Creative Corner

@lessthan3

It was a simple harp. Intricate only when my hands passed over it, feeling the carvings that ancestor upon ancestor had whitled away into it, each one more complex than the last. Each one only deep enough that one had to know what they were feeling for to find them. There were days that I spent just running my hands over it again and again in a ritual to calm myself down from all of the bullies that killed time by taunting me.

Today, I looked for a specific one, a marking that tugged at my finger and my heart.

My brother, my twin, my protector and owner of the harp before had spent weeks picking out the perfect pattern to add to the canvas of the harp. I remembered the cheer in his voice as he picked out the knife he would use and where on the instrument he would carve, the two of us sitting in silence as he worked and I studied, comfort in each other wrapping around us like a blanket.

I couldn't remember a time that he wasn't with me, slinging an arm over my shoulder in a grounding weight. Praising my intelligence, throwing himself at the boys that would attack me- for my looks and my brain.

But now he was gone.

The wood pressed into my palms as I couldn't help but curl into it, the strings catching the fading light of the sun. The sun bled into the sky, a brilliant gold like his eyes had been after the ceremony, like mine would be soon. And yet, as salty tear wound down my face like the snakes of grief writhing in my stomach, I found myself with a choice.

I could honor his choice, I could take up the mantle he left behind, stand guard of those he loved (he loved me) and channel the magic of the harp.

Or-

I could break it. I could bring him back, I could hear his laughter once more, feel his arm over my shoulder, could watch his silver tongue work. All at the low cost of destroying everything he had worked for.

I took a deep breath, and-

Music rippled across the courtyard, clear and strong. My heart broke.

@riseandshine
Your piece is incredible. I had forgotten how writing could inspire so much feeling that I could actually physically fell it moving in my chest. That was a genius, metaphorical take on my prompt that I never would have expected. It was so bittersweet and so real.

@ladylilitu
You use a lot of sharp, vivid, imagery, but I'm not sure to what end a lot of it contributes. The purpose/message of this piece seems a little foggy - it has a ton of potential, that much is clear, but I'm left confused and unsatisfied at the end of it. Also, this may be my fault, but I found it difficult to see where the prompt came into play in your story.

@Artificiary Ooh, I like where you went with this. You told a very complex story very well in just a relatively few words. The characters were very well constructed and your piece left me both satisfied and wanting to see more.

@Elroth I like the emotion in your piece, especially the first half, and the climax. It's powerful - but it also feels incomplete, as if ... I'm not sure if it's that there needs to be more to it or if it feels like a young piece that hasn't reached full maturity. With time and editing, though, this could be really powerful.

@Reiyn The basis of this piece was interesting, but the execution was flawed. You use a lot of short sentences that start with the same words, which gives your writing a stilted, halting flow. I feel like I'm lurching in the passenger seat of a driver's ed student, stopping and starting. Furthermore, why was she, a pianist, not concerned that her hand was injured? And how could an injury to her hand, or any injury where she had just slipped and fallen, especially if she had not hit her head, killed her? Both of those things seem unrealistic, as if you are trying too hard.

@Chrisondra Ok, first of all, stop doing this to my heart, you meanie. XD Otherwise, I loved your piece. It really spoke to me, but it felt as if there was something missing - like the moment building up to breaking the instrument was off, that it seemed as though it was leading to a realization that she needed to play for her sister rather than her, or something to do with her rather than the instrument. It's not that I think the point of the story should be changed; it's more that the point and the expression you used to get it across are at odds with each other.

@Mypilot Your piece was extremely powerful, but it was also confusing. Did he commit suicide, and if not, why was he apologizing? I think this was a hard story to convey in ten minutes. It just feels like it is lacking... something, like it needs more.

@PixieKnight3264 Another unexpected take on the prompt, especially in that you used voice as the instrument. I really liked it, and I would love to see it expanded.

@SocialBookWorm Wow, that was incredible! I was a little confused as to the ceremony and the eye color thing, but overall, the message came across clear and strong, and tugged at my heartstrings.

@Karika I'm so sorry, somehow I missed yours. I really liked your piece! It really spoke to me about the human condition, and the themes were rich and complex.

