Mica

bought for 85g on 29th May 2024


just leaving this here; a commission

- 'only family she's ever known' parallels the part in Samhain's bio, except Amaterasu's family is Mei instead of Adrienne!
- added the part about the festivals in Aster to give a bit more weight to her grief (even in something she's supposed to do for herself, she can't help but mourn Mei)
- bits here and there about her being an animal that i liked sprinkling in


What is it like, having a name that is both title and duty? When you are fox and child and paragon and god? Despite all that she has faced—the hardships, the adversaries, the things her mother tells her—Amaterasu finds that she is still awaiting an answer.

She was too young to understand that her conception was a mistake. How could she have known? Her earliest memories were of a charred forest and smoke filling her lungs, and of a being so radiant it hurts her eyes to recall scooping her up and taking her away. It was Adrienne who rescued her, who trained her till she became as good as — no, better than any warrior from the lineage her birth mother hailed from.

And if there is one thing Amaterasu appreciates (and still does) about Adrienne is that she does not hold back. Some years into her training, with the relentless curiosity the youth are blessed with, Amaterasu asked Adrienne about her past. True to her title, Adrienne laid the truth before her, every aspect laid bare beneath the unforgiving sun. Before, Amaterasu had been proud of the way her sharper senses and shorter, lighter tail gave her the upper hand in most fights. It almost broke her to learn of her birth mother’s shame. She would have become something else that day, something more malleable and obedient that Adrienne could have shaped as she wished, had Mei not intervened.

Without Mei, her adoptive older sister, Amaterasu would have become a warrior all the same. Except instead of being one who fought for honour and compassion and duty, she would have become the very thing her lineage trained to put down. Mei had always been kind, but when it came to Amaterasu she was downright soft. She challenged the things Adrienne claimed: Amaterasu was not a monster and would never become one. This was difficult to believe at first, but Amaterasu soon accepted the idea. If Mei could believe it — and how she believed it, announcing it to the world with her chest puffed out and her eyes sparkling, and didn’t that cheer Amaterasu up every time — then she could, too.

Amaterasu hadn’t broken when she learnt the truth of her birth. It had been a near thing. She’d cracked, and Mei had saved her. So when news came that Mei had fought a dominion and died saving her clan, it broke her the rest of the way.

She is all that is left of her sister, now.

Things have gotten worse. Adrienne’s patience is thinner these days, and she never answers Amaterasu directly when she asks if Mei’s revival is happening soon. Amaterasu’s loyalty remains, but in the rare few occasions she dared to defy Adrienne, to raise her voice and snap at her saviour, Adrienne looked at her as though she was nothing more than a feral animal caught in a snare.

She dreams of leaving. She can’t do it without the only family she’s ever known.

It is this that keeps her leashed to Adrienne. She can’t let the deity die because Mei will die with her, so as long as there’s a slim chance her sister will come back, Amaterasu will stay at her side. Loyal but not tame, not entirely.

Despite her duty to Aster, her loyalty to Adrienne, her grief for Mei, she finds ways to be selfish. Mei used to tell her to do things for herself, so to keep the memory alive, she obeys. During the few festivals that Aster holds, she takes the day off. Hides her ears and tail in flowers and flowing robes. Loses herself in the bustling crowd. Purchases sweets and fried snacks and tips generously. Buys two of everything, pretending for a few seconds that she’s bringing it to Mei, who is somewhere in the crowd looking for her. Look — that’s her claw waving, her voice calling out…someone else’s name.

Then the dream is over and she’s eating both portions till it makes her nauseous.

She’d participate in her birth mother’s traditions if she knew anything about them. It used to keep Amaterasu up at night, thinking about the celebrations they’d have if her mother was still alive. Even her fox father, if kitsune had special occasions of their own. Maybe then she’d learn to love her vulpine features more.

When Mei comes back, they can find out together.