Shotgun

HOARD

Black Wolf Familiar A number of Winter Wolves never lose their summer colors. These individuals are uncommon and generally smaller than their snowy-coated brethren. 2600 Ambush Accessory Stone Grants a dragon the ability to strike first when a battle begins. After this attack, they will fall to their normal place in the turn line-up. 500 Required Level: 9 Scene: Moonbeam Aqueduct Scene Scenes are colorful backdrops that can be equipped to a dragon to further customize their individual profile. 500 Vista: Night Sky Forum Vista Forum Vistas are cosmetic backgrounds that add flair to your forum posts. Applying this forum vista will consume the item and make it available in your Account Options. 0 Winter Wolf Familiar These hardy canines grow incredibly large. Packs of winter wolves run in throughout the Boreal Wood. While not the dominant predator, they are the most numerous. 2600 Haste Ability Stone Accelerates the senses of the target, allowing them to attack much faster. 600 Required Level: 5 Scene: Frostbite Falls Scene Scenes are colorful backdrops that can be equipped to a dragon to further customize their individual profile. 5000 Vista: Gem Hoarder Forum Vista Forum Vistas are cosmetic backgrounds that add flair to your forum posts. Applying this forum vista will consume the item and make it available in your Account Options. A forum vista can only be applied once per account. 0

╔═ ═╗ STR 13 +1 ╚═════╝

╔═ ═╗ DEX 18 +4 ╚═════╝

╔═ ═╗ CON 14 +2 ╚═════╝

╔═ ═╗ INT 18 +4 ╚═════╝

╔═ ═╗ WIS 20 +5 ╚═════╝

╔═ ═╗ CHA 12 +1 ╚═════╝

HISTORY AND RECRUITMENT
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Vivamus a sollicitudin mi. Pellentesque rhoncus accumsan nisl et malesuada. Donec consequat risus nec justo suscipit rhoncus. Vivamus lobortis, lacus tincidunt consequat finibus, nisi enim facilisis neque, a fermentum felis lorem ac augue. Morbi vestibulum sapien mattis volutpat placerat. Morbi neque ante, pharetra sed fermentum malesuada, aliquet eu nibh. Praesent eleifend ligula non mi venenatis, sit amet efficitur neque pharetra. Quisque nec elit nec sapien ornare condimentum. Ut sollicitudin faucibus dui sed consequat. Pellentesque fringilla libero nec risus sollicitudin dictum. In faucibus ultrices malesuada. Nullam congue arcu ac mi pulvinar interdum. In ex elit, pretium et faucibus nec, varius ac mi. Vivamus ut libero sed libero pellentesque elementum. Curabitur a ante dapibus, gravida quam id, aliquam mauris.

Vivamus sed nisl aliquam odio feugiat sollicitudin. Donec tempor mi sed odio tristique laoreet. In ipsum libero, pulvinar a ante sed, lobortis imperdiet turpis. Vivamus eget iaculis nulla. Pellentesque non dui ante. Orci varius natoque penatibus et magnis dis parturient montes, nascetur ridiculus mus. Integer ultricies elit bibendum lacinia fringilla. Nullam libero diam, vulputate sit amet ante et, tincidunt faucibus justo. Pellentesque sollicitudin fermentum mi, id sollicitudin enim volutpat a. Quisque venenatis lacus in metus aliquam, eget dignissim est efficitur. Phasellus iaculis elit non erat hendrerit hendrerit. Suspendisse eget augue et nunc ornare tincidunt. Sed euismod efficitur sodales. Maecenas luctus lacinia fermentum.

---

Incorrect Quote Idea Holder

---

Kazutora: Who wants to make fifty bucks?
Baji: How?
Kazutora: I need someone to take the fall.
Baji: What did you do?
Kazutora: I can't tell you. Yes or no, no questions asked.
Allison, from the other room: Oh my god.
Kazutora: ...
Allison: OH MY GOD!
Baji: Make it a hundred.
Kazutora: Deal.

---

Baji: So, are you two dating now?
Kazutora & Allison: Yes.
Baji: Why?
Kazutora: I happen to find Allison very appealing.
Baji: Yeah, I can understand that. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong with Allison.
Baji: We’re about to do the taser challenge. You want in?
Kazutora: What's the taser challenge?
Allison: We tase eachother, then drink.
Kazutora: How do you win?
Baji: What are you, a lawyer? You want in or not?

---

Draken: Did you hear that!? Manjiro just threatened to destroy my lego AT-AT!
Allison: ...You just threatened to kill them in their sleep.

---

*at 3am*
Draken: *runs into Manjiro’s room and turns on the light* Wake up sleepyhead!
Manjiro: *wakes up* Dude!
Draken: *cackles*
Allison: *sits up from where they were sleeping behind Manjiro* What the f***, Draken?
Draken: *jaw drops* Wait WHAT-

---

Draken: You bought a taco?
Manjiro: Yes.
Draken: From the same truck that hit Allison?!
Manjiro, with a mouthful of taco: Well, me starving ain't gonna help them.

---

Allison: Manjiro ain’t the problem this year.
Draken: When are you gonna get it? Manjiro is ALWAYS the problem.

---

Allison, about Manjiro: I could fix them, but honestly whatever the hell is wrong with them is way funnier.
Draken: That's what any god probably thinks about me.

---

Manjiro: Are you a painting?
Allison: What-?
Manjiro: Because I want to pin you to a wall.
Draken: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG THEM OR SOMETHING-

---

*Allison teaching Manjiro to drive and taking Draken along for the ride*
Allison: That's a pothole. To the left!
Manjiro: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*
Draken, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.
Manjiro: I don't think that's how the song goes.
Allison, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.
Manjiro: Country Roads.
Draken: To the place.
Manjiro and Draken in unison: I Belong!
Allison, crying harder: What the f***?

---

Manjiro, to Allison: You know, Draken can be really aggressive, so it's important to take all the necessary precautions when approaching.
Manjiro: *blows airhorn at Draken* GET F***ED!

---

Draken: Manjiro learned how to fold origami penguins from Allison the other day. I told them, “I feel a little bad for the penguins, it’s hot here”, and the next day they put them in the fridge.

---

Draken: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok?
Allison: Okay.
*later*
Manjiro: Allison! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble.
Draken, whispering: Deny everything.
Allison, loudly: That isn't a chair.

---

Draken: If you get in trouble, I'm gonna be like... a lawyer to you. Ok?
Manjiro: Okay.
*later*
Allison: Manjiro! Sit down on the chair, you're in trouble.
Draken, whispering: Deny everything.
Manjiro, loudly: That isn't a chair.

---

Draken: Yesterday, I overheard Allison saying “Are you sure this is a good idea?” and Manjiro replying “Trust me,” and I have never moved from one room to another so quickly in my life.

---

Baji: It’s funny how well you and Allison get along. Didn’t they hate you at first?
Kazutora: Allison hates everybody at first. It’s their way of reaching out to people.

---

Manjiro, to Allison: Look at you! All cute and small! I could just eat you up!
Allison: *proceeds to kick them in the shin and run away*
Draken, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Allison cute or small.

---

Draken: I haven't seen Allison and Manjiro for fifteen minutes now.
*Outside a nearby window, a car without a driver inside is seen rolling down a driveway, with Allison and Manjiro running after it in a panic. Draken doesn't look outside at all.*
Draken: That probably means they're getting into trouble.

---

Draken: *gets a text* Oh! It’s Allison.
Manjiro, excitedly: Did they get me the stuff?
Draken: Yeah, they say they got you the clown costume, the power drill, and 12 gallons of blood.
Manjiro: Wow! Where’d they find 12 gallons of fake blood?
Draken: You wanted fake blood?
Manjiro:
Draken: I’ll go call Allison.

---

Draken: Hey, Allison, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?
Allison: Yeah.
Draken: And you, Manjiro?
Manjiro: Umm... yes?
Draken: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!
Manjiro: Did they just-

---

Draken: *speaking Spanish*
Manjiro: I know, I know.
Allison: You speak Spanish?
Manjiro: No. I just know the phrase, 'this is all your fault' in every language Draken speaks.

---

Manjiro: Look at the buns on that guy!
Allison: *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns*
Draken: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny!
Manjiro: I'm not going back to jail!

---

Draken, knocking on the door: Allison, open up!
Allison: It all started when I was a kid.
Draken: That’s not what I-
Manjiro: Let them finish!

---

Draken: What have you done with Manjiro?
Allison: Nothing. Why, do you think I should?

---

Allison: What's the signal when something goes wrong?
Manjiro: We yell, 'oh sh**.'
Draken: ...That'll work.

---

Manjiro: I have so much energy, I want to run a marathon or commit a crime... which should I do?
Draken: Please don’t get arrested.
Manjiro: No promises! <3
Allison: Why not both? Get creative!
Manjiro: Wonderful suggestion, thank you.
Draken: Please don’t encourage them, Allison.

---

Draken: ....Thou shalt not marry each other, for thy art both sinful...
Allison: I just wanna f***ing marry Manjiro!!

---

Draken: ....Thou shalt not marry each other, for thy art both sinful...
Manjiro: I just wanna f***ing marry Allison!!

