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TOPIC | So You Think You Can Write
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@SolusPrime379

They sat on top of a shabby and rather unstable roof, all three of them small enough so that their weight didn't make them fall through. The adults couldn't reach them here, couldn't steal the scarfs of their necks.

Sam wondered for how long that would last, they where supposed to hit a growth spurt soon, at least he was. The other two's chronic malnutrition would hold them back a little longer but he... he was running out of time. At some point he was going to stand out and the game would end. Nate sighed happily next to him, huddling closer for warmth.

"The suns going to rise soon." He muttered sleepily, a half smile on his face. Sarah on his other side stirred, the frost on her coat cracking as she did so. Autumn nights where harsh. "Good." She offered.

Sam couldn't add anything productive to the conversation with the stubborn lump in his throat. He would miss Nate's endless optimism, Sarah's smart and practical way of guiding her boys through their difficult life and most off all the sense off belonging, of being loved.

They watched the sun rise together before going around, scrounging what little money they could find, doing the occasional odd job for a gentleman who couldn't be bothered to filthy his own hands. All so they could afford some food, make it into next day and repeat the cycle. It was their struggle and they shouldered through it together.

It didn't last.

Sam took a step back, hands trembling. He fumbled with his words, unable to conjure up the ones that would allow him to keep his friends. She stared it him, fury and pain in her eyes but at the same time her face was carefully stoic. Then her gaze broke away, passively sliding over the mansion behind him then over his pristine clothes.

"You smelled too nice, like soap. Street rats don't smell like soap." Sarah explained tersely. "I told myself not too question you, to trust you."

A bitter smile formed on her lips. Sarah never cried, not when their hard earned food got ripped from them by the more unpleasant homeless, not when the police rough-handled them for making the streets look untidy and not even now when her closest pal betrayed her. But the sheen of tears in her eyes made him convulse with guild. He fell to his knees while trying to work his voice around the sob he kept pushing down. "Please, I don't-"

"Turns out you're one of those." She hissed. "You think our lives are amusing, a cheap form of entertainment." Her voice broke at the last part. "Is your name even Sam?" "Samuel." He assured weakly. Without sparring him another glance she turned heel and ran.

Sam didn't know how long he spend with his knees in the snow but by the time he got up his legs had gotten numb and it took him a great deal of effort to stumble back into his mansion. The fireplaces where lit and yet it had never felt so cold inside to him. He greeted his father who didn't acknowledge him, passed his mother whose eyes where glazed over with the effect of her alcohol and eventually sat down in the kitchen where a warm meal awaited him.

He would never escape this prison again and his food turned ashen in his mouth with the prospect. They had filled his empty heart, he had belonged like he never did before. But it was all ruined now. His chest felt so hollow he believed his heart had straight up abandoned him. Settling in a nicer place, out on the streets.

----

Just heard that, in the days before internet, kids of nobles tended to disguise themselves as street urchins to play with them because there wasn't much else to do and not enough kids of equal standing nearby to have fun with. Not sure if it's true but it inspired this piece. Money doesn't buy happiness after all.
@SolusPrime379

They sat on top of a shabby and rather unstable roof, all three of them small enough so that their weight didn't make them fall through. The adults couldn't reach them here, couldn't steal the scarfs of their necks.

Sam wondered for how long that would last, they where supposed to hit a growth spurt soon, at least he was. The other two's chronic malnutrition would hold them back a little longer but he... he was running out of time. At some point he was going to stand out and the game would end. Nate sighed happily next to him, huddling closer for warmth.

"The suns going to rise soon." He muttered sleepily, a half smile on his face. Sarah on his other side stirred, the frost on her coat cracking as she did so. Autumn nights where harsh. "Good." She offered.

Sam couldn't add anything productive to the conversation with the stubborn lump in his throat. He would miss Nate's endless optimism, Sarah's smart and practical way of guiding her boys through their difficult life and most off all the sense off belonging, of being loved.

They watched the sun rise together before going around, scrounging what little money they could find, doing the occasional odd job for a gentleman who couldn't be bothered to filthy his own hands. All so they could afford some food, make it into next day and repeat the cycle. It was their struggle and they shouldered through it together.

It didn't last.

Sam took a step back, hands trembling. He fumbled with his words, unable to conjure up the ones that would allow him to keep his friends. She stared it him, fury and pain in her eyes but at the same time her face was carefully stoic. Then her gaze broke away, passively sliding over the mansion behind him then over his pristine clothes.

"You smelled too nice, like soap. Street rats don't smell like soap." Sarah explained tersely. "I told myself not too question you, to trust you."

A bitter smile formed on her lips. Sarah never cried, not when their hard earned food got ripped from them by the more unpleasant homeless, not when the police rough-handled them for making the streets look untidy and not even now when her closest pal betrayed her. But the sheen of tears in her eyes made him convulse with guild. He fell to his knees while trying to work his voice around the sob he kept pushing down. "Please, I don't-"

"Turns out you're one of those." She hissed. "You think our lives are amusing, a cheap form of entertainment." Her voice broke at the last part. "Is your name even Sam?" "Samuel." He assured weakly. Without sparring him another glance she turned heel and ran.

Sam didn't know how long he spend with his knees in the snow but by the time he got up his legs had gotten numb and it took him a great deal of effort to stumble back into his mansion. The fireplaces where lit and yet it had never felt so cold inside to him. He greeted his father who didn't acknowledge him, passed his mother whose eyes where glazed over with the effect of her alcohol and eventually sat down in the kitchen where a warm meal awaited him.

He would never escape this prison again and his food turned ashen in his mouth with the prospect. They had filled his empty heart, he had belonged like he never did before. But it was all ruined now. His chest felt so hollow he believed his heart had straight up abandoned him. Settling in a nicer place, out on the streets.

----

Just heard that, in the days before internet, kids of nobles tended to disguise themselves as street urchins to play with them because there wasn't much else to do and not enough kids of equal standing nearby to have fun with. Not sure if it's true but it inspired this piece. Money doesn't buy happiness after all.
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@SolusPrime379

The air was dry and filled with chalk dust. Late summer heat moved from outside, through the dirty glass panes and into the already warm, sticky classroom. The old floorboards creaked as the chattering sophmores took whatever seat was available. Up at the front, where no one wanted to sit, sat Elise. Her unbrushed, muddy brown hair ran past her shoulders and down part of her back. Her white, ghostly skin was mostly covered by her long sleeve, flora shirt that must of been a hammy down from her grandmother. She kept her eyes burrowed in her book, uncaring to what the other girls around her whispered.

"Did ya hear?" One girl, Annabelle, said just loud enough for the subject of her unsubstantiated rumor to hear, "My mama said that her sister told her that Galloway girl ran away from home. When she finally came back, her parents wanted nothing to do with her and sent her away so same insane asylum."

