Beepidee
(#72807985)
he/him | The Gremlin That Haunts My Brain
Split
Conjoined Skink
Click or tap to view this dragon in Predict Morphology.
Energy: 50/50
This dragon’s natural inborn element is Wind.
Male Spiral
This dragon is hibernating.
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Personal Style
Apparel
Skin
Scene
Measurements
Length
3.42 m
Wingspan
2.4 m
Weight
124.91 kg
Genetics
Midnight
Basic
Basic
Orchid
Trail
Trail
Radioactive
Ghost
Ghost
Hatchday
Breed
Eye Type
Level 1 Spiral
EXP: 0 / 245
STR
5
AGI
9
DEF
5
QCK
8
INT
6
VIT
6
MND
6
Biography
Beepidee Reverb
known as Beep or Beepy
this isn't funny this disorder is actually ruining my life i just cope with memes
SELF MADE SECTION:
me: *casually talking to people and having surface level chats*
anybody cool and friendly: *bothering to reach out to talk more personally and wanting to be my friend*
me with trust issues needing to keep people at a distance:
personal ramble
it feels like one good mood that all of a sudden drops into a despair that makes my eyes water, and dissipates just as fast back into all smiles. what happened? why am i so sad? my soul feels like an anaglyph 3d image without 3d glasses, split into two parts like a red version and a blue version, slightly offset from where they're supposed to be. the parts shift around like an amoeba and fail to line up, especially when i feel myself becoming more emotionally unstable it's like the parts drift further away. it's very disharmonious.
it feels like my brain is playing the most complex 3d chess by itself in an alternate reality that doesn't exist. something bad unexpectedly happens and my brain is flying 100 mph down all these situations and explanations that all lead to being abandoned. they found someone better, they like someone better than me, what did i do? what did i do wrong? are you mad at me? they're avoiding me, they're lying because they're really with someone else, the new best friend, i'm being replaced, what am i supposed to think on the days i'm waiting and it's every excuse possible each time. i attack out of fear, i get so angry and sad, it's my fault, i'm driving you away, see this is why. this is why. i cause the abandonment, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. what is wrong with me? why am i so stupid? i cry all the time for no reason, it's all in my head. or is it? paranoia permeates my entire being. trust is hard, how am i supposed to know you won't actually leave when my brain has cooked up a million timelines where it actually happens. calm down, it doesn't make any sense. do you still like me?
its so hard to make new friends, trying to get close to people is terrifying. my whole life i've accepted that i have unfounded trust issues and never knew why. the last close friend i made was in 2014. over the past several years i've drifted away, socializing has just gotten so hard. why does favorite person instantly give me a 100% charge? all this time i thought it was introversion/social anxiety that made it so i disliked talking to anyone else but magically got extreme joy out of talking to favorite person, turns out that avoiding everyone else out of fear and getting life energy from one favorite person is just a *feature*.. i should have realized none of that sounded normal or made sense. it's so hard when favorite person goes to be with other people. i feel cut off. struggling with extreme jealousy. i think about favorite person every day and never know if it goes both ways. it never feels like you want to be my friend as much as i want to be yours.
but that's the bpd talking again.
and it all just came crashing down. after over a year of researching it for something unrelated, tinges of "why do i relate to this so much?" the night of october 3rd was miserable by my own hand, but it wasn't until the night crossed over into october 4th i started to realize what i did and why. everything was right under my nose within myself this entire time. it was such an earth-shattering realization. terrifying. i cried for days. it's scary, but now relieving that there's an explanation. i reflect while still in this self-aware state. i'm sorry for my future freakouts.
known as Beep or Beepy
this isn't funny this disorder is actually ruining my life i just cope with memes
 
|
|
SELF MADE SECTION:
me: *casually talking to people and having surface level chats*
anybody cool and friendly: *bothering to reach out to talk more personally and wanting to be my friend*
me with trust issues needing to keep people at a distance:
personal ramble
it feels like one good mood that all of a sudden drops into a despair that makes my eyes water, and dissipates just as fast back into all smiles. what happened? why am i so sad? my soul feels like an anaglyph 3d image without 3d glasses, split into two parts like a red version and a blue version, slightly offset from where they're supposed to be. the parts shift around like an amoeba and fail to line up, especially when i feel myself becoming more emotionally unstable it's like the parts drift further away. it's very disharmonious.
it feels like my brain is playing the most complex 3d chess by itself in an alternate reality that doesn't exist. something bad unexpectedly happens and my brain is flying 100 mph down all these situations and explanations that all lead to being abandoned. they found someone better, they like someone better than me, what did i do? what did i do wrong? are you mad at me? they're avoiding me, they're lying because they're really with someone else, the new best friend, i'm being replaced, what am i supposed to think on the days i'm waiting and it's every excuse possible each time. i attack out of fear, i get so angry and sad, it's my fault, i'm driving you away, see this is why. this is why. i cause the abandonment, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. what is wrong with me? why am i so stupid? i cry all the time for no reason, it's all in my head. or is it? paranoia permeates my entire being. trust is hard, how am i supposed to know you won't actually leave when my brain has cooked up a million timelines where it actually happens. calm down, it doesn't make any sense. do you still like me?
its so hard to make new friends, trying to get close to people is terrifying. my whole life i've accepted that i have unfounded trust issues and never knew why. the last close friend i made was in 2014. over the past several years i've drifted away, socializing has just gotten so hard. why does favorite person instantly give me a 100% charge? all this time i thought it was introversion/social anxiety that made it so i disliked talking to anyone else but magically got extreme joy out of talking to favorite person, turns out that avoiding everyone else out of fear and getting life energy from one favorite person is just a *feature*.. i should have realized none of that sounded normal or made sense. it's so hard when favorite person goes to be with other people. i feel cut off. struggling with extreme jealousy. i think about favorite person every day and never know if it goes both ways. it never feels like you want to be my friend as much as i want to be yours.
but that's the bpd talking again.
and it all just came crashing down. after over a year of researching it for something unrelated, tinges of "why do i relate to this so much?" the night of october 3rd was miserable by my own hand, but it wasn't until the night crossed over into october 4th i started to realize what i did and why. everything was right under my nose within myself this entire time. it was such an earth-shattering realization. terrifying. i cried for days. it's scary, but now relieving that there's an explanation. i reflect while still in this self-aware state. i'm sorry for my future freakouts.
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Exalting Beepidee to the service of the Arcanist will remove them from your lair forever. They will leave behind a small sum of riches that they have accumulated. This action is irreversible.
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