General Discussion

@Mellymoon

After a week or two they allow them to write letters. At least when I was in the Air Force we did. Sundays were like a half day-the first used for any religious services (if none, then you just stayed in the dorm) as well as to write letters and send them, with the next part of the day for drill.

So he could call you and/or send a letter. Basic is tough for anyone that goes through it really, but most of us get through it well enough.

I couldn't tell you on the spouse part on what happens though, but I will say this-if you plan on being in his life and if he decides to make a career out of it, you need to realize that most, if not all of, your life will revolve around the military. It's tough for service members and their families. You both will have to try and make sure that you're all on the same page-more so than those in the civilian side of things. Deployments, moving around after X amount of years, will you try and have a job at each location and so on. A lot of spouses either try to work from home, try to find some sort of work at each location or just be a stay at home wife/husband.

Saw many people get engaged then married during my 4 years in the ** and a lot of them failed because it was done on impulse, people weren't thinking of possible scenarios and so on. Not saying that this will happen to you, just it's something to be aware of.

@MellyMoon

Kind of going off of what ashotinthedark said... if you choose to have that kind of commitment with someone in the military, you kind of sign over your rights to choose some pretty big things in your life. How often and when you will see your SO, where you will live, what you will live in, how long you live there, what kind of job you'll have / can get, etc.

If you've heard of the five love languages (time, money, tasks, words, and touch), mine are time and touch. That doesn't work in a long distance relationship, as time is limited and you can't give hugs through phones.

I dated someone in high school that I was convinced would work out. But, he wanted to be in the military. I had to kiss all my dreams good-bye if I wanted to be with him. (Dreams: Living in a small town, having a farm, having a job I enjoyed, having pets (he was also allergic to cats, so), seeing him a lot.)

I think eventually when you miss someone, you get used to missing them, with occasional intense feelings. Like when I missed my current SO during a trip he took, every time I saw a couple so much as laugh together I got a little sad.

Obviously there are plenty of military families that make it work. But there are communities that come together as they miss their loved ones for a reason. It's not easy.

Take the time now to decide if you could live forever, in a town where you might not know a soul, waiting for your SO to come home. :[

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Summary: Marry or stay with a military man or woman, you are really committing to the military.

HOWEVER, all the power and hugs to you while you wait for news! It is so hard, I hope you all the best. If you decide to make long-term commitments to this SO, I have so much respect for you. I couldn't do it.

@Mellymoon

Ah, I remember all the sadness from when my dad was deployed in the Air Force. We didn't see him for three or four months when he was deployed in Qatar. We did miss calls a lot and everyone missed him, but he was back later and it was just a shower of happiness! It may be hard now, but I've learned that it can only get better from here. A lot of people without family or friends in the military don't know how it can feel, but we all get it. Stay strong, Mellymoon!