---

Allison: I’m telling you, my team is competent.
Manjiro, rushing in: Allison! Draken tried to make pasta in the coffee pot and now it's broken!

---

Draken: What did you two do?
Manjiro:
Allison:
Draken: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to the police again or not.

---

Allison: Two years ago, I married my best friend.
Allison: Draken is still mad about it, but me and Manjiro were drunk and thought it was funny.

---

Manjiro: WHO ATE MY BREAD?!
Manjiro: I'M GOING TO F***ING K-
Allison: I did?
Manjiro: Kiss you and buy some more, you haven't been eating anything today Allison.
*walking away*
Allison:
Allison: Their gone Draken.
Draken, coming out the closet with bread stuffed in their mouth: Twankh uh!

---

Manjiro: Hey, Draken. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Draken: To get to the other side?
Manjiro: You were supposed to say “I dunno, why?“
Draken: Uh... fine. I don’t know. Why did it cross the road?
Manjiro: To get to the idiot’s house.
Draken: ...Ok?
Allison: Hey, Draken. Knock knock.
Draken: No.
Allison: You were supposed to say “who’s there?”
Draken: Fine... let’s get this over with. Who’s there?
Allison: The chicken.
Draken:
Allison:
Manjiro:
Draken: Listen here you little sh**s-

---

Manjiro: So how’s the food Allison made?
Draken: It's great! Compliments to them.
Manjiro: *goes to the kitchen*
Manjiro: You're adorable.
Allison: *blushes*

---

Allison: What are you writing?
Manjiro: The government wants to know what kind of weapons we have in the house. I'm letting them know it's private information.
Draken, looking over Manjiro's shoulder: This just says 'f*** around and find out' in calligraphy.

---

Draken: Allison, gather the others. We need to have another Manjiro-is-doing-something-stupid-again-and-we-have-to-stop-them-before-they-hurt-someone convention.

---

Draken: Hi, who's this? Manjiro changed all of my contacts to mythical creatures.
Allison: What's mine?
Draken: Dwarf.
Allison: THEY'RE SO MEAN, I'M NOT THAT SHORT!
Draken: Oh, hey Allison.
Allison: F***!

---

*The Squad is eating dinner*
Allison: Can you pass the salt?
Manjiro: *throws Draken across the table*

---

Manjiro: *pretending to joke* So when are you going to go out with me?
Allison: I don't know. When are you going to ask me to?
Draken: And you just ran away?!
Manjiro: I didn't expect them to flirt back!

---

Draken, talking to Allison: Well Allison, whenever I’m about to do something, I think ‘would Manjiro do that?’ and if they would, I do not do that thing.
Allison: …
Manjiro, from the distance: They’re not wrong though!

---

Draken: Never gonna make you cry!
Allison: Never gonna say goodbye!
Draken: Never gonna tell a lie—
Manjiro: I will hurt you.

---

Allison: Do you feel any better?
Manjiro: I feel much better now that you here with me.
*Draken walks in*
Manjiro: I feel half better.

---

*Manjiro dies in a game with ships*
Allison: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us.
Allison: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury.
Draken: Legend has it that Manjiro still haunts the ship, stealing my ******* drinks.
Manjiro: Of course I do.

---

Manjiro: Do you guys want to see a butterfly?
Allison: Ooh, yes please!
Draken, with their laptop open: I'm not going to stop working to look at a stupid bug!
Manjiro: It's not a bug though...
Draken: ...
Allison: ...
Draken: Well I still don't want to see.
Allison, realizing: Please don't throw-
Manjiro: Whee! *throws a stick of butter*

---

Draken: What do people in relationships even do?
Manjiro: Care about someone with your whole heart and dedicate your life to making them happy.
Draken: Okay. Didn't ask.
Allison: Asks question
Allison: "Didn't ask"
Draken: Thanks for the play by play, Captain F***.

---

*Allison is casually searching around the room*
Kazutora: Hey Allison, what’re you looking for?
Allison: My will to live.
*Manjiro walks into the room*
Allison: Oh, there it is.

---

Kazutora: Any advice before Allison and I fight?
Manjiro: Don’t wet yourself in public.
Kazutora: Not the kind of advice I was looking for!

---

Takemichi: That’s illegal, right?
Kazutora: Why do you care? Are you a f***ing cop?
Takemichi: No-
Kazutora: Then shut the f*** up.

---

Baji: FIGHT ME, YOU NERD A** S***!
Allison: At least try to sound slightly more sophisticated when you threaten someone.
Baji: Oh, I'm sorry. I should ask; dost thou want to engage in a duel, my good b****?
Allison: Somehow that's worse.

