General Discussion

@Marrusa

Omg xD that sounds amazing. In the current campaign we're doing, the way you would get around was through thought provoked portals, since the university the characters called home had a tower so tall that it was considered by the masses to be infinite. We found out later it, in fact, was not. Our bard has a harmonica which turns to any instrument at will along with an affinity for lightning... During an escape from the university, he summons a grand piano, hops in it, and barrel rolls down 1000+ stories in a lightning induced piano of hell that killed everyone using the stair system.

@rainbw

Thats.. by far one of the more interesting stories I've heard. The character I regard my favorite in d&d actually isn't mine, but a friends. He rolled so low on intelligence that his character wasn't even considered sentient. The character, in his mind, was an epic hero of justice that had unstoppable powers, but in reality every fight they would just scream, run around in circles, and wave their "sword" (it was a branch) at the air.

I've been playing D&D for about five years now. The core group of guys I play with, along with my DM, are not really good at improvising and coming up with plans under pressure. Normally, you would thing that this would be a hindrance, however in fact this is our greatest strength. We have said some dumb stuff. So much and so often, we now keep a book of all of our one liners.

Here is a selection of out of context quotes from our players:

"He is one with the earth now."
"You see Billy Maye riding a donkey; charging out of the fire and swinging a lasso over his head. He is so calm."
"Holy Diver is the happy birthday song for the Drow."
"I transform into a miniature tavern."
"His pants are gone in the fog."
"I cast his mace into the waters."
"There's mad charesy in the haple."
"I can easily throw a toddler like 4 feet."
"If he's haft of a Halfling, does that make him a 1/4ling?"
"IT WAS ME! I WAS THE ROCK THE WHOLE TIME!"

@RusalkaRusalka

Omg, I'm wheezing so hard my cat is actually looking extremely concerned for my wellbeing.

I'm usually really good at improvisation except for this on campaign. I remember that it was a sandbox I was playing as a halfling in. The first thing I did was run so fast i gave myself a heart attack, rolled a critical recovery, and then ran faster. I then cut my own arm off in a bought of stupidity, tied in a drinking contest with a goliath, and then lost both of my legs to a T-rex.

[quote name="DepressoDad" date="2019-06-16 20:46:57" ] Our bard has a harmonica which turns to any instrument at will along with an affinity for lightning... During an escape from the university, he summons a grand piano, hops in it, and barrel rolls down 1000+ stories in a lightning induced piano of hell that killed everyone using the stair system. [/quote] That is the best. That is so good! I have no idea how you get a piano to roll but I am so here for it. I love your group already. Speaking of bards, my pal who I have been DMing a one on one homebrew campaign for decided to run a oneshot for me a while back. I played my current favorite PC of mine, a selkie bard with mostly manipulation-based, ocean-flavored magic. She’s sent to an underground city to meet up with her friend, a half-dwarven barbarian, to find the source of a deadly water-borne illness that the dwarves of the city have no idea how to cure. The pair easily trace the poison to a tower hidden deep in the surrounded caverns. It is guarded by a skeleton minotaur. Selkie takes a deep breath, tells the barbarian to stay back, and approaches, hands in the air. Tries to talk in every language she knows but they don’t get it. Then she decides to go the magic route... and casts prestidigitation. Prestidigation explicitly allows you to create an illusion that can fit in your hand, but never specifies what kind of illusion. I choose to create a tiny minotaur and the selkie high fiving. Nat 20. The skeletal guard is transfixed. Selkie high fives them. They become friends. The minotaur gives her the key, and exits. Best moment of my life probably. [s]Later her dumb idiot self can’t figure out a fairly easy riddle and has to fork over all her gold to bribe a talking door. You win some, you lose some.[/s] Gotta love bards, right?

[quote name="Marrusa" date="2019-06-17 08:43:30" ] [s]Later her dumb idiot self can’t figure out a fairly easy riddle and has to fork over all her gold to bribe a talking door. You win some, you lose some.[/s] Gotta love bards, right? [/quote] As a bard in one of my smaller campaigns I was a part of, I rolled a nat20 for holding a woman's meat (It was an animal carcass she had killed, but that was how my dm worded it). So I just powerran across the plains... holding this womans meat.

I've never played D&D specifically, but can I share tabletop-related stories?

My bf and I play the Fate Core system. We used to play with friends back in HS, but play alone together now. I have a few stories.

There was one friend among us who always did crazy things. He certainly kept things hilarious and interesting! In one campaign, he became bound to a phantom or something (some kind of spirit, I forget the name...) that basically kept him from perma-dying. But he could only return to life by "respawning" in one specific area. He really wanted to get into this pit area, but he refused to get a rope or anything. So the rest of us sat back while he would jump in and attempt to survive, die, and then spend a few days (in-game, of course!) running back to us just to jump in again. Later in that campaign, he also lifted a building-sized elephant by the foot and tipped it over. Oh, he also fought a dwarf, killed him, and then used the dwarf and his, uh.... his internals as a sort of ball-and-chain styled weapon. Just, you know... an organic-once-alive weapon.

