Dreamer

I received news late last night after Valerie had left that my training with Ember would be canceled for today. Not surprising considering what had happened yesterday. So now I have a clear schedule to do… whatever I wanted to do. Something Valerie said came to mind again. I need to do some things…

For whatever reason I woke up at four in the morning and couldn’t fall back to sleep. It might have been my throbbing forehead, or… something else.

Anyway, I needed to get some things done, and what better day to do it than today? So, I got up and decided to head to Andresia, but how?...

I got an idea. By the time I got the idea it was half a quarter to five. So, I got up and dumped out a red chest full of gems on my desk. I looked through them until I found the one I was looking for.
One of the three Everything Gems that existed. It was a light orange when I first picked it up, and I felt the rush of power coming out of it. I held it in my hand and checked on it every few seconds until it turned light blue. I shoved a few gems that may be useful into my pocket and teleported away.


Perry was asleep, which wasn’t surprising considering what time it was. I looked around her room. It was as bland as always, but on her bedside table was the poison gem, and on her desk were three things.

There were our two masks from the ball and the hastily written note I had dropped off in her room before I left. With everything else that had been happening I had forgotten how… Fun the ball had been. Our final adventure. The note was self explanatory. I could also see rain pouring out Perry’s closed window. I made my way over to her bedside table and was about to grab the poison gem. Well, I was, then Perry woke up.

She silently rolled over and opened her eyes. She gasped and pushed herself up on one elbow. Her hair was cut for the first time ever, somewhere between chin length and shoulder length. It was actually clean, but rumpled because she just woken up. She looked… different somehow, and it wasn’t just the hair. What had she been through?

"Phillip…" she muttered, "is it really you?"

I took the gem and shoved it in his pocket. "Yeah...." I didn’t know what else to say. This was the girl. The girl who had been my first true friend. The girl I had sworn to forget about.

I was shocked when Perry slowly stood up. It usually takes an hour, an army, and then some, to get her up in the morning. She gently felt the scratch on my forehead, then took my hands. "Wait," she choked out, "please don’t leave yet." She seemed to be searching for something to say. So was I.

I looked down for a few seconds. It didn’t help. When I looked back up I could feel the tears in my eyes.

"But... I should go."

Perry teared up too, and words poured out, "Please… tell me what’s going on. I’ve missed you, you jerk, but

I trusted you. I’m not going to try and chase or stop you, I—I want to help you. Please… I…"

"I- You can't help me. If only…" I fingered the Everything Gem in my pocket. She couldn’t help my selfish desires.

"I just want to—to understand. Maybe I can’t help you, but…" She trailed off. Then suddenly hugged me, as if she was afraid that if she let go I might leave again. "I’ve been a horrible friend, haven’t I?" she said quietly into my shoulder. "I’ve dragged you into all of my problems and never once stopped to consider yours. Give me a chance now please."

I stood there limp for a second before briefly hugging her back. I took a step back and looked at her. "What in the world happened to your hair? I know now's not the best time to ask, but I'm curious." As good as the hug felt… I didn’t deserve it.

She smiled for a split second. "I asked Monty to cut it. I don’t know, I just… needed a change." She rubbed the tears off of her face.

"But where are the rats going to live now?" I teased, "And how have you been?" I gazed out the window for whatever reason. Maybe it was because I already knew the answer to my question. Whether or not Perry was going to answer truthfully.

She sat down on her bed and slipped a small pale pink thing out from under her pillow. She absentmindedly rolled it around in her palms. I smiled to myself for a second, but I don’t think she noticed. "I left the rats at your house. I’ve been… honestly?” She paused. “Awful. But I promised myself to… to leave your business to you this time. How have you been?"

I sat down next to her. "I'm doing fine.” I thought. “Honestly though, not really…" Why couldn’t I come out and actually tell people things that I wanted them to know?

"You can tell me about it… if you want to, that is." she hurriedly added.

"Well, I tripped... And it's always cold despite it being in a desert." Yeah, that’s the sugarcoated version of how bad it had been.

Perry didn’t look the least bit surprised to hear about the desert. "The world always seems cold when one’s alone…" She closed her fingers around the heart gem.

There was silence for a few seconds. Then I abruptly stood. "Yeah, I don't like it there, but she's the only person who can help me…" I stuck my hands in my pockets. Maybe I didn’t like Firidi because Ember was there, or maybe… Because someone else wasn’t there.

Perry stared down at her lap. Her next words came out in barely a whisper, "Well, even if I can’t help you, you know where I am if you need me." Of course I did.