---

Baji: Allison...
Allison: I can tell by the tone of your voice that you are disappointed. Alas, I must further disappoint you by affirming how little I give a f***.

---

Chifuyu: What does “take out” mean?
Allison: Food.
Draken: Dating.
Manjiro: Murder.
Kazutora: It can be all three if you’re brave enough.

---

Baji: I have no respect for Santa. Don’t sneak in through the chimney and undermine my authority by bringing my family presents. Walk in through the front door and fight me like a man.

---

Allison: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.

---

Cop: What are your names?
Chifuyu: Don't tell them, Mitsuya.
Cop, writing: Mitsuya...
Chifuyu: Crap.
Mitsuya: Nice going, Chifuyu.
Cop:
Mitsuya: Uh oh.

---

Allison & Takemichi: *accidentally set the kitchen on fire*
Allison: We need an adult!
Takemichi: Allison, you are an adult!
Allison: We need an adultier adult! Get Draken!

---

Chifuyu: The best part of an oreo is the cookie part, not the frosting. Deal with it.
Manjiro: Darkness without light is an abyss. Light without darkness is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side.
Draken: YO SOCRATES! IT'S A F***ING COOKIE!

---

Mitsuya: Hey, what’s the name of the guy who lives down the hall?
Kazutora: His cats' names are Walter and Rose.
Mitsuya: That's not what I asked.
Kazutora: That is all the information I have.

---

Baji: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swingset?
Draken: No, I said "Baji, don't lick that swingset" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swingset.

---

Kazutora: Do you take constructive criticism?
Takemichi: Not without crying

---

*Takemichi and Allison playing minecraft*
Takemichi: Oh no, oh no, oh no-
Allison: What’s wrong?
Takemichi: I did a thing.
Allison: You regret the thing you dID-
Takemichi: *screams*
Allison: What the f*** did you do- *sees mass of aggravated Piglin* Damn it-
Takemichi: *screams again*

---

Kazutora: Hey, Allison? Can I get some dating advice?
Allison: Just because I'm with Manjiro doesn't mean I know how I did it.

---

*at a zoo*
Kazutora: What are they in for?
Manjiro: Kazutora, this isn't prison.
Kazutora: So they can leave?
Manjiro: No, but-
Kazutora, pointing at a meerkat: I bet that one murdered someone.

---

Allison: *yawns*
Manjiro: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.
Allison: Then you must be exhausted.
Kazutora: Will you two shut u*? Some of us are lonely.

---

Manjiro, holding a rock: Allison just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock".
Kazutora: If you don't marry them, I will.

---

Allison: DID YOU REALLY THINK THAT JOKE WAS FUNNY? IT WASNT. NOBODY IS LAUGHING.
Allison: *pulls up a graph* THIS IS WHEN YOU TOLD YOUR JOKE, YOU HAVE SONGLE HANDEDLY RUINED COMEDY! IVE ALSO ASKED MANY COMEDY SCHOLARS ON THEIR OPINION OF YOUR JOKE AND THIS IS WHAT THEY HAD TO SAY!
Manjiro: I've been researching comedy for the past 20 years, and I have genuinely never seen a joke this bad. We have used quantum physics to look into alternate universes to see every joke made, and yours was still by far the worst.
Allison: CONGRATULATIONS! YOUVE SINGLE HANDEDLY CREATED THE WORST JOKE IN HUMAN HISTORY! HERES A MEDAL! *pulls up a horrible ms paint drawn star that says "you need help*

---

Kazutora: I feel like everyone on this island is suspicious, Allison. Except you!
Allison: But Kazutora, I think you're suspicious!
Kazutora: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

---

Kazutora: Social distancing says you shouldn't be within an elbow's distance of each other.
*later, in a barfight*
Kazutora: Social distancing doesn't say nothing about feet! *kicks opponent in the face*

---

*Allison and Manjiro are cuddling*
Allison: Tell me something I don't know about you.
Manjiro: *leans in to whisper in Allison's ear, voice deep and sensual* I like Japanese food so much that every time I watch Lord of the Rings and see Gollum eating the raw fish, my mouth waters.
Allison:
Allison:
Allison: I meant like your favorite color, but okay.

---

Allison: Someone take me to art museums and make out with me.
Manjiro: But they said not to touch the masterpieces.
Allison: Well somebody's got to pin the artwork to the wall.
Kazutora, on a walkie talkie: This is Kazutora, those idiots are f***ing around in the East wing again.

---

Kazutora: Allison won’t come out of their room!
Manjiro: Just tell them I said something.
Kazutora: Like what?
Manjiro: Anything factually incorrect.
Kazutora, shrugging: If you say so.
Allison, arriving moments later: Did you just say the sun is a PLANET?

