General Discussion

White American who's been getting increasingly sad over the years about not having traditional foods or traditional holidays or traditional dress or anything like that... Like, American culture is a culture, and I try to remember that, but it doesn't feel like it counts. It's easiest for me to be proud of our food, but even that is 1) mostly thanks to all the immigrants who bring and adapt stuff from their own cultures and 2) a big ol' mixed bag besides. I'm pretty certain of what part of Europe I'm the "most" of, but... what I've looked into about the culture doesn't resonate with me at all :(

My aunt's been working on a family tree, which I've looked at, but it's focused on tracking things like mental illness, not where anyone's from or even where in America we've lived... Maybe I should use it as a starting point to do research of my own, but I'm scared that no matter what I find, I still won't feel a connection.

[quote name="GoldenFireTiger" date="2023-02-17 19:15:59" ] @/arawoods big same T__T people ask me insensitive stuff like "what are you" and im like "i have no idea how to respond to that question" im personally ok with how i look. its more other people being weird about it that's offputting! [/quote] big mood on all of this. The "what are you" question pretty much always treats the person being asked like they're a human Pokémon, and there's a lot of comments that make it like... some sort of self-test on how well a person's identification skills are. Spoilers for racism/microaggressions. Hard to draw the line because these are often said so innocently without malice but it's still a no-no to say. Me: I'm mixed. Response: [spoiler]Oh you look/don't look mixed![/spoiler] Me: I'm Mexican. Response: [spoiler]Oh you look Mexican/Oh you don't look Mexican![/spoiler] "What's your ethnicity/What's your nationality?" would be the better question to ask but that doesn't stop the comments about either appearance or unusual behavior/dress. [quote name="@Nelsothy" date="2023-02-21 06:52:15" ] White American who's been getting increasingly sad over the years about not having traditional foods or traditional holidays or traditional dress or anything like that... Like, American culture is a culture, and I try to remember that, but it doesn't feel like it counts. It's easiest for me to be proud of our food, but even that is 1) mostly thanks to all the immigrants who bring and adapt stuff from their own cultures and 2) a big ol' mixed bag besides. I'm pretty certain of what part of Europe I'm the "most" of, but... what I've looked into about the culture doesn't resonate with me at all :( My aunt's been working on a family tree, which I've looked at, but it's focused on tracking things like mental illness, not where anyone's from or even where in America we've lived... Maybe I should use it as a starting point to do research of my own, but I'm scared that no matter what I find, I still won't feel a connection. [/quote] On the disconnect: looking at a family tree itself won't remove it but the research required to build it might help. I was looking through my dad's work for his side, it went back to the 1600s, and it reinforced how I don't fit in and how nothing like family behavior and cultural norms adds up. It probably won't 100% go away either when I work on my mom's side. HOWEVER, collecting the jigsaw pieces required to fill the family tree do help tremendously. The idea that my great-grandparents worked on the American railroads definitely give me a better grounding than actually knowing their home region (either Texas or Mexico, I forget) or knowing what % blood I have over a label. There's something to be said about looking up other cultures, both academically and on the internet: it's inherently alienating by default. There's a lot of unchecked propaganda and tourism marketing with romanticizing and demonizing cultures. Even if it's not obvious, it's just... [i]a big problem[/i] in several fields. Usually trying to study specific parts first, and then the greater picture second, helps tremendously. Like my food geography class made me leagues happier with learning worldwide history better than all of my history and anthropology classes combined. Not because of delicious dishes, but the actual movement of cuisine across the globe and what would've been the daily life of various peoples and why. A normal history class would've gone over the war, unrest, and turmoil that molded a society, but food history actually goes through the ups and downs, showing how people managed to get through it all and that's the real pride. Sometimes other bits like house structure, travel, food storage, is also gone over and that's... [i]leagues more helpful.[/i] I won't pretend it's a complete replacement for learning history but the amount of cross-referencing names, basic string of events and "mundane" details (food, occupations, etc.) in time periods, etc. does a lot more good than names and diagrams. ...The only reason it's still an issue[sup]TM[/sup] at the moment is because I'm still frustrated over an experience with a past friend, my own level of comfort within my own skin, and no one has looked into my maternal grandmother's past because she had a pretty rough life involving foster care. [b]EDIT cuz I forgot to add and also missed the American bit[/b]: I would recommend checking over the names with a government database/library like National Archives to shift through that you can access. Beyond the usual birth, death, and marriage certificates, there are also records like boat passengers for specific ships if you trace the names back far enough (or maybe not so far, depending on when ancestors migrated, remember there were BIG registration periods done during the 1800s and 1900s for waves of immigrants).

[quote name="arawoods" date="2023-02-17 19:30:36" ] [quote name="GoldenFireTiger" date="2023-02-17 19:15:59" ] [quote name="arawoods" date="2023-02-17 13:12:58" ] yeah I am extremely racially ambiguous and I hate it :') [/quote] big same T__T people ask me insensitive stuff like "what are you" and im like "i have no idea how to respond to that question" im personally ok with how i look. its more other people being weird about it that's offputting! [/quote] oh yeah same!! people ask where I'm from a lot (and a lot of people assume I'm latino for some reason!) and my answer is always "I was born and raised in Canada but my mom is from India" because like obviously that's what they're ACTUALLY asking (also a few weeks ago I told a guy this and he said "if you're from india why is your skin not black" WORD FOR WORD and it was the most baffling experience ever. especially because my speech literally specified that I'm not from india??) [/quote] i feel this but im actually indo-caribbean. people always assume im latino, light skin black or white. because im caribbean i really don't know my roots since im not desi. my great grandparents were desi. from ancestry im basically "indian" but after like 200yrs you know the subcontinent has changed alot so im completely ambiguous. especially because im technically (?) mixed west asian except its like 2 generations so it doesn't mean much other than I don't look like the typical Indian

@Double0

well said!

For the longest time I thought i was just Italian or just German and I left it there and recently I've been tracing my family back through one single ancestor who lead me down a rabbit hole of cultures and etc

But I'm still pale as heck so I mean I'm kinda still right where I started though I did find out I have like one Chinese ancestor from like the 1800s who got in there but there is NO info on that part of the family and I don't remotely look Chinese plus China has a bunch of ethnicities so that would be fun and interesting to explore but I have no way of tracking any direct relatives. I found a picture of him so I mean he had some amount of means? But him being so distant means I'm not Chinese at all and I would not call myself Chinese. Sometimes I'll mention him because I think its funny and a little quirky but thats it.

We also suspect that my grandpa might have been mixed with a hispanic culture but we're unsure which and we lack proper details on his parents so its a thing I'm looking into but I'm not like "oh yeah I'm mixed" its just a "oh cool my dna test might not be one single thing"

I just tell people I'm two slabs of white bread with mayo and mozarella cheese and the crusts have been cut off and the only culture I have is bacteria (Because white culture in the US is actually fad culture that turns poc culture into fads cough white people using AAVE as slang and claiming it as their own cough) I mean uh

the only other cultural thing I have a claim to is using backpacks because using backpacks instead of pockets or purses is both Bisexual and Autistic culture *awkward finger guns* and of course the tank top, shorts, and sandals (tevas anyone?) combo. oh yeah. that's me.

fun story one time for multi cultural day I brought in a petri dish with multiple cultures in it because I think I'm funny and I told them how bacteria is the only culture I have huehuehue

[quote name="DoubleO" date="2023-02-24 11:15:17" ] [b]EDIT cuz I forgot to add and also missed the American bit[/b]: I would recommend checking over the names with a government database/library like National Archives to shift through that you can access. Beyond the usual birth, death, and marriage certificates, there are also records like boat passengers for specific ships if you trace the names back far enough (or maybe not so far, depending on when ancestors migrated, remember there were BIG registration periods done during the 1800s and 1900s for waves of immigrants). [/quote] I love food history and I wish it was a more accessible class at schools because it can be hard to find the info on. I also agree that knowing that your ancestors may have worked on something is very grounding. my great grandparent's farm still stand and operates to this day and we even owned it until the 1980s (over 100 years) and the original house still stands. My great grandfather was also an electrician who put up some of the first power lines in his area and they used to put their names on the poles. PG&E doesn't replace the poles ever so his name is still there and its kinda cool if a bit dangerous for it to be there. But you're right. Knowing that they worked on something is way more grounding than knowing specifically what country they might have been from, at least in my perspective. Knowing my family is from another country still gives me no connection to that country especially since places change over time. I also want to add @Nelsothy that libraries have access to Ancestry online for free and Family Search online is free as well as their physical genealogy libraries.

I think I'm Serbian (wish I wasn't ngl), albeit I have the right to Bulgarian citizenship, thanks to having ancestors from around the border - as in, you can see Bulgaria if you climb up on a hill. Some of my family members who moved over into Australia have Bulgarian last names.
So that's always a little confusing.
And real sad when my father's side of the family likes to throw insults at my mom for it. :'D
I'm not sure how well this fits.