"I—I didn't even need my gem." I admitted to myself and Perry. Technically… I did need the gem, but that wasn’t the most important reason I had come.

She smiled. "I know."

"I'll always need—" You. Suddenly a strange wave of nausea swept over me… It seemed to come from the poison gem I had been fingering in my pocket. It felt like a thousand voices echoing in my head. I was used to the feeling, but this was… Different.

Perry leapt up and held my arm to steady me, even though I was fine. "You." She softly finished for me, yet more for herself.

She was right. There were so many words I wanted to tell her at that moment, but none of them seemed good enough.

"Yes." That didn’t seem like the right word. "I should actually go now... I never wanted to go, but I need to."

"The expression on her face was a mix of sympathy, concern, and resignation. "I understand." She wrapped her arms around me one last time. "By the way… my middle name starts with ‘M’ too, so… if you ever need
to get your mind off something, you can try to figure it out."

I couldn’t help but grin. "Monkey?"

She laughed. "In your dreams."

I reached down and took out the Everything Gem. "I'll see you soon."

She turned relatively serious again. "You’d better. Promise?"

"Of course." I said as I started to disappear. She didn’t have to know the truth. That I planned to never see her again.

Perry leaned forwards and kissed me on the cheek right before I glittered away.


I wasn’t sure what to do when I appeared in my empty bedroom. Old me would have grinned and thought about what it meant, but I knew enough now.

I should have expected my bedroom to be empty. Still, it was shocking. It seemed like someone was going to move in soon. Lucky them. Jealousy is a strange thing. Why did I feel it for this person?

I stayed there for only a moment more before willing the gem to take me away again. If I got emotional now I wouldn’t be able to handle what I was about to do.


I involuntarily laid my head on the old door and questioned whether or not I should go out. I had gone straight into my old bedroom in Arden. So eventually I decided to sit on the bed for a moment. The hat
I had put there was gone, but I didn’t notice that until later.

I stood after a while and took a book off my shelf and something off my desk. I shoved them into my bag. There was the large book of Dimitri's prophecies that barely fit in my bag, and a dozen small vials that I gently slid in next to the book. I sat at the desk for a moment and looked around the room.

This was the house I had lived in ever since I was ten. Well, when I wasn’t at the castle. This was the first place I had seen Ember at ever since the fire… This was all her fault. If it wasn’t for her doing what she did I would have lived a happy life with my family in the forest. I wouldn’t have met Perry, but maybe I still would’ve someday.

I cried a good bit then, silent tears seemed more sad than loud ones. Because at that point you know you’re completely alone, so the tears don’t deserve any sound behind them. For my family, friends, me, and most of all for one person. She always saw the worst in people, always treated them the way she wanted to in that moment. But me? What was so different about me? She was the one person I wanted to forget about, but she kept on reminding me that I didn’t need that. Perhaps I shouldn’t forget.

All of the sudden I heard footsteps coming down the hall, I had almost forgotten where I was. I quickly stood and walked over to the door. Then I stood there, staring at the crevices in the wood, listening. The footsteps came closer and stopped on the other side of the door. Then the handle started to turn after a few seconds. I wasn’t ready. For any of this. I thought I’d have more time. I grabbed the handle with a tight grip.

The handle struggled to turn for a second, then it stopped. I don’t like to think of all that happened next. If only I had stayed in the first place, but now so many things will be different forever.

"I knew it was only a matter of time." The Captain had said.

I swallowed, knowing what he did to the last person who had betrayed him. His own daughter.

"I should have listened to you." I tried to hold back a sob, but it partly slipped through. I wasn’t sure what I wanted from people. I didn’t want them to feel sorry for me, but I didn’t want them to be mad either. I got both of those things and a little more that day.

"But you didn’t." His voice had been colder than plunging down a mountain into a frozen lake.

"I’m sorry." It might have been one of the first times I had ever said that to someone. I’d better get used to it.

"That’s what she said before she tried to kill me." There was no more of the disappointment in his voice I had gotten used to hearing over the years. Now there was only rage and… Something else indescribable.

"I would never do that. If it makes you feel any better the only person I plan on killing is my wretched mother."

For a split second I heard compassion, hope, and love. "What about Luna? My sweet Luna?"

Something in me seemed to snap. "That is one of my deepest regrets. You should know that by now."

"That’s the thing. There have been too many accidents. Luna, half a dozen innocent villagers, Alm, and who knows how many others have met their fate because of you and your "accidents." It comes to an end now."