---

Kazutora, grinning: Before you were what?
Allison: Before I was-
Kazutora: What?
Allison: Before I was inter-
Kazutora: Before you were interrupted?
Allison: Cut me off one more time and I swear I'll-
Kazutora: What?
Allison: *makes frustrated sound*
Manjiro, nervously: Stop that. Before they hurt you.

---

Manjiro: How did you even get in here?
Kazutora: Allison's window! Or, as I like to call it, "Kazutora's door"!
Allison: I’m closing the window.

---

Manjiro: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat!
Kazutora: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Allison, go find out if that thing can catch fire!
Manjiro: You're a bad influence.
Kazutora: And you don't know your sayings.

---

Kazutora: Is this your plan B?
Allison: Technically, this is plan P.
Kazutora: Plan P? Is there a plan M?
Allison: Yes, but I marry Manjiro in plan M.
Manjiro: I like plan M.

---

*Allison is telling a story*
Kazutora: Wow, Allison, this story has everything! Action! Adventure! Romance!
Manjiro: Romance?
Kazutora: I have a crush on them.

---

Baji: Do you think different paints have different tastes?
Smiley: They do.
Yuzuha: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

---

Allison: The waiter at Olive Garden has been grating my cheese for 6 hours now, waiting for me to say when. Customers are screaming. Three people have died.
Allison: I will not yield.

---

*Allison recording whilst Pah and Takemichi are arguing*
Pah: HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP!! HER SISTER WAS A WITCH, RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST, BRO!
Allison: *wheezes like a tea kettle*
Takemichi, pulling out a knife: I'm gonna stab them.
Pah: YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG?
Takemichi: It's my favorite movi-
Pah: SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, TAKEMICHI!
Takemichi: I'm not fighting with you, I'm not fighting with y-
Pah: GROW UP, BRO. GROW UP!

---

Senju: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong?
Allison: Strong.
Emma: Weak.
Smiley: An idiot, is what your are.

---

Allison: It's locked. You got a lock pick?
Emma: Yeah-
Manjiro: *kicks in the door*

---

*Everyone is standing around the broken coffee maker*
Baji: So. Who broke it? I'm not mad, I just wanna know.
Everyone:
Manjiro: ...I did. I broke it.
Baji: No. No you didn't. Kazutora?
Kazutora: Don't look at me. Look at Ryohei.
Ryohei: What?! I didn't break it.
Kazutora: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?
Ryohei: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.
Kazutora: Suspicious.
Ryohei: No, it's not!
Shinichiro: If it matters, probably not, but Sanzu was the last one to use it.
Sanzu: Liar! I don't even drink that crap!
Shinichiro: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
Sanzu: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that, Shinichiro!
Manjiro: Okay let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Baji.
Baji: No! Who broke it!? <br everyone:="" <br=""> Shinichiro: Baji... Kazutora's been awfully quiet.
Kazutora: rEALLY?!
*Everyone starts arguing*
Baji, being interviewed: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it.
Baji: I predict 10 minutes from now they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick.
Baji:
Baji: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

---

Hakkai, about Senju and Allison: My god, would you two just get a room already?
Allison: Excuse me, Hakkai?
Hakkai: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding?
Senju: ...
Pah: I ship it!
Manjiro: CAN YOU NOT?

---

Allison: What did you guys get in your yearbook?
Sanzu: 'Prettiest Smile'
Shinichiro: 'Nicest Personality'
Smiley: 'Most likely to start a bar fight'
Angry: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

---

Smiley: Mitsuya won’t wake up, what do I do?
Sanzu: Did you try kicking them?
Smiley: Yes.
Sanzu: I’m out of ideas.

---

Takemichi: *sees someone doing something stupid*
Takemichi: What an idiot.
Takemichi: *realizes it's Manjiro*
Takemichi: Wait, that's MY idiot!

---

Angry: When I was a kid, Takemichi told me that the paper strip that’s in the chocolate kisses were edible and I ate them with the chocolate for a year.
Allison: They are!
Angry: FOR REAL?
Allison: No! Why did you fall for it again?

---

Mitsuya: Truth or dare?
Allison: Dare.
Mitsuya: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room.
Allison: Hey Kazutora?
Kazutora, blushing: Yeah?
Allison: Can you move? I'm trying to get to Manjiro.

