Darvo

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Raising awareness for the technique abusers use called DARVO:

Many abusers use DARVO ploys to deny their wrongdoing, attack the offended, and reverse roles with the victim to make themselves the victim or harmed person.

DARVO, meaning “Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender,” summarizes a consistent reaction and manipulation tactic used by perpetrators of abuse or other types of wrongdoing. It works by shifting the focus away from the original issue and attacking the actual victim. It attempts to switch the roles of victim and perpetrator to allow the actual offender to receive sympathy and compassion, publicly or privately, as well as to avoid consequences for their actions.

In DARVO, the abuser will deny, minimize, and justify their actions. There is a power in the simplicity of the DARVO scheme. An abuser may use DARVO in the following ways:

1. Deny
2. Attack
3. Reverse Victim & Offender

The first step of the process is for the abuser to deny whatever wrongdoing they are accused of. They will completely refuse that any element of the abuse happened in the way they are accused.

Once the denial is established, the accused goes on the offensive. Here, the abuser does everything in their power to attack the other person. The victim will never be treated with respect or value. They will be demeaned and disparaged.

Perhaps the most fascinating element of DARVO is the attempt of the perpetrator to switch roles with the victim. Rather than accepting responsibility for their actions, they aim to make the original victim into the perpetrator. Many aspects of DARVO rely on feelings more than facts.

From: https://www.choosingtherapy.com/darvo/

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Personal Example:
A friend no-call, no-shows you three times in ten days. You mention that kind of behavior hurts you. The friend's response?
Deny (or rather, Downplay): Why are you making such a big deal out of this? It's not like we're lovers. If I don't log into World of Warcraft, they just find another tank. So find another tank.
Attack: Besides, you should know how I am. I'm unreliable. You should have known I'd blow it. In fact, it's your fault for even expecting me to show up at the time and place we agreed upon. You shouldn't have those kinds of expectations of me.
Reverse Victim and Offender: Furthermore, your expectations that I show up on time are completely unreasonable. It's like you're keeping me in prison. You claim you're only asking for little things, but in reality the fact that you expect me to show up when and where we agreed is actually demanding an entire banquet. It's too much. You're horrible for treating me this way, and you owe me an apology. But don't expect that begging will work; I know this is all your fault.

Throw in undiagnosed BDP, and that makes for many "fun" conversations.

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Throw in some of the Narcissist's Prayer too:
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad. (It's not really all that bad that I stood you up three times in ten days.)
And if it was, that's not a big deal. (It's not a huge deal that I ghosted you repeatedly. Find "another tank," like they would on WoW.)
And if it is, that's not my fault. (I can't help it; I was too angry/sleepy/distracted to meet with you.)
And if it was, I didn't mean it. (I had other things I wanted to do.)
And if I did, you deserved it. (It's your fault for expecting too much from me.)