Roach

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Sometimes it leaves us all gasping for breath. A wave that crashes over a shore, falling underneath your feet, eating the world alive with a single blink. Sometimes it's impossible to know what to do. Sometimes, there is nothing to do.

And sometimes there is.

But mostly, it's just oppressive shadows and nighttime tears, longing for a moon obscured by clouds, a dim light cast over a silent land. Not moving, only breathing, barely existing. Mostly, it's not knowing where to look, even when someone points.

It's odd, isn't it? How clear a fault can be, and yet simultaneously so impossible to fix. Staring at the crack in the ceiling does nothing, but it can't be reached either.

Where are all the ladders?

Perhaps they've been forgotten.

Perhaps we're all forgotten.

There are some things that simply cannot exist properly. Old stitching, thin plastic, weak magnets, a place with too many people, a place with too few. Gloves that are too small, gloves that would almost fit if one's fingers were longer, chipped mugs, stars, a delayed breath, a heartbeat, the cord of headphones, emotions.

Where did all the stars go when they breathed out? The sky can't always have clouds; sometimes the only strength can be found in hoping.

Did I ever forget you?

I blinked once, I think. And then it all came rushing back.

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Sometimes the inevitable is a good thing. Let it come, embrace the howling of the wind and be lifted to the skies, arms wide and breath heaving your lungs until you forget what breathing means

Tell the world a story, and let it be forgotten

Let the earth speak through you in the voices of a thousand stars, a million, more than you can count and yet you can still feel the impossibility of infinity filling your breath with the shards of stardust that float by, a silent cacophony of air swirling through you, around you, everywhere and nothing, the whisper of a saddened soul

Nothing will stop your inevitability, the carefree leap into a life unknown and untold. Everything will matter to the beetle or to the cosmos that breathe

Beginnings will never cease.

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it's all spinning
a march into eternity, nowhere to go
except the familiar,
the hated,
the nothing

breaths turn in circles,
loop into tangles,
kiss themselves like the
twisted dance of death

run in spirals,
circles,
loops,
spinning, dancing, breathing, crying

kiss the air that kisses back
taste the eternity of a second,
chase the past into oblivion

wish for anything else.

where does a circle end?

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lean out the window
exhale mist and frost
look for a star
and as tears fall on ice
whisper to it
and hope
the sounds of stars will travel far enough
for you to know my love
lingering on the last breath of winter air
before I fall asleep
clutching at nothing like it will whisper back
"I love you too"

one day

one day we won't have to use the stars
to speak

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On a night months ago,
When the trees lay heavy with frost-burdened branches,
I think we shared a dream.

I lay asleep a thousand miles from you,
And you a thousand from me,
But our breaths left fog in sync.

We wandered a forest
Whose wind whispered through fog
And eyes lurked in moon-tainted shadow.

You reached for my hand,
And I reached for yours,
But our fingers could not meet in the cold.

All I could see were your eyes,
Blue and crystallized in the haze,
Frost hanging on your eyelashes.

I smiled at you,
And you smiled back,
And I think I felt your breath on my cheek.

There are things out there we will never know,
Things we will never see,
You whispered with your gaze.

You looked into the woods,
And I looked with you,
But the eyes in the shadows flickered out.

I tried to find them with my frantic gaze,
Wishing I could push away the shadows,
And gaze upon the truth of dreams.

You pointed at the heavens,
And I looked too,
But all I saw was nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing.

With a lunge and a gasp,
I plummeted forward into nothing,
Legs stumbling on frost-bitten snow.

I felt the cold sting my palms,
And you reached for my warmth,
But somehow, we could not touch.

When I looked over my shoulder,
You were whisked away on the fog,
Leaving behind footsteps in the snow.

I don’t think you know where you went,
I know I don’t either.
But I saw you in the snow that night.

I saw you in that dream we shared,
One thousand miles away,
And I wish we had never awoken.