General Discussion

Ugh...coming out to anyone not from my group of college friends has been a nightmare... -__-

I think I came out as ace to my childhood best friend first. I had assumed she would be accepting of it, since she's pretty chill about most "mainstream" sexualities, but she basically yelled at me saying that I wasn't, and that I just "wasn't ready" yet. I've since done everything possible to avoid discussing my relationship with my boyfriend with her because, although I know I'm not, I feel like I would be a bad friend if I made her mad at me too often, since she made me her baby's god"mother". I haven't even tried explaining that I'm NB for the same reason, especially after I remembered that she has a history of misunderstandings a Trans girl who was in her high school.

My immediate family, while not fully accepting, aren't quite as bad. When I told them I was ace, my mom just gave me the "you'll chaneed your mind someday" speech, and my dad made jokes about it. Telling them my gender/pronouns/preferred name has been a bit harder, though. My mom's in the hospital right now, so I haven't officially come out to her about it, but my dad and sister both insist that my chosen name "isn't my name" and that I'm a girl.

I've also had some coworkers (who I didn't even come out to on purpose. They overheard me telling one coworker I trusted and butted into the discussion) try to tell me that it wasn't scientifically possible to be ace because they saw physical intimacy as a need, and while * could "choose" to express that need in other ways, I had to have that need. Then, when I tried explaining it to them that there were studies proving asexuality existed, they claimed that it didn't count because the study used animals. They also said they understood when I tried to reword my explanation, but said it in a way that was just to make me feel like I was being pushy if I tried to correct any of their misunderstandings later on (which I stopped trying to do).

*hugs all of you*
I don't have it that bad, but my dad says things like 'when you get a husband' as if I never came out to him and my grandmother told me 'You're too young to know for sure"
My mom also says things like she's worried for me because I'm in GSA and I'm "surrounding myself with..those kinds of people" (aka having ONE transgender friend among all of my homophobic friends)

My parents really didn't do anything when I told them I was trans.

I mean they didn't. Do.

Anything.

They ignore it. They pretend it never happened. They respect my pronouns in front of my therapist and my name in front of me, but it's superficial. There's no talk of hormones or surgery or really anything involving living as I want to live. Whenever my dad has me come with him to get formal clothes, I find him steering me towards the women's sections. Towards frilly things he KNOWS I don't wear, that I've never worn. He hadn't done that before I told him.

It's like they think it's something that'll pass. My dad blames himself. Blames. Like I'm ******* damaged. God, it's sickening. I just want them to stop ignoring me.

Whatever this is too long and my situation isn't even that bad it's just. really annoying. and invalidating.

not even gonna bother coming out to my friends; they're all literally horrible transphobic people who i'm only friends with because i see them 5 times a week.

@CosmicCoelacanth

Haha, I feel you on the dad thing. The day after I came out my dad mentioned that he could never divorce my emotionally abusive stepmom because then his new kids would end up "******* transsexual" like me. He just looked so guilty and distraught and it was really upsetting tbh.

@Sneaky

Ugh, that's awful. Parent guilt in general is just… Like your identity is their mistake, some sort of hiccup or problem in raising you instead of who you really are and it's like. Ok. Yes. Cool. I love feeling like your mistake. Thank you.

Man major props to y'all for dealing with this garbage... I could never come out to my parents because they (and my entire extended family lmao) are EXTREMELY conservative/homophobic/transphobic/the lot. When the marriage equality bill passed, my mother sat me down and grilled me about being gay... I lied and said "No, of course not" and she then proceeded to explain how if she "found out I was gay" she would take away my truck, my phone, my computer, and all my money and leave me on the street to "shack up with my gay friends." :)
For the record, I'm biromantic, asexual, and either demigirl or agender (haven't decided) so even though I'm not "really gay" it just... freaked me out a lot. She and my stepdad constantly say disgusting things about LGBT people so I'm basically fearing for my life 24/7 at home haha. :)

suicide mention warning

I came out to my mother a few weeks ago about being agender. She received it pretty well; pretty much said 'as long as i don't have to bury you.' I've had a few suicide attempts so w/e her words were pretty valid. She was very much 'as long as you're happy I don't care about anything else.'

I felt pretty good. I was worried she would've denied trans people exist and gotten angry at me. We talked about it a little bit and it was chill. Asked her to not call me her daughter anymore and use they/them pronouns. She wasn't the best at understanding, ("You know I'll have to call you my daughter at some point. What am I gonna say when someone asks how many kids I have?? Do i say two sons and a kid???" to which i replied 'yah' but w/e') but she seemed to grasp it. She asked me to tolerate misgendering while she was getting used to changing pronouns and I was chill w it.

Last week we were driving to a city and I was telling her about something that had happened, and I referred to myself as 'they.' She looked at me real confused and asked 'who's they???' to which i completely deflated. She had completely forgotten about our conversation. I had been put up with her misgendering for at least three weeks, hoping she would get it, but... She just didn't care enough to remember I guess. I tried jogging her memory and after I stuttered out 'I'm agender, remember?' did she ever get it.

It was the same with my dad, but I came out to him six months ago. He was good with it at first, but then he peetered off and I'm his 'sweet little girl' again and tbh when he says that it makes me want to vomit.

I told my best friend and she took it very well, and refers to me properly, but just the fact that my parents can't give one crap about it really squicks me. I'm used to being the kid that everyone talked over but this is a new level of neglect, even for me, haha.

@they

well mine isn't bad

i told my mom while she was cooking dinner one night and she said "as long as they treat you right i dont really care" n went back to makin macaroni

I came out as panromantic ace to my dad ages ago and got a very long "it's a phase probably because of the meds you're on" but when I told him about the girl I had been dating for almost a year then, it shut him up fairly fast. Never talked about it further, though... He probably completely forgot anyway knowing him
Mom and my aunt were pretty cool with it, but I still don't want to try and come out to dad as genderfluid even though I know there's no chance of physical harm. I only have to deal with this dysphoria a few more years until I move out anyhow c: