Persephone
(#42708503)
Level 2 Skydancer
Familiar
Colubrid Column
Click or tap to view this dragon in Predict Morphology.
Energy: 0/50
This dragon’s natural inborn element is Ice.
Female Skydancer
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Personal Style
Apparel
Skin
Scene
Measurements
Length
4.23 m
Wingspan
4.41 m
Weight
626.94 kg
Genetics
Cream
Starmap
Starmap
Pearl
Morph
Morph
Mist
Stained
Stained
Hatchday
Breed
Eye Type
Level 2 Skydancer
EXP: 564 / 641
STR
12
AGI
9
DEF
6
QCK
10
INT
5
VIT
6
MND
5
Biography
|
■ ■ ■
with her marble skin and picturesque feathers, it wouldn't be the first time someone mistook beautiful persephone for a sculpture. her dearly beloved, who has unfortunately passed, used to have an affinity as well as talent for sculpting. it didn't take long for persephone to develop a deep hatred for it. "life is art," he once said to her. "learn to see it, interpret it. suddenly, there is beauty in everything." it made her want to gag. sculpting was his life's passion. although his commitment was impressive, persephone--who was and still is a very tactical person--believed he was wasting his time. their clashing personalities eventually lead to their divorce, and not long after, his death. her stubborn attitude tore them apart, and she only regretted it after he was gone. will ever she love again? |
Bio template by. nm8426
Countessoffire wrote on 2019-10-20 18:32:04:
@Etzili
I apologize about taking so long with this. Real life gets to us all. Hopefully you find this review helpful.
I'll start off with what I liked. I like the simplicity of the bio layout. It is very reserved, which reflects Persephone's personality. Or at least what I can interpret about her personality. I like it that the lore is spaced out and not lumped in a single paragraph.
Hm, now first of the suggestions that I've got. It might be a good idea to run this lore through Microsoft word or another document processor that has spell check. There is a lack of proper capitalization that really bothers the author in me.
Second of all I find her profession a nice stroke of irony. An art critic that hates art. It is a shame about her deceased husband though. The poor fellow sounded so charming. Which might actually be hurting Persephone's lore. I am not sure if this was intentional, but the reader is more inclined to hate Persephone and perceive her as the one in the wrong just because she was so horrible to her husband. Which in my mind may not be best for a dragon's lore if you want them to be loved. I mean, if you were going for an antagonist then Persephone would be fine the way she is.
One of the problems of having lore that is short is that the reader will not get the full picture or the whole of the character. It leaves a shorter window for the reader to become attached to the character. I feel like I am not given a long enough window, or enough about Persephone, to become attached to her. That is where the difference between character description and narrative styles of lore come into play. Character descriptions are shorter and are usually easier to write, but the audience does not stay as attached to the character for as long. Narrative lore is usually longer but it shows the reader a lot more about the character. Which in turn a reader may become more attached to the character in the narrative since they feel like they are getting to know the character more.
Thank you for being so patient with me and for bringing your girl by.
I apologize about taking so long with this. Real life gets to us all. Hopefully you find this review helpful.
I'll start off with what I liked. I like the simplicity of the bio layout. It is very reserved, which reflects Persephone's personality. Or at least what I can interpret about her personality. I like it that the lore is spaced out and not lumped in a single paragraph.
Hm, now first of the suggestions that I've got. It might be a good idea to run this lore through Microsoft word or another document processor that has spell check. There is a lack of proper capitalization that really bothers the author in me.
Second of all I find her profession a nice stroke of irony. An art critic that hates art. It is a shame about her deceased husband though. The poor fellow sounded so charming. Which might actually be hurting Persephone's lore. I am not sure if this was intentional, but the reader is more inclined to hate Persephone and perceive her as the one in the wrong just because she was so horrible to her husband. Which in my mind may not be best for a dragon's lore if you want them to be loved. I mean, if you were going for an antagonist then Persephone would be fine the way she is.
One of the problems of having lore that is short is that the reader will not get the full picture or the whole of the character. It leaves a shorter window for the reader to become attached to the character. I feel like I am not given a long enough window, or enough about Persephone, to become attached to her. That is where the difference between character description and narrative styles of lore come into play. Character descriptions are shorter and are usually easier to write, but the audience does not stay as attached to the character for as long. Narrative lore is usually longer but it shows the reader a lot more about the character. Which in turn a reader may become more attached to the character in the narrative since they feel like they are getting to know the character more.
Thank you for being so patient with me and for bringing your girl by.
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Exalting Persephone to the service of the Lightweaver will remove them from your lair forever. They will leave behind a small sum of riches that they have accumulated. This action is irreversible.
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