"Oh my lord," her friend, Grace, with her sweet southern bell accent matching Annabelle's to a Tee, "What on Heaven's Earth is she doing here?"

"They released her not too long ago because they couldn't hold her. But, not three days after they did, her parents died in some bizarre accident." Annabelle flipped her cherry blond hair over her shoulder in a matter of fact way. Elise felt a bubble of rage form and ignored it. Nothing good ever happened from giving into something that ugly.

"You don't think?" Grace looked at the back of Elise's head with fright. She didn't actually feel scared, she all pretended to.

"Well, it makes sense doesn't it? Mama said I shouldn't be in the same class as a Galloway. She's putting in a request to have my schedule changed." Elise could her Annabelle sneer from three rows away. The bubble expanded.

"Oh, would you shut up Annabelle?" Weston spoke up. He was a seat behind and to the left of Elise. He wasn't particularly tall, average height at best. Strong jaw line and a sweet smile. His golden honey hair reflected the sunlight off of it which made it appear lighter in color. Elise had met Weston about a week ago when her aunt didn't come for her at the train station. He had been kind enough to give her a ride.

"Hush now Weston. What do you know?" Annabelle was shocked that anyone would speak to her in such a tone.

"Quiet now, class is about to begin," the teacher demanded respect.

"Mr. Sench, may I be excused? I don't believe I can concentrate with a Galloway here," Annabelle asked with her hand raised. This entailed another loud interjection from Weston, which lead to an outburst from Grace, and Mr. Sench was yelling now for all to stop. Elise could feel the tension rising in the room as her name was tossed around as if it was nothing. The bubble expanded each time Annabelle or Grace opened their mouths to add further mud to her family name.

Then the bubble popped. When Elise felt this, she closed her eyes. The floors were ripped from their nails, the hot glass from the windows showered over the students, centered on Annabelle and Grace. Screams of pain and fear of the unknown filled the air.

"She did it! She did this!" Annabelle pointed a bloody finger at Elise and screeched. She bolted out of the room screaming something fierce about the Galloways being devil worshippers and witches. Weston was by Elise's side in a moment.

"Are you hurt?" His kind green eyes searched her face for any cuts while ignoring the bleeding ones on his arms. Elise made eye contact briefly. What Weston saw made his heart lurch. Her eyes had no feelings, no emotion in them. She abruptly stood up and exited the room as well.

Elise clutched her chest. She could another part of her soul disappear. Another piece of her humanity gone. Somewhere, she found herself thinking, "I should have never left the manor."
@SolusPrime379

The air was dry and filled with chalk dust. Late summer heat moved from outside, through the dirty glass panes and into the already warm, sticky classroom. The old floorboards creaked as the chattering sophmores took whatever seat was available. Up at the front, where no one wanted to sit, sat Elise. Her unbrushed, muddy brown hair ran past her shoulders and down part of her back. Her white, ghostly skin was mostly covered by her long sleeve, flora shirt that must of been a hammy down from her grandmother. She kept her eyes burrowed in her book, uncaring to what the other girls around her whispered.

"Did ya hear?" One girl, Annabelle, said just loud enough for the subject of her unsubstantiated rumor to hear, "My mama said that her sister told her that Galloway girl ran away from home. When she finally came back, her parents wanted nothing to do with her and sent her away so same insane asylum."

"Oh my lord," her friend, Grace, with her sweet southern bell accent matching Annabelle's to a Tee, "What on Heaven's Earth is she doing here?"

"They released her not too long ago because they couldn't hold her. But, not three days after they did, her parents died in some bizarre accident." Annabelle flipped her cherry blond hair over her shoulder in a matter of fact way. Elise felt a bubble of rage form and ignored it. Nothing good ever happened from giving into something that ugly.

"You don't think?" Grace looked at the back of Elise's head with fright. She didn't actually feel scared, she all pretended to.

"Well, it makes sense doesn't it? Mama said I shouldn't be in the same class as a Galloway. She's putting in a request to have my schedule changed." Elise could her Annabelle sneer from three rows away. The bubble expanded.

"Oh, would you shut up Annabelle?" Weston spoke up. He was a seat behind and to the left of Elise. He wasn't particularly tall, average height at best. Strong jaw line and a sweet smile. His golden honey hair reflected the sunlight off of it which made it appear lighter in color. Elise had met Weston about a week ago when her aunt didn't come for her at the train station. He had been kind enough to give her a ride.

"Hush now Weston. What do you know?" Annabelle was shocked that anyone would speak to her in such a tone.

"Quiet now, class is about to begin," the teacher demanded respect.

"Mr. Sench, may I be excused? I don't believe I can concentrate with a Galloway here," Annabelle asked with her hand raised. This entailed another loud interjection from Weston, which lead to an outburst from Grace, and Mr. Sench was yelling now for all to stop. Elise could feel the tension rising in the room as her name was tossed around as if it was nothing. The bubble expanded each time Annabelle or Grace opened their mouths to add further mud to her family name.

Then the bubble popped. When Elise felt this, she closed her eyes. The floors were ripped from their nails, the hot glass from the windows showered over the students, centered on Annabelle and Grace. Screams of pain and fear of the unknown filled the air.

"She did it! She did this!" Annabelle pointed a bloody finger at Elise and screeched. She bolted out of the room screaming something fierce about the Galloways being devil worshippers and witches. Weston was by Elise's side in a moment.

"Are you hurt?" His kind green eyes searched her face for any cuts while ignoring the bleeding ones on his arms. Elise made eye contact briefly. What Weston saw made his heart lurch. Her eyes had no feelings, no emotion in them. She abruptly stood up and exited the room as well.

Elise clutched her chest. She could another part of her soul disappear. Another piece of her humanity gone. Somewhere, she found herself thinking, "I should have never left the manor."
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@SolusPrime379

Sorry, this may be too long.
l


Tell me: do you know what it is to have your entire reason for living ripped from you? Do you know what it feels like when the only thing that ties you to life is suddenly gone? Her glazed eyes were stained in his memory forever. That was the day that his heart stood empty. That was the day he gave up.

Arik and Kate pressed their backs up against the half wall. Arik looked into Kate's eyes with a sly smile stretched across his face. Kate returned the devious look. "Are you ready?" "Hell yeah."

Arik leaned in and gently pressed his lips against hers before tearing away from the wall. It was time for him to do his favorite thing. He loved to be the distraction. All eyes on him. He was the center of attention, and best of all. He loved the view he always got of his beautiful Kate doing her job.

As if it was instinct, Arik made his way through the busy city intersection, and over to the most prominent building in the area. It wasn't hard to find the perfect target. After the Magnum Opus had released the apocalypse, very few buildings had escaped the intense fighting. Most of the world's cities had been nearly leveled. In this particular square, what used to be Times Square, the only building left standing over 100 feet was the one on the northeast end.

Taking advantage of the scaffolding around the building, Arik deftly climbed up the tower. He slipped just a few times, but he was too skilled to fall, or at least he thought he was too skilled to fall. He climbed straight up to what was now the top of the tower. Reaching into a small pack he had on his back, he pulled out a bungee rope, and fastened it to a harness which he strapped around his waist. Pulling out an old-fashioned radio, he said, "Ready."


Arik pressed his lips gently against Kate's, then turned and walked quickly to the tallest building in the area. He always loved being the distraction, being seen by everyone, being the dramatic show man. She..., well she just liked being seen by him. Every time she went to work down below, she would glance up at him and know that he was watching her. He always was. Watching her like she was a goddess. That was why she loved him.

After a few minutes, Kate stood up and started walking to the center of the square. She could see him scaling the scaffolding on the side of the building. He leaped and climbed as she watched on. Finally, he reached the top and started fiddling with something. Just a few moments later he came over the radio. "Ready."

"Oh my God! He's gonna jump!" Kate screamed the words out, amplifying her voice as much as she could. The scream echoed through the square, and immediately, chatter started up. The hundreds of people in the square gathered together looking up at the man on the building, some shouting encouraging words to talk him down, others just watching on. It was time to get to work.

Swiftly moving through the crowd, unnoticed as a blade of grass in a field, Kate went from person to person, taking everything of value from their pockets. A wallet, a ring, a watch, hard cash, she took everything she could find while skillfully weaving through the crowd. Everything she could find went straight into the large bag at her side, and she kept stealing until the bag could hold no more. At that point she zipped it up and took several steps away from the crowd.

Jumping up and down, Kate waved her arms as exaggerated as she could. She hated this part. Arik leaped from the rooftop with a collective scream from the crowd, and plummeted towards the ground. As he approached the ground, the bungee reached its limit, and slowed him. When he was almost completely stopped, and about to be pulled back up, he pulled a knife, and severed the rope with a flourish, dropping to his feet.

The crowd went wild, clapping and cheering. Arik took it in, looking at all of his newfound fans. He bowed and laughed, even shaking the hands of a few of the people up front. They were all impressed. Sadly, the only one he meant to impress had probably covered her eyes. She hated that part.

With one final bow, Arik ran off to where he saw Kate. As he rounded the crowd, however, he saw a strange man approach her. The man seemed to gesture to the bag, but Kate shook her head. The man gestured again aggressively this time, but still Kate refused. Arik watched as the man pulled a gun out of his back pocket. Immediately, his jog turned into a mad sprint. He ran as fast as he could towards Kate, but she was still at least a hundred meters away.

Arik was too late. A gunshot sounded off. Kate collapsed to the floor. Blood leaked from her chest, and as Arik approached, she glanced at him, smiled, then passed. He collapsed to his knees by her body, tears welling up in his eyes. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her, as if to wake her from a dream. He shook her again and again. Pressing his hands down on the wound, attempting to plug it, he told her, almost in a whisper to get up. Then again. And again. And again. At this point he was screaming it at her.

Throwing himself over her lifeless body, Arik let it all out. Tears streamed down his face as he looked up to the sky and screamed. He screamed until his lungs ran dry, then he looked back down at her face. It was held in a peaceful smile. Her beautiful shoulder length brown hair was covering most of it, but he could still see her stunning brown eyes -glazed over, yet still the most beautiful he had seen- and her plump lips.

Arik was distraught. He didn't even take the bag of stolen goods that the shooter had left in his flight. He walked home. Ten miles. He didn't feel the pain in his legs. He didn't feel anything. He never wanted to feel anything again. Subconsciously, he pushed open the door to his apartment, and walked to his small kitchen. Her small kitchen. It was hers. Where she cooked. She loved cooking. A single tear slipped down his cheek and splashed down onto the floor.

The next morning, Arik never woke up. He had drowned in his own blood, an empty bottle of Aspirin beside his bed. With an empty heart, what was the point of living? Kate was his love. The only one who could cheer him. She was the only one whose complements meant something. When he laid down at night, it was her face he saw. He couldn't live with his heart ripped from his chest.
@SolusPrime379

Sorry, this may be too long.
l


Tell me: do you know what it is to have your entire reason for living ripped from you? Do you know what it feels like when the only thing that ties you to life is suddenly gone? Her glazed eyes were stained in his memory forever. That was the day that his heart stood empty. That was the day he gave up.

Arik and Kate pressed their backs up against the half wall. Arik looked into Kate's eyes with a sly smile stretched across his face. Kate returned the devious look. "Are you ready?" "Hell yeah."

Arik leaned in and gently pressed his lips against hers before tearing away from the wall. It was time for him to do his favorite thing. He loved to be the distraction. All eyes on him. He was the center of attention, and best of all. He loved the view he always got of his beautiful Kate doing her job.

As if it was instinct, Arik made his way through the busy city intersection, and over to the most prominent building in the area. It wasn't hard to find the perfect target. After the Magnum Opus had released the apocalypse, very few buildings had escaped the intense fighting. Most of the world's cities had been nearly leveled. In this particular square, what used to be Times Square, the only building left standing over 100 feet was the one on the northeast end.

Taking advantage of the scaffolding around the building, Arik deftly climbed up the tower. He slipped just a few times, but he was too skilled to fall, or at least he thought he was too skilled to fall. He climbed straight up to what was now the top of the tower. Reaching into a small pack he had on his back, he pulled out a bungee rope, and fastened it to a harness which he strapped around his waist. Pulling out an old-fashioned radio, he said, "Ready."


Arik pressed his lips gently against Kate's, then turned and walked quickly to the tallest building in the area. He always loved being the distraction, being seen by everyone, being the dramatic show man. She..., well she just liked being seen by him. Every time she went to work down below, she would glance up at him and know that he was watching her. He always was. Watching her like she was a goddess. That was why she loved him.

After a few minutes, Kate stood up and started walking to the center of the square. She could see him scaling the scaffolding on the side of the building. He leaped and climbed as she watched on. Finally, he reached the top and started fiddling with something. Just a few moments later he came over the radio. "Ready."

"Oh my God! He's gonna jump!" Kate screamed the words out, amplifying her voice as much as she could. The scream echoed through the square, and immediately, chatter started up. The hundreds of people in the square gathered together looking up at the man on the building, some shouting encouraging words to talk him down, others just watching on. It was time to get to work.

Swiftly moving through the crowd, unnoticed as a blade of grass in a field, Kate went from person to person, taking everything of value from their pockets. A wallet, a ring, a watch, hard cash, she took everything she could find while skillfully weaving through the crowd. Everything she could find went straight into the large bag at her side, and she kept stealing until the bag could hold no more. At that point she zipped it up and took several steps away from the crowd.

Jumping up and down, Kate waved her arms as exaggerated as she could. She hated this part. Arik leaped from the rooftop with a collective scream from the crowd, and plummeted towards the ground. As he approached the ground, the bungee reached its limit, and slowed him. When he was almost completely stopped, and about to be pulled back up, he pulled a knife, and severed the rope with a flourish, dropping to his feet.

The crowd went wild, clapping and cheering. Arik took it in, looking at all of his newfound fans. He bowed and laughed, even shaking the hands of a few of the people up front. They were all impressed. Sadly, the only one he meant to impress had probably covered her eyes. She hated that part.

With one final bow, Arik ran off to where he saw Kate. As he rounded the crowd, however, he saw a strange man approach her. The man seemed to gesture to the bag, but Kate shook her head. The man gestured again aggressively this time, but still Kate refused. Arik watched as the man pulled a gun out of his back pocket. Immediately, his jog turned into a mad sprint. He ran as fast as he could towards Kate, but she was still at least a hundred meters away.

Arik was too late. A gunshot sounded off. Kate collapsed to the floor. Blood leaked from her chest, and as Arik approached, she glanced at him, smiled, then passed. He collapsed to his knees by her body, tears welling up in his eyes. He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her, as if to wake her from a dream. He shook her again and again. Pressing his hands down on the wound, attempting to plug it, he told her, almost in a whisper to get up. Then again. And again. And again. At this point he was screaming it at her.

Throwing himself over her lifeless body, Arik let it all out. Tears streamed down his face as he looked up to the sky and screamed. He screamed until his lungs ran dry, then he looked back down at her face. It was held in a peaceful smile. Her beautiful shoulder length brown hair was covering most of it, but he could still see her stunning brown eyes -glazed over, yet still the most beautiful he had seen- and her plump lips.

Arik was distraught. He didn't even take the bag of stolen goods that the shooter had left in his flight. He walked home. Ten miles. He didn't feel the pain in his legs. He didn't feel anything. He never wanted to feel anything again. Subconsciously, he pushed open the door to his apartment, and walked to his small kitchen. Her small kitchen. It was hers. Where she cooked. She loved cooking. A single tear slipped down his cheek and splashed down onto the floor.

The next morning, Arik never woke up. He had drowned in his own blood, an empty bottle of Aspirin beside his bed. With an empty heart, what was the point of living? Kate was his love. The only one who could cheer him. She was the only one whose complements meant something. When he laid down at night, it was her face he saw. He couldn't live with his heart ripped from his chest.
WARNING: I am likely to put everyone else before myself. Please take this into consideration.
@dragonclaw101
I love the poem at the beginning of the story, it hooks your reader in which is of utmost importance when you're writing. The first person point of view is nice, it tells you what and how the person feels; but, I think that's where your writing came short. It only tells you how one person feels. First person point of views tend to be less descriptive and they also tend to flow less. This is because said person may or may not have time to view their surroundings and they don't know what other people are feeling for sure. Point if views aside, I liked how Karen pointed out that humans aren't what the poem made them seem to be. We have our faults but that doesn't mean we're absolute monsters roaming the streets. In all, I think this short story is great and would be amazing if it was written out a little longer.

Final Verdict: 6/10
Favorite Line(s): "Hearts of coal, lips tell lies. Moving through, day by day. As we become the monsters that we slay. Broken hearts, shattered home. Empty hearths that hold cold stones."

~

@Karika
I absolutely love the way your wrote this, it sounds like a small sample from a book. The sendtences flow so smoothly and I was really hoping someone would take the prompt the way you did when I assigned it. The best thing is how it's not what one character feels, but how they all feel simultaneously. The metaphorical take on the prompt was not only genius but breathtaking. This is one of the rare instances I wished that this was an actual story (if you do write a longer version or a story based on this then I'd love to read it). At the moment I cannot find any positive criticism because I cannot stop gushing over how amazing this is. If I do find anything that needs correction then I'll add it to this post.

Final Verdict: 9/10
Favorite Line(s): "This is war, and we are already dead."

~

@Reiyn
Ah, yes, the tragedy that is love. To be honest, I was expecting something related to romantic love but nothing like this. Maybe like a break up or something but definitely not this. About the characters, I'd just like to say that Roan is a complete arse and Kal is just trying to be a good friend. Curious though, why is Roan heartless? It would've been nice to explain why he is the way he is. This also gets me wondering, is Aares and Roan's relationship abusive or is she just completely oblivious to the fact he feels nothing and is just using her? While I loved your piece, some explanations would've made it better.

Final Verdict: 6/10
Favorite Line(s): "My heart is empty Kal. You're right, I don't deserve her. She's just an item to me."

~

@Kesler
This is abosuletly amazing and I love it. Again, another piece I wish was a story. Your writing really made me feel Sarah's anger and hurt along with Sam's helplessnes. The content is unique and it's an approach that I was not expecting. A pleasant surprise, I you may. There were some things that I didn't understand, how did she find out he was rich? Like, I get he used soap but it doesn't explain anything else. And, at the beginning, it says all three of them but later it's only Sam and Sarah? That threw me off a bit... In all, I think your writing would've been the best one if you had more time to look over it.

Final Verdict: 8/10
Favorite Line(s): "The fireplaces where lit and yet it had never felt so cold inside to him."

~

@demonslayr62
Let me start by saying, this is by far the most unexpected approach to this prompt I have seen. Even more so than Kesler's approach. Also, Annabel is rude and I'd totally punch her if given the chance. Doesn't she know there's some creepy doll that shares her name? Elsie, on the other hand, is a complete mystery to but I'd still befriend her. This is, yet again, a story I'd pay an insane amount to read (you guys seriously need to stop proving me wrong). More about the story though, what happened to Elsie? If you meant it to be vague then you did awesome! If not, maybe try to clear it up a little bit?

Final Verdict: 7/10
Favorite Line(s): "Nothing good ever happened from giving into something that ugly."

~

@Elroth
This one really pulled on my heartstrings. The raw emotion in it was amazing and it really made me feel like I was Arik. I enjoyed the description in the beginning, they really set a lyrical tone that matches the storytelling feel. The dynamic between the two characters was just lovely and I could tell what sort of relationship they had from the small details that you dropped throughout it. This was a super good one-shot even if it did use the cliche "lover dies ancient the other is distraught" trope. I'm not a fan of post-apocalyptic world's but this one really reeled me in. This piece really knew how to rip my heart out, stomp on it, then proceed to turn it to confetti to mock my agony. I dont really know what else to say but great job.

Final Verdict: 8/10
Favorite Line(s): "He couldn't live with his heart ripped from his chest."

~

You all did an amazing job with this prompt even though I was terrible at judging. Alas, there can only be one winner and one runner up.

Winner: @Karika
Runner Up: @Kesler
@dragonclaw101
I love the poem at the beginning of the story, it hooks your reader in which is of utmost importance when you're writing. The first person point of view is nice, it tells you what and how the person feels; but, I think that's where your writing came short. It only tells you how one person feels. First person point of views tend to be less descriptive and they also tend to flow less. This is because said person may or may not have time to view their surroundings and they don't know what other people are feeling for sure. Point if views aside, I liked how Karen pointed out that humans aren't what the poem made them seem to be. We have our faults but that doesn't mean we're absolute monsters roaming the streets. In all, I think this short story is great and would be amazing if it was written out a little longer.

Final Verdict: 6/10
Favorite Line(s): "Hearts of coal, lips tell lies. Moving through, day by day. As we become the monsters that we slay. Broken hearts, shattered home. Empty hearths that hold cold stones."

~

@Karika
I absolutely love the way your wrote this, it sounds like a small sample from a book. The sendtences flow so smoothly and I was really hoping someone would take the prompt the way you did when I assigned it. The best thing is how it's not what one character feels, but how they all feel simultaneously. The metaphorical take on the prompt was not only genius but breathtaking. This is one of the rare instances I wished that this was an actual story (if you do write a longer version or a story based on this then I'd love to read it). At the moment I cannot find any positive criticism because I cannot stop gushing over how amazing this is. If I do find anything that needs correction then I'll add it to this post.

Final Verdict: 9/10
Favorite Line(s): "This is war, and we are already dead."

~

@Reiyn
Ah, yes, the tragedy that is love. To be honest, I was expecting something related to romantic love but nothing like this. Maybe like a break up or something but definitely not this. About the characters, I'd just like to say that Roan is a complete arse and Kal is just trying to be a good friend. Curious though, why is Roan heartless? It would've been nice to explain why he is the way he is. This also gets me wondering, is Aares and Roan's relationship abusive or is she just completely oblivious to the fact he feels nothing and is just using her? While I loved your piece, some explanations would've made it better.

Final Verdict: 6/10
Favorite Line(s): "My heart is empty Kal. You're right, I don't deserve her. She's just an item to me."

~

@Kesler
This is abosuletly amazing and I love it. Again, another piece I wish was a story. Your writing really made me feel Sarah's anger and hurt along with Sam's helplessnes. The content is unique and it's an approach that I was not expecting. A pleasant surprise, I you may. There were some things that I didn't understand, how did she find out he was rich? Like, I get he used soap but it doesn't explain anything else. And, at the beginning, it says all three of them but later it's only Sam and Sarah? That threw me off a bit... In all, I think your writing would've been the best one if you had more time to look over it.

Final Verdict: 8/10
Favorite Line(s): "The fireplaces where lit and yet it had never felt so cold inside to him."

~

@demonslayr62
Let me start by saying, this is by far the most unexpected approach to this prompt I have seen. Even more so than Kesler's approach. Also, Annabel is rude and I'd totally punch her if given the chance. Doesn't she know there's some creepy doll that shares her name? Elsie, on the other hand, is a complete mystery to but I'd still befriend her. This is, yet again, a story I'd pay an insane amount to read (you guys seriously need to stop proving me wrong). More about the story though, what happened to Elsie? If you meant it to be vague then you did awesome! If not, maybe try to clear it up a little bit?

Final Verdict: 7/10
Favorite Line(s): "Nothing good ever happened from giving into something that ugly."

~

@Elroth
This one really pulled on my heartstrings. The raw emotion in it was amazing and it really made me feel like I was Arik. I enjoyed the description in the beginning, they really set a lyrical tone that matches the storytelling feel. The dynamic between the two characters was just lovely and I could tell what sort of relationship they had from the small details that you dropped throughout it. This was a super good one-shot even if it did use the cliche "lover dies ancient the other is distraught" trope. I'm not a fan of post-apocalyptic world's but this one really reeled me in. This piece really knew how to rip my heart out, stomp on it, then proceed to turn it to confetti to mock my agony. I dont really know what else to say but great job.

Final Verdict: 8/10
Favorite Line(s): "He couldn't live with his heart ripped from his chest."

~

You all did an amazing job with this prompt even though I was terrible at judging. Alas, there can only be one winner and one runner up.

Winner: @Karika
Runner Up: @Kesler
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@SolusPrime379

Ah yes, in my mind the picture is as clear as day but I often forget that as writer I know things about my stories that others do not. I was also struggling with the time limit so I left out perhaps important details. This piece is like a part cut out of a bigger plot/story in my mind, there are unwritten events leading up to this part and events following it. That being said it's unlikely I will ever write it out, with my ten other projects taking up most of my writing time lol.

To answer your questions:

- She had her suspicions but ignored them for a long while, until one day she decided to follow him when he decided to 'disappear' again (as you can imagine he is expected to show himself around his house every now and then).

- Nate tends to trust with all his heart and would have told Sarah off if she mentioned she was going to tail Sam. He would have found it a breach of privacy. Both Sarah and Nate have family as well (albeit family that is unable to care for them, usually begging on a street corner somewhere) and Nate simple thought that Sam was too embarrassed of his own parents too allow his friends to tag along. In a way Nate was right. So, anyway, Sarah went alone.

Before I forget it: thank you so much for your kind words!
@SolusPrime379

Ah yes, in my mind the picture is as clear as day but I often forget that as writer I know things about my stories that others do not. I was also struggling with the time limit so I left out perhaps important details. This piece is like a part cut out of a bigger plot/story in my mind, there are unwritten events leading up to this part and events following it. That being said it's unlikely I will ever write it out, with my ten other projects taking up most of my writing time lol.

To answer your questions:

- She had her suspicions but ignored them for a long while, until one day she decided to follow him when he decided to 'disappear' again (as you can imagine he is expected to show himself around his house every now and then).

- Nate tends to trust with all his heart and would have told Sarah off if she mentioned she was going to tail Sam. He would have found it a breach of privacy. Both Sarah and Nate have family as well (albeit family that is unable to care for them, usually begging on a street corner somewhere) and Nate simple thought that Sam was too embarrassed of his own parents too allow his friends to tag along. In a way Nate was right. So, anyway, Sarah went alone.

Before I forget it: thank you so much for your kind words!
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@SolusPrime379
Thank you for your kind words! I actually wasn't going to do anything with this prompt because even though I loved the concept, I've been trying to focus on the project I'm currently working on, and even though one of the characters would have been perfect for this prompt, I don't like putting something that I've been working this hard on out somewhere where anyone could read it and do what they like with it.

The reason I went ahead with this was because I was watching something, and one of the scenes seemed to answer this prompt well so I used that for inspiration on my part. I felt like it was a sign to write this prompt.

Loved your response to Annabelle. Cracked a smile when you mentioned that she's named after a creepy doll lol. That never occurred to me when I wrote this. And yes, I did mean to keep it vague. That's kind of my go to writing move and something I'm trying to steer away from, at least with the project I'm working on anyway. Couldn't help myself with this one though.

It means the world to me that you gave such wonderful feedback on this quick blurb I wrote. So Thank you again!
@SolusPrime379
Thank you for your kind words! I actually wasn't going to do anything with this prompt because even though I loved the concept, I've been trying to focus on the project I'm currently working on, and even though one of the characters would have been perfect for this prompt, I don't like putting something that I've been working this hard on out somewhere where anyone could read it and do what they like with it.

The reason I went ahead with this was because I was watching something, and one of the scenes seemed to answer this prompt well so I used that for inspiration on my part. I felt like it was a sign to write this prompt.

Loved your response to Annabelle. Cracked a smile when you mentioned that she's named after a creepy doll lol. That never occurred to me when I wrote this. And yes, I did mean to keep it vague. That's kind of my go to writing move and something I'm trying to steer away from, at least with the project I'm working on anyway. Couldn't help myself with this one though.

It means the world to me that you gave such wonderful feedback on this quick blurb I wrote. So Thank you again!
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Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it ^-^

Next prompt: "the tolling of the bells"
Deadline: Mon 28 August 23:59


@Moonwater @AwkwardAngel @Tacodoodle @coyearth @nemodave @Jadebird @Kapara @favvn @Xypress @Crazyraspberry @helforestwitch @SeaSweptDreams @Winterreise @agateflame @Rosoidela @REDandYELLOWZ @PhoenixMiko @Maddiebird @ErinQuotefinder @Aiolos @Midgardian @writingandchoco @fabro @Dragonclaw101 @Pearlcatcher101 @MissFortune17 @Lolliipop @luckgandor @frootz @Gannet @Sky93 @riseandshine @WithoutBounds @Artificiary @Slayborn @demonslayr62 @Xayxayx @SpiderLondon @Lastwords @Sillywinter @Aphelium @PurpleHibiscus @neonsharpies @inn @Astomnus @bcrush @Saraceaser @dragonfarmer @Drusha @MisfitsLanding @elthemar @StillInvincible @FireMaster101 @Crumbleless @Oranitha @ladylilitu @Tempestral @humanityxpeople @Chrisondra @Karika @Skyeset @PixieKnight3264 @Mypilot @Everyone @SamIamLuvDov @tsugumi @Reiyn @TheElfDruid @Adaris @Synzia @Elroth @inthestars @Retof @SocialBookWorm @uhhjoyce27 @Luca20 @SolusPrime379@KnightVanguard @MysticDragons @Lightshadow101

Edit: to add Lightshadow101 to the pinglist in case any of you lazy people copy the pinglist from my post instead of the doc on the first page.
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it ^-^

Next prompt: "the tolling of the bells"
Deadline: Mon 28 August 23:59


@Moonwater @AwkwardAngel @Tacodoodle @coyearth @nemodave @Jadebird @Kapara @favvn @Xypress @Crazyraspberry @helforestwitch @SeaSweptDreams @Winterreise @agateflame @Rosoidela @REDandYELLOWZ @PhoenixMiko @Maddiebird @ErinQuotefinder @Aiolos @Midgardian @writingandchoco @fabro @Dragonclaw101 @Pearlcatcher101 @MissFortune17 @Lolliipop @luckgandor @frootz @Gannet @Sky93 @riseandshine @WithoutBounds @Artificiary @Slayborn @demonslayr62 @Xayxayx @SpiderLondon @Lastwords @Sillywinter @Aphelium @PurpleHibiscus @neonsharpies @inn @Astomnus @bcrush @Saraceaser @dragonfarmer @Drusha @MisfitsLanding @elthemar @StillInvincible @FireMaster101 @Crumbleless @Oranitha @ladylilitu @Tempestral @humanityxpeople @Chrisondra @Karika @Skyeset @PixieKnight3264 @Mypilot @Everyone @SamIamLuvDov @tsugumi @Reiyn @TheElfDruid @Adaris @Synzia @Elroth @inthestars @Retof @SocialBookWorm @uhhjoyce27 @Luca20 @SolusPrime379@KnightVanguard @MysticDragons @Lightshadow101

Edit: to add Lightshadow101 to the pinglist in case any of you lazy people copy the pinglist from my post instead of the doc on the first page.
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@Karika

WARNING: THE EVENTS AND CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY DO NOT EXIST!
Every year, a sound rings through the streets. Every year, people hide in their homes. Every year, I scream. This is the tolling of the bells.
My name is Natalie, I'm a seven-year-old girl and I live in Experiment, Georiga. It's a real place- look it up. Every year, on June 6, the loud bells of the Tower of Terrorism ring for 24 hours. It sounds like the eternal screams of troubled souls, their life force bleeding away before their eyes...

Anyhow, you may ask why this echoes though the city for twenty-four hours straight. Well, let's travel back in time to eleven years ago. It was Tuesday, June 6, 2006 in Experiment, Georgia. Several lawbreakers were getting burned that day, and a crazy man in purple came to town. He wore a pointy hat, had a long white beard, and yellow stars covered his robe and hat of violet. He was said to be a wizard, and claimed to be good friends with these men. He warned Mayor Johnson that If these people were harmed by anything but the forces of nature, he who harmed them would suffer punishment worse than death. Being the smarty-pants he was, Johnson had the whole town bring one match each, so that the whole of Experiment had taken part. The mayor thought that it would end up being a small punishment, decided amongst the whole town. Boy, was he wrong. The criminals took a long time to die, and were screaming for the whole burning, from fear and pain. The smell of burning flesh and hair wafted through the streets, and this effect lasted for years.

Now, once a year, this happens again and again. The smells, screams, some people have even said to have seen the wood, flames, and people tormented. These people are in a mental hospital now, but oh well. Anyway, that's why the wizard guy set of the bells. The textbook says that they're supposed to "Compliment the sound of my brethren's screams". Just don't go on early summer vacation here...
@Karika

WARNING: THE EVENTS AND CHARACTERS IN THIS STORY DO NOT EXIST!
Every year, a sound rings through the streets. Every year, people hide in their homes. Every year, I scream. This is the tolling of the bells.
My name is Natalie, I'm a seven-year-old girl and I live in Experiment, Georiga. It's a real place- look it up. Every year, on June 6, the loud bells of the Tower of Terrorism ring for 24 hours. It sounds like the eternal screams of troubled souls, their life force bleeding away before their eyes...

Anyhow, you may ask why this echoes though the city for twenty-four hours straight. Well, let's travel back in time to eleven years ago. It was Tuesday, June 6, 2006 in Experiment, Georgia. Several lawbreakers were getting burned that day, and a crazy man in purple came to town. He wore a pointy hat, had a long white beard, and yellow stars covered his robe and hat of violet. He was said to be a wizard, and claimed to be good friends with these men. He warned Mayor Johnson that If these people were harmed by anything but the forces of nature, he who harmed them would suffer punishment worse than death. Being the smarty-pants he was, Johnson had the whole town bring one match each, so that the whole of Experiment had taken part. The mayor thought that it would end up being a small punishment, decided amongst the whole town. Boy, was he wrong. The criminals took a long time to die, and were screaming for the whole burning, from fear and pain. The smell of burning flesh and hair wafted through the streets, and this effect lasted for years.

Now, once a year, this happens again and again. The smells, screams, some people have even said to have seen the wood, flames, and people tormented. These people are in a mental hospital now, but oh well. Anyway, that's why the wizard guy set of the bells. The textbook says that they're supposed to "Compliment the sound of my brethren's screams". Just don't go on early summer vacation here...
Heyo, I am Sky! I'm 2 hours ahead of FR time.
Click \/ to get to my wishlist.
Wishlist
@Karika

May I please be added to the pinglist? Also sorry if this is an odd story, I just want to get better at writing :)


It happens daily, hourly, like the tolling of the bells. Every hour my mind drifts back to the events of that day, the day when it all went wrong. And like the tolling of the bells, tears roll down my cheeks and I begin screaming, screaming, screaming. And my voice won't end. And my thoughts won't end. And I just want to take the edge off. I just want it to end. I want the screaming to end, and the thoughts to end, and I just want to end.

But every day, like the tolling of the bells, I wake up to the sun rising and shining onto me, and I go to eat and I don't talk and people ask me if I'm okay, but I'm not okay. I've never been okay. Since the day it happened, I've never been the same. I don't want to be the same.

All I want is for it to end. I've asked them to make it end for me, and they said no. They said that eventually I'll forgive, or at least forget. But I'll never forgive him for what he did to me.

And every day like the tolling of the bells, I put on a brave face and pretend I'm not screaming, screaming inside. And I take my books, and I go to school, and they look at me differently every day, like I'm different. And I pretend that I'm not screaming.
@Karika

May I please be added to the pinglist? Also sorry if this is an odd story, I just want to get better at writing :)


It happens daily, hourly, like the tolling of the bells. Every hour my mind drifts back to the events of that day, the day when it all went wrong. And like the tolling of the bells, tears roll down my cheeks and I begin screaming, screaming, screaming. And my voice won't end. And my thoughts won't end. And I just want to take the edge off. I just want it to end. I want the screaming to end, and the thoughts to end, and I just want to end.

But every day, like the tolling of the bells, I wake up to the sun rising and shining onto me, and I go to eat and I don't talk and people ask me if I'm okay, but I'm not okay. I've never been okay. Since the day it happened, I've never been the same. I don't want to be the same.

All I want is for it to end. I've asked them to make it end for me, and they said no. They said that eventually I'll forgive, or at least forget. But I'll never forgive him for what he did to me.

And every day like the tolling of the bells, I put on a brave face and pretend I'm not screaming, screaming inside. And I take my books, and I go to school, and they look at me differently every day, like I'm different. And I pretend that I'm not screaming.
tumblr_ot0059o4wr1v8lm95o1_r1_100.png hi, i'm may! nice to meet you. feel free to send a PM if you'd like to say hi! WKtl2lb.png
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@Karika

"Why? Why did you have to do it again?" Lee looked over to his friend, terrified out of his little mind.

"Pfft, you still believe in that baby tale?" Alan laughed. They were resting on a hill, just outside of town. The sky was a clear, pastel blue with no cloud in sight. The soft babbling of the creek that rested at the bottom of the emerald hill. Birds tweeted in the distance, probably commenting on how lovely the weather is. Lee and Alan were both about to turn 12. Which meant that they were going to be inducted as true members of their town's society. They weren't twins as more than one child was not permitted without the proper paper work. No, these two were simply cousins that through a terrible misfortune, grew up as brothers.

Lee glanced back over his shoulder, back to where the town stood. It's ivory walls encircling it. The only thing to been seen were the very tops of the wealthy houses and the Bell Tower. There was a story that was told, to all the little children when it was bedtime. A story that every action they did, was recorded by the spirits who guarded the town's gates and protected its people.
If, by the time a child was of age, their rights out weighed their wrongs, the children were allowed to fully enter the society as true citizens and be brought under the spirits protection.

But. If the child's wrong outweighed their rights, they were banished to the Other Side. A land filled with outlaws, criminals, and those who weren't fit for a just society. The Bell Tower at the very center of the town is said to host these spirits. If a child is found unworthy, than the Bell Tower that never makes a sound will toll. And when the toll ends, the child will vanish. Never to be seen of again. All memories disappear from their loved ones minds as to not cause them anguish. But, it is just a fairy tale.

"Of course! Uncle and Aunty are always saying that it'll happen if we aren't good. And then you had to go and lie again!" Lee had his knees to his chest, his forehead resting on his knees and his hands thrown over his head like the spirits were going to cast lighting down from the Heavens to punish them.

"All I said was I finished my homework so we could go play! How is that so wrong? I'm sure your little spirits will forgive me," Alan flicked at his cousin's very vulnerable ears. Alan had taken up a more relaxed position with his whole body sprawled out on the grass. He was using his head to hold his head up as he used his other one to continue flicking Lee.

"No, they won't. They don't forgive anything." Lee had tears in his eyes.

"Listen, if it bothers you so much, I'll go back and tell Ma and Pa that I lied. But you have to help me with my homework, okay?" Alan stood up and dusted the loose grass blades from his trousers.

"Okay." Lee took the hand Alan had offered him and together the two headed back to their house.


Several days later, Lee and Alan's coming of age ceremony had started at the stroke of noon. It was very rare to celebrate more than one child on a single day, and there wouldn't be another ceremony for three months, so the town's citizen's partied like it was their last. Festive music filled every street corner and no spot of air was left unsweetened by the smells of the bakery set in overdrive. Both boys happily celebrated as the day went on, with Lee stealing looks at the Bell Tower. At Sundown, when the Minister of the Town called for everyone to settle down, Alan caught Lee staring once more.

"Just you watch, nothing's gonna happen. And if spirits do come, they'll have to drag me kicking and screaming to the Other Side," he whispered to Lee. Lee just gave a weak nod to let his cousin know he heard him.

"As you know, we have celebrated here today because Alan Coran," the Minister gestured for Alan to come up beside him and stand to his left, "And Lee Aru," He did the same for Lee, save it was for his right, "are both turning 12 today." This met with a round of applause. "Have you decided what your apprenticeship will be?"

