BEEFSATAY

BEHOLD THE QUEEN OF DIGITAL SLAUGHTER~

Having been saddled with a weirdo fae girl as his co-progenitor, Dagger immediately started shopping the Auction House for a mail-order mate. After finding what he thought was his dream girl, he learned that she already had her own stronghold and refused to relocate for his convenience.

He could have passed her up. But those COLORS, man. Sexy like a crispy scab, or something mostly the same color but much, much sexier. DAYUM, GURL.

So Dagger pulled up his operations and went off to find her, only to discover that his intended was grumpy, elitist, and thoroughly entrenched in an ancient trove of pre-dragon-civilization video games, which she adored as the focus of her guardianship.

Dagger hates those video games. There are all these ugly tailless bipeds in them. Plus, he sucks at fighters and she always makes fun of him for using Practice Mode. Dagger kind of understands now why his not-really-girlfriend's family put her up for sale without bothering to tell her.

Still, those COLORS, man. After getting ribbed enough by the clan about not naming anybody, he finally named his biggest crush after one of the tastiest foods he knew of...BEEF SATAY, Indonesian-style, with that gooey, crispy sauce with the peanuts and crunchy onions. Mmmm. BEEF SATAY.

BEEFSATAY did not appreciate the sentiment. And when he gave her the coolest familiar he could think of (a Radioactive Slime, seriously, HOW AWESOME IS THAT) she yelled at him for trying to warp her genetics with a living lump of free radicals. Then she locked herself up in her lair with Eewwy (the Slime) and marathoned ancient Nihonese RPGs for a month.

Dagger never wins at love.