---

Draken: So… I’ve seen you’ve been spending a lot of time with Manjiro recently.
Allison: No, Draken, it's not what it looks like, I swear.
Draken: Oh really? So no reason for me to be jealous?
Allison: No! You’re the only one for me.
Draken: Is that so?
Allison: I promise! Manjiro and I are just dating, okay? They’re my partner.
Draken: So there are no best-friends-feelings involved?
Allison: You are still my one and only best friend! They’re just the love of my life, nothing more!
Draken: But I’m still the platonic love of your life, right?
Allison: Of course bro!
Draken: Bro...
Manjiro: What the-

---

Akkun: How would you like your hair cut?
Takemichi: Preferably with scissors, but a sword could be bad***.

---

*Akaza is speaking on the phone*
Akaza: Yeah, I'm with Douma.
Douma: Im ******* dying-
Akaza: Yep, they're okay.
Douma: I have a knife in my chest!
Akaza: No, they can't talk right now. They're sleeping, sorry.
Douma: IM BLEEDING OUT-

---

Douma: She's the girl of my dreams!
Muzan: You say every girl is the girl of your dreams.
Douma: I have a lot of dreams.

---

Allison: *running towards Muzan with open arms*
Muzan: *moves out of the way*
Allison: Hey, why'd you move?!
Muzan: I thought you were going to attack me.
Allison: I was going to hug you!
Muzan: Why would you hug me?
Allison: WHY WOULD I ATTACK YOU!?

---

Akaza: Hey Allison, wanna third wheel on my date with Douma tomorrow?
Allison: Sure.
Akaza: Muzan! Wanna third wheel on my date with Douma tomorrow?
Akaza: Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date!
Allison & Muzan: ...
Douma: Akaza...

---

Douma: I'm going the fight the next person who insults Muzan.
Muzan: I hate myself.
Douma: Alright, square up.

---

Douma: Is that a gun?!
Allison: It's not what it looks like!
Douma: It looks like a gun!
Allison: Okay, maybe it is what it looks like, but in my defense, it doesn't have anymore bullets, so I technically can't shoot it anymore.
Douma: ...ANYMORE?!

---

Allison, Entering Akaza's room: Muzan did it again.
Akaza: Peace disturbance?
Allison: What no-
Akaza: Arson..?
Allison: NO, JESUS CHRIST, HOW MANY-
Akaza: uh....Attempted murder?
Allison: NO, THEY ATE ALL THE FOOD IN THE FRIDGE, BUT WHAT THE FU-

---

???: Yum, thanks!
Kidnapper: *puts more tape over their mouth* I said stop eating it.

---

Allison: There was a motor close to where I am right now.
Kazutora: A motor- a motorcycle?
Allison: Oh sorry, a murder.
Manjiro: That escalated quickly.

---

Kazutora: Manjiro, what do you have?
Manjiro: A KNIFE!
Kazutora: Okay, have fu-
Allison: NO!

---

Manjiro: Something tells me Kazutora's going to be a bit more unhinged today...
Kazutora, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Allison isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

---

*Allison is casually searching around the room*
Kazutora: Hey Allison, what’re you looking for?
Allison: My will to live.
*Manjiro walks into the room*
Allison: Oh, there it is.

---

Kazutora, trying to impress Allison: I re-initialized the entire command structure, retaining all programmed abilities but deleting the supplementary preference architecture.
Manjiro: They turned it off and back on again.

---

*playing twister*
Kazutora: Right hand red.
Allison: *ends up on top of Manjiro*
Manjiro: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
Kazutora: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

---

Allison: When Kazutora was born, the gods said, "They're too perfect for this world."
Manjiro: Please. When they were born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."

---

*Allison recording whilst Kazutora and Manjiro are arguing*
Kazutora: HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP, HOLD UP!! HER SISTER WAS A WITCH, RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS! THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST, BRO!
Allison: *wheezes like a tea kettle*
Manjiro, pulling out a knife: I'm gonna stab them.
Kazutora: YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG?
Manjiro: It's my favorite movi-
Kazutora: SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, MANJIRO!
Manjiro: I'm not fighting with you, I'm not fighting with y-
Kazutora: GROW UP, BRO. GROW UP!

---

Manjiro: Welcome to F***ing Applebees, do you want apples or bees?
Kazutora: Bees?
Manjiro: THEY HAVE SELECTED THE BEES!
Kazutora: Wait-
*Allison approaches, shaking a jar of bees menacingly*

---

Kazutora, at Allison: Would you like to stay for dinner?
Manjiro, from the kitchen: Would you like to stay forever!?!

---

Allison: Can I get a waffle?
Manjiro and Kazutora: *fighting and yelling at each other*
Allison: Can I p l e a s e get a waffle?

---

*Manjiro is casually searching around the room*
Kazutora: Hey Manjiro, what’re you looking for?
Manjiro: My will to live.
*Allison walks into the room*
Manjiro: Oh, there it is.