I was hurt and I was unsure if he really meant that, but I didn't have any more time to think about it.

I was caught off guard as the door burst open and I fell hard onto the floor.

There was something in his eyes. I could barely tell because he seemed to be avoiding mine. There was the look as if one was performing his solemn duty. Whether or not he wanted to. He had his old, yet sharp, sword in his hands. As polished as it always was, as if he was waiting for this moment the second he had accepted me into his house. He didn’t wait a second before striking.

I tried to move out of the way, but it was too late. Still, I managed to hold up my arm to protect my face. I felt the slash go down to the bone, and most of the way into that.

I must have cried out in pain because he held the blade in the air for an extra moment before striking again. This time I, clutching my arm, rolled to the side and narrowly avoided the blade. I felt some multiple things crack in my bag, and I felt liquid spill everywhere.

It had taken him half a second to pull the sword out of the wooden floor. In that time I used the dresser as a support and pushed myself up to my feet. "Please. Listen to me." I had said, knowing this was a battle I couldn’t win. It didn't help that two annoying creatures had appeared and were rubbing against my ankles.

"If only it were that easy."

"It could be." I searched his face for any sign of sympathy. There was some, and the rage in his eyes seemed to fade slightly in the next second for some reason.

He held the sword right under my heart. "You could turn yourself into the kingdom if that would be easier. It will give me no joy to kill you." There it was, my chance. His voice had shaken slightly with those last few words. A weakness, so when I did what I did next he didn’t have time to react. I would have tried to talk more with him, but that didn’t seem like an option anymore.

I slid out the poison gem in half a second and touched it to the blade. I recalled every story I had heard about the legendary sword as it turned to dust at my feet.

The Captain’s hand held nothing and his eyes filled with rage. At the same time I flushed my gem with cool water, making it the color I needed, then it carried me away.

I appeared at the house Nell had forced me to meet her at. She insisted it would be best. I wanted to argue, but I knew she was right. Where else were we supposed to do this? Firidi? Nope, and anyway the ocean was a nice place in general. The only reason why I hadn’t wanted to come was because of who lived here… He was a sensible person and would understand if I explained, but I had still been dreading to apologize.

My arm was throbbing and I knew I should do something about it. It could heal, but some grudges never do. The large two story house looked homey enough. With the crash of the waves in the distance to the sounds of laughter inside. It was lightly sprinkling but, but I didn't feel the cold. Two small kittens circled my feet. I was glad they were here now—this was the place I had gotten them after all, they belonged here. Unlike me.

I glanced in my bag for a second. Luckily there were still a few vials of poison that had survived.
I knocked on the door with my good hand, and after a few seconds it was answered. Sheldon didn’t seem surprised to see me, if anything he looked happy to see me. He noticed my predicament and helped me inside to get some medical treatment.

There were three other people in there sitting on the couch watching some movie. Nell stretched out on the couch as if she owned it, drinking something fizzy from a tin can. Liam and Riley sat next to each other watching the movie as well, sharing a bowl of popcorn that sat on the coffee table.

"‘Bout time you got here." Nell had said, not even looking at me as I followed Sheldon into the kitchen.

One glance at the magical screen and I saw two people talking to each other in a field of grapes. In the corner of the screen was the word, "Hall–" something. What form of sick entertainment was this?

Once in the kitchen I held my arm over the sink and pushed up my sleeve. Sheldon took one look at it, asked me how I had gotten it (which I ignored), and he walked out of the kitchen.

The kitchen was clean, and the ocean could be seen out of the large window on the other side. There was some kind of sliding door that separated the outside from the inside, and there was a fancy white table pushed against the wall.

Sheldon walked into the living room and stood in front of Liam, it seemed the only thing at this point to get his attention. To which Liam complained about not being able to see the magic screen. Then Sheldon said words to Liam and Liam said words to him, but either my hearing wasn’t working or I was too distracted to pay attention.

Later I realized I was just in shock.
This had proved at least one thing she said was right. Some forgive without questioning, but others wouldn’t even listen to the explanation. This had all been a mistake. A terrible, selfish mistake. It had almost cost me everything, and there would still be some things I’d never have again. Some people don’t understand, or they do but they’re too blinded by their own problems to see that you need help with yours.

I jumped harder than I should’ve when the magenta fire had circled my arm. I heard a chuckle come from the living room, and I would have glared in that direction if I hadn’t been in agonizing pain. The physical pain wasn’t what bothered me, I could barely feel that.

