General Discussion

Look, I just want to say that I love all of you guys, and I don't want to make any of you get down from reading this. You don't need to read this if you'll become upset yourself.

I don't know what to do. I am currently in highschool, and am doing completely crappy both emotionally and relating to my rate of working. I hate every second that I sit at home doing my work, and sometimes don't even get it done. I KNOW that I am depressed, and everyone around me keeps trying to help me work through my depression, but no matter how much time I spend in a freaking mental hospital, no matter how much medication I take, no matter how many experts I visit, NOTHING helps.

I have always had a nasty aspect of my personality where I get these "highs" of excitement, and I immediately dive into whatever amazing new project has tickled my fancy. But before I finish it, I always begin to hate doing it. It's rare, nearly unheard of, that I ever finish a personal project. I can never get anything accomplished. I feel like this ties to school. When I was younger, school was my entire life. My name was literally an insult in our school meaning "too focused on work." Now, I can't stand the thought of education.

I just wish that something, ANYTHING, would hold my interest for more than a month. Often, getting off of my "high" excitement makes me incredibly depressed, as I always realize that this tendency will turn me into a homeless vagabond as soon as I leave the care and protection of my family.

The part of this that freaks me out the most is that this inability to function properly is in my very genes. My brother has the same issue, but expresses it through violent bouts of anger instead of depression. My poor parents don't know what to do with their one suicidal and one very nearly sadistic child in one household. They know that we are horribly f*cked up, but still love us with all of their hearts.

And I love them, too. So much. Not a single soul in this world could be more supportive of me than they have been.

I'm just so scared that the living in the world alone will finally make me lose it and follow through with what I have tried so many times before.

...

Thank you guys, reading this, so much.

You make me happy.

...

;-;

@SunstonePhoenix I don't see anywhere where you say you want advice, and advice can get cliché and lose effect anyway, but I guess I just wanted you to know I read. I would feel better knowing someone read my ramble, so... *informs*

...One thing. I, too, was the kid known school-wide for being obsessed with school, and I too was sure I was going to lose my mind because I could only manage to function when on one of those highs you talked about. Somewhere along the way, it started to get better. I don't know for sure what did it, and it'd probably be different for everyone to an extent, but I know the easiest and hardest step was to just start taking things a day at a time. Get through one day, and then another, and before you know it, you've stacked up multiple days and that helps you think that you might just end up okay. Eventually, through that process, I was able to get to the root of what my actual problems were, and deal with them systematically, instead of rushing into new things and then having to back right back out. Slowing down really does help, as impossible as it feels sometimes.

I wish you the best. You seem really nice. :)

@Asynchronous

Thank you for your kind words, Chronous. They can really make a person feel a bit better.

I wish you well too. :D

@SunstonePhoenix

I'm not going to pretend to know what you personally are going through, but I can empathize with you as I have struggled and one of my friends almost took her own life.

I know it's hard, but you seem like a very strong individual. Keep on keeping on!

We're here for you, mate. Don't give up.

@SunstonePhoenix Hey don't mean to butt in but "highs" and not being able to finish projects are two symptoms of bipolar disorder (doesn't necessarily mean you have it, they just are), have you ever reported these symptoms to your docs?

@melorious

Thanks for your input, Mel; I really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts. *hugs* Normally, I'd consider this assertion completely valid, but I have been tested for bipolarity and nothing shows up.

It's definitely for the best. ^_^'

@SunstonePhoenix

Oh lord, you sound just like the high school me. I couldn't do squat, and nothing was interesting at ALL. I wanted to crawl into a hole and just day dream. I also had rage depression. (Which is a thing apparently. Didn't get THAT notice until...a year ago, and I'm 24.)

Now I got through my hatred of education because my appendix almost killed me, and I was stuck in a hospital for 9 days, and the only thing on was CSI and the animal planet. A very good, but very deadly way to get an interest in science. But I've since thought of a safer way. XD

Find something. Anything that catches you, and look it up. Go go on an info hunt. The next day, think of something else. Since you are choosing what to look up, it doesn't feel forced like school does. I myself make a point of learning something new everyday. High school does NOT reflect the real world. You'll never need history (Unless that is something you're interested in.) And there's no grammar nazi type bosses.

I could go on a rant, but really. Once you start learning things you like, that aren't pushed on you, you'll start to like learning again. :>

@SunstonePhoenix
I know a lot of people who are in the same boat as you and it's a terrible result of school. We are all here for you if you need help :D