---

Manjiro: *finds a note* Hmm, whats this?
Kazutora: Hey, that's mine! *tries to grab it*
Manjiro: Aww, it's a love note for Allison?
Kazutora: No-
Manjiro: *opens it*
Manjiro:
Kazutora:
Manjiro: I can't read this.

---

Allison: So, Kazutora and Manjiro.
Allison: According to this, you two are being accused of: Armed Robbery, Vandalism, Drug Abuse, Grand Theft Auto…
Kazutora: We had a bad day.
Allison: And… MURDER?!
Manjiro: It was a pretty bad day…

---

Manjiro: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed my car?
Kazutora: Well we were driving and there was a deer in the road, so I said "Allison, deer!"
Manjiro: ...And what did Allison do?
Kazutora: ...They said "Yes, Honey?"

---

Manjiro: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Allison: I'm a knife.
Kazutora, from across the room: They're the little spoon.

---

Kazutora: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?
Allison: I'm a knife.
Manjiro, from across the room: They're the little spoon.

---

Manjiro: What’s it like being tall?
Manjiro: Is it nice?
Manjiro: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?
Draken: We live in constant fear of the short ones who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.
Allison: It was one time!

---

Allison: *yawns*
Manjiro: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.
Allison: Then you must be exhuasted.
Kazutora: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.

---

Manjiro: Are you a painting?
Allison: What-?
Manjiro: Because I want to pin you to a wall.
Kazutora: OH GOD I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO SAY YOU WANTED TO HANG THEM OR SOMETHING-

---

Manjiro: It's pretty cold outside.. wanna hold hands? We should stay close.
Allison, blushing: Okay.
Kazutora: It's f***ing summer.

---

Kazutora: ....Thou shalt not marry each other, for thy art both sinful...
Manjiro: I just wanna f***ing marry Allison!!

---

Manjiro: Where are you going?
Allison: To get MYSELF a gift cause somebody didn't get me one!
Manjiro: I told you I did! Its coming here on Friday!
Kazutora, knowing full well that Manjiro got Allison an engagement ring: *eating popcorn*

---

Manjiro: So you’re dating Allison?
Kazutora: What? No! I’m just buying them an accessory since they have terrible fashion sense.
Manjiro: That’s literally a wedding ring.

---

Kazutora: This totally sucks, man.
Manjiro: This is horrible.
Kazutora: Yeah, I know, I mean look at today’s news.
Manjiro: No, it’s not that, it’s Allison.
Manjiro: It’s just like, I can’t get them out of my head and every time I look at them I have this pains in my chest, and I just know it’s their fault, that b****!

---

Manjiro: I know you love them.
Kazutora: I am not in love with Allison!
Manjiro, staring at Kazutora: I never said who...
Kazutora: *realizes*
Kazutora: S***. Well, anyways-

---

Allison: Kazutora annoyed me today so I told them that I can’t wait to see what they have planned for our special day tomorrow.
Manjiro: There is nothing special about tomorrow.
Allison: But there is something special about watching the color leave their face as panic takes over.

---

Manjiro: So... who's the big spoon and who's the little spoon?
Allison: We're chopsticks!
Manjiro: Well... that's cute!
Manjiro: Does that mean you two snuggle together perfectly?
Kazutora: No, it means that if you take the other away, the only thing the other is good for is stabbing.

---

Kazutora: I didn't drink that much last night.
Manjiro: You were flirting with Allison.
Kazutora: So what? They're my partner.
Manjiro: You asked if they were single.
Manjiro: And then you cried when they said they weren't.

---

Manjiro: So, what is Kazutora to you?
Allison: The reason I wake up every morning.
Manjiro: ...That’s adorable.
Kazutora earlier that morning, barging into Allison′s room, smacking pans together: WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP!!!

---

Kazutora: Ooh, somebody has a crush
Manjiro: Pfft, I don’t have a crush on Allison I just think they’re cool, it’s not like I stay up at night thinking about them.
*Later that night*
Manjiro, very much awake: Uh oh.

---

*playing twister*
Kazutora: Right hand red.
Manjiro: *ends up on top of Allison*
Allison: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?
Kazutora: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

---

Manjiro: So are you gonna explain how the hell you crashed my car?
Kazutora: Well we were driving and there was a deer in the road, so I said "Allison, deer!"
Manjiro: ...And what did Allison do?
Kazutora: ...They said "Yes, Honey?"

---

Manjiro: *yawns*
Allison: Yeah, being that pretty must be tiring.
Manjiro: Then you must be exhuasted.
Kazutora: Will you two shut up? Some of us are lonely.

