasn't happy, but he couldn't imagine leaving.

"I don't think you've ever been happy when you weren't with them," she went on.

Tiger's crests drooped. "Is it that obvious?" he asked.

"Morgiana changed her breed when she was about your age. I'm sure she'd love to tell you all about it."

Tiger sighed. "I don't want to get big and furry and eat only plants. I'm fine with my body. I just want to be with them. I've always wanted to be with them."

"You're not living by the First Law of the Clan," Swampy chided.

One crest swung up, perplexed. "What?" Tiger asked, confused.

"Love knows no bounds here. First Law of the Clan."

"But... " Tiger blinked his wide blue eyes. That Law was to protect the free-flowing love of the Founders of the Clan switching up nests like mad and raising all their young together, and the strange love of the Empress who lived among them and the Eremite who could not bear to live close to anyone, and the love of Osprey and Crow who had not been able to have children together so the Clan had made a way. "I'm not in love."

"Love knows no bounds here," Swampy repeated. "Juniper's in love with putting words to beauty. RiverRain's in love with making friends with just about every living thing she sees. Pip's in love with learning and teaching everything he possibly can about every smallest particle of life in the tide pools. And your mother and Nightshade aren't in love, they are love. You love being with your Tundra family. You always have. You always will. And it's always going to hurt, until you are where you know you belong. It's going to hurt you and it's going to hurt everyone who cares about you. It's hurts me," she chirped in her matter-of-fact way. "My love is the Clan. We were made for happiness. You're not happy."

Tiger's crests flexed so hard they hurt. He was trembling, blinking back tears.

"Go to them," Swampy said. "Stop living your life at the edge of what you need. You have to dare to give them the chance to love you back, or you have to let them go."

His crests almost vibrated with tension as he stared back at her. Then he flung himself out of his hollow, out of the cavern, out of the Clan, and he was gone.

---

Time passed. Swampy never forgave herself, but she also did not burden anyone else with her guilt or let it get in the way of all the things she had to do. The Clan was growing and changing, more guests coming more often, and for different reasons. Bonereader and his mate Opalin and his brother Nightlight were building them a reputation as a place not just to have fun but also to heal. A pair of Snappers with damaged lungs who needed to live in the fresh sea air set themselves up not only a home but a shop trading in teas and books and alchemical mysteries. Fanny arrived with her gift for spectacle and laughter. Crow's son Grackle and Osprey's daughter Falcon came up from the tunnels to take their turn in the grotto on their first nest, and when the long anticipated first grandchild toppled from the shell, the blessing of the gods themselves upon Osy and Crow's desire for a family together were there for all to see in the long row of magical sea-blue eyes that stretched along the length of her little body. And in the midst of the greater and louder events, Nilla and Nighty quietly moved back into their original roosting chamber, the home where they had dreamed together now the home in which they laughed at their younger selves and savored the bittersweetness that had come of their dreams.

And out in the world, unbeknownst to them all, time passed for Tiger, too.

---

"Sum-Day?" Dawnsearly called, circling as he swooped low and cut his wings into the water once, two, three times.
Like a lightning bolt striking upward, his mate's head broke the surface, water cascading down her mottled scales.

"I see," she said, following the angle of Dawnsearly's flight. Small shapes stood out on the horizon, growing larger as they watched. The Guardian surged up on to the beach and squinted. "Looks like guests. Two pairs. Suncatcher will be pleased."

"Something's strange about one of them," Dawnsearly replied. "They've been taking breaks. Three of them need to rest their wings, the big one doesn't. And the big one's flight pattern doesn't look draconian to me."

Sum-day scoop-swooped her head, the Clan's sight-word for "yes" or acknowledgement. "Probably a companion, although that would mean it's a trio, not a pair." She took to the air to join her mate watching their approach; no visitors of any kind were ever permitted to approach the Clan without first passing inspection from its Guardians.

They were in for a surprise this day. Once the newcomers were close enough for the Guardians to signal them down to the landing field, it turned out that there were five of them, not four. The fifth one wasn't a newcomer at all. At his happy hail, Sum-day and Dawnsearly both arched their wings high, signaling great Zuma down below to spread his own wings and bow his head in welcome. That was the sign that all was clear and that all who were curious could come to the welcome field to meet the arrival... and Fae were always curious. Dawnsearly had no time to take wing and deliver the news himself before fleet Abradorite arrived to inspect the new dragons, spun at the sight, and went plummeting down the cliff-face squealing.

"Get Nilla! It's Tiger! Tigerlily's come home! And he's come back with Tundra!"

---

The Fae of the Clan arrived and descended like confetti thrown into the sky.

"Mother!" Tiger tackled Nilla midair, sweeping her up and around like one living kite tossing another high into the sky. She hovered above him, astonished, and a tear caught the sun and shone as it fell from her eyes down on to her son. He had never been so strong and shining, radiant with joy. He'd always been pretty, but now he was beautiful.

"Oh gosh. Oh gosh," the female Tundra blurted out, her forehands paddling at the ground as though it were water. "I know who you have to be! Settle down, Tyto, I'm not upset, just happy." she said to the Greatowl who towered over her. They all saw the great bird quiet trustingly at a word from her. "Oh gosh," she went on, "You're the loveliest dragon ever, just like he said." She looked at Nilla and Tiger with adoring green eyes. She was a pale dragon, with clouds of brown and pink drifting over her fur and splashing her face. It was a silly, splendid face, as open as a new day, and graced by the lightning pattern in the color of the earliest sunbeam.

VanillaOrchid drifted down to hang in the air beside Tigerlily, tearing her eyes from her only offspring to look at this newcomer. "And, are you the reason my son has come home so happy and well?" she asked, her crests quivering with emotion.

The sweet, silly Tundra bowed her head low, and scooped it forward, just like a member of the Clan.

Tiger glided down to stand up on his hindhands, right below her chest. "Mother, everyone, this is BarnOwl, Barney, my mate. And these are our friends, Kingfisher, and Condor." The male Tundras bobbed their heads in greeting.

"Good names," rumbled a voice at the back. It was Crow, with his sneaky smile, leading the surge of Tundra up the cliff face to see the others of their own kind.

Tiger's heart swelled to bursting to see him again. Crow was followed by five more Tundra, not far into their adult years by the look of them, all shades of gray with a mix of very familiar patterning, and every one female. So Grackle and Falcon, sweethearts from the shell, had mated and bred. By the Tidelord, what a streak of daughters! They were looking over all the newcomers with rapt interest. He glanced over at Condor and Kingfisher, and tried not to laugh at the contrast between them. Glorious wide-eyed Kingfisher, purest white and richest blue, was visibly preening. He was almost strutting in place, his tail swishing elegantly and his fur doing little flips as he shimmied ever so slightly. Condor, whom Tiger considered to be one of the finest souls he'd ever known, stood almost stiff with dignity, a completely unconscious imitation of the Pearlcatcher sire that he had despised.

"Tiger named us," BarnOwl said. "We're each from Clans where names have to be earned, and we ended up out in the world without them. I'm from a long line of sentinels and scouts, bred and trained for recall and reports... better than the average tundra." Tiger laughed, and she smiled sweetly. "I was on my first solo scouting mission when I lost the trail home. Tiger found me before I lost everything. He's been helping Tundra all over Sornieth, rounding up loners and families displaced by the fighting, helping them hold on to who they are or put together the missing places until they find somewhere that smells like home."

"It's an ugly world out there," Tigerlily said, crests drooping for a moment. "When Barney and I started talking about choosing a nest, I knew I didn't want to bring up our hatchlings anywhere but here." He swallowed, crests arching high as could be. The rest of the Tundra had arrived!

The small Fae clutched his forehands close to his heart, his tiny nostrils flaring as he tried to drink them in. Just looking at them, he was overwhelmed by the old sense of rightness and need. In the heat of the moment, he didn't need any of the mental notes he'd made over the years: to keep his words few and direct, to speak from a place of truth and and trust and know that his sincerity would be smelled. It had all become second nature. The clock rolled back for him, as if he were seeing them for the first time, with the chance to do what he'd needed to do from the beginning. He bounded forward.

"Brother! Sister Father! I've come home!"

Osprey, beneficent patriarch and largest of the Tundra, ducked his head in confusion. But Hawk and Falcon had got a good whiff of Tiger; they immediately bent their heads low as the Fae strained his neck high to share breath with them in the Tundra way of greeting.

"You smell like joy," said Hawk.
"Like hatchlinghood," said Falcon, wonderingly.
"You smell like family," Tiger said happily.

Osy looked in amazement from the twins to Tigerlily, down at his own chest, and back again. Living with other dragons, the Tundra had come to be aware of and accept their relatively short memories, but this was a bit much to take in. Still, the resemblance was uncanny. The three siblings all had their father's creamy stripes, their mother's banded and beryled wings, their father's lacey purple edging. The twins' colors were identical, but Tiger's wings and edging only a few shades off.

"Son?" Osy asked, unsteadily.

"Yes!" Nilla swooped through the air, circling them both. "Yes, Osy! Your son Tiger! Your Fae son, he has brought his mate home to you."

"Home!" Tiger squealed, his neck and arms stretching up and his wings spread wide as if to embrace all the Tundra, all the Fae, the whole Clan if he could. But he couldn't. He could only embrace his father, who bowed his own furred head at last not to share breath with Tiger but to press his whole face against him and swoop-scoop, lifting him high.

"Welcome home, son!" Osy boomed.







Kingfisher is one of the three Tundra who came home with Tigerlily at the end of Tiger's career working with Tundra who had become separated from their clans and lost the trail home. Kingfisher is a wiry, edgy Tundra. The clan suspects Spiral in his ancestry... that, or peacock. He is impossibly vain and any unoccupied moment will find him combing and twirling his own fur.