Sheldon had shaken his head in bewilderment at Liam as he came back into the kitchen. At least he could tell what the day I had been having, and it wasn’t even sunrise. Why were people even at Sheldon’s house that early?... Whatever, I had more concerning things to think about.

I felt betrayed for some reason. Why? I had been the one to leave, I shouldn’t feel this way. All that was left now on my arm was some dried blood, a nasty bruise, and a torn sleeve. Liam obviously hadn’t tried very hard on that one.

I held my arm under the magic faucet and willed it to make water come out. Sheldon seemed to find that amusing for whatever reason… I stared glumly at the hole in my sleeve as I pushed it back down, more thinking about what caused it than the hole itself.

Sheldon ordered me to sit down so he could make me something to eat. I had to know what he knew first. I asked, and he answered the way I thought he would. That was to be expected when you let Liam know things that you ordinarily would not be comfortable letting other people know. At least I didn’t have to explain it now… Well, I still would with some people, and whether or not they’d understand they still deserved to know.

I sat down at one of the stools at the counter as Sheldon started to cook some kind of egg. The kittens had long ago taken one look at the unfamiliar people in the living room and had run down a hallway. Probably to hide under a bed or something.

The food was better than I thought, but something I hadn’t been thinking much about at that moment. So, I ate it less than was probably polite and basically had to drag Nell away from the magic screen.

Nell eventually stopped resisting and led me to the magic door. She pulled on the handle and it opened somehow, then we stepped outside to the porch.
The view from the dock had been wonderful, and I knew one particular person that I couldn’t stop thinking about would love it. The sun was just rising over the ocean, and it was a wonderful sight. I could see countless buildings dotting the coastline. Sometimes it was strange to think of how some people’s lives are so normal. Those people must have their own problems in life, but… Nothing as bad as some of the things I've experienced lately.

People like me didn’t deserve such a beautiful sunrise– much less someone to enjoy it with him. Was I being too harsh on myself? No. Maybe I needed to be more harsh. So far, if this day had taught me anything it was that pretending everything would end happily would only make the things I struggle with even worse.

Some people don't deserve to be forgiven, some don't care to forgive, and some... Forgive, and then a little more.

Look at me, talking about forgiveness when I am one doing it more often than I should. Perry, Indigo, Liam, Nell, even Ember… Maybe I shouldn’t stop forgiving and helping people. Maybe I should… Well, Nell didn’t give me much time to admire the view, so I saved that thought for later.

I sat down at the table on the porch, and she asked how my day had been. I had said it was fine, that I had just visited Perry. She had shaken her head and laughed a little. "Phillygrine…" She had mumbled under her breath.

I had no idea what she had meant at that moment. Or maybe I did, but I hadn’t addressed it. Still, I could tell from the look in her eyes that she knew I wasn't telling her something.

I quickly had changed the subject to why we were here, and Nell was instantly serious. I asked about the gem and she told me the story.
Apparently it had started two days after the ball. The gem had started strangely glowing and every time she held it her senses were strange, like I was when I held mine.

You would hear voices echoing in your ears that you recognized, but couldn’t place. Your hearing would become slightly dulled, or maybe the voices were really loud. Nell and I both tested and our eyes glowed brighter than usual when we held our gems.

The gems themselves felt strange. Always cold no matter how long you held onto them, but somehow holding one of them filled your insides with a warmth that could only be described as pride. Which made no sense at all until Nell told me something else.

After she had been experiencing these strange things with her gem she not only heard voices when she picked it up one day, but she saw something. Or someone really.

I was having a hard enough day as it was with father figures so when she told me what she saw I told her she must have been seeing things.

Then she told me to go into her mind to see who was right. Sure enough… He was there. He said two words that creep into my mind every time I hold the gem now.

Nell and I tried all sorts of things to get one of our gems to do something like that again. Things like that don’t happen whenever you want them to. So after another hour and a half I gave up and told her I was going to go back h– to Firidi, but she had something to tell me first.

On the brink of the words she needed to say spilling out she backed out of it, and nothing that I said could convince her she needed to tell me. Then she left without another word, shaking her head profusely.

After kidnapping two kittens and glaring at a certain someone I flushed the Everything Gem with cold water and it turned blue, whisking me away to wherever I needed to go.

Instead of going to my bedroom I teleported to the study across the hall from my bedroom, searching for just the right book. I spent most of the day looking for it, and when I did I was beyond relieved.

It had to be the most detailed book I had ever seen on gems, which was surprising considering how unhelpful the library had been a few days ago.

The book itself was only a few inches wide, but just staring at one of the pages full of information gave me a headache, and that should show you how detailed it was. Well, it's not like I was even paying attention to any of the words as I read the book. I was more consumed in my thoughts.

What did this mean for me? Multiple things. I was loved by one person more than I knew, I was hated by another person more than I knew, and another person may be present.

With the first I wasn't sure what to think. I wanted it to happen, but at the same time I didn't. If we did become... A thing. Then sure, that would be awesome, but what if something happened to her? I wouldn't be able to live with myself. That's why we were on opposite ends of a country.

For the second person I didn't even know where to start. The beginning? He didn't know what to think of me. Then I screwed up and everything changed. No more smiles, only disappointment and lonely nights. Terribly lonely nights. Everyone knew your name at that point, but only because of two tragic accidents. Whispers followed you everywhere, so did the glares, stares, and hate. If only they understood.

Six years of that and then the world suddenly got brighter. So why did I want to leave her? That's the moment I realized that I loved her, and that she loved me too. I only wanted her to be safe because I loved her. What Valerie said, she raced through time to help me? It was obvious now why she did that.

And the third person... I didn't want to believe he could be here, or part of him anyway. There had been many instances like this in my life. False hope. What I wouldn't give to go back again and try to fix everything where it started, but actions have consequences and it's time I face them. The bruise on my arm is proof enough of that.


I woke up hours later with my nose in a book and a considerably clearer head than before. Then everything that had happened that day came rushing back. From the kiss, the sword, and the gem. Somehow remembering it all at that moment made everything so much worse.

I decided I should get out of here and get some real sleep. So I took the book and the cats and left. One of them woke up and started to follow me, and the other one refused to get up so I draped her over one of my shoulders. As soon as I opened the door I knew I wouldn't get that rest anytime soon.
Valerie was outside on my balcony. She had on an identical set of clothes like yesterday, but her hair was down. She was on a real phone and had on a bracelet. She had her back to me room. I really didn't have the energy for this.

I dumped the sleeping kitten on my bed and walked out onto the balcony.

“I don’t know, they—” She turned around when I came next to her. “Oh,” she said into her phone, “he’s here.” A pause. “Yep, love you too, bye.”

She slipped her phone into her belt pocket and leaned against the balcony railing while still facing me. “Hey.”

"Yeah. Who were you talking to?" I sat on the ground and looked at the desert that went on for hundreds of miles, knowing that everyone I knew was somewhere out there. I didn't really care about who she was talking to, I just didn't want to talk about what I was thinking about.

She shrugged. “Keefe. So where have you been?” She sounded interested. I guess. Maybe. I don't think I'm very good at judging what other people are thinking anymore. I don't think I ever was.

"Around..." I trailed off when I eventually answered her.

She raised her eyebrows at me. "And how did that work out for you?"

"It was fine." I paused, deciding to be honest. "Have you ever felt completely hopeless before? That no matter what you do or who you know everything that you work for will be for nothing?"

"Yes. I think everybody does at some point in life." She sat down cross-legged, and reached out a hand to pet one of my cats. He took one whiff of her hand and ran to hide behind me. "I guess you’re asking how you fix it," Valerie continued. "I’m not the best person to tell you. Maybe no one is. It’s something you figure out yourself. Sure someone could help, but in the end... that could be why so many people act selfishly. If your work will amount to nothing for nobody, then why not work for yourself? Yeah, I know that sounds terrible.... It stinks when you try so hard to help people and yet never get your due reward, doesn’t it?"

"Sometimes. Mostly it's when I expect too much from people. So when they let me down it feels even worse than it should." Way worse.

She bit the inside of her cheek and slowly nodded. "Hope for the best, expect the worst. It’s kind of a crappy ideology, as close to reality as it may be. Y’know, 'fine' is universally accepted as a lie, so how did your day really go?" What was it to her?

I shook my head a few times. "I don't want to talk about it." I wiped my sleeve on my face and stood up.

She shrugged. "Sometimes it’s beneficial to do things you don’t want to."

"Why do you even care?" I asked as I walked into my bedroom. I did want to talk about it, but I don't think Valerie would be the right person to talk about it with. The cat who was following me scampered under the bed and disappeared.

Valerie followed me and sat on my bed, petting the other kitten, who was too fast asleep to care about Valerie. "Some people care more about you than you give them credit for, and do they really need a specific reason for that?" Maybe they did.

