HELLATANG

HELLATANG - ALL HER PAST MISDEEDS ARE FORGIVEN BECAUSE HER TANG IS HELLA.

Let's not think about where HELLATANG came from. Her records are sealed by order of the clan master, whose judgements are always for the greater good. There's nothing about her to know, he would say.

There are whispers about her, though. Whispers of horrors that words can barely encompass.

They say she was born a tundra.
They say she fed upon the VEGGIE-THINGS, the things that all the clan knows are NOT FOOD.
They say she was...HERBIVOROUS.
No TASTY MEAT could pass her lips - not bacon, not steak, not even dead fish on rice. She did not just chew leaves on the weekends for thrills, they say - she was an OBLIGATE PLANT-EATER.

TANGSAURUS snuck her home from the auction house in the dead of night and immediately blew the clan's cash stash on a Guardian scroll because he knew...he knew that he had preached against the VEGGIE MENACE and the eaters of LEAFY GREENS and the clan had trusted in his word. No, there could be no HERBIVORES among the TANGFEARSOME. Their clan master would not permit it. He had sworn to protect them all from the FOLIAGE. They believed in him.

But from the second he saw her, he had been floored by her perfection, her THRICE-GREAT TANGHOOD which blazed from the core of her soul like something extremely bright! A TANGNESS even greater than his own (his tertiary color being his secret shame)! And a price tag that was way lower than EVERY OTHER TRIPLE-TANG ON THE MARKET AT THE TIME!! He had to have her. He could not leave her. The clan would never have to know.

The clan still tells the rumors of her origin to their hatchlings in the night, regarding her with awe and fear. Some tell also of how, in the misty dawn of the clan, fate paired TANGSAURUS up with a tundra girl who took advantage of him when he was bombed on five kegs of Gatoraid and that the children of their drunken union live on to this day.

The secrets of TANGFEARSOME are dire indeed.

HELLATANG - THE TANGIEST TANGDRAGON OF ALL!