In my bf and I's recent campaigns, the funniest things I can remember are basically memes. There's this one NPC who's a mercenary, and he has an enchanted holster that can regenerate a new blade when he loses the previous one. My bf's character kept trying to take his blades away, but never could tell where he kept getting more. We made a joke about that video of the kid running around the pool with a knife. It's now our inside joke.

A more cool thing I can remember from our campaign before this current one was one of our NPCs (Since it's only the two of us playing, we bend the rules and have a group of NPCs we control as part of our overall group. But our main PCs still get the most attention) rolling a strength role for a punch so frickin' high, my bf was like "Well... I guess you just break the guy's jaw." Idk, the NPC was losing so that sudden turn-around and win was awesome.

If I remember any more, I'll come back and add them!

Edit: Oh, another one of the crazy friend! So, later in HS this other guy joined our tabletop group, and he wanted to try DMing. Sure, we let him. He wasn't used to it, and would get annoyed when we deviated from his planned route. So when we had to go into an Enchanted Forest, we basically couldn't do anything that broke his narrative because "magic". We now have an inside joke about the Magic Trump Card. So anyway, one of us got stuck in an underground crypt or something. The crazy friend, who was a strong as heck centaur, decided to just break down multiple stone walls. He managed to roll so high, he broke through several stone brick walls, all the way until he reached our friend and lead him up the stairs back to the surface. Ah, good times.

[quote name="Chaos199" date="2019-06-17 13:36:05" ] A more cool thing I can remember from our campaign before this current one was one of our NPCs (Since it's only the two of us playing, we bend the rules and have a group of NPCs we control as part of our overall group. But our main PCs still get the most attention) rolling a strength role for a punch so frickin' high, my bf was like "Well... I guess you just break the guy's jaw." Idk, the NPC was losing so that sudden turnout and win was awesome. [/quote] One time, we were trying to split up our core group of people into two different campaigns since our group was pretty large at that point (about 6-8 players). Well, no one thought about the fact that some people don't come as regularly as others, so the campaign I was in was no one but me. Just me and a bunch of people who didn't come to one visit during that entire campaign. My dm just decided to give me like 3-4 npcs and just have me run around and do whatever I wanted. I had this cube thing that let me go to different canon-dimensions. It was pretty cool.

[quote name="DepressoDad" date="2019-06-16 22:44:31" ] @RusalkaRusalka Omg, I'm wheezing so hard my cat is actually looking extremely concerned for my wellbeing. I'm usually really good at improvisation except for this on campaign. I remember that it was a sandbox I was playing as a halfling in. The first thing I did was run so fast i gave myself a heart attack, rolled a critical recovery, and then ran faster. I then cut my own arm off in a bought of stupidity, tied in a drinking contest with a goliath, and then lost both of my legs to a T-rex. [/quote] @DepressoDad This is possibly one of the best things I have ever read. And I am happy that you enjoy our collective stupidity. It's one of our groups best features. We all share one brain cell and pass it between us. Allow me to regal you some more stories from our games. Namely, my terrible luck of keeping my character alive. I've probably have played up to 30+ characters now. And most of them died in ridiculous ways. Here is a choice few: * My bard Gnome was bite by a zombie, then frozen in a block of ice and used as a boat. * My Tiefling Rouge died to the first room of the Tomb of Horrors cause my party forced her to go first. I had only played her for about an hour. * My dwarf monk went to grapple and suplex a mindflayer off of a cliff. It would haft been amazing if she didn't crit fail both her grapple checks and fall off the mountain * My Dragonborn barbarian quite literally got Donkey Kong's Smash Up B. * And while this is not D&D, the honorable mention goes to my Sister of Battle in the Warhammer 40K tabletop. She died do to attacking a Space Marine. The Space Marine took a shotgun to the face and promptly removed her arm for her body with only his bare hands.

I once rolled a Nat 20 on a perform check for a kazoo...as a unicorn. She also played the bongos.

My first character was an atheist Druid. One of the other characters was a Paladin of Wee Jas. Druid spent roughly half the campaign bickering with Paladin, because how can you NOT believe in the gods, culminating in the two getting in an all out yelling argument. The rest of the party was used to the two of them arguing by this point and just left them there to bicker more. The rest of the party promptly walked into a room where the floor was covered in grease and got Fireball'd. Three of the four of them took KO damage immediately. The last one managed another turn. Druid got tired of the fighting and stormed through the door in time to stabilize the one person on what would have been their last death save.

Our DM was kinda mad at us but the rest of the party thought it was hilarious.