I stood up from my desk and sat at my desk, glaring at the wall. "Some people..." I muttered under my breath. Some people wouldn't even hear you out Valerie. I'm sure she has no experience with that.

"Well, some is usually enough, right? Trying to please too many people at a time can wreck you."

Too late for that. "But you'd expect some more than others to support you."

"Okay, do you want to stop speaking in riddles or are you good to go on this way?"

I laid my head on the desk, wrinkling some paper in the process. "You don't expect the liar to understand, but she does. You expect your father to understand, but he doesn't. I just don't know what to do anymore."

"Make a list. You enjoy stuff like that, don’t you? So make a list of at least what you know for sure to be true, then you won’t have so much to sort through. You can go one at a time, even with the literally simplest stuff—your name, your birthday, your eye color, whatever. I don’t know. It might make you feel a little more solid." She spoke as if she’d done the same thing herself before.

I glanced at her for a second, eyes wet, before laying my head on the desk again. What kind of idea was that? "How would that help with anything? No matter how many things I write down that doesn't change how often other people change their opinion."

She softened her tone. "Hey, it’s not for them. It’s for you. Who’s opinion needs to be changed, anyway? If they don’t appreciate you, then that’s their own problem, not yours."
"That's not the problem Valerie. I'm so stupid. It's not their fault, I should have listened to him." I buried my face in my hands, shaking with silent sobs. "Stay away from the wrong sorts of people." He had warned. "I'll try." I had said. I was openly lying in that moment. Why? I knew how loyal he was to his kingdom, and only today I had gotten to know what that meant.

I felt someone patting me on the shoulder several times. "Listened to what?"

"He told me... So many things that I ignored." I buried my face more and tried to get a hold on myself. I had no intention of anyone seeing me like this.

"And you think hope is lost for all of them?"

Them?! When was this about them? Not to be selfish, but he didn't need hope. I did.

"Oh, he'll be fine." I banged my fist on the desk, wincing when the force of the blow made my bruise ache. I thought about what she had said for a moment. "No... Not for all of them." Not all of them.

She gave me a tiny encouraging smile. "So you still have a chance to listen to something. Is that what you want?"

No, it wasn't. Not from him. "Listen to what? Everyone's given up on me."

"Really? Why am I here then?"

"I don't know. You won't mind your business?" I snapped. "Fine, yeah, I can tell that you're trying to be nice. It isn't helping."

"Everything is my business if I try hard enough. What would help then?" She sounded slightly exasperated.

"I don't know! Maybe some peace and quiet for once..." I stared at the hat sitting on my desk. I knew someone who could help.

"And some company?" Valerie said quietly, guessing at my thoughts. She was silent a moment, and before I could answer, said, "I can do that."

She mimed zipping up her mouth, and raised her eyebrows at me in a way that said "I could do this all night"

What was wrong with her? Couldn't she tell I needed a break? "What do you need? Someone must have sent you to mess with me- either that or you decided to bother me on your own." I got up from the desk and stood by the door. "I have to go now."

Valerie’s face spoke for her. She was telling the truth when she said, "I’m here on my own, because you’re my cousin, and I care about you. And no matter how ridiculous you’ve been, are being, or will be, that won’t change. I don’t know what you’ve been through today—a train wreck, most likely—and I know you won’t tell me in plain English—or any other language—so I won’t try to press you. Just know that you’ve still got me, okay? I know I’m not the best person in the world—I’m a Stone, how could I be?—but I’m here, and I’d like to think that’s better than what most people would give you."

I tried to smile. "Thank you. Do you have anything else to say?" I just needed her out of the way.

"Um..." she glanced around the room, searching for who knows what. "Nope, that’s about it. Is there anything I can do for you? Just... I don’t know. Anything." Of course there was. Still, I could help myself.

I swallowed and glanced at the balcony, looking at the stars. "No. I'll be f- great, thanks."

"You might... Call me if you need anything, alright?"

"Yeah, I can do that." I set one hand on the doorknob, knowing there was someone better I could call if I needed to.

"Good. Bye, Phillip."

"Yeah, uh, bye." I opened the door and exited, a kitten raced out from under the bed and followed me out.

Once out there I waited a minute and then I opened the door again. Valerie was gone. I let the kitten back in and he decided he was comfortable enough to stretch out on the bed and go to sleep. I should do that too.

If I've learned one thing today it's that nothing will ever be the same again no matter how much I wanted it to be. In some ways change is good, but in others... I regret so much that would take a lifetime to fix.

Was I willing to work for it?