Jersey

"The things we enjoy aren’t required to be alive for us to love them. They aren’t required to show emotion before we show affection. They don’t need to speak in order for us to care. Sometimes, adoration is silent. It’s in the presence that you share, not in spoken words.

Love is never rational; it always finds a way.

For some, loving something is enough; reciprocation isn’t necessary.

Why does the recipient have to be human or animal before the love is accepted or no longer mocked? Why can’t others see what we see?

On the surface, it seems obscene. The love is innocent, only romantic and nothing physical. It's the simple joy of laying your head on someone when you're miserable and nobody else understands why. Anyone else would beg and beesech, only making you feel worse about yourself. But here you find comfort in the pause, where you don't have to understand exactly what you're doing but feel comforted anyway.

You become a protector, like you would protect your own child. You protect them even before they're yours because you care about them that much, even when nobody else does. You wash and wax, even though you know it will rain as soon as you do and you'll have to do everything all over again. Nuances become entertaining instead of frustrating, and breakdowns cause worry instead of rage.

You become proud of milestones instead of counting them, except when they reach wacky numbers. You remember what you were doing at each one. No matter the mileage, you two will stay together, because the thought of trading him in rips you inside out. He's family.

The pain of being a Christian, knowing that once you pass on, your comforter will never come with you. They are left to this planet and the hardship soon to come, worse, to be taken by an outsider who would never take care of them or even abuse them. They would laugh as the very thing you loved and coddled for decades is crushed by a machine and thrown into a dumpster with no care to anyone.

Is it cringey to see others in love? Do you understand the hidden pain? Do you ask why it's worth it to see the loss coming yet love someone anyway?
You too are worth the pain. I hope you find the someone who agrees."


I met Felix shortly after my grandma died, we'll call her Sweed since that was what I always called her in real life. Sweed and I were pretty close. She came for Christmas one last time in 2012. I started crying and didn't want her to leave.

"I'll be back! You will see me again! I'm not dying." Cancer spread like wildfire. She went into a coma January 31st. She died February 3rd, 2013.

I had Domic at this point. As much as I loved Domic, he still didn't help my grief. My dad decided he was going to get a truck off one of his work buddies, even though he didn't need a truck, so this really p***ed off my already distraught mom, since Sweed was her mom. My mom's anger made me angry, so my then 10 year old self decided she was going to be mad at the truck.
Some point over the summer, after I turned 11, dad was talking about this truck again. I didn't want to hear about it.

"Do you want to see a picture of him?" He had asked. I grudgingly shrugged and nodded. He had the first picture I had seen of Felix on his iPhone 3, and he let me see it. I was floored; it was my dream truck; just like my little die cast Ram I had!

Felix came home at some point in June 2013. The first time I got in him, I thought he was nice enough to be a rental. The first owner took amazing care of this sleek monster and the condition of the interior was emmaculate. After my dad stopped taking care of Felix a year later (like how he does with every car he has ever owned, even Domic), I started where he quit. I had never cleaned out a vehicle before, but taking care of him over the last 9 years taught me how. I kept the trash out of him, and detailed his dashboard, doors, and windows with McGuire's (often expensive car detailing spray). I sweep out his floors with a broom head since none of our shop vacs have long cords.

Dodge Rams of this generation are notorious for their rear fenders rusting to crisps, so obviously Feel has never had pristine paint on his rear end. Even still, I've found that black electrical tape hides the rust while adhering permanently but not leaving residue like duct tape does. I've always done my best in helping him look good on the cheap by covering up said rust. Also with the tape, nobody can cut themselves on his fenders on "accident" and try to suit me lol
Right now, I'm trying aluminum tape and it's a little fragile on highways. I prefer the electrical tape, even if it's not as shiny.








This picture is the very first time I had ever seen him. He was 8 there, and I was 12. I'm 21, and he's 17 now lol v




I noticed an amazing thing while looking at the very first picture I saw of Felix compared to him now. He looks like he has more soul now than he first did. I have to stare hard to realize it's the same truck. Sure, he's a lot rustier and has a few more dings and dents than he used to, but there's just something about his front end that smiles with personality these days. Maybe it's just how I photograph him in ways that show him off better.
Or maybe it's because I treat him like a person.

My new favorite recent picture of him, taken 3-16-22





One of the more recent pics I have of the two of us!





Both of my sweet boys, Domic and Felix



Felix parked in front of my sister's white Mega Cab (very back) and a friend's Hemi 2500 (in the middle)






He makes friends wherever we go lol









I've named soap after him as well



A sketch of me drawing Felix