Top pick: @riseandshine, for a piece that words can't describe. Runner-up: @SocialBookWorm, for a heart-rending story of love and loss, and @Karika, for a deep story that made me think.

Sorry, I picked two runners up because I missed Karika's and honestly I probably would have picked both of theirs anyway. :p

@lessthan3
Thank you so much! (ahhh compliments what do I do).

@Moonwater @AwkwardAngel @Tacodoodle @coyearth @nemodave @Jadebird @Kapara @favvn @Xypress @Crazyraspberry @helforestwitch @SeaSweptDreams @Winterreise @agateflame @Rosoidela @REDandYELLOWZ @PhoenixMiko @Maddiebird @ErinQuotefinder @Aiolos @Midgardian @writingandchoco @fabro @Dragonclaw101 @Pearlcatcher101 @MissFortune17 @Lolliipop @luckgandor @frootz @Gannet @Sky93 @riseandshine @WithoutBounds @Artificiary @Slayborn @demonslayr62 @Xayxayx @SpiderLondon @Lastwords @Sillywinter @Aphelium @PurpleHibiscus @neonsharpies @inn @Astomnus @bcrush @Saraceaser @dragonfarmer @Drusha @MisfitsLanding @elthemar @StillInvincible @JackOLantern @FireMaster101 @Crumbleless @Oranitha @ladylilitu @Tempestral @humanityxpeople @Chrisondra @Karika @Skyeset @PixieKnight3264
@Mypilot @Everyone @SamIamLuvDov @tsugumi @Reiyn @TheElfDruid @Adaris @Synzia @Elroth @inthestars @Retof @SocialBookWorm

The next prompt is "philosopher's stone". Deadline is the twenty-fourth of August.
Edit: twenty-first of August.

@riseandshine

So you know, the deadlines are supposed to only be a couple days out.

"Two days after the prompt is posted (or earlier if all of the responses are turned in before then, the judge picks a winner"

Besides, with the number of responses these can get, you might not want a full week's worth to judge. ;)

@Chrisondra
Whoops I read my calendar wrong

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@riseandshine

There was a temple deep within the earth, hidden from mortal eyes. Inside its chambers danced the immortals, around a stone of glimmering amber. While life above was grim, and the realm of humans suffered, the ones below had found the answer to their prayers at last, and the philosopher's stone had been obtained.

The world had thought alchemy a lost science, a wish of those too niave to see the reality of the way things were. That world was the one above, struggling on through their misery stubbornly, unwilling to admit their mistakes, their lack of understanding that things could be so much more.

The immortals did not care for them, for they had created their eternal lives, and they had all the riches they could need. They had not been selfish, they had given their gift to their friends and family, and all who wished to join them in eternity. It was not their problem if others were too arrogant to see or believe the gift they had been offered. It wasn't their fault if the other world died while theirs thrived.

Down below in the temple deep within the earth, the immortals danced around the alter on which rested the stone. The music was light and flirtatious, and the people were full of joy and laughter. Immortality had ended their suffering, and the hand of mitus ensured that they would be able to feed the people for the rest of time, and more than that, to pay for tutors, so that they might learn to provide for themselves when the world above eventually died.

The days of the immortals were joyous and many, as the world above began to fade.

@riseandshine

March 11, 2053

Many thought that the Magnum Opus, the search for the Philosopher's Stone, had been ended back in the 17th Century. How naive. The search still continues, though it goes by many names. Black magic. Voodoo. Alchemy. All words for science that the more base minds don't understand. We have been hiding for centuries, hiding from those who would end our cause, those who fear that which they don't know.



May 23, 2053

Finally, we are close. We are almost ready to begin construction of the Philosopher's Stone. What those who lived centuries back didn't realize is that the stone is not a stone. It is an idea. This idea with enough power behind it, stored in a human mind, has the power to change water to wine. It can change silver to gold.

The main problem is that the human mind is not capable of the power necessary to change the elements. Not without help at least. We have charted the human mind far more than any other scientific organization. We have discovered new concepts, hidden in the annals of the mind that, when "charged" with electricity, give the human body unbelievable power.