"Sure have! Mr. Brokuch said I could study Blacksmithing under him." Alan puffed his chest out. It was indeed a great honor to become a blacksmith. Lee was proud that his cousin had toughed it out with the odd jobs around Mr. Brokuch's shop to earn it.

"Lee?" The Minister turned to the mousy boy.

"Ms. Lin said I was welcomed to study under her," Lee answered. Ms. Lin ran the newspaper. Lee loved to write more than anything else.

"Both very fine professions indeed!" The Minister clapped both boys on their backs. "Well, allow me to officially welcome you both--" Everybody was silent.

The Bell Tower rang loud and clear. Once, twice, and kept on ringing.

"No," Alan's eyes grew wide and tears started to drip from them. "No! I apologized for lying! I've been good! I didn't do anything!" He started to bawl. Lee had been right. The spirits were coming for him now. The tower rang for a full minute before it ceased.

When it stopped, Alan opened his eyes and wonder why on the great land of Cerzel he was crying. Today was the day he turned 12. It was his day and his day alone. He wiped his tears and put on the biggest smile his mouth could take.

From the Bell Tower, Lee looked down at his cousin, smiling like the idiot he was. He looked out at his home once more. The sandstone buildings, red clay rooftops, the sparkling windows on the church; then he turned around. Two blue spirits hung to either side of the bell. They had no feet to speak of. Their form was more animal like then he would have guessed, with little paws just hanging out in front of them. Their eye sockets a deeper blue than the rest of their bodies.

"I know what I did and I'm not sorry I did it. They were bad people, treated me like I was garbage, worthless. This way, at least I got to have Alan as my brother," Lee sniffed. He used his sleeve to wipe away his tears. "I'm ready."
@Karika

"Why? Why did you have to do it again?" Lee looked over to his friend, terrified out of his little mind.

"Pfft, you still believe in that baby tale?" Alan laughed. They were resting on a hill, just outside of town. The sky was a clear, pastel blue with no cloud in sight. The soft babbling of the creek that rested at the bottom of the emerald hill. Birds tweeted in the distance, probably commenting on how lovely the weather is. Lee and Alan were both about to turn 12. Which meant that they were going to be inducted as true members of their town's society. They weren't twins as more than one child was not permitted without the proper paper work. No, these two were simply cousins that through a terrible misfortune, grew up as brothers.

Lee glanced back over his shoulder, back to where the town stood. It's ivory walls encircling it. The only thing to been seen were the very tops of the wealthy houses and the Bell Tower. There was a story that was told, to all the little children when it was bedtime. A story that every action they did, was recorded by the spirits who guarded the town's gates and protected its people.
If, by the time a child was of age, their rights out weighed their wrongs, the children were allowed to fully enter the society as true citizens and be brought under the spirits protection.

But. If the child's wrong outweighed their rights, they were banished to the Other Side. A land filled with outlaws, criminals, and those who weren't fit for a just society. The Bell Tower at the very center of the town is said to host these spirits. If a child is found unworthy, than the Bell Tower that never makes a sound will toll. And when the toll ends, the child will vanish. Never to be seen of again. All memories disappear from their loved ones minds as to not cause them anguish. But, it is just a fairy tale.

"Of course! Uncle and Aunty are always saying that it'll happen if we aren't good. And then you had to go and lie again!" Lee had his knees to his chest, his forehead resting on his knees and his hands thrown over his head like the spirits were going to cast lighting down from the Heavens to punish them.

"All I said was I finished my homework so we could go play! How is that so wrong? I'm sure your little spirits will forgive me," Alan flicked at his cousin's very vulnerable ears. Alan had taken up a more relaxed position with his whole body sprawled out on the grass. He was using his head to hold his head up as he used his other one to continue flicking Lee.

"No, they won't. They don't forgive anything." Lee had tears in his eyes.

"Listen, if it bothers you so much, I'll go back and tell Ma and Pa that I lied. But you have to help me with my homework, okay?" Alan stood up and dusted the loose grass blades from his trousers.

"Okay." Lee took the hand Alan had offered him and together the two headed back to their house.


Several days later, Lee and Alan's coming of age ceremony had started at the stroke of noon. It was very rare to celebrate more than one child on a single day, and there wouldn't be another ceremony for three months, so the town's citizen's partied like it was their last. Festive music filled every street corner and no spot of air was left unsweetened by the smells of the bakery set in overdrive. Both boys happily celebrated as the day went on, with Lee stealing looks at the Bell Tower. At Sundown, when the Minister of the Town called for everyone to settle down, Alan caught Lee staring once more.

"Just you watch, nothing's gonna happen. And if spirits do come, they'll have to drag me kicking and screaming to the Other Side," he whispered to Lee. Lee just gave a weak nod to let his cousin know he heard him.

"As you know, we have celebrated here today because Alan Coran," the Minister gestured for Alan to come up beside him and stand to his left, "And Lee Aru," He did the same for Lee, save it was for his right, "are both turning 12 today." This met with a round of applause. "Have you decided what your apprenticeship will be?"

"Sure have! Mr. Brokuch said I could study Blacksmithing under him." Alan puffed his chest out. It was indeed a great honor to become a blacksmith. Lee was proud that his cousin had toughed it out with the odd jobs around Mr. Brokuch's shop to earn it.

"Lee?" The Minister turned to the mousy boy.

"Ms. Lin said I was welcomed to study under her," Lee answered. Ms. Lin ran the newspaper. Lee loved to write more than anything else.

"Both very fine professions indeed!" The Minister clapped both boys on their backs. "Well, allow me to officially welcome you both--" Everybody was silent.

The Bell Tower rang loud and clear. Once, twice, and kept on ringing.

"No," Alan's eyes grew wide and tears started to drip from them. "No! I apologized for lying! I've been good! I didn't do anything!" He started to bawl. Lee had been right. The spirits were coming for him now. The tower rang for a full minute before it ceased.

When it stopped, Alan opened his eyes and wonder why on the great land of Cerzel he was crying. Today was the day he turned 12. It was his day and his day alone. He wiped his tears and put on the biggest smile his mouth could take.

From the Bell Tower, Lee looked down at his cousin, smiling like the idiot he was. He looked out at his home once more. The sandstone buildings, red clay rooftops, the sparkling windows on the church; then he turned around. Two blue spirits hung to either side of the bell. They had no feet to speak of. Their form was more animal like then he would have guessed, with little paws just hanging out in front of them. Their eye sockets a deeper blue than the rest of their bodies.

"I know what I did and I'm not sorry I did it. They were bad people, treated me like I was garbage, worthless. This way, at least I got to have Alan as my brother," Lee sniffed. He used his sleeve to wipe away his tears. "I'm ready."
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