Bioneun

The sky was silver and the mood in the air was one of sleep. Clouds filtered wan light over a boulevard of grey roads and monochrome buildings, while a warm breeze seemingly loitered in place. But there was something delightful about the gray stillness, something that made being indoors with someone you love all the more envious and cozy.

Light eyelashes batted slowly at the bay window nearest to them, and their owner watched the day roll by outside with a smile of utter contentment.

“See something you like?” a voice asked across from her. She turned her head lightly to meet her partner’s ocean stare across the table. As soon as she gazed at his own smiling features, his quirked eyebrows, and his messy hair, her grin grew wider.

“Now I do.” She answered.

This comment earned her a snort of laughter and a gentle, playful punch in the arm.

“Flirt.” Her partner accused. She didn’t deny the accusation, instead merely enjoying the company of the one person across the table from her. They’d met for lunch over an hour ago, yet it seemed like only seconds had passed since then. Even forever would never be long enough with him.

A couple hours was vastly better than nothing, though. What did she have to look forward to at home? Four walls and a telephone that she spent her days waiting in front of? After this rendezvous, the most exciting part of her life would be getting a slim chance to hear his voice, read his words, or see his face again through a tiny screen. So in the few minutes she knew she had left, she soaked it all in.

The two talked lightly, held hands, gave playful hits for teasing chatter, and let no one in the small luncheon location think that they weren’t in love. They were, and for all their time was worth, they didn’t care if the whole world knew.

A quiet ‘pat’ on the nearby window broke a sentence in two, and the girl turned her head. A raindrop slid down the glass, then another joined it.

“It looks like it’s gonna rain after all, today…” she heard him sigh. At first, she shared his heavy heart for the state of the weather outside, but then the sight of each rolling droplet only made her flutter with a growing sense of hope.

“Guess we’ll have to stay inside till it blows over.” She smiled. Meeting his gaze snuffed her fluttering instantly. His eyes were darkly fixated on the table top, and his low-hanging hair nearly mixed with his lashes.

“I can’t stay that long…” he said slowly, “In fact, I’d better go before it gets any worse…”
Deflated, she gave a meek nod. The two swiftly pulled on their coats in silence. The only words that broke the moment were from the boy:

“I’ll walk you home, at least…alright…?”

Run would’ve been a better word to use. The duo had barely gotten halfway down the street before the sky opened up with buckets of heavy summer rain.

The previous lazy precipitation became akin to solid water, and the girl pressed her eyes tightly shut as the two quickened their pace through the city. The only thing keeping her from tripping or running into a street light was the strong hand that pulled her along by her wrist. Then after moments, the boy’s hand disappeared.

“I’ve got you!” his voice reassuringly called from somewhere in the sudden downpour. The girl blinked as a second coat was thrown over her, and her arm was picked up once more, “Come on! There’s a spot just ahead!”

In the rush of noise and blur of silvery rain around her, the girl nearly lost all sense except the warmth of the grip against her skin, until she and her partner were both collapsed on a dry patch of grass, heaving for breath.

“Is this…the park…?” she panted. Peering out from under the coat on her head confirmed this. The sprawling roots of a massive tree curled on either side of her, and grassy knolls and benches splayed out beyond that, vanishing quickly into a horizon of rain. But the canopy of leaves overhead, sparse though it may have been, filtered out most of the downpour, leaving everything in this small area dry. Well, almost everything.

Peeling the coat off her head the rest of the way, the girl finally got a look at her partner, and it hit her whose coat she was holding. A thin, black t-shirt was plastered to his skin with rainwater just as badly as the mess of his mane-like hair, and a soaking squelch sounded as he pushed himself farther against the trunk of the tree, where it was driest.

Fighting off her tugging heartstrings, the girl tried to put a scolding tone on her shaky voice: “You shouldn’t have given me your coat! I had one of my own!”

“Yeah, but…” a sheepish smirk flashed on his face, “You’re dry, aren’t you?”

His comment was met with a thin blush and a bit lip. As she set the warm jacket down, she realized that only her socks, which had taken the brunt of running through puddles, were wet. Then he sneezed, and her argument reignited.

“You’ve gone and caught a cold over me...” she sighed guiltily.

“I won’t get sick!” another sneeze, “Promise! I’m just allergic to this tree or something. After all, if I got sick, you’d never forgive me!”

The girl showed a bit of a smile at last, “You’ve got that right.” She tried to ease the coat back to its owner, but he held up a hand.

“You hold onto it for now, I’ll just get it wetter.” He said. When he pushed it back into her arms, something fell out of the pocket. Both of them stared.

“Oh... Forgot I had an umbrella.”

It must have taken nearly another hour for the teasing banter to end, but by then, the coat’s owner was nearly dry. Since the tree still leaked rain in many places, though, the two sat closely together under a clear umbrella, watching the storm carry on.

So they’d get a little longer together after all. This was the main thought echoing in the girl’s mind, as she rested her head on her partner’s shoulder and stared up into the umbrella’s shield. The way the rain drops spiraled down each side of it, pattering against it and leaving their quiet streaks behind, yet unable to get through, made her feel all the safer than simply watching the rain on the window before.

Beyond their roof, the grass bent low under each tiny meteor, and puddles formed in low lakes and patches that reflected the sky, painted with hues of pale blue and rich green, with streamers of whitish concrete winding in-between. Bushes of lantanas danced gently with the sway of the rain's downpour, bobbing their dark leaves in time with each wave, tossing shadows over the puddles and throwing their reflection into the mix...