December 13, 2054

We have located a subject. A teenage girl: Subject 0. She has a gunshot wound to her abdomen and her lungs are filled with fluid. She also has lacerations and bruises on her back that seem to be caused by a flute. Everyone thought she was dead, but we were able to recover the body and revive her. She was only conscious for a few minutes before she collapsed. It will be months before we can install the Philosopher's Stone into her, but when she is repaired.... It will be glorious.



September 21, 2056

Everything has gone wrong. Subject 0 has broken containment. We repaired her as we intended. It took almost a year to do it, but it was finished. She was able to function as a normal human being, but there was a problem. She missed her family. She wanted to go back and see her sister. Her mother. We could not allow that.

It was a mistake, but we used our advanced studies into the brain to remove the consciousness. We created a person who had no knowledge of right or wrong. Someone who had the knowledge of a teenager, but the obedience of a child.

Having presumably fixed the problem, we began to install the Philosopher's Stone. It didn't go well. When we had erased her conscience, her soul, from her body, we had destabilized her mind. She wasn't strong enough to contain the stone. Her mind shattered.

We've killed them. We've killed them all. Everyone will die. We released a blood-thirsty all-powerful being into the world. This is my final entry. I can't bear to see a world ruined by my hand.

My dear Coraline, I love you more than all else. I'm so sorry that I am the one who ruined your world. I killed you. Our sweet Kate will grow up in a world of fear, or she won't grow up at all. I'm so sorry it has to end this way, but I can't live in a world where I killed my family. Good bye.

@JackOLantern

Just pinging you to let you know that I removed you from the pinglist document.
Unfortunately there's a chance you may get pinged again if whoever wins copies the pinglist from the last person, but hopefully not. :)

@riseandshine

Some say that great plans are spawned from great myths. I am one of those people. My life revolves around a myth. I have no need for friends or family. Only one thing matters. The Philosopher's Stone. Some say it's a myth, but I know that it is a matter of science. Something like that can be created and utilized. For good or evil, no one can tell.

I've been working on constructing the 'stone' for nearly twenty years. It is not actually a stone. It is a device. A machine that can be created. One that I have created. The first attempts did not go smoothly, to say the least. Many projects had to be scrapped, as they became too dangerous, however this one will succeed. All my research, all my life, all my planning, has come to this moment.

There are many supposed attributes to the Philosopher's Stone. The one I focused on was cloning. If there were more of me, I could accomplish so much. I could discover unknown properties of the 'stone'. I look at the surprisingly small machine. So simple, yet it holds worlds of knowledge. I pick the device up in my hand. It does indeed look like a stone. I could understand how ancients were confused. It is white, but glows a soft red. I can feel the power radiating from inside. This is the moment. This is the time. I run the pads of my fingers over the smooth surface and whisper the sacred words.

"O lapis a virtute, dona mihi omne teneat, liceat mihi facti sunt plures quam ego sum."

Latin. A language of gods. The stone begins to glow brighter. Soon, I have to look away. I feel something bubbling on the surface. When I run my fingers over it, it burns. I drop the stone and take a step back. The bubbles get larger. Before I know it, another one of me had split off from the stone. I gasp! It worked! I rush and grab a blanket to cover her. She wraps it around herself and nods. She turns and looks at me. She raises an eyebrow.

"You're in my lab." A statement so simple, yet hearing it come from myself is so surreal.
I smile and laugh. "No, this is my lab. I created you. You are my clone."
She frowns and shakes her head. "You are mistaken. I have been working on creating the stone for nearly my entire life. You are the clone. I made you."
I shake my head as well. "I am the one wearing the lab coat. You are wearing nothing more than a blanket. Why would you be doing experiments wearing a blanket?"

She glares at me. She picks the stone up off of the ground and throws it at me. It hits me square in the forehead. I stumble back and rub my head. This was a mistake. I should've tried to turn silver to gold. Clones are never a good idea. I sprint to her and tackle to her to the ground. She growls and pushes me off of her. She pushes up and picks up the stone. She quickly walks back to me and pins me to the ground. I should've worked out more. I couldn't even lift myself. She lifts the stone high and bashes it against my head. I feel the blood running down my face. She lifts it again and slams it down. My vision begins to go black.

"There can only be one." She whispers in my ear.

She lifts the stone one last time. I always knew that my downfall would be my own greed. I close my eyes and brace for impact.