Joe

Joe is actually a spider pretending to be a dragon, but don't f**king tell anyone because he's undercover and this is covert s**t and important, this is serious business. He's from rival internet pixel creatures game Arachnid Swarms Rising, which hasn't entered the popular consciousness yet. He's here to assess the competition and see where the ins might be in the online pixel creature game market.

Actually not really, I just made all that crap up because I couldn't think of anything interesting to say about Joe because he's boring. He's average and unremarkable and he doesn't even know how to tie his own damn shoes. He has to get his seal to do that for him which is pretty f**king difficult because the seal doesn't have hands. Joe and the seal have learned to cope and they function, somehow, but really it's a miracle that either of them hasn't developed any serious psychoses (yet, that we know of).

EDIT: Joe eventually learned how to tie his own shoes by crudely imitating what the seal was doing and then experimenting.

Also, that thing may say the seal is a "Dappled seal" but the correct terminology is actually "Dapper seal" because I mean come on, is that not the dapperest seal you've ever seen in your entire goddamn life? That seal is dapper as f**k.