Other than these splashes of color, it was a gray day, dreary and marshy and growing drearier and marshier with every passing minute. But there was a delightfulness pasted over it like poorly-placed wallpaper, smiling out with a bright pattern, yet peeling at the corners to reveal a melancholy color…

This might be the last time they watch the rain together.

Just like the rain drops, the poignant thought was followed by many more, each trying to infiltrate the happiness the girl had propped herself up with throughout the day. And unlike the drops’ battle against the umbrella, the thoughts succeeded.

Heavily, quietly, her voice barely audible above the shower of rain, she whispered, “How long will you be gone…?”

His reply was barely more than a breath.

“Two years…”

There was the dream-shattering number… Two whole years, twenty-four months, 730 days, 17,520 hours, a million minutes and some change… No way of phrasing that period of time made it sound any shorter or more bearable, and before her stretched an uncertain eternity of waiting for the phone to call…and not knowing what to do when it didn’t…

It was too real. Too soon. Too painful to think that he was leaving today. Forlorn tears bit at the corners of her eyes but never fell. Why couldn’t this storm go on forever? Why couldn’t they sit together waiting for the rain to pass for the rest of their lives? Or at least for a few more minutes… Maybe that last one was possible.

Closing her eyes, she buried her face into the crook of his neck and instantly felt his arms sympathetically encircle her. He was hurting, too. With both of them just as daunted of the future and scared of the time they’d spend forced apart, this simple request can’t have been too much to ask:

“Don’t let me go,” she whispered.

“I won’t,” he promised.

They both knew he would; he’d have to. Just not yet…and that was all that mattered, at that moment in time, under that tree, for those two frightened and aching hearts.

…

When she woke, it wasn’t to the soft roar of rain, but the ominous drizzle of droplets. In an instant, she knew their time was up. They shared a few weak glances, donned their coats once more, and stepped back into the streets with the clear umbrella for cover.

The road couldn’t have been long enough, and though she dragged her footsteps as much as she dared, the boy still hurried her along with short sentences.

“My ride won’t wait for me,” he’d murmur, or sometimes simply, “Walk a little closer.” When she lagged too far behind, a playful tone attempted to reenter the day, “You’ll get wet like that. I’ve got the umbrella.”

Inevitably, came the words she’d been dreading most.

“Your house is only a block away, right…?”

“Yeah…” she finally broke her own silence, though even that pitiful word seemed unnecessary. As soon as they arrived, they would have to say goodbye…

“You, ah…don’t really want to watch me leave…?” the boy’s voice guessed. She shook her head stiffly, “Oh…that’s good…cuz…I don’t really…” she heard his voice catch and nearly cried at the sound, “…I don’t really think I could walk away from you, once we get there… So how about this…?”

His hands guided her by the shoulder to face him, and before she could question his motives, he handed her the umbrella. His eyes sparkled with unshed tears and his cheer smile belied the immense pain in the rest of his expression.

“How about…you take the first step…? That way you don’t have to see me go…and I don’t have to convince my legs to leave you…”

She tried with all her might to smile, but the command to be happy was swept away by her internal overflow of tears. She wanted to stay; for another day, another minute, another second to be in his arms. Yet the sight of her strong and joyful partner breaking apart, and failing to hide it, made her want to run and never see this torture again.

So her feet decided for her.

She backed up, first a small step, then another, then the light rain began splashing down on his melancholy expression as she took the umbrella with her. Shouldn’t she say something at a time like this? Anything? “Goodbye,” “See you later,” “Stay dry,” “You’d better not get sick…” anything…?

If her mouth didn’t have the strength to smile, it certainly couldn’t muster words, and even though she fought to utter speech, tears choked her every attempt, and she knew then, that words would only make this more real. It’d only break them both.

But that didn’t mean there had to be complete silence between them. As she walked further and further away, even as she turned towards her path, she kept her eyes locked with his, and hoped that the expression in her eyes said everything she was too weak to say.

‘Thank you.’

‘I’ll miss you.’

‘I love you.’

Then her eyes were on the road ahead, the umbrella was gripped shakily in her fists, and the rain washed away the world between her and the one she loved. For the next two years, that moment would be all she had…

…

It had taken a long shower to feel cleansed of not only the rain and grass but her heavy emotions. By the time she laid down on her bed and grabbed her phone, she felt bleached of all feeling altogether. Yet her heart still sped up and she sat bolt upright when she saw the notification:

“One new text message.”

The day was gray and the rain was down to drizzles and streamers on the window panes, but more wet droplets than those were falling inside, landing on the phone screen as the message was read.

“Do you know why I brought a clear umbrella today? It was so that, when we said goodbye, I’d be able to see you, even as you walked away. Only 730 days left. I’ll be counting them all.”

Even through the tears she profusely let go, the girl couldn’t have felt any less lonely. The miles were already growing between them, and they’d only grow further still. But right then, those words, that gesture, knowing that he’d planned every moment they spent together today…it felt like his arms were still wrapped around her.

Through tears, she typed back a reply that carried all the softness of the voice she would’ve used to say it: “Don’t let me go.”

The response was instant.

“I won’t.”

“I promise.”

---

Art by deanazazel: