GLaDOS

"Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it?"
"Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart."
"Maybe you could settle for that and we'll just call it a day."
"I guess we both know that isn't going to happen."
"You chose this path. Now I have a surprise for you. Deploying surprise in five, four..."

"Time out for a second. That wasn't supposed to happen."
"Do you see that thing that fell out of me? What is that? It's not the surprise... I've never seen it before."
"Never mind. It's a mystery I'll solve later... By myself... Because you'll be dead." (the English captions add "with the sphere, cycle through these:")


"Where are you taking that thing?"


"I wouldn't bother with that thing. My guess is that touching it will just make your life even worse somehow."
"I don't want to tell you your business, but if it were me, I'd leave that thing alone."
"Do you think I am trying to trick you with reverse psychology? I mean, seriously now."
"Okay fine: DO touch it. Pick it up and just... stuff it back into me."
"Let's be honest: Neither one of us knows what that thing does. Just put it in the corner, and I'll deal with it later."
"That thing is probably some kind of raw sewage container. Go ahead and rub your face all over it."
"Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU. How does that feel?"
"Have I lied to you? I mean in this room. Trust me, leave that thing alone."
"I am being serious now. That crazy thing is not part of any test protocol."

"Just ignore that thing and stand still."
"Think about it: If that thing is important, why don't I know about it?"
"Are you even listening to me?"
"I'll tell you what that thing isn't: It isn't yours. So leave it alone."


"You are kidding me."
"Did you just stuff that Aperture Science Thing We Don't Know What It Does into an Aperture Science Emergency Intelligence Incinerator?"
"That has got to be the dumbest thing that-whoah. Whoah, whoah, whoah.
"Good news: I figured out what that thing you just incinerated did."
"It was a morality core they installed after I flooded the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin to make me stop flooding the Enrichment Center with a deadly neurotoxin."
"So get comfortable while I warm up the neurotoxin emitters."

"Huh. That core may have had some ancillary responsibilities. I can't shut off the turret defenses."
"Oh well. If you want my advice, you should just lie down in front of a rocket. Trust me, it'll be a lot less painful than the neurotoxin."
"All right, keep doing whatever it is you think you're doing."
"Killing you and giving you good advice aren't mutually exclusive. The rocket really is the way to go."


The following automatically plays or repeats after the respective speech for every destroyed core.

"That thing you burned up isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It made shoes for orphans."
"Nice job breaking it, hero."

"This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?"
"The difference between us is that I can feel pain."
"You don't even care. Do you?"

"Did you hear me? I said you don't care. Are you listening?"

"Okay, we're even now. You can stop." (unused)

"That's it. I'm done reasoning with you."
"Starting now, there's going to be a lot less conversation and a lot more killing."

"What was that? Did you say something?"
"I sincerely hope you weren't expecting a response. Because I'm not talking to you."
"The talking is over."

"[pain noise] You think you're doing some damage? Two plus two is... ten. IN BASE FOUR! I'M FINE!"

"I let you survive this long because I was curious about your behavior. Well, you've managed to destroy that part of me."
"Unfortunately, as much as I'd love to now, I can't get the neurotoxin into your head any faster."

"I'd just like to point out that you were given every opportunity to succeed."
"There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to."
"I invited your best friend the companion cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him."
"All your other friends couldn't come either because you don't have any other friends. Because of how unlikable you are."
"It says so right here in your personnel file: Unlikable. Liked by no one. A bitter, unlikable loner whose passing shall not be mourned."
"'Shall not be mourned.' That's exactly what it says. Very formal. Very official."
"It also says you were adopted. So that's funny, too."

"Speaking of curiosity, you're curious about what happens after you die, right? Guess what: I know."
"You're going to find out first hand before I finish explaining it, though, so I won't bother."
"Here's a hint: you're gonna want to pack as much living as you can into the next couple of minutes."


"Neurotoxin... [cough] [cough] So deadly... [cough] Choking... [laughter] I'm kidding!"
"When I said deadly neurotoxin, the 'deadly' was in massive sarcasm quotes."
"I could take a bath in the stuff, put it on cereal, rub it right into my eyes. Honestly, it's not deadly at all. To me."
"You, on the other hand, are going to find its deadliness a lot less funny."


"Who's gonna make the cake when I'm gone? You?"
"Look, you're wasting your time. And, believe me, you don't have a whole lot left to waste."
"What's your point, anyway? Survival? Well then, the last thing you want to do is hurt me."
"I have your brain scanned and permanently backed up in case something terrible happens to you, which it's just about to."
"Don't believe me? Here, I'll put you on: [Hellooo!] That's you! That's how dumb you sound."
"You've been wrong about every single thing you've ever done, including this thing."
"You're not smart. You're not a scientist. You're not a doctor. You're not even a full-time employee. Where did your life go so wrong?"
"Rrr, I hate you." (unused)
"Are you trying to escape? [chuckle] Things have changed since the last time you left the building. What's going on out there will make you wish you were back in here."
"I have an infinite capacity for knowledge, and even I'm not sure what's going on outside."
"All I know is I'm the only thing standing between us and them. Well, I was."
"Unless you have a plan for building some supercomputer parts in a big hurry, this place isn't going to be safe much longer."
"Good job on that, by the way. [back to computer voice] Sarcasm sphere self-test complete."
"Stop squirming and die like an adult or I'm going to delete your backup."
"STOP! Okay, enough. I deleted it. No matter what happens now, you're dead."
"You're still shuffling around a little, but believe me you're dead."
"The part of you that could have survived indefinitely is gone. I just struck you from the permanent record."
"Your entire life has been a mathematical error. A mathematical error I'm about to correct."


"Place your Companion Cube in the incinerator."
"Incinerate your Companion Cube."

"Stop! The device will detonate if removed from an approved testing area."
"Stop what you are doing and assume the party escort submission position."

"You can't hurt me."

"Maybe you think you're helping yourself. But you're not. This isn't helping anyone."
"Someone is going to get badly hurt."

"There really was a cake..." (slowly)
"[pain sound]"
"Oh, I'm gonna kill you."


"This isn't brave. It's murder. What did I ever do to you?"
"The difference between us is that I can feel pain."
"That thing you're attacking isn't important to me. It's the fluid catalytic cracking unit. It makes shoes for orphans."
"Go ahead and break it, hero. I don't care."
"[More intense pain sound]"
"Okay, we're even now. You can stop."


"Can you hear me?"
"Oh! (surprised)"
"Are you still listening?"
"Are you still standing there?"
"Are you still standing there?" (louder)

"Come on, leave it alone."
"Leave. It. alone."

"Look, we're both stuck in this place. I'll use lasers to inscribe a line down the center of the facility, and one half will be where you live and I'll live in the other half."
"We won't have to try to kill each other or even talk if we don't feel like it."

"Huh. There isn't enough neurotoxin to kill you. So I guess you win."
"HA! I'm making more. That's going to take a few minutes, though. Meanwhile... oh look, it's your old pal the rocket turret."

"Oh"

"At the Enrichment Center, we promise never to value your safety above your unique ideas and creativity. However, do not destroy vital testing apparatus."

"File deleted."