Tan

i wanted you to know
i wasn't ready, so,
it doesn't matter - it's good, it's fine--
so what?

i wanted you to know
i wasn't ready, so
it doesn't matter - it's good, it's fine--
i cast a promise; i'll honor it
i ain't as bad as they claimed that i was,

i'll be there waiting til the end of time
and it's fine; i truly don't mind
i'll show the world i'm repentant
not mindless; i'm full of resolve
among the throng of the crowds
within the song of my sorrows
i'll prove that i know where things went so wrong

so i wanted you to know
i wasn't ready, so,
and it won't matter; i promise i'll endure
pushing onward i'll be sure
no gawkers will dissuade me
from self awareness and long due reparations

i wanted you to know
i wasn't ready, so,
it doesn't matter - it's good, it's fine--
i cast a promise; i'll honor it
i'll clamor to the end of time to see it through

i'll pay as many times as you ask
even though you didn't ask at all
and i'll shed my skin in order to disguise
the worst elements of my soul; i know at times
even i can't bear to wear them myself

there wasn't much i could do
in order to turn back the clock
i despair over how unfair
but my influence wears thin; i'm weak
so little i can do as a man half-fake and dead

i wanted you to know
i wasn't ready, so,
it doesn't matter - it's good, it's fine--
so what? i'm trying
and i'll keep trying for you

what more is there to life?
when no one knows my name;
what more is there to try?
when i'm invisible to those around me,
so what more is there to know?
after i've grown dispassionate and dull
i only kept trudging to tie off loose ends
i kept on marching to prove that i could
it didn't matter that i was a fraud, biologically and all
it didn't matter what i was an anachronistic sort

i wanted you to know
that i'd kept on trying
because the light of my life flickered and was dying
and weak as i am, openly i cry for it
i choked on my words and i'll drown
oh how i'll drown in them