---

Kazutora: There's no way they like me back.
Manjiro: Allison would throw themself in front of a moving car for you.
Kazutora: Allison would throw themself in front of a moving car for fun.

---

Manjiro: *heading out to see Allison*
Kazutora: Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!
Manjiro: I think I crossed that line when I got a date.

---

Kazutora: I’m this close to falling in love with Allison.
Manjiro: Your fingertips are touching.
Kazutora: Exactly.

---

Kazutora, about Allison: Can I tell them they look nice?
Manjiro: Sure.
Kazutora: Can I tell them I respect them?
Manjiro: Maybe, if they ask.
Kazutora: Should I show them an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our three cats and four dogs?
Manjiro: …
Manjiro: I’d save that for later.

---

Kazutora: Did you take out Manjiro as I requested?
Allison: Manjiro has been taken out, yes.
Kazutora: You have my grat-
Allison: It was a great restaurant.
Allison: We had a romantic candlelit dinner.
Allison: Manjiro proposed afterwards- we’re filing the wedding papers.

---

*Allison rushes by with an armful of water bottles*
Manjiro: What's going on?
Kazutora: Allison wouldn't drink water.
Manjiro: ...And?
Kazutora: And I asked them how fast they could chug an entire bottle.
Allison, loudly: 16 OUNCES IN TEN SECONDS, BI***ES!

---

Allison: *walks into the room*
Manjiro: They’re covered in blood again. Why is it they’re always covered in blood?
Kazutora: Well, it looks like it’s their own blood this time.

---

Kazutora: Allison said its my turn with the brain cell.
Manjiro: Square up.

---

Kazutora: *pitches an idea*
Allison, impressed: Huh, there might be something here!
Manjiro, under their breath: Yeah, a lawsuit.

---

Manjiro: Allison and I got married!!
Kazutora: Don't share your personal problems with everyone.

---

Kazutora: I know you love them.
Manjiro: I am not in love with Allison!
Kazutora, staring at Manjiro: I never said who...
Manjiro: *realizes*
Manjiro: S***. Well, anyways-

---

Allison: Would you rather kill Manjiro, or—
Kazutora: Yes, kill them.
Allison: I didn’t say the other thing—
Kazutora: I don’t need to hear it.
Manjiro: …I’m feeling a little unsafe.

---

Manjiro: Everyone, calm down! We're grown-ups, let's deal with this like adults!
Kazutora: So, we're just going to wing it and hope for the best?
Manjiro: Obviously. Now, Allison, pass the shovel.

---

*Something crashes*
Kazutora: Shoot-
Manjiro: *running into the room in a panic* WHAT FELL?!
Allison: *walking by the room calmly* What died?

---

Kazutora: Allison, why is Manjiro intruding on our cuddle time?
Manjiro: Allison, why is Kazutora intruding on our cuddle time?
Allison, in distress: Please… I have two hands…

---

Manjiro: The best way to gain someone's undying loyalty is by saving them from a perilous situation.
Kazutora: So you're just gonna wait until Allison is in danger and save them?
Manjiro: Of course not, I'm going to create a situation that puts them in danger and then save them.
Kazutora: ...
Kazutora: You're insane.

---

Manjiro: Bet you can’t eat 15 crayons!
Kazutora: Bet you I can!
Allison: *sips coffee, checks to make sure 911 is still on speed dial, and goes back to reading the paper*

---

Allison: Manjiro, Kazutora, I love y’all and all, but can I ask what in the hell are you doing?
Manjiro, trying to stabilize a tower of folding chairs that Kazutora is sitting atop: Oh nothing much.
Kazutora: I love you too :)

---

Kazutora: Some people are like slinkies.
Allison: What?
Kazutora: Not really good for much but bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.
Allison:
Allison: Please don't push Manjiro down the stairs.
Kazutora, pushing Manjiro down the stairs: Too late.

---

Kazutora: Something tells me Manjiro's going to be a bit more unhinged today...
Manjiro, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Allison isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

---

*The Squad is gathered in the living room for a meeting*
Allison: *walks in and sits on Manjiro’s lap*
The Squad: …
Kazutora: Why are you sitting there?
Allison: There’s no free seats!
Kazutora: But we made sure there was enough room for-
Manjiro: *hugs Allison tightly* There are no free seats.

---

Manjiro: So what, now I’m just supposed to do everything that Allison does? What if they jump off a cliff?
Kazutora: If Allison were to jump off a cliff, they would have done their due diligence regarding the height of the cliff, the depth of the water, and the angle of entry. So yes, if you see Allison jump off a cliff, by all means, jump off a cliff.
Manjiro: You jump off a cliff.
Kazutora: Gladly, provided Allison did first.